A Memory Found
by Mystical Dragon
Summary: When a memory charm is lifted, Severus Snape slowly begins to heal from his past.
1. Chapter 1: The Curse

Body Disclaimer: I claim nothing herein as my own. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Ignoring the pain in his body and the pounding in his head, Severus tried to latch onto the dancing face of the woman in his memory as his body convulsed. The woman's face was tear streaked and Severus realized that she wasn't dancing, she was running. 

He could feel her arms around him (was he a toddler?) as she ran through a thick forest, the tree limbs snapping at her, catching her hair and clothing, ripping and tearing, but she wasn't slowing down. Her breath was coming in pants and Severus knew she was coming to the end of her strength. 

Severus glanced behind him to see the source of this woman's trouble. Four wizards and two witches were chasing her. Their faces were angry, twisted in hate, and their wands were ready. 

Avada Kedevra was aimed but bounced off trees as his mother changed her course. For his mother, was who this woman was. He could hear those people behind them screaming about their failed attempts in a language that Severus wasn't familiar with. Severus turned his head and buried his face in her neck, terrified. This had something to do with father and his job. At least that was what his mother had said as she had picked him up from his bed and ran, their house being overrun by angry wizards and witches, intent on killing them. His mother had sustained two curses but Severus didn't know what the curses did. She was still running so they couldn't have been too bad? Could they? 

Severus ignored the screaming of whoever it was that was cursing him, concentrating instead of this thin thread of memory. 

The woman stumbled down a small hill and then pitched herself over a cliff that had suddenly appeared. Severus wanted to scream as the water, so far below, came rushing up to them but his mother had a firm grip over his mouth. They hit it, his mother gasped but she didn't let go. The water dragged them under, soaking their nightclothes, and mercilessly propelled them downstream. 

Severus could feel his lungs screaming for air when suddenly he found it. Opening his eyes, Severus didn't see anyone chasing them anymore. All he saw was water and high cliffs to either side. His mother and him were being carried downstream, clutching each other, as they shivered in the coldness. 

"Daddy?" Severus tried to call, coughing. 

"Daddy's dead," his mother said, her voice hoarse with unshed tears. "They killed him." 

Severus turned to her. She had a gash on her forehead and her face was tight with pain. 

"Dead?" Severus asked, wondering what that was. "When he's coming home?" 

Tears, barely noticeable over her wet face, managed to find their way down as she hugged Severus closer to her body. 

The cliffs finally gave way to flatter land and Severus's mother dragged herself and him onto the shore. They were both shaking. 

"I need to find a wand," she whispered. "I have to find a wand. They'll kill you if they find out who you parents are. No one's ever seen you before. You have an illusion charm on you now to make you look like a girl. They won't recognize you if they saw you. All I have to do is erase your memory, Jacek, and no one will ever know." 

Severus's tortured body froze. Jacek? Was this memory his? But it had to be. 

The woman carried Severus through another forest and only stopped when she found a hut that was occupied by an old woman. She quietly stole in the house and took the woman's wand as she napped. 

Severus looked at his mother's face, noticing the blood trickling from her mouth and nose and the awkward way in which she was walking now. 

"Mommy?" Severus said. "You're bleeding." 

The woman gently smiled. "I know." 

She apparated with him several times until she made it to someplace that Severus recognized. Knockturn Alley. 

"I'm sorry, baby," she whispered. "You'll be safe in England," she said, hoarsely, her body falling sideways. 

She held out the wand and changed both their clothes into rags. 

She hugged him, crying. "You'll never remember it, but I love you. Your daddy loved you too. I hope someone takes you in that will love you as much as we did, or do..." she smiled, forcing back the tears, as she stared at Severus. Her face was hopeful for his future as she stroked his hair. "Someone will give you a good home," she looked around. "This is the only place...." she swallowed, a grimace coming over her face, "that I know of in England," she whispered. 

With her hand shaking, she pointed the wand at Severus and whispered a memory charm. Severus blinked, wondering who the strange woman was that was staring at him with tear filled eyes. She crawled away, holding her stomach, and disappeared. 

Severus was then taken in by the Knockturn Alley Orphanage. A dreary, overcrowded place, where the children had to fend for themselves and the adults didn't care. No one adopted kids in the Wizarding World hardly. Only babies stood a chance and Severus was no baby. 

He saw the woman again on the back page of a discarded copy of the Daily Prophet. Her eyes were opened and unstaring and a little girl, also dead, was found next to her. They were dismissed as runaways. Severus hadn't recognize them at the time. 

With a jerk, Severus realized the torture had ended and someone, someone who he should remember, was calling his name. But Severus didn't bother trying. Prolonged use of the Cruciatus Curse had the side-effect of tearing down any memory charms that had been placed on a person and Severus had never been under it for more than a few seconds. 

Jacek? His mother? His father? They had wanted him? Severus felt someone touch his shoulder but didn't respond, his mind was reeling. His entire life he had sought to prove to the world that he deserved to exist, that he hadn't deserved to be abandoned on the streets of Knockturn Alley, but that wasn't what had happened. 

His mother had saved his life. She could have ditched him along the way, goodness knows she would have ran faster if she had, and maybe she would have gotten herself help in time if she hadn't been so worried about him. But she hadn't. She had saved his life. She hadn't saved his life just to avoid getting into trouble, like James Potter had, but she had honestly saved his life. 

Severus cringed as he thought of how she would feel if she knew what he had turned out like. Would she think it had been worth it? 

Thoughts and feelings raced through his mind, as he tried to digest this information, and total blackness settled over him. 

"He was under it for ten minutes," Harry said, staring at the prone figure on the bed in the hospital wing at Hogwarts. "At least that was how long he was in that shop before Hermione decided to chance it and go into the book shop even if Snape was there." 

Dumbledore tiredly sighed as he watched Poppy adjust the covers that Severus had kicked off before she had injected him with a sleeping draught. 

"He's not been coherent at all," Harry supplied. "He didn't even respond when Sirius helped Remus get him on the stretcher, though his eyes were opened." 

Dumbledore turned to see the two men mentioned sitting on a bed on the other side of the room. Sirius looked slightly worried though the hate was still very much there but Remus looked quite concerned. 

Hermione was trembling on the bed next to theirs and Ron had an arm draped around her, though he looked to be in about as bad shape as she was. Unlike Harry, Ron and Hermione had never seen anyone under the Cruciatus Curse and their horror was understandable. 

"Karkaroff must have thought he would get in good with Voldemort by bringing Snape to him," Sirius growled. He may hate Severus but he hated Death Eaters more. 

"Is he going to be okay?" Hermione asked. 

Poppy didn't look at her. "I'm afraid, I don't know. Ten minutes is a long time and... insanity will often set in around that time. Some people can last for twenty minutes before that happens but... I don't know. Will know soon enough." 

Dumbledore hated this. He should have forbidden Severus to go anywhere but he had considered Hogsmeade to be safe, even Harry was allowed to go there. But he didn't think anything would happen, especially not so soon. 

Dumbledore could feel anger welling up inside of him but he forced it down. He had to stay calm, he had to. He couldn't afford to get angry. Not when so much was at stake right now. But if Severus didn't make it through then Dumbledore was going to seriously consider handing Karkaroff over to the Dementors for the Kiss, even if he did hate those creatures. Maybe Alastor was right, and some people deserved the Kiss. 

"Please get me when he wakes," Dumbledore said, wanting to stay until that happened but he had to attend to Karkaroff's arrest and to the mess that it would create. 

"I'll stay," Remus volunteered, seeing Dumbledore's hesitation. 

Grateful, Dumbledore nodded and left the room, swallowing his anger and the bile that rose in his throat. 

Remus could tell Sirius wasn't happy with his new duty but Sirius also knew when it keep his mouth shut and didn't say anything. 

"You three can leave now," Remus gently said but Harry shook his head and Remus didn't press it. 

Harry had been the one to blast Karkaroff off his feet so Remus guessed he deserved to see what happened with Severus. Remus just hoped he came through it. 

Several hours later, Remus, engaged in a conversation with Hermione about Wolfsbane Potion and why the taste couldn't be disguised, was distracted by a movement from Severus's bed. 

He was sitting up! 

"Are you all right?" Remus asked, nearly rushing to him. 

Severus looked at him blankly, his black eyes looked odd. "What?" he asked distractedly, rubbing his shoulder. 

"Are you okay?" Harry said, coming up beside Remus. 

Severus looked at Harry and then around at everyone else, looking confused. "What's wrong with Potter? I don't remember anything happening to him?" 

Remus frowned. "Harry's fine," he said, being careful of his tone of voice, he didn't want to sound too coddling or Severus might get angry. "You were tortured," Remus informed him. "By Karkaroff." 

Severus rubbed his forehead. "Oh, yeah. I remember that. But why are you here?" Severus asked, looking at Remus. "Which one of you is hurt?" 

Remus shook his head. "None of us," Remus said, wondering how Severus was going to take this. "We just wanted to make sure you were okay." 

Before Severus could respond, Madam Pomfrey bustled next to him and gave him an injection, whispering "A potion to keep him calm and cooperative," to Remus and Harry. Sirius overhead it, and grinned. 

Once Severus's face relaxed a bit, Madam Pomfrey began to ask him questions. 

"What day is it?" she asked. 

"Saturday," Severus answered, yawning, "October the twelfth." 

"Your name?" 

"Jacek," Severus answered. 

Remus froze, as did Madam Pomfrey and the rest. Crap! 

Harry looked away. 

"Get Dumbledore," Madam Pomfrey told Hermione and Ron. 

They both nodded and ran off to get him. 

"Your name?" Madam Pomfrey asked again. 

Severus blinked. "I told you, Severus Snape." 

Madam Pomfrey gently smiled. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you the first time. My hearing must be going," she said amiably but her voice was quite concerned for anyone that paid attention to it. 

Dumbledore came in and walked up to Severus who was blinking drowsily and seemed more intent on the blanket covering him than on anyone in the room. 

"Severus?" Dumbledore said gently. 

Severus didn't respond. 

"Jacek?" he tried. Ron and Hermione must have told him about that. 

Severus glanced up. "What?" he muttered, his voice slurred and heavy. 

"Never mind," Dumbledore said gently and waved for Madam Pomfrey to give him another injection of the sleeping draught. 

Once Severus was sleeping, they all moved into a corner, their faces tight. 

"He's insane," Hermione whispered, aghast. 

Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "Not necessarily," she soothed. "He may act funny for the next few days but then he could return to normal. He's going to need some therapy though, physical and emotional. I can do the physical and...." 

"Trelawney," Dumbledore said. "She may be a horrible Divination Teacher but she's a very good counseling witch. One reason why I hired her. I thought I might need her services." 

Remus noticed Harry blush just a bit and realized that Harry's sudden liking of the Divination Teacher had nothing to do with newfound maturity. He was being counseled by her. A good thing, actually. Harry needed it after last year. 

Over the next few days, Remus did his best to support Severus's attempts to get back to normal, especially since it was clear that Severus was having trouble. He was absent-minded, had trouble responding to his name, and often seemed to barely remember people from day to day. 

Neville, who had been informed of what had happened to Severus, along with the rest of the school (though they weren't told why), was going out of his way to be nice to the teacher that scared him to pieces and many people were wondering why. Neville would often go get Severus when it was meal time and make sure that Severus had made it to his rooms at night or to his classroom in the morning. Severus, for his part, barely seemed to notice it. 

Remus was worried that Severus had gone insane from his ordeal with Karkaroff. Insanity manifested itself in many forms and Severus seemed to have a form of it. 

During his DADA class with the Gryffindors, Remus noticed Hermione taking notes from a large, thick book and was paying him no attention. He went to her after class and asked her about it. 

"The book is on the Cruciatus Curse," Hermione said as Ron and Harry joined him in trying to see what Hermione was up too. "Insanity isn't the only side-effect of that Curse. Another one is having all memory spells or charms on a person lifted. What if that is what happened?" she asked. 

Remus didn't think so, and neither did Ron or Harry. 

She saw this and lifted a hand to keep them from talking. "I know, I know, it sounds far fetched. But Snape won't respond to Snape or Severus much but he will to Jacek. That's a first name. I think that is kind of odd." 

Remus looked at her. "I'm not about to get my hopes up, but why would that cause him to act so weird?" 

"Well," Hermione continued in her lecturing tone, "what if Snape has always believed something about himself, only to find out that it isn't true? I had a next door neighbor who found out she was adopted and she acted very different for a year before she came to grips with it and she was an adult. And," Hermione went on, "I've noticed that Snape seems to be thinking most of the time. He's not acting weird, he's just so caught up with thinking that he forgets to do things or forgets where he is or who is talking to him. I've done that before," Hermione said. "And I'm not crazy." 

"All right," Remus allowed, though not convinced. "What do we do about it?" 

Hermione bit her lower lip. "Ask Dumbledore about Snape's past and maybe tell Trelawney about this so she can have another angle to use during her counseling sessions with Snape." 

That was decided and Remus was elected to ask Dumbledore while Harry was going to tell Trelawney. 


	2. Chapter 2: Vasya and Cezar

Disclaimer: I claim nothing herein as my own. 

Author's Note: _Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate them_. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Waking on Saturday morning was a mixed blessing for Severus. For the first time since Tuesday his mind was completely clear (which he was extremely thankful for) but his body ached so much that Severus quickly realized that he wouldn't be able to get out of bed. 

A voice floated to him and Severus realized that it was Madam Pomfrey's. 

"I don't know what I was thinking!" she said, sounding upset. 

What had Potter done now? 

"Relax, Poppy," Dumbledore's voice soothed. "Working with victims of the Cruciatus Curse is a tricky business. Everyone responds to it differently. You did your best. We'll just have to experiment to see what is the best treatment for him." 

Potter had the Cruciatus Curse put on him? No, that wasn't right. Severus was the one that had the Curse put on him, by Karkaroff, in that book shop. Strange, the thought didn't bring Severus any feelings of horror, but then again, physical pain had never been something that had ever bothered Severus much. 

Wondering where he was, Severus slipped back into the embrace of sleep, dreaming about a young woman dancing around a large ball room. 

"Your son," said a gruff voice as Severus found himself picked up under the arms and gently shoved into the dancing young woman's face. 

She merrily laughed, not taking him. "Our son, Cezar. You're just annoyed because he said he loved me best." 

The man behind him, Cezar, sniffed and Severus laughed, wondering why he was laughing. Well, his adult mind wondered, his child mind seemed to know exactly why he was laughing but Severus couldn't figure it out. 

"Take him up to the nursery," the woman said. "He has made a magnificent fortress from those pieces of wood you gave him." 

Severus felt himself being held by the man now and glanced up at him. The man was large, not nearly as big as Hagrid, but about as big as a human could get. He had a strangely shaped square beard and his hair was quite long, past his shoulders. His nose was Severus's nose, but because of how large his face was, it looked to be normal sized. 

"Daddy," Severus informed him. "I'm three and I can walk." 

The man glanced down at Severus as he walked up a flight of stairs. His black eyes sparkling in amusement. "I thought you were two." 

Severus felt himself screw up his face in annoyance. "Three!" he shrieked. 

"Temper, temper," the man laughed. "Where did you get that temper from?" and he continued to laugh, making Severus wonder if he hadn't inherited his father's temper. Surely his father would be annoyed if he had gotten his mother's temper, or would he? 

Severus new precious little about family life, only hearing about it second hand, from people annoyed with it, or reading about it. 

A door was opened and Severus wiggled his way down from his father, running over to his creation and proudly looking at his father from behind it. 

His father smiled, a genuine smile, and began inspecting it while Severus explained the layout to him. There were stables, storehouses, wells, and kitchens. 

"And," Severus said importantly, as he pointed to a large round piece of wood, "that is where me, mom, and you live." 

The man smiled at it and Severus flushed. His child self didn't flush, though, he was used to this kind of thing, but Severus wasn't. No one looked at anything he did with that kind of expression, like they really liked what they saw. 

Severus, then, kicked his creation down. "And a big whirlwind came and knocked it all down!" he said. 

His father groaned as a piece of wood hit his leg. "I hope you grow out of his stage soon, Jacenty." 

Severus jerked awake, regretting the movement as pain lanced through him. Jacenty? The memory from the day he was tortured came back, leaving Severus gasping slightly. Jacek? Jacenty? Two different memories? But the woman was the same in each. Maybe Jacek and Jacenty were the same name, but one was a pet form of the other. 

"Are you all right?" asked a voice from somewhere near him. 

Severus struggled to open his eyes and respond but his eyes would only open half way and his mouth wouldn't open at all. 

A hand touched his shoulder. "If you can understand me, blink twice." 

Severus closed his eyes to do just that but they wouldn't open again. The hand on his shoulder squeezed a little. 

"He's still out of it," Madam Pomfrey said. "I shouldn't have given him that pain killer potion so soon. He's been walking around since Tuesday, not giving his body a chance to recuperate like it needed to, and his mind is still hazy from the side-effects." 

Who was she talking to? And where was he? In his room? In the hospital wing? Severus had never spent the night in the hospital wing, not even as a student, and preferred to keep in that way. He didn't like being spied on while he slept. 

"Poppy, you didn't know," Dumbledore said softly. 

Pomfrey sighed. "I know, Dumbledore. I've just never had a patient that was pure guess work before. I don't like it. If he doesn't recover it's going to be my fault." 

"No, it won't," Dumbledore said, his voice soft but steely. "Karkaroff is the only one that deserves to be blamed." 

"Are you going to have the Dementor's Kiss performed on him?" Pomfrey asked. 

"Very possibly," Dumbledore said, his voice hard and angry. 

Severus would have jerked his head around to stare at Dumbledore if he could have. Dumbledore hated Dementors and he believed no one, not even Barty Crouch Junior, deserved the Kiss. What was wrong with him? Karkaroff must have done something unspeakable to induce this kind of hatred in Dumbledore. Tortured Potter? 

Severus unwillingly slipped off into sleep as Pomfrey began to ask the Headmaster questions. 

This time he was in a pool of water as his father held him. He was enjoying being dunked repeatedly and laughing as the water streamed down his face. 

"We're going to have to go bathe soon," his mother said. "Mine and Severus's hair takes forever to make it look ungreasy." 

"I know," the man said, holding Severus and turning so Severus could see his mother. She was sitting at the edge of the pool, not in the water at all, and smiling at the two of them. 

Her hair was flat and greasy, though it was light brown and not black. Severus lifted a hand up and touched his hair. Though it was wet, he could still feel the grease. 

"Why is our hair greasy?" he asked. 

The woman shrugged. "Inherited problem, Jacek. My father had the same problem. Come on," she said, holding out her hands and Severus was handed to her, "let's make the potion." 

"I'll be up after my laps, Vasya," his father called. "Bye, Jacenty." 

"See you then, Cezar," she said. 

"Bye, Daddy," Severus called, watching his father start swimming the length of the pool as his mother carried him away. 

Cezar and Vasya? Severus woke, his mind turning over this information. He knew his parents first names. Maybe, just maybe, if these memories were real, there would be some way to trace those names down and find out something about his parents. And he had been right about Jacek and Jacenty being the same name. 

Severus could feel a slight chill run up his back. If these memories were true than he had been wanted by someone once upon a time. That was a strange feeling. Severus had never been wanted by anyone before. Even the people that had been nice to him, and were nice to him, were only acting because they needed something from him. 

His friends at school had only been nice to him because he had been intelligent and knew plenty about the Dark Arts and potions and was quite useful to them. The Dark Lord had been the same, though the Dark Lord had never bothered to pretend to like anyone. 

Dumbledore only pretended to tolerate him because he had needed Severus to be a spy during the Dark Lord's reign and now that he was back, Dumbledore needed Severus to be a spy again. Severus mentally cringed at the thought that Karkaroff had just blown his cover. Or had he? Well, when Dumbledore sent him back to the Dark Lord to find out, Severus would either get to live or be killed on the spot for being a spy and then he'd know. 

And Lupin was only nice because he needed that Wolfsbane Potion made every month. It was rather hard to forget that Lupin had never had any qualms teasing Severus, along with the rest of Lupin's gang, when they were students, and then, suddenly, when Lupin came back as an adult he was quite nice to Severus. Severus, despite Lupin's and Lupin's groups thinking, was not an idiot. Lupin was only being nice to Severus because he was afraid that Severus might mess the Potion up if Lupin got him angry. As if Severus would risk Azkaban for a grudge. He wasn't like Black. 

Silent fury rose up in Severus at the thought of Black. No one cared that Black had tried to kill him. His life was worthless to everyone so why should they bother to care? Severus sighed and let the anger dissipate. What was the point of being angry anyway? Sure he didn't want to die, but he was the only one that wanted that. 

His mother shouldn't have saved his life, she should have let him die with her and his father. Die with the people that had wanted him. If he died now, no one would miss him. 

"Professor," came a voice near his ear, it was Draco. "I don't know if you can hear me or anything but I... well... just... you'll be okay. Vincent wanted to bring up some candy for you but Pomfrey didn't think you'd be up to eating anything." 

Vincent Crabbe usually only thought about his stomach, though, to be fair, he was quite willing to share with others. Severus was rather worried about him and Gregory Goyle. Their parents were Death Eaters and neither Gregory or Vincent, honestly, had enough brain power to realize that the Dark Lord was evil and they shouldn't join up. Draco had enough sense to realize it was wrong but he wanted to please his father and wasn't at the age when a person questioned their parents too deeply yet. Severus was hoping that once Draco hit sixteen he would become a hellion and do things, like not joining the Dark Lord, just to spite his father, and then realize that not joining the Dark Lord was the right choice and stay on the good side. 

"Professor," Draco said, touching his shoulder, and Severus listened as Draco related what was going on in the castle that day. 

Apparently it was already in the afternoon and Draco hadn't been allowed to see Severus until a few minutes ago, despite his staying outside of the hospital wing for nearly the whole morning. Lupin had been talking to Dumbledore about something in the hospital wing but Draco hadn't been able to overhear what they were talking about. 

"Longbottom's been by to check up on you," Draco said. "I mentioned to my father that Longbottom has been escorting you everywhere," Severus was startled, he didn't remember that, "and father said that Longbottom's parents were in Saint Mungo's and insane from prolonged use of the Cruciatus Curse. They were under it for..." Draco's voice faltered, "he was under for twenty and she was under it for twelve. They think the insanity started around ten minutes into the torture for him and after five minutes for her and that is why they are both so far gone." 

The hand on Severus's shoulder started to squeeze him enough that it actually hurt. "You're stronger than the Longbottom's," Draco said, "come on, you can make it through. Please don't go insane." 

It was odd, Severus had always imagined that Draco only pretended to like him (though Severus liked him) since Severus was his Head of House and determined how much punishment he did or didn't get. But Draco had never done anything to deserve much punishment. He disobeyed the rules occasionally but what kid didn't? Severus had gotten into more trouble as a student than Draco did. Actually, for a rich spoiled child that was used to having everything handed to him and bought for him, Draco was rather well-behaved. James Potter and Sirius Black had acted much worse than Draco had ever thought of acting. But, because Potter and Black had been Gryffindor's their behavior had been tolerated and smiled upon while Draco's antics were considered sure signs of his inherent evilness. 

Even Draco's hexing Potter behind Potter's back had caused Moody (or Crouch Junior) to turn him into a ferret and bounce him around the halls to everyone's great amusement. Severus wondered how Harry Potter would take the news that saintly Black had been rather famous for hexing people behind their backs and he had never got turned into a ferret for it, oh no, just congratulated on a job well done. 

Forcing his eyes open, Severus saw a black blur that gave way to a white blur. 

"Professor?" came Draco's voice. 

Severus forced his aching mouth to form a smile. "Draco," he rasped. "Thanks for visiting." 

Draco grinned, the hand on his shoulder still tight. "Can you understand me?" he asked softly. 

Severus slid a hand up near his face and lifted one of his fingers in a nod. 

"Move your finger up and down twice if you can understand me," Draco said. 

Severus did so, feeling his eyes slide shut. 

"Tired?" 

Severus moved his finger twice before sleep overtook him. 

"I hate having greasy hair," his mother said as she dragged out a cauldron and began to fill it with various ingredients, telling him the name of each and the amount of each too. 

The potion was rather simple but it used ingredients that Severus would never had thought of using in a potion for hair before. 

He sat, perched on a stool, and watched the potion simmer and then bubble while his mother sang a strange song in another language while she danced around the cauldron and him, occasionally stopping by his stool and kissing him on the cheek. 

"When can I have a little brother or sister?" Severus asked. 

His mother stopped twirling, looked at him, and blushed. "Well, um.. you see..." 

Severus folded his arms. "Where do I get one from?" 

She laughed. "Jacenty, that's not how it works. You'll get one soon enough, though. And," she smiled, "once its here you will want to send it back!" 

"Will not!" Severus said, shaking his head. 

His mother smiled at him. "When I had a little sister I wanted her sent back! I even put her on my mother's plate and told her to eat Ilyana so she would go back into her stomach!" 

Severus woke to hear two people shouting at each other. 

"He understood me!" Draco yelled, angrily. 

"Draco," Pomfrey's voice said, soft but angry itself, "Severus is not in any condition to be able to understand anyone right now." 

"He..." Draco started. 

"Maybe you should leave until you're calm," Lupin's voice suggested. 

Draco made a noise. "Fine. I'm fine," he hissed. "I'm not leaving yet." 

Severus opened his eyes, finding it much easier to do this time, and saw Draco standing next to his bed, looking hot and angry. 

"Draco," Severus said, startling the boy, "can you write something down for me?" he managed to say, though it was tearing his throat up to talk so much. 

"Sure," Draco said, without hesitation, conjuring ink, quill, and parchment. 

Severus slowly related the potion his mother had made, indicating when each ingredient was supposed to be added and how long it was to simmer for. He also told him all the names he had been hearing so he wouldn't forget one. He collapsed after Ilyana's name was added to the list. 

"You see," Draco said, folding up the paper, "he's coherent." 

Lupin didn't believe it. "Draco, it's too early to tell." 

Draco glared up at him, his face full of hate, and stuffed the parchment into his robe. "I better go. This room is too full of _wild animals_ to suit my taste." 

Lupin watched him go, aware that Draco didn't want to go but felt he was being forced to. 

"Is he coherent?" Lupin asked, turning to a silent Dumbledore. 

Dumbledore glanced at the man on the bed and shrugged, his old face troubled. "I don't know." 


	3. Chapter 3: His Dark Mark

Disclaimer: I claim nothing herein as my own. 

Author's Note: _I didn't think so many people would be interested in this kind of story. I wrote it mainly for myself and just posted it to see if anyone else might possibly enjoy it and I've been pleasantly surprised. Again, thanks for the reviews. I really enjoy reading them. _

_And the bit about the names not being English, but the people speaking English, will be explained in further chapters. It's an idea I picked up from a book I've read and decided to use it._

__

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Severus jerked awake, beads of sweat rolling down his face, as he slowly sat up, ignoring his aching muscles screaming in protest. 

That last dream hadn't been scary, it had been quite nice actually. But the words his father had spoken left a bitter taste in Severus's mouth. "I'll love you and be proud of you no matter what you become." 

Words he had spoken because Severus had been worried about being turned into a frog, like the boy in the story his father had just read to him, and felt his parents wouldn't love him if he was a frog instead of a little boy. But being a Death Eater was a far cry from being a frog and Severus doubted his parents would still love him if they found out what he had become. 

Since it was nighttime Madam Pomfrey was nowhere in sight, and Severus slid the left sleeve up of his robe to reveal the Dark Mark. The moon and starlight that filtered in through the windows was barely enough to see it by, but Severus didn't need to be able to see it very clearly to know exactly how it looked. The image of it had been burned into his brain at the same time it had been burned into his skin, at the age of sixteen, only a few months after that Whomping Willow incident. The Dark Lord normally didn't allow kids still at Hogwarts to get the Dark Mark but he had made a exception in Severus's case. Probably because of how much Severus hated Dumbledore for not doing anything to Black, Potter, or Lupin for their attempt to kill him. Though, if Lupin was too be believed, only Black was too blame for that. Severus wondered if that was true. 

Severus pulled the covers back and climbed out of bed, putting a hand over the Dark Mark, as if covering it would make it go away. He had to get rid of it. His parents couldn't know he had it. What if they saw it? They wouldn't love him anymore. 

Making his way, slowly, but as fast as he could, to a bathroom, Severus turned on the water to the deepest sink and stuck his arm under the scalding water. Grabbing a bar of soap, Severus scrubbed at the Dark Mark, intent on removing the thing. It wasn't working. The Mark stayed the same color as the surrounding skin was rubbed raw. 

"Come on!" he muttered, looking around for stronger soap. 

He spotted a green bar of soap and grabbed it. That was the strongest soap Hogwarts had. He started working on the Dark Mark carefully when he saw a hand encircle his wrist, the wrist that was attached to the arm with the foul mark on it. 

"Stop it," said a soft voice next to him, a little below his shoulder. 

Severus glanced down to see Draco, parts of him were still invisible, but face was white, too white. What was scaring Draco? 

"I have to get it off," Severus confided in him, figuring Draco wouldn't want to tell him what was scaring him. "My parents can't see it. They won't like me anymore if they see it. Being a frog is okay but not this," Severus said, going back to scrubbing his arm some more. 

"You're bleeding," Draco said softly. "You need to stop. That Mark isn't coming off. My father told me that the Dark Mark will never come off once you have it on." 

Severus shook his head. "I have to get it off. They can't see it." 

"Your parents?" Draco said carefully. 

Severus nodded his head. "Yes. They can't know I have it. They won't like it." 

"I thought...." Draco started, then swallowed, and then seemed to brace himself, "I thought you were abandoned in Knockturn Alley?" 

Severus jerked his wrist out of Draco's hand and stared at him. How had Draco known that? Not even Dumbledore knew that. Severus had never told a single soul that. "NO!" he hissed. "I wasn't. My parents are dead. I'm an orphan. They died but they wanted me. I wasn't abandoned! I have to get this thing off before they see it." 

Draco's eyes were strangely filling with tears, though Severus couldn't imagine why Draco would be crying. He never cried. Not even when he had been turned into that ferret and bounced around to everyone's amusement or slashed by that hippogriff. Severus would figure it out later, he had to get rid of his Dark Mark. 

Severus stared back at the foul Mark. He had a dissolving potion in his office. That would work. The potion would get rid of it. Turning the water off, Severus hurried out of the bathroom and headed down to his office. Draco was right beside him, brushing at his eyes as they went. 

Severus opened his office and rushed to the bottle with the dissolving potion. 

"_Accio_ bottle!" Draco barked. "_Stupefy_!" he roared before Severus could even react. 

Draco, shaking, stared at his unconscious Head of House and swore that if he ever saw Karkaroff there wouldn't be anything left for the Dementor's to give the Kiss to. 

Snape wasn't all there yet, Draco knew that. According to the books on the Cruciatus Curse, the ones that his father had and not the stupid ones that Pomfrey and those other fools would be reading, it took people a couple of weeks to start thinking straight all the time after the Curse had been done on them. Snape would have times when he would be perfectly coherent and then there would be times he would be out of it, like tonight. 

But still, even with all his knowledge on the Cruciatus Curse, seeing what it did to people left Draco feeling physically ill. How could his father go around boasting about having used the Curse on people? Draco had always liked to hear those stories, never imagining he would get to see the effects of the Cruciatus Curse first hand. And what if Snape never recovered? It was a very real possibility. Draco just hoped Karkaroff hadn't been a very good wizard. 

Draco wasn't surprised that Snape was a Death Eater, though. Seeing the Dark Mark on Snape's forearm just confirmed what Draco had always believed. Though Draco didn't know if Snape was still loyal to the Dark Lord or not. He certainly wasn't acting like it, trying to get rid of that Dark Mark and being ashamed of having it. That certainly wasn't what Draco had been taught to feel about the Dark Mark. It was an honor to have the thing branded into your forearm, not something to hide. 

And why was Snape talking about having parents when he knew he had been abandoned. Draco guessed that if he had been abandoned he would want to make up a lie about being an orphan too. It was less painful than admitting to someone that your parents hadn't wanted you and left you to die. Which was what had happened to Snape. Draco had heard the whole story from one of the old shopkeepers in Knockturn Alley, the one whose shop Snape would sleep under after he had turned nine and got kicked out of the Knockturn Alley Orphanage to make room for some more kids that got sent there. The man would read books on the Dark Arts out loud to help Snape sleep at night, though Snape had never known that the man knew he was there. The old man had only told Draco that, not Draco's father, because he had heard how much Draco liked Snape. It was something Draco had never told anyone, not even Crabbe or Goyle, feeling that it was much too private. 

And why was Snape saying his parents were dead and then worrying about what they would think of his Dark Mark? If they were dead they couldn't care. Draco hoped fervently that it was just a side-effect of the Curse and not because Snape was insane. 

Sighing, Draco walked over Snape, bandaged his arm with a conjured shirt of Draco's, and then lifted Snape's head onto his lap and idly started to stroke his hair, ignoring the greasy feel, while he tried to think of what he should do. 

Tell someone? If only Pomfrey had that book on the Cruciatus Curse that Draco had stolen from his father she would know how to treat Snape better. Draco bit his lip, looking down at Snape. 

He could tear out the page that Draco's father had scribbled his name on and then give it to Pomfrey and hope that she didn't figure out how to trace it back to Draco, which was a real possibility. But helping Snape was more important than staying out of trouble, so Draco didn't really care if they did manage to trace the book back to him. 

"You'll be all right, Professor," Draco assured him. "I'll get you back to the hospital wing and wake up Pomfrey to take care of your arm." 

Draco conjured a stretcher and gently moved Snape on it, not liking how easy it was. Snape was a grown man and should have weighed much more than he did. 

"I'm going to help Gregory and Vincent smuggle you food," Draco decided as he draped his invisibility cloak (a gift his father had given him this summer), over Snape's still form. 

With a hand on the stretcher, Draco moved out of the dungeon and headed to the hospital wing. Rounding a corner, Draco froze. 

Potter was standing there, with his own invisibility cloak half-on and half-off, with Lupin. 

"Where's Professor Snape?" Lupin asked, his face worried. "Do you have any idea?" he asked, not even seeming to notice that Draco wasn't supposed to be wandering around Hogwarts in the middle of the night. 

Draco opened his mouth to say something nasty but the words stayed stuck in his throat. As much as he hated these people if Snape didn't recover because Draco refused help that might have made a difference, Draco would never be able to forgive himself and he knew it. 

"He's right here," Draco said, moving his invisibility cloak just enough for them to see Snape's black robe. "I followed him into the bathroom where he was trying to get rid of the...." Did they know? 

"The Dark Mark?" Potter asked. 

They did know. Draco glared at Potter, wondering how he had found out about it. 

"Yes. He almost tried a dissolving potion on his arm but I got to him first. I stupefied him first," Draco admitted. "He kept babbling about how he had to get rid of it before his parents saw it. But..." Draco glanced at where the stretcher was. "He's.... I need to talk with Dumbledore," Draco said the name distastefully and winced. 

Lupin looked at Potter. "Go get Dumbledore, Harry." 

Potter nodded and ran off. Draco sneered at him as he went by and then turned his sneer on Lupin. 

"I can take care of _my_ Head of House," Draco said carefully. "Why don't you get Pomfrey?" 

Lupin didn't protest and hurried off to find Pomfrey while Draco carefully walked the stretcher to the hospital wing, took the invisibility cloak off, lowered Snape onto the bed and then made the stretcher disappear. 

Draco checked his arm. Draco's shirt had been white and he was relieved to see only a few dots of blood on the covering. Snape had only managed to rub his arm raw and not do any real damage. But why had he tried to get the Dark Mark off in the first place? 

Draco moved his robe sleeve down on his left arm and looked at his unmarked flesh. How often had he stared at that forearm, imagining the Dark Mark gracing it? The Dark Lord didn't give the Dark Mark to kids under seventeen generally (he wanted them out of Hogwarts and away from Dumbledore first) and Draco had pleaded with his father all summer to convince the Dark Lord to make an exception in Draco's case. His father had promised to see what he could do about it. But now, as Draco stared at his arm, and at Snape's arm, he wondered if he wanted the thing. Of course he did, Draco chided himself. 

Snape had only tried to get his off because he was half-insane but once he was back to normal he would realize what a stupid thing he had been about to do. 

Pomfrey came bursting into the hospital wing, looking agitated and worried. Draco stepped aside and she quickly located a healing potion and correct bandages and wrapped the arm up. 

"This is all my fault," Pomfrey muttered. "I shouldn't have left him here alone." 

"He wasn't alone," Draco said, "A Slytherin was here with him all night. We took turns." 

Pomfrey glanced at up and then at Lupin. "The Slytherins..." 

"He's _our_ Head of House," Draco said, cutting her off. "_We'll_ take care of him." 

Potter and Dumbledore came into the ward and Draco took a breath, not wanting to betray his Head of House like this but feeling he had no choice. They had to know what kind of delusion Snape was suffering from so they could help him. 

"Draco?" Dumbledore said in his insufferable 'I know everything' voice. 

"Professor Snape tried to get the Dark Mark off of himself," Draco said softly. "He said that his parents wouldn't approve of it, that they wouldn't like him anymore if they saw it. But he also said they were dead," Draco glanced down at Snape's face. "But you see, Professor Snape was abandoned on the streets of Knockturn Alley when he was three." 

Draco forced himself to look back at everyone. Potter's mouth was half-opened, he then closed it, and Draco could see sympathy in every line of his face. Draco clenched his fists. Snape didn't need sympathy from the Boy-Who-Lived. Lupin was staring at Snape with a very sad expression. What right did a _werewolf_ have to feel sorry for anybody? Pomfrey had her face turned away, looking over something but Draco imagined her expression would be like Lupin's. Dumbledore's expression hadn't changed at all. 

"Draco," Dumbledore said again, "I'm very pleased that you have chosen to be so cooperative. I know you don't like any of us and I'm very grateful you can put aside your dislike to help Severus out." 

Draco flushed a tiny bit, not used to getting praise from anyone but Snape and the other Slytherins. "I just want him to get better." 

"So do I," Dumbledore said heavily. 

"So Hermione couldn't be right, then?" Potter said. "If Snape was abandoned at the age of three, then he couldn't possibly remember anything that had happened to him so young, even if a memory charm had been lifted during the Cruciatus Curse." 

Draco listened to Potter, his mind whirling around. Could Snape have had a memory charm lifted? But, Potter was right, as usual. Draco, at fifteen, didn't remember anything before the age of five. So how would Snape, at thirty-six, possibly remember something before the age of three? 

"No," Dumbledore said gently, "I already told Lupin it was impossible but he didn't want to believe me." 

Lupin looked away from Snape. "I was hoping," he said, his voice shaking a bit. "I'm going to go to bed," he said abruptly and left, Potter following after him. They both looked upset, which angered Draco. 

Pomfrey went in the back room, gathering together some supplies, out of earshot. 

"He's a Death Eater," Draco told Dumbledore, feeling almost justified. "Did you know that?" 

Dumbledore sat on the bed next to Snape's and watched Snape's chest rise and fall for awhile. "I know. He came to me when he was eighteen about it, hoping I would kill him." 

Draco furrowed his eyebrows. "Why?" 

Dumbledore looked up at Draco. "He was ashamed of what he had become." 

Draco glared at Dumbledore but didn't say anything. 

Dumbledore seemed to shake himself awake and turned to Draco. "Draco, you must promise me that you won't tell anyone about what I'm about to tell you." 

"I won't," Draco said. 

Dumbledore's face was hard, radiating a power that Draco flinched at seeing. "I promise," Draco muttered and meant it. 

"Severus became a spy for me, Draco," Dumbledore informed him. "And when Voldemort rose again this summer, he became my spy again. That is why Karkaroff tortured him. Karkaroff wanted to give Severus to Voldemort and tell him what Severus had done, to insure his own welcome back into the fold." 

"Why was Professor Snape a spy?" Draco asked, confused. 

"Because he realized that Voldemort was evil, Draco," Dumbledore said quietly. "Severus never had anyone tell him what was wrong and what was right. He had to figure it out for himself and he made plenty of mistakes along the way. He's still making mistakes but he's trying. Kind of like you." 

Draco snapped his head around. "What do you mean?" he demanded. 

"Your father has told you Voldemort is a hero, Draco, and you have believed him. You haven't yet begun to think for yourself but I'm hoping you will soon. Quit following your parents blindly, Draco. Open up your eyes and see what Voldemort is all about. Your following Voldemort can be excused thus far because you, like most children, believe what your parents tell you is correct but it is time you started to think for yourself and question what they have told you. Talk to Severus.... when he's better... about it. He'll understand how difficult it is to figure out what is wrong and what is right when you have to ignore the examples of those around you and search for it on your own." 

Draco slowly sank onto the Snape's bed, feeling slightly sick. He had begun questioning, already, hadn't he? Ever since he had seen what the Cruciatus Curse had done to Snape. 

"Why did Professor Snape say he has parents? He got very angry when I told him he had been abandoned." 

Dumbledore glanced back at Snape. "Severus has always been very ashamed of being abandoned, Draco. I knew, simply because when he came to me when he was eighteen, I found out as much as I could about him but he has never told me so himself. He feels he must have done something to deserve it. Severus has spent much of his life trying to become famous for something so people will respect him and notice him." 

Draco stared at Dumbledore, wondering why the old man looked so sad. "You don't think that will work? But people respect famous people." 

Dumbledore sighed tiredly. "Draco, Severus just wants someone to love him. He may believe he wants to become famous but he doesn't. He just wants someone, it would only take one person I'm sure, to notice him, to love him, to want him." 

"What about you?" Draco asked. "Couldn't you be his father or something?" 

Dumbledore glanced away, his eyes wet. "He doesn't trust me, Draco. Nor does he believe I care for him. He just thinks I'm using him. Severus has been hurt so many times that he's not willing to trust anyone, anymore. I'm afraid, Draco, it's too late. Maybe if someone had just noticed him when he was younger things would be different but no one did and now he's too full of anger and hate to let anyone in. I failed him," he choked out. 

Dumbledore got up and made his way out of the ward, leaving Draco to sit there and think. 

"Even if no one else does, I like you," he told the unconscious man. "And so do some of the other Slytherins. Vincent and Gregory really like you, though they think you are too skinny. Pansy likes you quite a bit too. Blaise even sort of likes you but you know Blaise. He's so obsessed with outdoing Newt Scamander so he can be the world's foremost authority on magical creatures that he doesn't have time to like or dislike anyone. And I won't tell father you're a spy or anything like that." 

Draco got up and touched Snape's cheek with the back of his hand. It was cold. Grabbing an extra blanket off another bed, Draco tucked it around Snape's form, and then settled on a chair and started to read a book, out loud, Draco had brought on potions and elixirs. 

Gregory came to relieve Draco but Draco wouldn't go and neither would Gregory. 

Severus laid there, listening, as his heart pounded in his chest. He had woken up about the time Draco had told Dumbledore he was a Death Eater and had listened to their conversation that followed. Severus had never really thought that Dumbledore might feel guilty about anything but he had sounded so... upset. And Draco. Draco had promised not to tell his father about Severus being a spy, even though Draco would be handsomely rewarded for information like that. And how had Draco found out about it anyway? Severus didn't remember ever telling him that. 

And now Draco and Gregory were fighting because neither one of them wanted to leave him. Had he been wrong about no one caring about him? 

Severus swallowed, as he slipped back into sleep and his dreams. 

"Of course I will love you," his father said as Severus pointed at the frog in the storybook. 

"But what if I can only croak?" Severus asked, upset. 

His father laughed, and wrapping his arms around Severus, closed the book. "Jacenty, I will love you no matter what happens to you." 

"What if I turn into a fly and try to eat all your food?" Severus asked him, craning his neck to be able to see his father's face. 

The man stared at him, his face crinkled in amusement. "That's the problem with reading you stories," he said, touching the tip of Severus's nose, "you take them too seriously. I'll love you even if you turn into fly and eat all my food. Take this book away, Vasya. Jacenty is convinced I won't love him if he becomes a frog." 

Vasya came into sight, wearing a very heavy looking dark green robe with gold thread making leaf patterns on it, and smiled. "Jacek, are you worried about becoming a frog?" 

Severus nodded his head. "Yes," he said, seriously. "You don't like frogs." 

Vasya quit smiling and knelt down next to Severus. "Jacek, there is nothing you can do, or become, that will make me or your father quit loving you. We may not always be happy with your choices, or with what you have become, be it a frog or anything else, but we will still love you." 

"Promise?" Severus asked. 

"Promise," Vasya said and kissed him on the forehead. 

Severus jerked awake again. Would his parents still love him if they knew he had become a Death Eater? But there was no chance of them knowing. They were both dead. But still, it bothered Severus. He had never had anyone to disappoint with his actions before and felt ashamed that he might have done it. Severus shook his head. His parents were dead. They couldn't be ashamed of him. 

"Are you hungry?" came a voice to his right. 

Severus looked over there. Gregory Goyle was standing next to him, smiling, while Draco was sleeping on the bed next to Severus's. 

"He's been here all night," Gregory said, glancing over at Draco too. "Me, Vincent, Millicent, Pansy, Thayer, Duncan, and Olivia were taking turns watching you. Draco was supposed to only take one turn but he apparently didn't like that idea." 

Severus smiled as he stared at Gregory's open face. He hoped dearly that nothing happened to Gregory or Vincent in the upcoming struggle with Voldemort. Their parents had managed to survive Voldemort's first ascent to power so maybe their kids would survive his second. Severus hoped so. 

"Are you hungry?" Gregory asked again. "I could smuggle you in some food," he said softly, making sure Pomfrey wasn't around. 

"I'd like that," Severus said, feeling his stomach rumble a tiny bit. 

Gregory looked very pleased. "Good. I'll be right back." 

Severus then looked back at Draco. He was still asleep, his normally slicked back hair falling all over his pale and pointed face. 

"Draco?" Severus called softly. 

Draco bolted out of bed and landed on the floor with a soft thud. "You okay?" he asked, his eyes wide opened and his hair a mess. 

"I'm fine," Severus said. "What happened last night? Why did Dumbledore tell you I was a... Death Eater?" 

Draco ran a hand through his hair, to tame it. "You don't remember?" he said carefully, too carefully. 

"No," Severus said slowly. "What did I do?" 

Draco grinned. "Just went into the girl's bathroom, is all. Good thing it was at night." 

Severus's face turned slightly red. "I did?" 

"Oh, don't worry," Draco said, trying to get a tangle out with his fingers, "I rescued you. Then you went into your office. I had to stupefy you then. I was afraid you would hurt yourself in your half-awake state and make some sort of crazy potion that ate fingernails." 

"Is that all?" Severus asked, looking at Draco intently. 

But Draco was concentrating on smoothing out his robes. "Yes," he said idly. 

Severus was slightly relieved. Either Draco was a very good actor or nothing had happened last night. 

"But why did Dumbledore tell you I was a Death Eater?" Severus asked. "Or, why did you tell him?" 

Draco shrugged. "In your office you broke a bottle of beetle eyes and you hurt your arm on the broken glass. I lifted your sleeve up and saw the Dark Mark. I'm sorry." 

"That's okay," Severus mumbled. 

"Dumbledore was here this morning," Draco said softly. "He wants you to see Trelawney this afternoon for a..... for a counseling session." 

Severus's eyes snapped back to Draco. "What?" 

Draco shrugged. "That's what he said. He'll be by about three to take you there himself. I wanted to take you but Dumbledore feels I should practice Quidditch today instead. Slytherin versus Gryffindor is tomorrow, you know." 

Severus had forgotten about that. "I'll watch," Severus said quietly, wondering why Trelawney of all people would be giving him a counseling session. 

She was the Divination Professor not a counseling witch. 

Gregory came back with Vincent and between the two of them they had managed to carry in a ton of food. They divided this up between the four of them and they all started to eat. 

"Longbottoms worried about you," Vincent said, chewing on a large roll. "He asked me if you were any better today. Wondered if you were remembering people yet. Are you?" 

Severus ate some thick soup, wondering what to do about Longbottom. The boy's parents had been tortured to insanity by some of the people Severus had hung out with at school and Severus couldn't look at the boy without feeling stabbing feelings of guilt wash over him. He guessed that was one reason why he was so mean to him. Trying to cover up his feelings. But there was nothing he could have done. He hadn't known, for sure, that the Lestranges were Death Eaters. Vague suspicions that he had dutifully reported to Dumbledore but that was it. He hated the Dark Lord. 

"Yeah," Severus replied distracted, "I recognize people." 

Should he see Longbottom so Longbottom would know he was okay? 

After the food was cleared away, Severus turned to Gregory. 

"Can you ask Longbottom to see me for a second?" 

Gregory nodded his head and left with Vincent. 


	4. Chapter 4: Ivan

Disclaimer: I own nothing. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Severus leaned back against the bed's headrest, wondering what he was going to say to Longbottom. He wondered what it was like for Longbottom to see his parents but not have them recognize him. Was that worse or better than not having parents? What went through Longbottom's mind when he saw them? Was that Longbottom's main problem? 

Looking at the pattern on the blanket covering him, Severus thoughtfully considered Longbottom. The boy messed up in his class quite often and it had always angered Severus, thinking the boy had done it on purpose to make Severus look like a stupid incompetent teacher but maybe there was more to it than that. Not all Aurors had chosen to be Aurors. Some, like Frank Longbottom, had been told they were going to be Aurors because the need for them had been so high. Maybe Longbottom was messing up so he wouldn't ever be considered Auror material. But, if that was the case, he was jeopardizing his future. 

Longbottom had been seeing his parents ever since he was a little boy and it was possible that it had messed him up a little. Severus didn't want to think of how hard it had to be for a small child to be told his parents didn't know who he was. It was hard enough for a teenager to be told that. Did they ever hug Longbottom? Did he talk with them? Or did he just view them behind a magic wall that looked solid on one side but was transparent on the other. Severus cringed at the thoughts. No wonder Longbottom was so messed up. 

"He's coming, sir," Draco informed him. 

Severus glanced up to see Longbottom heading toward him. Vincent and Gregory waved at Severus from the doorway and then wandered off. 

"Mr. Longbottom," Severus said. 

Longbottom seemed quite relieved. "So you do recognize everyone?" he asked, hopeful. 

"Yes," Severus assured him. 

Longbottom's face lit up and then it seem to falter. "That's good," he said softly. "I wish my par....," he trailed off. "I guess you were really strong and wanted to remember people?" he asked. 

"I was able to last longer than certain people because I've been under the Cruciatus Curse before," Severus gently said, realizing what Longbottom was thinking. "More than just a few times, in fact. Two certain people had never been under it before. They lasted as long as they possibly could; they tried their hardest." 

Longbottom stared at Severus, his eyes rather moist and then nodded his head. "I never want to become an Auror," he muttered, too low for anyone to hear, or so Longbottom thought. Severus had very good hearing. "I'm glad you're doing okay," Longbottom said, "I better go and catch up on some homework." 

Severus watched him go, lifting an eyebrow as Longbottom went. He had been right. Longbottom didn't want to become an Auror. He was going to have to watch Longbottom carefully in class and see how much of Longbottom's mistakes were due to actual clumsiness and forgetfulness and how much of them were done on purpose. 

"You've been under the Cruciatus Curse before?" Draco asked, interrupting Severus's train of thought. 

"About five or six times," Severus said idly. "Maybe more. Never for more than a minute though. Draco," Severus said, glancing at him. Draco was looking slightly pale. "Would you mind taking me to my rooms. I don't like staying here." 

"You need someone to watch you," Draco protested. "I'll take you if you let someone stay with you." 

"All right," Severus reluctantly agreed. 

"I'll go tell Madam Pomfrey," Draco said as he hurried toward Pomfrey's office. 

Severus tiredly rubbed his eyes. The thought of anyone, even Draco, in his rooms was not pleasant. Severus had kept to himself so much that even having someone see how he decorated his rooms was not something he looked forward to. Severus liked his privacy. The less people knew about you the less they could take advantage of you. Severus sighed at his thoughts. What was with him thinking the worst about people? Longbottom messed up in his class because he wanted to make Severus look stupid and not because he was afraid to do to well in school. Dumbledore was only nice to him because Severus was his spy and not because Dumbledore actually liked him. Draco was nice to him because he was sucking up and not because he actually liked Severus either. 

But Severus did understand why he thought the way he did. You had to think that way to survive growing up in Knockturn Alley. If someone was nice to you, you figured out, quickly, why and didn't trust them. His attitude has saved his life more than once but Severus had to remember that Hogwarts was not Knockturn Alley. Sure there were going to be people who would only be nice to him because they wanted something but he had to learn to, if not trust, at least accept some people's nice gestures towards him. Severus doubted if he would ever be able to trust anyone. He didn't even trust Dumbledore, at least not one hundred percent, though Dumbledore did trust him one hundred percent. Severus often envied Dumbledore's ability to do that. Maybe, one day, Severus would be able to do that too. But not yet. And especially not with the Dark Lord around again. 

"She said it was okay," Draco said as he walked from Pomfrey's office and towards Severus. "She apparently wanted you to move this morning anyway since you have trouble sleeping here. Lupin is scheduled to watch you this morning," Draco said with distaste. "I tried to convince her to let me but she wouldn't have it. She thinks its inappropriate for a student to be in an adults rooms without a chaperone." 

"It is," Severus said. "I appreciate the offer though." 

Draco didn't look happy. "But how am I going to watch you with an adult I like?" then Draco smiled. "Filch would be okay. I don't mind him too much. By the way, you're not teaching tomorrow." 

Severus frowned at that. He had never missed a single day since he had started teaching at Hogwarts so many years ago. 

"But I...." 

"She was insistent," Draco interrupted. "You'll have to be brought back here in the morning and then when classes are over an adult will watch you. You're not going to be teaching all week. Pomfrey wants to keep a very close eye on you. Dumbledore already agreed." 

Severus slowly moved his legs over the side of the bed. There was no point in arguing. Dumbledore was the most stubborn person that Severus had ever met and if Dumbledore had already okayed this situation there was nothing Severus could do about it. 

"I better go get the _werewolf_," Draco said grimacing. 

Severus watched him go, feeling guilty about Draco's prejudice towards Lupin since it was partly Severus's fault he was so prejudiced. But Dumbledore should never have hired Lupin without informing the students that he was a werewolf. The students had had a right to know that their lives had been in danger every month so they could take the necessary precautions, like being in their House rooms during the full moon so, just in case, Lupin transformed he wouldn't find a student to kill or maim. Severus really didn't care about how many teachers had hated him for doing that, his students safety was much more important that his popularity. Severus just cursed himself for not doing it sooner. If Lupin had killed a student that night he transformed at the end of Potter's third year, it would have been Severus's fault for not standing up to the Headmaster before and doing what he felt was right. Nobody, not even Dumbledore, had a right to put student's lives in danger without informing them about it. 

Lupin came in a while later and Severus stood up, glad to be finally going to his own rooms. They walked down to the dungeons in silence and Severus noticed how few children he saw along the way. 

"Hogsmeade," Lupin explained as they reached his doors. "The Headmaster thought it would be a nice treat so the kids could do any last minute Christmas shopping before most of the kids go home for the holidays." 

Severus opened his door and nodded. Christmas? He had forgotten about that. He hated Christmas. Just another reminder that he had no family and no friends. Well, maybe he did have two friends. Dumbledore and Draco. Don't get attached, Severus told himself sternly. It was okay for people to like him, but he shouldn't get attached to them. 

Severus watched Lupin come in and wished he had thought to remove the large painting he had over his couch. 

"Who painted that?" Lupin asked, staring at it. 

"Oh, I don't know," Severus lied. "I picked it up at small odds and ends store that sold junk stuff. It was real cheap." 

"Junk?" Lupin queried. "Whoever thought that was junk should be locked up." 

Severus snapped his head around to stare at the painting. It depicted a clear lake surrounded by jagged mountains with a rainbow arching over the side of the mountains, hitting the lake. At the point where it hit the lake, the colors of the rainbow bled into the water, remaining separate and heading towards a lone black shrouded figure crouching on the other side of the lake. The colors was only halfway towards him. 

"It's very vibrant," Lupin smiled. "Do you know what the medium was." 

Severus opened his mouth to reply but caught himself just in time. "No. I don't know anything about art." 

"Oh," Lupin said, tearing his gaze of the painting and looking around. 

Severus had very little entertaining furniture, never having had guests before. The faded brown couch under the painting, about eight black bookcases full of books, a large old wooden table and a wall lined with roughhewn shelves for potions ingredients. There was a large empty floor space between the couch and table and Severus had never even bothered to lay down a rug. The only bit of color was in the jackets of some of the books and the painting. The dark stone floor, walls, and ceiling added to the rather gloomy atmosphere. 

"Too bad that rainbow in the picture hasn't hit this room," Lupin dryly remarked. 

Severus shrugged and headed to his bedroom. "I'm going to go to sleep," Severus said. 

"Would you mind it if I invited Harry, Hermione, and Ron into your rooms?" Lupin asked, looking at the books Severus owned. Almost all the books were dedicated to potions, the dark arts (legal ones), or herbology and magical creatures (both written from a Potion Makers point of view). 

Severus didn't want the Dream Team in his rooms but Lupin would be bored to death otherwise. "Fine," Severus agreed, aware that Black would probably come as well. As long as Severus didn't have to see them, he guessed it wouldn't be too bad. And there was nothing, aside from the painting, that was personal in the living room area anywhere. 

Severus went into his bedroom, charmed the door closed, though Lupin could easily break it if he needed to, and flung himself in one of the chairs. He wasn't that tired, not tired enough to sleep, but Severus had wanted to get away from Lupin. 

Deciding he needed a shower also, Severus grabbed some loose pants and a shirt and went into his bathroom and charmed the doors closed. He quickly stripped and showered, and changed into the pants, leaving the shirt off for the time being. 

Glancing at the mirror, Severus stared at his chest in disgust. He looked a fine mess. Half his chest was burned. Burned from the hip up the shoulder and covering half his front and quite a bit of his back. The skin looked melted, crinkled, shiny and Severus winced, wondering how it would look if he had had proper medical care when it had happened. It hadn't been that bad of a burn, a burn that could easily have been treated, if someone had wanted to. But he had only been an abandoned throwaway and not worth healing properly so he had to live with the disfigurement, aware of the disgust it would generate if someone were to see it. 

Severus, distracted by the flame of a candle, stared at it. He hated fire. Hated the way it hungrily ate through wood, beds, and even small bodies. Severus jerked, trying to blink away the memory of the fire that had done this to him. One would think, after thirty years, he could easily forget about it. 

Severus slid in his shirt on, half way, and stared at his chest with the burned part covered. He almost looked normal. He would if it wasn't for the two scars that graced this side of his chest. The scar between two ribs was from a knife-fight he had entered in, and won, at the age of eleven, and the other scar, the one on his abdomen, was where he had been stabbed by someone hoping to rob him when he was nine. 

He had almost died from that one. He still didn't really know how he had survived it. For a week he had been feverish from the infection that quickly set in and just didn't recall how he had managed to take care of himself during that time. But surely he had to have done it himself. No one else would have bothered. He just wished he could remember how. 

Severus buttoned up the shirt and dried the towels with a spell and then sent his robe into the hamper for the house elves to take care of. He went back to his room and laid down, rather exhausted, not caring that his hair was soaking his pillow. Sleep came easily. 

**************************************************************** 

Severus curled up against his mother as he stared at the large green tree that was loaded with all kinds of decorations. There was an enchanted line of fiery red birds that flew, constantly, around the tree, resembling tinsel. There were tiny little white fairies that slept on the branches, appearing like lights. There was real icicles, enchanted not to melt, hanging from the tree. There were very detailed toy miniature's of all sorts of magical creatures: unicorns, dragons, hippogriffs, werewolves, griffins, gnomes, centaurs and others. 

"Mommy, I love Christmas," Severus said as he glanced over at his father who was holding a large box and looking at the label. 

"This present is to Jacenty from Mikhail," Cezar said. "Whose Mikhail?" 

"My sister's future husband," Vasya said. "My parents and his parents have been arranging it for several months now. Today is the day they finally meet, tonight, at Mother's party. I can't wait." 

"What about Jacenty," Cezar questioned. "We can't live him alone on Christmas." 

Vasya turned Severus around, her face amused. "Jacenty, all the servants are off today. Tonight, you and Ivan can run around the entire mansion as much as you want!" 

Severus felt himself getting excited. "Can I eat whatever?" 

"Yes," Vasya said. "You and Ivan can eat the kitchens clean if you want. There will be lots of yummy foods left over from the party last night that I had." 

"You're spoiling him," Cezar chided. 

"And you don't?" Vasya countered, hugging Severus. 

Cezar grinned. "Never," he said, mock seriously as he handed the present to Severus. "Your last one, Jacenty." 

Severus opened it and stared. Inside was a wooden dragon on wooden wheels with a string attached. It was very intricately carved. What kind of toy was this for a child? It was much too delicate. 

"You can put that one with your others," Vasya said as Severus wiggled off her lap, grabbed the dragon, and ran off to his bedroom. 

They were in a large room and Severus pulled open of the many identical doors and rushed into his bedroom. Severus gaped while his child self rushed to a bookcase and put the dragon along side a unicorn, a horse, a wolf, a bear, and a griffin just like it. 

Severus slowly took in the room while his child self danced around with a giant stuffed bear that had been leaning up against the bookcase. 

The bed was ornate. Made from some honey colored wood that was polished to a very high sheen and carved with animals circling up the four posts. The headboard had his name carved in fancy letters into it. The fabric on the bed was of a ivory color with gold trim on the pillows and comforter. The canopy fabric was of the same ivory color with red trim instead of gold. There were bookcases and shelves everywhere, filled with wooden toys, stuffed animals, and books. 

Severus climbed onto his bed and started to jump on it. "Ivan!" Severus chanted. "Ivan! Ivan!" 

Nothing happened and Severus wondered about this. He thought his mother had said that no one knew about him? 

Severus stopped jumping and then fell backwards, giggling. "I forgot! Ivan, come here!" 

And on the bed's foot board, a blue house elf popped in. His eyes were large and purple, his nose was small and round, his ears were long and floppy, and oddly, he was wearing clothes. A heavy gold quilted robe with golden fabric shoes and a golden cap with holes for his ears. 

Since house elves had to keep their Master's secrets, Severus guessed his parents wouldn't have considered telling Ivan about him telling anyone. And why was Ivan blue? 

"Ivan! We get the house to ourselves tonight! And I get to give you your present," Severus said as he jumped off his bed, reached under it and pulled out a long box that Severus had obviously wrapped himself. 

"Jacenty gives us present!" Ivan said. "Last year you threw up on us." 

Severus blushed. "I was two!" he protested as he handed the box to the elf. 

The elf laughed and a box appeared in his own hands. "This is for Jacenty." 

Severus opened his present while Ivan opened his. Ivan wrapped his new golden scarf around his neck and beamed at Severus. 

"Our neck is often cold! We thank you!" he said, leaving Severus confused. 

Didn't giving house elves clothes free them? Or did he have to be their master for that to work and Ivan wasn't calling him Master so maybe he wasn't. 

Severus opened his and excitedly took out a bag of a smooth polished stones. "Thanks! We can play 'frog hopping' again!" 

Ivan nodded his head. "Yes. And don't throw all the stones into the toilet this time." 

Severus put his hands on his hips and stared at Ivan. "I was two!" 

Ivan grinned, showing a mouthful of teeth. "When you are four you will be embarrassed about the things you did this year! On February the third, when you turn four, I shall.... 

**************************************************** 

Severus jerked awake. His birthday was February the third? He knew when his birthday was! If these memories were true that was. Oh, he hoped they were. 


	5. Chapter 5: Trelawney

Disclaimer: I claim nothing herein as my own. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Draco pounded over his head on the trapdoor that lead to Trelawney's tower and wondered, for the millionth time, if this was a good idea. But Trelawney was in charge of counseling Snape, Draco had pestered Dumbledore until he had admitted that was the reason why Snape was seeing her, and Draco wanted Trelawney to have as much knowledge about the effects of the Cruciatus Curse as she could. Snape had to get better. He just had to. 

The trapdoor opened and Trelawney stood there, smiling at him. "I was expecting you." 

"Your inner eye?" Draco asked, trying valiantly to keep the disgust out of his voice. 

"Yes," Trelawney said airily, "it is quite a burden." 

"I bet," Draco mumbled under his breath as he clamored into the room and pulled out the book he had stolen from his father from his knapsack. The page that had Lucius's name on it was ripped out. "Don't ask me where I got this from, but read it. It'll tell you all you need to know about the Cruciatus Curse to help Professor Snape out. And," Draco took a deep breath, "since you should know everything about your patient and Snape may not admit it, he was abandoned in Knockturn Alley when he was three and raised in the Orphanage there until he was nine, and then he lived on the streets. Don't tell anyone. 

"I won't," Trelawney said as Draco looked up at her he suddenly realized she wouldn't. He could trust her. 

"Thanks," Draco muttered. 

"Draco," Trelawney said softly. "Severus will be fine." 

Draco looked at her, wondering if she was telling the truth or not. Did she know? Or was she guessing? 

"I hope so too," Draco said as he climbed back down. 

Vincent and Gregory were standing there, waiting. 

"Well," Gregory asked. "What did you see her for?" 

"I had to turn in some homework," Draco lied. "I forgot to do part of the assignment." 

Both Gregory's and Vincent's eyes glazed over at the mention of homework. It was amazing both of them were still in Draco's grade, they would rather clean toilets with toothbrushes than do homework. 

They wandered back to the Slytherin dungeons, Draco feeling quite put out with the thought that Lupin was with Snape. He was sure Lupin would invite Granger, Weasley, and Potter to Snape's room and Draco didn't like the thought of Potter being in Snape's rooms. 

******************************************************************************************* 

Remus glanced at the closed bedroom door, slightly worried. It was lunch time and Severus hadn't made a sound. Was he asleep? Should Remus wake him? Pomfrey had been explicit about not letting Severus skip meals. 

Remus glanced at everyone, trying to decide. Harry and Ron were sitting on the rug Lupin had conjured up and busily engaged in a game of chess while Ginny watched. Hermione was standing in front of one of Severus's many bookshelves and looking through the books on it, her eyes quite bright with each new discovery. Sirius was waiting impatiently for Remus to make the next move in their game of Wizard's Othello. None of them seem to notice the time. 

"It's lunch time and I need to get Severus up," Remus said. 

Sirius grimaced but he didn't say anything, which encouraged Remus, Sirius was willing to put his hate aside until he knew if Severus was going to be okay or not. Even Ron looked rather indifferent. 

"Call a house elf and have them set up the table with lunch in here," Remus said, "and I'll get Severus." 

Remus knocked on the door and then pushed it open. Severus was already sitting up in bed, wide-awake, a book and piece of parchment in one hand and a quill in the other. 

"Yes?" he asked, looking at Remus with the same rather vacant expression that had been on his face since Karkaroff's little surprise. 

"It's lunch time," Remus said agreeably. "We are setting up the table. Come on." 

Severus glanced at his desk. "I'd rather eat in here," Severus said and Remus inwardly sighed. 

"I'll bring you a plate," Remus said. 

He left and shook his head as he entered the living area. No one looked very upset that Severus wasn't joining them and that, Remus realized, was probably the problem. Severus knew he wasn't wanted so he just spared them the trouble. 

Remus piled food on a plate and, grabbing a goblet, headed into Severus's bedroom. 

Severus was sitting on the edge of the bed, the book was beside him but the parchment and quill were gone. Remus set the plate down on the desk and handed Severus the goblet. 

He took it and then blinked, staring at it. 

"Your Wolfsbane?" Severus said, looking up at him, his face confused. "The full moon is on Tuesday. Why didn't someone remind me? I'm not going to have time to..." 

Remus grinned. "The Potions Maker from Hogsmeade is doing it," Remus told him. 

Severus looked startled. "Can he do it?" 

Remus nodded his head, wincing. "I've used his Wolfsbane before," he said, shuddering. "It's a much less pleasant experience for me than when you make it but it beats doing the transformation without it." 

Severus stared into his goblet, thinking. "I could make it," he said slowly. "If you're worried about me messing it up, someone could watch me do it." 

Remus was tempted but didn't want to risk it. "No. You just need to worry about getting better. I'll be fine. Thanks, though," he said and then went back to the living room, shutting the door firmly. 

************************************************************************* 

Severus stared at his plate of food, thinking. If he was no longer making Lupin's Potion for him, then why was he still being nice? It was difficult for Severus to reconcile this Lupin with the Lupin that had joined in on teasing him while still a student. But people did change. 

Severus ran a hand through his hair, hating the greasy feel. An eyebrow raised, and quickly setting the drink aside, Severus took out a piece of parchment from a desk drawer and scrawled down the potion his mother had made from his dream. He had a very good memory for potions. He just hoped this worked. 

Going back to his food, Severus absently ate it while listening to the conversation that floated through his door. 

"Does Snape have bookcases in his room?" Granger asked. 

"Yes, but I don't think he wants you in there," Lupin cautioned. "It's hard enough on him to have us in his rooms." 

"He's awfully quiet," Ginny Weasley piped up. "He hasn't lost his temper once since that day." 

"I'm not sure he's all there yet," Lupin said. 

"Enjoy the reprieve while it lasts," Black said. "So, Harry, tell me again about what happened to your cousin Dudley this summer?" 

Severus listened as Potter related a tale about how his cousin, who apparently was quite large, got stuck in his bedroom doorway and couldn't get out. Nothing helped and his parents had to remove sections of the door jam away for him to fit through. Much laughter followed this tale but Severus didn't find it amusing. 

It reminded him a little too much of the teasing he got for having greasy hair, a hooked nose, crooked yellow teeth, and swallow skin. None of which he could help. He had always found a savage delight in pointing out other people's physical faults to them, partly out of revenge, and partly to make other people know how it feels to be teased for something you couldn't help. Severus fingered his fork. What sort of idiot was he? People with physical faults knew they had them, he didn't need to point them out. But why was everyone so adamant about pointing out his physical faults? He guessed it all boiled down to the simple statement 'If you aren't attractive you're worthless.' Evan Rosier's favorite saying. How true that was. 

The door opened and Lupin came walking in. "Finished?" he asked, noting some food still left on Severus's plate. 

"Yeah, I'm done," he said quietly, wishing Lupin would quit looking at him. 

"Dumbledore is going to watch you this afternoon," Lupin said. "And then take you to Trelawney's at three. Take care," he said and reached a hand out to pat Severus on the back. 

Severus jerked out of reached. "Thanks," he muttered. 

Lupin looked at him oddly, picked up the dishes, and then left, shutting the door. 

Severus glared at it. He just didn't understand Lupin. Was he being nice or was he just having a laugh at Severus's expense? And Severus didn't appreciate people trying to touch him on the back or using his first name when they didn't even now each other. 

************************************************************ 

Remus waited until everyone had left and then shut the door, turning to Dumbledore. "He doesn't trust me," he said softly, keeping his voice down. 

Dumbledore glanced at him, and wearily sat in a chair at the table. "I know. He doesn't trust me either." 

"How are we supposed to help him if he doesn't trust us?" Remus asked. "And I just tried to touch him on the back and he jerked away like I was trying to stab him." 

Dumbledore shook his head. "I don't know. And Severus won't even let me touch his back. Maybe it brings back a bad memory or... he was a Death Eater. Sometimes they do nasty things to themselves for Dark Art rituals." 

Remus frowned, not having thought of that. "Oh," he said slowly. "How are we going to get him to trust us?" Remus asked. 

"Keep being nice to him," Dumbledore said. "Don't gossip about him and talk to him. It won't be easy. Be warned about that. And," Dumbledore sighed. "I've been at if since Severus was eighteen and I haven't seen any headway. It might be impossible." 

Remus could tell that Dumbledore didn't like to say that but some people did reach a point where they were no longer reachable. It rather unnerved Remus to realize that Severus had turned unreachable at eighteen. He doubted if the Marauders had helped any. 

"I'm sorry," Remus said quietly. "Hogwarts was such a fun time for me, James, and Sirius, that we just never thought about what was going on around us. I regret everyone of those stupid pranks we played on Severus. And the teasing? Seeing the Marauder's Map in Harry's third year was proof positive of what idiots we had been. Making fun of someone is not teasing, it's cruelty. No wonder why Severus hated us so much. But, Severus wasn't exactly nice, either. Sometimes he seemed to... I don't know," Remus finished, not waiting to say 'he deserved it sometimes.' 

"I'm frightened for him," Dumbledore admitted and Remus, intrigued, sat down next to him. 

"What do you mean?" Remus asked. 

"He's almost a Dark Wizard, Remus," Dumbledore sighed. "That's the reason why I won't let him teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. A bit more knowledge in the Dark Arts and he will become one. He, thankfully, loves Potions so much it keeps him occupied enough not to delve deeper into the Dark Arts than he already has but... there's nothing to keep him here once Voldemort has been defeated for good." 

Remus felt very cold suddenly. "He won't become the next Dark Lord will he?" 

Dumbledore shook his head. "Oh, no. Severus has and never will kill. But... he may destroy himself. The Dark Arts aren't to be tampered with. I wish I could get him to understand that. But, even if I did, I'm not sure he would quit. His fascination for the Dark Arts is something I don't understand, and I'm not sure he does either." 

Remus stared at the old man. "Severus has always been kind of odd," he began carefully. "Even the teachers were terrified of him. He rarely talked, never laughed, never smiled, he'd just sit there and watch, taking in everything that everyone did or said. And he never forgot. I guess, we started to pick on him because when Severus retaliated for one of our pranks, it was always very nasty and we wanted revenge. I regret that now." 

"I know. But Severus is still doing that," Dumbledore said. "A student slips up in his class and he goes overboard." 

Remus swallowed. Maybe, Severus was too far gone to be reached. 

"Hopefully Trelawney will be able to help him," Remus said, smiling. 

"I hope," Dumbledore said, doubtfully, as he got up. "I'm going to check on Severus." 

*************************************************************** 

Severus backed away from his door and went to lie down. He snugged into his bed, his back against the wall, thinking hard about what he had accidentally overheard. He had gone to the door when he heard Dumbledore come in, but then Lupin had started to talk and Severus had been too interested in what they had to say about him to realize he was eavesdropping. 

His door opened. "Severus?" came Dumbledore's voice. 

"Hmm," Severus groggily stated. 

"Severus, wake up," Dumbledore said. "You need to stay awake for awhile," he said, putting a hand on Severus's upper arm and dragging him to a sitting position. 

Severus glanced up at Dumbledore's face. The old wizard looked very worried, and extremely sad, though he was smiling. Strange, Severus had never believed Dumbledore actually cared about him. 

A sudden itch on his left forearm lead Severus to recall a question he had been meaning to ask Dumbledore for awhile. "When the Dark Lord calls again," Severus asked. "What do you want me to say to him?" 

"Nothing," Dumbledore said, shaking his head. "You're not going again. Voldemort, I'm sure, has heard about what happened to you and he may kill you in case.... in case you do prove to have a problem. He can't risk what you might blab." 

"Don't we need to know what is going on with him?" Severus protested. 

"I have other spies," Dumbledore assured him, his voice hard, allowing no room for argument. 

It was possible that Dumbledore had other spies by now but Severus doubted it. Though he could be wrong. 

"Come out to the living area," Dumbledore encouraged, tugging him off the bed. "You've been holed up here long enough." 

Severus allowed it and then grabbed the parchment with the potion instructions. "I'm going to make this..." Severus started to stay. 

Dumbledore took the parchment and scanned it. "It doesn't look very hard. Quite simple, actually. All right, we'll make it together." 

For the first time, in a long while, Severus actually found himself enjoying the potion he was making. Glancing up from the bubbling cauldron, Severus surveyed the mess that he had made on his table. He wasn't sure why, but he never had allowed his students to see how he actually worked while making a potion. He didn't let them see his mistakes, the drips, the knocked over bottles, the stained hands, or the burns he often got from forgetting how hot the cauldron was. Why did he lead them to believe he was a perfect Potions Master? Watching him brew a potion would probably set a few of them at ease, realizing that spilling, dripping, and knocking things over happened to even experienced Potion Makers. 

Severus bottled the cooled potion and then cleaned the mess up with Dumbledore's help. 

"It's about three," Dumbledore said. "Trelawney will see you now. She felt it would be best to talk with you in a place you feel comfortable in so she's waiting for you by the lake." 

Severus walked with Dumbledore to the lake, having to cut his strides in half for the older wizard to keep up, wondering why he was going to see Trelawney. He had had nothing to do the witch before. He kept to his dungeons and she kept to her tower and rarely did they ever see each other. Just at staff meetings and once or twice at meal times when Trelawney would come down. They had never talked before. 

"Why I'm a seeing her?" Severus asked, confused, as they exited the doors. 

Granger, Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Potter, Lupin, and Black (as a dog) were playing in the snow just outside the doors. Severus glanced at them and then looked at the snow at his feet with distaste. He hated snow. His feet and body ached slightly, though they were plenty warm, at the remembrance of how cold snow could be when someone had inadequate shoes and a threadbare robe. 

"She'll tell you," Dumbledore said evasively. 

Severus was lead to a bench, cleared of snow, where Trelawney was sitting, dressed in a warm jacket robe, facing the lake. Severus sat down, as far away as he could, facing the other way, determined not to be overheard by anyone. 

"I'll be seeing you two later," Dumbledore said as he left for the castle. 

"Why am I here?" Severus asked without preamble. 

"For counseling," Trelawney said. "Madam Pomfrey will be watching out for your physical well-being and I'm too watch out for your emotional well-being." 

Severus stared at his hands. There was no way he was talking to anyone about his problems. They were his problems and he would deal with them. He'd just keep quiet during their sessions. That always worked in scaring people off, that and sarcasm. 

"Dumbledore wants to make sure you didn't go crazy from what Karkaroff did to you. That's basically what I'm here for. To ascertain your mental state," Trelawney said, fiddling with one of her many necklace charms. 

"How are you going to do that?" he asked. 

"I have no idea," Trelawney said. "But I will do my best." 

Severus sat still for several minutes, wondering why his brain couldn't come up with any sarcastic quips yet. He still hadn't thought of one to use on Trelawney yet. 

"Divination is quite a fascinating subject," Trelawney began. "I'm not very good at it, yet, but that's to be expected. The great Diviners are usually in their hundreds. There is just so much to learn. When you see something, in a crystal ball, or whatever, you have to look at the main object and at the things surrounding it to be able to tell what the message is. For example, I see a dragon and a unicorn together in my crystal ball. Dragons are symbolic of death, destruction and unicorns are symbolic of purity. The Unicorn is stuck in a labyrinth and the Dragon is too but the Dragon climbs out of it and picks the Unicorn up and puts it at the side of the maze that the Unicorn was not heading towards. Intriguing eh?" 

Severus glanced at her. 

"There is still so much of that sequence I'm not getting. At first I thought the dragon was trying to eat the Unicorn but then I saw the labyrinth. I'll have to tell you when I find out more about it. One sequence in my crystal ball takes me weeks, sometimes months, to figure out. A true Diviner would understand it in one viewing." 

"Why are you teaching if you aren't a true Diviner?" Severus asked, confused. 

"Oh," Trelawney said, waving it aside. "I know the stuff well enough to teach it and being a true Diviner isn't something that you can teach anyway. A person either has it or they don't. I can teach the symbolism for each creature that might be seen, or the symbolism for each planet phase and so on but I can't teach a child to have the sight or not. I only teach the subject to find the Diviners. The NEWTS have a section on Divination that is actually not graded. There is no point to it since, like I said, a person either has the sight or they don't. But, if the child has been taught enough, and has the sight, the NEWTS will show it." 

"So you do have the sight?" Severus asked. 

Trelawney nodded her head. "Yes. I'm just like a first year in my subject though. Which is why I have to teach the subject. To get so familiar with the symbolism that I will eventually be able to really Divine things." 

Severus was rather interested, despite himself, in what Trelawney was saying. "How many true Diviners are there?" 

"Very few," Trelawney said. "Most just give up in their fifties and do something else, thus never developing their talent even if they do have the sight." 

"How many kids with the sight has Hogwarts graduated?" Severus asked. 

Trelawney grinned. "I'm not sure in it's entire history but I was the first one for about ten years when I graduated. I have graduated about five since I've been a teacher and I've only been a teacher for ten years. Either there are more out there than when I was a kid or I'm actually not that bad of a teacher." 

"Can you tell who has the sight?" he asked. 

Trelawney half-nodded, half-shook, her head. "Usually not until sixth or seventh year. One reason why Miss Granger did so bad in my class. She wanted results right away but it takes years to learn just enough to be able to tell if you might have the sight and even when you know there is so much to learn." 

"I guess that's why I was horrible at it," Severus said softly. 

Trelawney shrugged her shoulders. "Most people are. So when did you realize Potions was your true calling? I decided Divination was mine in first year. Good thing too. I'm actually more knowledgeable about Divination than any my age and hope to become a Diviner when I reach eighty. Quite young." 

Eighty? Trelawney was crazy to wait that long! 

"You were in Hufflepuff, weren't you?" 

She nodded. "How did you guess?" she asked, perplexed. 

Severus shrugged, not answering Trelawney's question about when he started to like Potions. 

"Well I guess we can end our session today," Trelawney said. "We'll do another one on, let's say, Wednesday night." 

Before Severus could protest or agree, Trelawney had gotten up and headed to the castle, waving at someone looking out from a window. Dumbledore came out as she went in. 

It hadn't been that bad, Severus decided. But how could Trelawney stick with Divination if she had no hope of getting anywhere with it until she was eighty or hundred? 

"How did it go?" Dumbledore asked. 

"Are all Diviners Hufflepuffs?" Severus asked. 

"All the ones that I've heard of are," Dumbledore said as they walked back to the castle and to Severus's rooms. 

Severus took a shower, using the Potion for his hair, and then laid in his bed, thinking. 

Was he almost a Dark Wizard like Dumbledore had said? Had his retaliations for the Marauder's pranks been out of bounds? Why was he so obsessed with not making mistakes in his classroom? And why wouldn't he talk to anyone about himself? Not even Dumbledore knew anything personal about him. 

Severus slipped into sleep. Glad to have normal dreams for a change. He wanted to remember his past, if that was what he was doing, but he had too many things to think about already. 

*************************************************** 

Dumbledore went into Severus's bedroom after he heard the water turn off and found him, fast asleep. 

It was dinner time, but Dumbledore didn't want to wake him. Deciding to give him another hour, Dumbledore sat in the only upholstered chair in Severus's bedroom and waited, watching Severus sleep and hoping that things worked out. 


	6. Chapter 6: Daily Prophets

Disclaimer: I claim nothing herein as my own. 

Leandra: Jacenty is a Slavic name so it is actually pronounced yah-SEN-tee. And Jacek is YAH-sek. But for the purpose of this story the names are pronounced: Jacenty (jay-SEN-tee) and Jacek (JAY-sek). 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Harry had given up trying to convince Hermione that it was impossible for a Memory Charm to have been placed on Snape. Especially since he was beginning to wonder if she could be right. Hermione had read up on them, quite in depth, and Lupin had even given her permission to get into the Restricted Section of the library and look around for books on Memory Charms, and she did seem to know what she was talking about. 

"But Dumbledore said that one couldn't have been placed on him," Lupin argued, his voice not carrying any conviction to it whatsoever. 

Harry grinned at Hermione. Lupin was coming around too. 

Hermione shook her head. "Dumbledore also doesn't have the time to thoroughly research Memory Charms like I do," she said hurriedly before anyone could ask her when she had the time. She was Prefect now and still doing loads of homework every night. "It's not likely, I'll admit that," Hermione sighed. "Memory Charms are very tricky. Too strong of a charm and the person's memory is affected..." 

"Like Bertha Jorkins," Harry added in. 

"Yes," Hermione nodded. "But if it wasn't strong enough then the memory would have, in a sense, leaked back into Snape's brain when he was still a child and he, more than likely, would have just forgotten about it by now." 

"That's a pretty small chance of one working then," Sirius said, glancing at Hermione skeptically. "And who would put a Memory Charm on a three-year-old?" 

Hermione shrugged. "Who said it had to happen when he was three?" 

"That's what Dumbledore said," Lupin stated. Both he and Harry had agreed not to tell anyone, yet, about Snape's being abandoned in Knockturn Alley when he was three. "Dumbledore said that Snape's whereabouts are accounted for after that and Dumbledore would know if a Memory Charm on been used on him." 

"I still say it's possible," Hermione defended. 

"You just don't want him going insane," Sirius objected. "There is no proof that you're correct." 

Hermione's nose flared and her mouth hardened. "And there's no proof that I'm wrong either." 

Harry kept quite, aware of how shaken Hermione had been after seeing Snape tortured. Even Ron hadn't uttered a single nasty word about Snape since that incident. This was probably just a carryover of that. Hermione was protecting herself from the possible truth by searching for alternatives. But there was a chance she was right and Harry wasn't about to discount her idea. 

"Has anyone asked Snape if he's remembering things?" Harry asked. 

Lupin shook his head. "Harry, I doubt Severus would admit it if he was. Not even Dumbledore knows much about him. He's an extremely private person. We'll just have to watch him and see what's going on with him. Spy on him." 

Harry didn't like it, but that was the only thing they could do. Watch Snape and see if he was going insane or if he was remembering things. Or, maybe nothing was going on with him. Maybe he was just tired and sore right now and would be back to normal in a few weeks. Harry silently hoped so. 

"I could spy on him tomorrow," Sirius volunteered, grinning. "I haven't spied on anyone since I was a student. It'll be fun. Besides," he sighed, "there's nothing else to do around here. Not to be rude, Moony, but being around you all day is rather boring." 

Lupin snorted. "Thanks." 

"Good luck on your match tomorrow, Harry," Sirius said and the conversation turned to Quidditch, homework, and Lupin's upcoming transformation. 

***************************************************************** 

Dumbledore started as he realized he had let Severus sleep an extra three hours instead of just the one. He must have fallen asleep himself while he waited. 

"Severus?" Dumbledore gently called, not wanting to startle him. 

"What?" Severus mumbled as he sat up and stared at Dumbledore groggily. 

Dumbledore immediately noticed Severus's hair. It wasn't greasy. Strange, considering Severus's hair could be half damp from a shampoo and still be greasy. 

"Your hair's not greasy," Dumbledore said, surprised. 

Severus ran a hand through it, his eyes growing wide, as he felt it for several more seconds. "It worked!?" he said, barely audible. 

"What worked?" Dumbledore asked, confused. 

"The potion that.... Nothing. Just a new shampoo," Severus said nonchalantly, shrugging, though his face was doing its best not to look excited. "Just a shampoo I picked up. One finally worked," he added as he got off his bed and made his way to his bathroom. 

Severus locked the door, leaving Dumbledore suspicious. The potion? What potion? Was it the one they had just made? Dumbledore went into the living area and looked over the ingredients for the potion they had just made. Potions had never been his strong suit but he did realize that this potion could be used for greasy hair, though whoever had come up with it had to have been inventive. Most of the ingredients were never used for putting on the body, though they weren't dangerous. 

************************************************************************ 

Severus stared in the mirror, his eyes fixed on his ungreasy black hair. If that potion had worked, then the dreams he was having had to be true. And if they were true than he had had parents that had actually wanted him. A father and a mother. 

His mother. She had been in a Daily Prophet. He had to find that Daily Prophet and see if any other news was ever reported about her. The Hogwarts Library had all the Daily Prophets ever printed in bound volumes so looking through them wouldn't be a problem. He roughly even knew the years he would have to look through. 

Tomorrow. He could ask Madam Pomfrey to let him stay in the library during the morning. Surely she would agree to that if Madam Pince would be there to keep on eye on him. 

Severus wandered into his living area and ate the meal that Dumbledore had set up, with help from the house-elves, barely noticing anything. He wanted to go to the library tonight but he doubted if Dumbledore would allow that. 

"Hagrid is watching you tonight," Dumbledore said as he sipped at his tea, watching Severus out of the corner of his eyes. 

Severus absently nodded his head, rather pleased with that arrangement. Hagrid would keep to himself and leave Severus alone, something that Lupin didn't seem to be able to do. 

"And tomorrow, after classes," Dumbledore continued, "Filch will be watching you with two seventh year Slytherins. Are you going to go to the match between Gryffindor and Slytherin?" 

Severus nodded his head. "Yes." 

"Good," Dumbledore smiled. "I'm sure the Slytherins will appreciate that. Many of them are very worried about you and seeing you out and about would be very beneficial to them." 

Severus smiled a tiny bit. He knew which Slytherins Dumbledore was referring to: Draco, Millicent, Pansy, and a few others like that. 

"I don't suppose I can go to bed now?" Severus asked. 

Dumbledore shrugged. "Sure." 

Excusing himself, Severus went back into his rooms. 

***************************************************** 

Dumbledore looked at the closed door and sighed, feeling very weary all of a sudden. Trelawney had admitted that Severus had not opened up to her, at all, during their counseling session, though Trelawney hadn't seemed worried about that. It had taken her two sessions to get Harry to trust her enough to open up and Severus, she said, would be much worse, having had many more years of being alone than Harry. She wasn't worried and encouraged Dumbledore not to be either. But Dumbledore couldn't help it. 

Musing over his thoughts, Dumbledore was startled as someone knocked on the door. Glancing up, he went to answer it, to find Hagrid and Fang there and ready to take over. Dumbledore didn't want to leave quite yet. 

"I'll check on him," Dumbledore said as Hagrid settled himself on the couch Dumbledore had enlarged for him. 

Hagrid nodded and grinned. "Don' hurry any on my account." 

Dumbledore pushed open the door to find a small candle still flickering on Severus's desk. Severus was sitting at it, sleeping with his head on an open book and his hand still holding a colored silver pencil. 

Curious, Dumbledore moved closer, barely very quiet, to find that Severus had been sketching a man and woman, both dressed in very elaborate robes of green and silver. Given their unfinished state Severus must have just started on them this evening. 

Not feeling like he should have invaded Severus's privacy like this, Dumbledore gently blew out the candle and then silently retreated out the door, aware that the slightest noise might wake Severus up. He had been harder to wake since Karkaroff's surprise but any day now Severus would return to being a very light sleeper that could be woken up with to hard of a footfall. 

************************************************************* 

"Off!" Severus declared as he scrambled onto his parent's bed and glared at his father. 

Cezar glanced at him and then went back to reading his book. 

"I said off!" Severus told him, standing up, his hands on his hips. 

Cezar peered at him over his book and nudged his sleeping wife. "Jacenty has come to rescue you from your big bad husband." 

Vasya rolled over, blinking away sleep as she sat up. "Really?" she asked tiredly. 

Severus nodded his head and grabbed his father's foot, trying to tug him off the bed. "Mommy is going to marry me," Severus said, pulling, at least he was trying to pull. "And you have to go stay in my room from now on. You're the baby now." 

"I'm a bit big to be a baby, Jacenty," Cezar said, easily moving his foot out of Severus's hands. 

Severus moved to his side and tried to shove his father off but Cezar wouldn't move. He only went back to reading his book. Severus looked hopelessly at his mother, trying to get her to help with his pleading eyes and face. Vasya shrugged her shoulders and they both started to shove their bodies against Cezar's, to get him off the bed. But Cezar wasn't moving and adult Severus wondered about that. How heavy was his father? 

"So," Cezar growled, "you're both against me, eh?" 

Severus screamed happily as his father, faster that Severus thought someone his size could move, attacked them both. All three of them landed on the floor, wrestling with each other, and Cezar was winning easily. Severus screamed and giggled as both of his parents turned on him. As Severus looked up at his parent's faces, to see them smiling at him, Severus blushed though his child self didn't. They really liked him. 

Severus jerked awake, shaking his head, and quickly closed his sketchbook he had fallen asleep on before anyone could see it. Putting his sketchbook in a drawer and charming that door closed, Severus ran a hand through his hair, enjoying the feel of it. Today he would look through the Daily Prophets to see if he could find out anything about his mother. 

********************************************************* 

Madam Pomfrey and Madam Pince readily agreed to what Severus had asked, though they would only allow it during the morning, and Severus found himself sitting at a table with a stack of bound Daily Prophets next to him. He quickly found his mother. But who was the little girl they had found next to her? 

Putting a piece of parchment over the page, Severus took out a copy stick and ran it lengthwise down the page. The writing quickly appeared on his parchment and he set that aside as he flipped through the rest of the year's Daily Prophet's. This part, seeing if there was any other mention of his mother, was going to be very slow. He just hoped there was some other mention of her. 

Four hours later and after four more volumes, there was an obscure mention of his mother. Since she and the little girl had not been identified their bodies had been thrown into Saint Mungo's 'Awaiting Identification' room. And four years later the little girl had been found to be a transfigured piece of concrete and not a real human. Anything transfigured into a human or any other sentient being was perfect in every way but one; they were always dead, though no one knew why. Severus sat back, staring at the obscure article that barely took up a small block of text. His mother must have done that to make anyone think that the girl was her daughter, the 'daughter' she had saved that day. But why would his mother have had to do that? 

Severus rubbed his head. Hopefully during one of his dreams he would remember exactly why his parents had been murdered. 

Severus copied this article too and then stuffed them into his robe, not wanting anyone to see what he had been up to, closed all the books and reshelved them. 

"It's lunch time and then back to Madam Pomfrey's," Madam Pince said, her voice allowing no argument. 

************************************************** 

Sirius, once he was alone, took the two volumes off the shelf that Snape had made copies from and did the same himself. Strange thing for Snape to be interested in considering Snape would have only been three when the woman had died. Shrugging, Sirius pocketed his pieces of parchment and went to spy on Snape some more. 

He had been wrong about spying being fun though. Being around Snape was even more boring than being around Lupin. At least with Lupin, Sirius could play little pranks on the students while Lupin taught and watch Lupin try to keep a straight face. Sirius had nothing to amuse himself around Snape with and being in the same room as someone he detested was not enjoyable either. But at least Snape wasn't acting like the slimy grease-ball he normally acted like. 

*************************************************** 

Remus tiredly rubbed his forehead while everyone gathered into his rooms. Even Ginny was here this time. His transformation was tomorrow, and as usual, he had a pretty nasty headache growing. Sirius offered him a pain relieving draught and Remus drank it, enjoying the almost immediate relief. 

"Thanks," Remus said. 

"Took it from Madam Pomfrey's," Sirius admitted. "Well, I did find something interesting," Sirius said as he pulled out two pieces of parchment. "Don't know what it means though." 

Remus scanned the articles, his body stiffening as he did so. "Knockturn Alley," he muttered. "The girl not real and aged three. Occurred when Severus was three." 

Harry looked at him, his own face showing understanding. "Snape's mum?" 

"What?" Sirius asked around a mouthful of candy. 

Ron, Ginny, and Hermione were looking at Harry and Remus suspiciously. 

"Snape," Harry said, as Remus nodded, "was abandoned in Knockturn Alley when he was three." 

Sirius choked, spitting some candy out. "What?! But Snape was constantly going on about his family when he was a student. He had a family right?" he asked, sounding slightly hopeful. 

Remus shook his head. "No. Raised in the Orphanage until he got kicked out when he was nine, according to Dumbledore. He never had a family. Lived on the streets until he came to Hogwarts." 

Sirius's face was white. "That can't be true," he protested, almost in a whisper. "He was always going on about his family." 

"I guess he just didn't want anyone to think he had been abandoned," Remus said gently, aware of why Sirius was looking sick. 

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny looked pretty shaken about the news too. 

"He was abandoned?" Ginny asked, horrified. 

"He had to live on the streets of Knockturn Alley?" Ron asked. "But dad says that place is horrible. People are always getting killed there." 

Remus let the news sink in, noticing how guilty Sirius started to look. 

"Oh, no," Sirius muttered, dropping his face into his hands. 

"What?" Harry asked, confused. "What's wrong?" 

Sirius looked up, his face miserable. "I used to joke, got a ton of laughs, that Snape's parents would have wanted to throw him out with the trash if they had ever gotten the chance. Either that or visit Knockturn Alley and conveniently forget about him." 

Harry sat back, looking tired. "You're kidding?" 

"No," Remus said, sadly. "I can't imagine how much that must of hurt him." 

Sirius stared at the table. "I wouldn't have said it if I had known. I thought he had a family. He was constantly talking about them. He even said he had a brother and a sister and would rub my face in it since I'm an only child. Does he have siblings?" 

Remus shrugged. "None have been mentioned. I doubt it." 

Sirius shook his head. "I don't believe this. It was just a joke. It wasn't supposed to be something that had actually happened. He said he had a family." 

Remus put a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "Let's think about the article, Sirius. The paper," Remus said, taking the parchment, "says that the woman had been hit with several curses and died from the effects. They assume it was because someone robbed her, though she was wearing rags and looking penniless so maybe someone just wanted to kill her. Maybe she hid Severus to protect him from whoever was after her?" 

Hermione took the paper from him, looking at it. "But why would she transfigure concrete into a girl, instead of a boy. That makes no sense." 

"Maybe she was too hurt to realize it was a girl and not a boy?" Ginny theorized. 

"Snape was muttering a name while he looked through them," Sirius said, still looking disgusted with himself. "Vasya?" 

"Vasya," Remus muttered and then grabbed a quill and wrote down a list of names. "Severus told Draco to write these names down the other day. Vasya, Illyana, Cezar, and... and... Jacenty." 

"Those aren't English names," Hermione said. 

Remus grabbed the parchment with the article on it. "In the hopes of identifying the woman the article mentions that the woman and the girl looked Slavic." 

"Viktor Krum," Hermione suddenly said. "He had sallow-skin, a large curved nose, black hair, and was very thin. Just like Snape!" 

"You think Snape and Krum are related?" Ron asked, skeptically, and a little darkly at the mention of the boy that Hermione had visited during the summer. 

"No," Hermione snapped, noticing Ron's tone. "But Viktor was Bulgarian, a Slavic country." 

"Maybe Snape is remembering something," Ginny said, "and is trying to find out what it means. But why would she put a Memory Charm on Snape just because she was being robbed or something? Did she have a wand?" 

Remus nodded his head looked at the article again. "Her wand was apparently of very good craftsmanship too and was confiscated because the authorities figured that someone in the kind of clothes she was wearing had to have stolen it." 

"We need to spy on Snape some more," Harry decided. "That's the only way we are going to find out anything else." 

"Sure," Sirius said, sounding weary. 

"I better go get ready for my game," Harry grinned and left with the others trailing behind him, leaving Remus and Sirius alone. 

"I can't believe I teased Snape about being abandoned," Sirius said, his head falling back into his hands. "I didn't mean anything by it. I thought he had family. He said he did." 

Remus squeezed Sirius's shoulder. "We were all just kids back then, Sirius. You didn't know." 

Sirius sighed. "No, I didn't know," he allowed. 

"Severus has been taking care of himself his whole life," Remus muttered. "He's really good at it." 

And Remus knew that was the main problem with Severus. He, Dumbledore, and a few others wanted to be Severus's friend but Severus wasn't used to having one. Remus just hoped that eventually Severus would learn to trust them and let them in. But Remus couldn't blame Severus if he never did. 

Remus looked down at the two articles and wondered what they said to Severus. Did he know, for a fact, that was his mum? Did Severus know why she had been killed? Hopefully, with Sirius spying, they would know the answers soon. 

**************************************************** 

Draco was determined to win this match against Gryffindor. Snape never really cared if they lost a game, he enjoyed it if they won, but he never got angry if they lost so none of the team felt much pressure from him. It was their captain that was obsessed with winning but everyone pretty much ignored him. But this time, everyone was listening to the captain. They wanted to win. 

When the game finally started, Draco concentrated on the Snitch and on Potter and nothing else, relying on the Beaters to take care of the Bludgers. Potter was doing the same. 

As the game progressed and an hour went by and no Snitch was seen, Draco glanced at Potter. He also looked fairly bored. None of their games had lasted this long without the Snitch at least being spotted once, if not caught. 

In the lull of activity Draco glanced over the Slytherin side and noticed Filch was there, in the front row, but no Snape. Disappointed, Draco was about to fly away when he noticed Filch shaking his head and moving back to leave and then moving forward to stay and then moving back again. Draco flew near him, searching for the Snitch with his eyes, and drew up level with him. 

"Where's Snape?" Draco asked, scanning around for the Snitch. "And what's wrong?" 

"Rooms," Filch said rather strangely. "He's in his rooms. I hope. I left. I had to leave. I... I didn't want to. But I had to leave. I wanted to stay. But I had to leave..." 

Draco snapped his head around, taking his wand out. "_Finite Incantatem_," he spat, his heart twisting as he realized Filch was under the Imperius Curse and trying to fight it. "Whose watching Snape?" he asked, hoping it had worked. 

Filch's eyes cleared, enough at least. "Two seventh year Slytherins," he said. "Robertson and Morton." 

Draco froze. Children of Death Eaters and very loyal ones at that. They had often been to the Malfoy mansion this summer, pining away for something to prove their worth to their Dark Lord with. Draco had envied them. One more year, instead of Draco's three, and they would get to join the Dark Lord. Now the thought just made Draco sick. 

Draco shot towards the castle, zooming past Potter. "Get Dumbledore!" he yelled at him as he left the stadium, ignoring McGonagall screaming at him to get back. She was then screaming at Potter to get back. 

It was against the rules, but Draco kept on his broom as he headed down to the dungeons and then crashed into Snape's room, breaking the door down and looking around as he picked himself up. Snape wasn't there. 

But a bottle of something was. Draco hurried to it and sniffed it; a strong minty smell. A mind-ensnaring potion! Draco went into Snape's bedroom and saw a tall glass, barely anything left in it, on Snape's desk. They had mixed the potion in with a mint shake. Snape would never be able to detect the mind-ensnaring potion in that thing. 

Angry, Draco picked up the glass and threw it at the bathroom door. Where were they! They had an hours lead already! 

"Draco!" Dumbledore yelled from the front room. 

"It's a mind-ensnaring potion," Draco called as he rushed to meet him. "They put it in a mint shake so Snape couldn't tell. They've had an hour's lead already!" 

Dumbledore was white but he started to issue orders immediately. "Harry, get the map. Conjure it. See if you can see Severus on it," Potter nodded his head and concentrated on exactly where his map was. 

"Why wouldn't they just use the Imperious Curse?" Lupin asked. 

Dumbledore shook his head. "Severus can fight that easily and they are only students. Filch, whose only a Squib, was able to fight their Curse. This mind-ensnaring potion, from the smell of it, was very strong. My guess is that Voldemort made it himself and not the students. This bottle looks like some he used during his last reign," Dumbledore picked it up and smashed it on the ground. "I didn't count on this! I thought I could trust the students." 

Potter suddenly had the map in his hands and scanned it. "He's not on it. But it only goes to a certain point out. How far away do you have to be to Apparate?" Potter asked. 

"Morton and Robertson can't Apparate," Draco said firmly. 

"They may just be taking him to someone that can," Lupin gently said. 

Draco bit his lip. He shouldn't have trusted anyone else to watch Snape. Or else seen to the watching assignments himself and picked the people out. Stupid, idiotic, Gryffindors. 

Dumbledore's eyes hardened. "Get Fang and get Snuffles. Draco bring something from Morton and Robertson and we'll have the dogs sniff it. They both can track." 

Draco didn't see what good this was going to do, Snape had probably already been Apparated to the Dark Lord, but Draco did what he was told. 

In Snape's rooms, both Fang and Snuffles thoroughly sniffed the pillows that Draco had brought, and one of Snape's, and then bounded away. 

The students were being kept on the Quidditch field, to keep them out of the way, so the dogs had no trouble following the scent, though Draco's heart was failing fast as they left the castle. It was very doubtful they were going to find Snape but at least they knew who had took him and could question Morton and Robertson when they returned. 


	7. Chapter 7: Cards

Disclaimer: I claim nothing herein as my own. 

Author's Note: Thanks for the great reviews! 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Hagrid and Filch joined the search party but Draco had lost any hope of finding Snape. The dog Snuffles, Fang had chickened out, was heading down a narrow cliff side towards a bay. Dumbledore was first (after the dog), followed by Hagrid, and then Draco. Lupin should have been before him but strangely, Lupin had let him go first, which Draco was very glad of. 

"You can Apparate at the end of the bay," Dumbledore said. "But you have to have a boat and there aren't any around. They shouldn't have made it to there by now." 

Draco momentarily froze as he remembered Robertson showing him a small boat that he had received that morning by owl. Draco had wondered why someone would have sent Robertson a toy. 

"They have a boat," Draco muttered. "Robertson got it this morning by owl." 

Hagrid cursed, as did Filch from somewhere from behind. 

Snuffles started to bark. 

Draco tried to peer around Hagrid's massive bulk but he couldn't see a thing and Draco wasn't about to lean over far enough to see or he would topple down the cliff side. 

"What is it?" Draco yelled. 

"The boat," Dumbledore yelled back. "It's been destroyed. There are three bodies near it. A storm?" 

Draco forced himself not to shove Hagrid off the cliff as he waited for the group to safely make it down, his heart pounding and his throat dry. 

"Snuffles is down there and just woke one of them up," Dumbledore reported. "I think that one's Severus. Yes, that's Severus. He's acting very tipsy." 

Draco nodded his head. Mind-ensnaring potions did that. 

"Hurry up!" Draco snarled. 

"I am, Draco," Dumbledore calmly told him. 

Once they were on level ground, Draco darted around Hagrid and raced across the rocky coast, ignoring his bruised knees as he kept slipping and falling. He had to make sure Snape was okay. Snuffles had his teeth sunk into Snape's sleeve robe as Snape kept trying to get into the water. 

"The dog won't let me go swimming," he slurred, tugging on his sleeve. 

Draco grabbed his other arm, afraid he would disappear on him. "You can't go swimming. It's too dangerous." 

"Oh!" Snape said as he suddenly sat down, dragging Draco with him. 

Draco, with a firm grip on Snape, looked around at what had happened. Robertson and Morton were laying together, soaking wet, and unconscious. The boat was in splinters beside them. A storm? But, then, why was Snape completely dry? 

And, as Draco looked around, he could see no evidence that it had been raining and the bay and ocean beyond looked calm and there were no clouds. 

Dumbledore and the rest were carefully making their way across the rocky shore and Draco glared at Potter. Why was Potter always included on everything? He had no right coming down with them. In fact, Lupin and Hagrid had no right either. None of them even liked Snape. But Lupin had been nice to Draco in letting him go before him down the cliff. 

"Is he okay?" Potter called, actually sounding worried. 

Draco glanced up at Snape who was watching the bay with awe. Sighing, Draco decided to answer. 

"He's out of it," Draco said, grudgingly. "He'll be like this for the rest of the day." 

Dumbledore dropped down beside Snape and quickly checked him over. "He's fine," Dumbledore said. "He's not even wet. How are Robertson and Morton?" 

Hagrid and Lupin had stopped by the two of them, after hearing that Snape was fine. 

"They're alive," Lupin said, shaking his head. "What happened?" 

"Maybe Snape rescued himself?" Potter ventured. "Does he have his wand?" 

"Professor Snape?" Draco asked. "Sir? Where is your wand?" 

Snape waved a hand at Robertson and Morton. "Jeffrey has my wand. He wanted to play with it. I let him." 

Draco glanced at Jeffrey Morton. "Does he have it?" 

Lupin searched him. "I can't find.... Wait.... Is that them?" he asked, pointing to some splinters that had two strings of unicorn hair on them and a bit of dragon heart string and something else that Draco couldn't identify. 

Dumbledore knelt beside the pile. "Yes, two wands. But... where's Snape's?" 

Snuffles snarled, his hair standing on end, as he backed away from a wand that was laying beside Snape. 

Draco glanced at the dog oddly. Why was he so nervous about a wand? 

"Was that there before?" Dumbledore asked. 

Draco shrugged his shoulders and realized that Dumbledore hadn't been asking him. He had been asking the dog. The dog shook its head. 

Dumbledore looked around the shore nervously. "Get the kids, Hagrid. Carry them to Poppy's and have Minerva contact their parents. Harry and Remus, tell Harriet Hooch to let the kids out of the Quidditch field after twenty minutes. Filch, Draco, get Snape back to his rooms and don't let him out of your sight. Snuffles, go with them." 

Draco and Filch managed to drag Snape to his feet but he didn't want to go anywhere. He just wanted to sit there and watch the water. 

"Professor," Draco said carefully. "We have to go back to the castle. You want to go to the castle, don't you? There's some warm bread and soup waiting for you. And a nice warm fire...." 

Snape jerked out of their hold. "I don't like fire..." he muttered. "It burns people up," he said, rubbing his chest. "It hurts. Fire hurts." 

Draco glanced at Filch. "Okay. Water. Water is nice. There is a pond with a squid in it. Nice cold water." 

"Water is nice," Snape said, his voice slurred. 

Draco nodded his head, and extended upon the virtues of the pond as he and Filch carefully lead him up the narrow path. Snuffles was behind Filch and Draco wondered about that dog. How could he have understood Dumbledore well enough to answer him? Or did he? Maybe Draco was giving the dog to much credit. 

"You're good at this," Filch said, glancing at Draco as they reached the top of the cliff and headed towards the castle. 

"I've read a lot about mind-ensnaring potions," Draco admitted. "Professor, we are going to go to your rooms instead," he said softly. "Your bedroom has a nice bed in it for you to sleep on on. You want to sleep, don't you? You're tired." 

Snape nodded his head, trying to clear his mind by shaking it, but the potion was much too strong for that. Draco was rather surprised Snape was still conscious. 

"What happened down there?" Draco asked, confused. "I don't understand," he muttered as they entered the castle and headed, quickly, to Snape's rooms, before the students were set loose from the Quidditch field. 

Filch shrugged. "Maybe another Death Eater didn't like what they were doing," he theorized. "Dumbledore probably does have other spies, I'm assuming, at least." 

"But wouldn't they have told him about the attempt to kidnap Snape in the first place?" Draco asked as Filch opened Snape's room door. 

"Unless they didn't find out until the last minute," Filch said, stopping. "You better wait here while I put Snape into bed." 

Draco nodded his head, not liking being away from Snape, even for a few minutes. 

Draco folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the closed bedroom door, keeping an eye out for anyone. Snuffles sat beside him, alert. 

Filch opened the door and Draco fell backwards a little before he righted himself. Turning, Draco noticed how pale Filch was. 

"What?" 

"I found out why Snape hates fire," he said hoarsely. "He has burns all over his back and chest." 

Draco darted around Filch, the dog following, Snape was sound asleep, and on his back so Draco gently pushed up Snape's shirt. Draco stared at the burns. Snape had never liked fire much. He usually put it out when he came into the Slytherin common room and it was a very rare occurrence to find a fire going in his office and now Draco knew why. Carefully pulling the shirt down, Draco turned to the dog, who looked about as sad as Draco felt. 

"That guy never told me about these burns," Draco muttered. "He told me about the knife wound that he took care of though," he said. 

The dog cocked its head to the side, listening. Draco stared at the intelligent eyes of the dog and decided to share the story. The dog may be able to understand human speech, sort of, but he couldn't talk and therefore he could tell no one about what Draco was going to say. Draco shut the door, Filch was sitting at the table, looking sick and didn't notice. 

"After Snape was kicked out of the orphanage," Draco didn't need to clarify since he was only talking to a dog. "He lived under the store of this old man who sold stuff on the Dark Arts. And when Snape was nine, he got stabbed and the man took care of him for a week while he was too ill to do it. Snape doesn't remember it, though and the man isn't about to tell him." 

The dog looked confused and Draco shrugged. "I don't know why the guy doesn't want Snape to know," he said, looking over at Snape. "I think the guy's ashamed. He was too poor to take care of Snape much. He could afford to occasionally give Snape food and a blanket or robe, which he would leave in his trash, but for the most part he couldn't help him any. Probably afraid to get Snape dependent on him. Afraid he would get killed by the Dark Lord or killed by the Ministry and then Snape would be on his own again," Draco sighed. "I never really thought much about what he had told me. It never seemed relevant. I'm glad my parents are rich," Draco decided. "I have a ton of money put aside for myself in case something happens to them. I'll never be in want," Draco said, shuddering. "And Ron Weasley thinks he's poor. He's never gone hungry and he even has a bed. Snape never had one until he went to Hogwarts," the dog looked away, its head lowered, and Draco patted it. 

Draco went back to Snape's bed and carefully moved his shirt down, to show no skin, and then put a blanket over him to keep him warm. 

"Don't worry," Draco said. "I won't tell anyone about the burns," he told the sleeping man. 

Picking a book on potions off the bookshelf, Draco opened the bedroom door and settled himself in the chair, in the bedroom, to read. He had a clear view of the front door this way. Snuffles laid down by his chair. 

Looking up, Draco frowned. Was that weeping? It was an extremely faint sound. Snuffles had his head cocked and was staring at the bed. Worried, Draco put his book down and crept to Snape, but he was sound asleep. The sound ceased. 

Draco shook his head and went back to the chair to read. 

It wasn't long before Dumbledore, Lupin, Hagrid, Potter, two Weasley's, and Granger came in. Draco moaned. Great. Potter and his gang were here. 

"Potter and his cronies," Draco spat out, looking at the dog. "And Lupin," he said, though the name wasn't said with as much venom as it normally was. At least Lupin seemed to know when to back away. 

Lupin came into the room, glanced at Snape, and then at the dog. He finally looked at Draco. "We have decided that it would be best if you made up the schedules on who is allowed to watch Severus. You seem to know, better than any of us could, on who is to be trusted and who is not." 

Draco glanced beyond him. Potter and company did not look happy, one bit, about this news and nor did Hagrid. Dumbledore looked disgusted with himself. 

"Whose idea is this?" Draco asked suspiciously, knowing none of them liked him. 

"Lupin's," Ron Weasley said, sounding annoyed. 

"He mentioned that we should allow you to have input before but I didn't allow it," Dumbledore said, his voice heavy. "I thought I could make the right decision on who we can trust but I was wrong." 

Draco glanced at Lupin, not knowing what to make of Dumbledore's self-pity or Lupin's trust in him. 

"Thank you," Draco muttered, blushing as he recalled all the insults he had hurled at Lupin. "I'll work on it tonight." 

"These are our schedules," Dumbledore said, handing him several sheets of parchment. "Who can you trust in Slytherin?" 

Draco looked through the sheets. Lupin's, Hagrid's, Filch's, McGonagall's, Dumbledore's, Potter's (Draco winced at seeing this), Granger's, both Weasley's, and Flitwick's. "I.... I don't know all the Death Eater's children. Even my father never knew half the Death Eaters, if that many. And... not all the Death Eaters are from Slytherin. Of course no one believes that anyone that isn't from Slytherin could possible be a Death Eater so no one suspects them." 

Lupin nodded his head. "I know, Draco. I know of at least one person from Gryffindor that was a Death Eater." 

Draco hid his self-satisfied smirk. So, the Gryffindor's were as perfect as they pretended to be. 

"How can we trust anyone, then?" Potter asked. 

"Only use the people in those lists, then, Draco," Dumbledore advised. "Some of us just may have double duty." 

"I can do it quite often," Granger piped in. "I can do my homework in here." 

"The House Elves can take over some of my chores," Filch said. 

"And there's Snuffles," Potter said. "He's a very good candidate." 

Snuffles nodded his head. 

"A dog?" Draco asked. 

"He's very intelligent," Dumbledore said. 

Draco looked down at the dog who was staring at him. "Okay, the dog is included. I better work on this list," Draco said as he went to Snape's desk and began to make a schedule out, hoping everyone would leave as he did so. 

From the sound of it, everyone did, but Snuffles (who was still in the room with Draco) and Dumbledore. 

Dumbledore walked into the bedroom and sat in the chair Draco had vacated. He watched Snape sleep for awhile. Ignoring him, Draco worked on the schedule. Lupin couldn't do it tomorrow or Wednesday because of the full moon. He would still be weak on Thursday but.... Why was he doing this? If Dumbledore was only going to trust the people on this short list then he could do the assignment himself. But this way, Draco could assign himself to watch Snape the most. Deciding not to point out the obvious to Dumbledore, Draco continued on with the schedule. Their next Quidditch match wasn't until after the holidays and Draco would just excuse himself from practice until Snape was better, so he would be able to watch Snape every day after classes. But who would he get to watch Snape with him? Filch was okay, Snuffles would work but he still needed an adult. Lupin? He would work. Potter and his cronies were not going to be used. Draco guessed he had to use Dumbledore and McGonagall and Flitwick and Hagrid. 

Sighing, Draco assigned a different adult every day for a week so he could see which one he could tolerate the most and that one would be used more the following week. 

Hearing the weeping again, Draco spun around to check on Snape. He was still sleeping. 

"What is that?" Dumbledore asked. 

Draco shrugged. "I heard it before..." and then it stopped, as it someone had put a hand over their mouth. 

"Is someone here?" Draco asked nervously. "In an invisibility cloak?" 

Dumbledore pulled out a piece of parchment, the same one Potter had had earlier, and shook his head. "No. Everyone is accounted for. Are you sure it's not Severus?" 

Draco looked at Snape. "I don't think so. It might be but I doubt it," Draco put the quill down and turned to Dumbledore. "What are you going to do to Robertson and Morton and what happened down there?" 

"Robertson and Morton are being transferred to Durmstrang. I wanted them expelled but I have no proof that they were taking Severus to Voldemort and Fudge won't listen to me. But I do have the power to exchange students if I wish. And I don't know what happened down there, Draco," Dumbledore said. "Severus may have done it somehow. When he wakes up, he won't remember anything, though, so we may never know. Maybe Filch is right and it was another Death Eater. I don't know. When Robertson and Morton woke up they were both shaking. They said that a storm suddenly came on them, Morton said it came out of the water and surrounded them, and admist the roaring, the water, and the wind, they both were thrown out of the boat and lost consciousness. Morton couldn't remember if Snape had his wand or not. He might have. Snape's a very good..." he stopped talking and looked like he was about to change what he had just said. 

"Pickpocket," Draco finished for him. "I know." 

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "Is there anything about Severus you don't know?" 

Draco looked at Snape. He didn't know where he got those burns from. "Not everything." 

"So Severus might have gotten his wand back and used it. But how did he destroy those other wands? Those wands weren't just snapped in two they were shredded and the damage to the boat? I find it hard to believe that the boat was that damaged and the kids managed to live through it," Dumbledore rubbed his forehead. "I don't understand what happened," Dumbledore stared at Draco. "I thought the Slytherins all liked Severus." 

Draco rolled his eyes. "Most of us do. But some of us are very ambitious. I've heard kids say that they would sell their parents to further their own ends and they weren't joking. I, and many others, draw the line at some point though. I wouldn't have cared if it was Potter, Robertson and Morton were taking to the Dark Lord. I probably wouldn't have told you about that either but Professor Snape... I like him. And I can't trust Crabbe or Goyle either. They would never hurt Professor Snape but if the Dark Lord told them to bring Snape to him because he had a present for Snape they would fall for it. That's why I stayed the entire night that one night. I didn't know which Slytherins I could trust. I still don't." 

Dumbledore gently smiled, looking quite tired. "From the way Severus talks about you all one would think none of you can do any wrong." 

Draco snorted in laughter, shaking his hand in memory. "We get punished plenty. I had to scrub the bathroom floor until it sparkled for trying to poison Longbottom's toad once. Blaise had to wash all our sheets, by himself and by hand in a cauldron, for going into the Forbidden Forest last year. And Pansy had to mend all the girl's Slytherin banners that hang in their room for trying to hex Potter off his broom once." 

"Why doesn't he take points off your house?" Dumbledore asked, an edge of his voice. 

Draco laughed. "That doesn't work anymore. No matter how many points we have or don't have at the end of the year we are still going to lose to Gryffindor. You always find a way to award Gryffindor just enough points to beat us. Taking points off my first year worked but it doesn't anymore. We're not stupid enough to believe points matter anymore now that Potter is here." 

"That's not true," Dumbledore protested. "If you behave well you will get the House cup." 

Draco laughed again. "You can't see it, can you! You favor Gryffindor just as bad as Snape favors Slytherin, you just won't admit it yourself." 

"That first year was a fluke," Dumbledore said, still trying to defend himself. 

Draco quit being amused. "A fluke? You didn't award Gryffindor any points until it had been decided Slytherin had the most. And then.... and then you award them just enough to beat us. And you've been doing that every year since then," Draco shook his head. "There's no point in trying to win points anymore. It's hopeless. Maybe, if we're lucky, one of us will die and then you'll award us the House Cup like you did for Hufflepuff. But that's the only way we are going to win." 

"Draco, that's not true," Dumbledore said quietly. 

"Yes, it is. You may have blinded yourself but you haven't blinded us." 

"I won't do it this year," Dumbledore said. 

Draco shook his head. "Until Potter does something heroic at the end of the year when the Dark Lord tries to kill him again. And you know he's going to." 

"It's not Harry's fault Voldemort is after him." 

"And it's not my fault he's not after me," Draco countered. "Maybe if he was you might have noticed I existed. And now if you will excuse me, I have a schedule to finish." 

Draco turned his attention back to the schedule and crossed out Dumbledore's name and put in Flitwick, feeling his face burn with emotion. He hadn't meant to scream at Dumbledore like that but the attention Potter got from him galled Draco. Dumbledore acted like there was no other kid as wonderful or as great as Potter around. According to Snape, James Potter had been treated the same way. It wasn't fair. 

Snuffles nudged Draco and looking down Draco noticed the dog was moving his head towards Dumbledore a little. Draco glanced up at him. Dumbledore was rubbing his head, his eyes closed, and he looked very old. 

"I'm sorry," Draco muttered, wondering why he felt compelled to apologize. 

"I'm sorry, too, Draco," Dumbledore said, smiling at little. "I guess I just never realized how unfair I've been. You are right I have been giving Gryffindor just enough points to win. I wanted Harry to enjoy his time at Hogwarts. He's had a hard life." 

"So have other people," Draco said, his eyes hard. "You have no idea what my childhood was like. And no, it wasn't bad. I was spoiled if anything but you didn't know that when I came. Potter may have had to sleep in a cupboard under the stairs but at least he was fed, clothed, and had a roof over his head, unlike some people in this room," he said, and Dumbledore's eyes flickered over to Snape. "I bet you didn't even notice him when he was student, did you? All you probably cared about was James Potter and his gang. The one child at Hogwarts who could have used some attention you ignored. Some Headmaster you are," Draco said, feeling angry again. 

Dumbledore suddenly got up and left the room, Snuffles hurried after him. Draco slumped in his chair, glancing over at Snape. He hadn't mean to hurt Dumbledore so much but it wasn't fair that he was always favoring kids just because they were in Gryffindor and ignoring the kids in Slytherin. Slytherins needed as much attention as the rest of the houses. But... Snape did the same. Just the opposite. Draco had always liked that but maybe he should talk to Snape about it. It wasn't really fair. Longbottom could definitely use some help, from someone. Longbottom? Draco shrugged and scribbled his name down. 

The weeping began again and Draco closed his eyes. Either it was Dumbledore or that weird noise again and Draco didn't have the heart to find out. 

"Draco?" Snape said sluggishly. 

Draco glanced over at him. "Go check on Dumbledore," Draco said quietly. "He's not feeling good." 

Snape opened his eyes a little further and sat up. Draco blinked. His hair! He hadn't noticed it before in the rush of things but Snape's hair wasn't greasy. Snape slid of the bed and teetered his way out the door. Draco smiled a tiny bit at his Head of House's unsteadiness. It was strange seeing Snape having trouble with his balance since he usually was one of those people that never seemed to make a wrong step. 

The dog wandered back in, looking at Draco with what Draco could swear was a looking full of reproaching. 

"Well," Draco snapped. "He deserved it." 

Snuffles seemed to shrug and went back into the living room. 

******************************************************************* 

Hearing a noise at the door, Dumbledore looked up to see Severus trying to make his way to him. Snuffles slunk in and hid in a corner to eavesdrop. 

Severus's eyes were barely open and he seemed ready to fall at every step but he made it to the couch and collapsed down on the other end. 

"Draco's mad at you," Severus said, yawning. "I heard him yelling at you. Why?" 

"Oh, it's nothing," Dumbledore said. "Difference of opinion," Dumbledore gently told him, aware that Severus probably couldn't understand anything right now. 

"He thinks you need to cut your beard off?" Severus asked, beginning to lean against the arm rest. 

"No," Dumbledore smiled. "He thinks I favor Gryffindor over..." 

"You do," Severus yawned, "everyone knows that." 

"Oh," Dumbledore muttered. "Severus," Dumbledore began, quite seriously, aware that while the mind-ensnaring potions were not truth serums they often caused the victim to speak the truth since their minds were too foggy to think up any lies, "when you were a student, how did I treat you?" 

Severus looked blank. "I was in Slytherin. You don't like Slytherins. I avoided you." 

Dumbledore closed his eyes. "I like Slytherins. I'm just worried about them. Voldemort came from Slytherin. Every time I see a Slytherin, the first thing that pops into my head is that they might be the next Dark Lord. Maybe I am a bit mean to them. And when you were a student, Voldemort was getting all his supporters from Slytherin and I couldn't risk being lenient with that house. I guess that is why I tolerated the Marauders when maybe I shouldn't have. They were a bright spot in an otherwise bleak present. They took my mind of things and allowed me to see that kids could still be kids even with a Dark Lord gaining power in the background." 

"You know before Robertson and Morton woke me up to see their boat I had a dream about my train ride here," Severus said. "It was weird. After all these years of hating Potter and Black I remembered how nice to me they had been on the train." 

Surprised, Dumbledore glanced at him. "They were nice to you?" 

"Yeah," Severus frowned. "I was late on the train, scared to death, and looked into their compartment. I backed away seeing people there and Potter said that the whole train was filled and that I could sit down with them. There were talking about Quidditch and I started to read a book, or pretended to. I could barely read when I first came to Hogwarts." 

"You couldn't?" Dumbledore asked, interrupting his story. "You couldn't read?" 

Severus shook his head, resting his head on the back of the couch, and sleepily blinked at Dumbledore. "No. Had to copy Nathan Lestrange's homework. He let me. I told him I didn't have time to do the homework, I don't know why no one caught us. Mine was exactly like his. He never minded." 

Dumbledore remembered subbing for a class once when Severus was a first year. His homework had been badly written, Dumbledore had just put that down to laziness or lack of proper practice. But his homework hadn't been like Nathan's. Nathan's homework had usually included examples, detailed examples, of how to use a certain thing on a person to get what you wanted from them. Severus's homework had been straight forward. 

"And he used to read books out loud while I followed along in mine. I think he was the only reason why I didn't fail that first year. He even let me copy his tests," Severus said. 

Dumbledore shut his eyes. "It sounds like he knew you couldn't read." 

"He might have," Severus said. "Nathan was an odd one. Never could tell what he was thinking." 

"A lot like you," Dumbledore softly said, kindly smiling at him. "What happened at the train again?" 

Severus put a hand on the arm rest and drew patterns with a finger. "When the snack lady came Black and Potter got a ton of food. Black then ate ten chocolate frogs faster than I thought possible. He looked through the cards he had gotten and then asked me if I collected the cards. I didn't know anything about cards in chocolate frog boxes and said "No, not yet." He then gave me all the cards and told me I could start my own collection with them. Potter handed me some candy then. I slowly ate some and put the rest in my pocket. Black noticed this and gave me quite a bit more, to eat. I don't know why I didn't remember that. I think there were the only reasons why I didn't leave the train to go back to the Alley. I figured if they were nice then Hogwarts had to be a nice place." 

"What happened?" Dumbledore asked, aware of Severus's mention of Knockturn Alley. If he could admit that under the influence of the mind-ensnaring potion, what else could Dumbledore get him to admit. Maybe he would actually find out some stuff about Severus now. "It sounds like the three of you could have been friends." 

"They played a prank on me the next day. Dyed my hair red. No big deal. But.. I was very embarrassed," Severus said quietly. Dumbledore moved over to sit next to him and nudged him to go on. "I was scared, worried about making a good impression, and having people laugh at me for having red hair was not something I could handle right then. I hexed Potter with boils and Black with painful skin lesions. I overreacted. But I was so scared I didn't know what else to do. And then Potter, no matter what he did, never got into trouble while I had to watch my every step. And Black and Potter never studied and got the highest grades while I had to study late at night to catch up on what I had missed while living in the Alley. It was hard and my hatred and resentment of them just spiraled out of control. I used to draw pictures of them being stuck with knifes, arrows, and being killed with Avada Kedevra curse. And I recognized them and was afraid of them telling on me." 

"Recognized them?" Dumbledore asked, worriedly. "What do you mean?" 

"I pickpocketed them," Severus said. "They went into Knockturn Alley before they were first years. Very rich looking so I pickpocketed them and ran past them. Black yelled at me, something about a book store, but I ran back to the store I stayed under and opened their change purses. I couldn't believe it. I had never seen so much money. I kept it safe and then when the Hogwarts Letter came I decided to see if the money I had stolen was enough to send me there. I asked someone on Diagon Alley to read me the letter so I would know what it said and what I had to buy. I pretended that I had lost my glasses. He told me and I bought the stuff. I even had money left over to buy a good pair of shoes and several robes. If anyone had ever found out I went to Hogwarts on stolen money I would have been expelled." 

Dumbledore shook his head. "No, you wouldn't have been. How did you pay for your other years?" 

"Black and Potter were very lax with their money. They never kept track of what they spent so every chance I got I would pickpocket them. They never noticed, though Black got infuriated with me following them around so much. I had to steal a lot of money every year for the next one." 

Dumbledore didn't blame Severus for what he had done. "I'm sorry, Severus," Dumbledore said, not caring that Severus would probably not remember any of their conversation the next day. "You shouldn't have had to go through that." 

"Thank you," Severus smiled. "I still have those cards Black gave me. I meant to tear them up but I never could bring myself to do it. I guess it's my fault they hate me so much." 

"No," Dumbledore said firmly, glancing Snuffles. "James and Sirius should have realized that not everyone can handle having jokes played on them. It was both your faults." 

Snuffles lowered his eyes to the ground. 

"I miss Ivan," Severus suddenly said. 

"Whose Ivan?" Dumbledore asked, confused. Did he mean Igor? 

"I called to him on the boat and... oh... never mind," Severus said, leaning his head against Dumbledore's shoulder. "He's here." 


	8. Chapter 8: Confessions

Disclaimer: I claim nothing herein as my own. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Dumbledore, wondering who this Ivan was, glanced at the doorway to see a bit of Draco's robes. So the boy was eavesdropping, Dumbledore should have counted on that. Draco didn't trust them anymore, and Dumbledore couldn't blame him. But was Draco right about him favoring the Gryffindor's? And if the other houses felt the same way, why did taking points off them still work but not for Slytherin. Or did it? 

Ravenclaw hadn't won the house cup in over twenty years, and Hufflepuff, before last year, hadn't won it in forty years. How did Flitwick and Sprout keep their students in line when there was no hope of them getting the house cup? 

Dumbledore looked at Severus, who was smiling at nothing. Smiling? Severus rarely ever smiled. 

"Why are you smiling?" Dumbledore asked. 

"Ivan," Severus said softly. "He's telling me a silly story about a goose." 

"Oh," Dumbledore said softly, not sure if he should inquire further. 

It wasn't unusual for someone under a mind-ensnaring potion to see things or to hear voices, usually things that they had heard or seen before that mixed themselves up to form 'new' memories. 

"Why Ivan?" Dumbledore asked. "Why do you call him Ivan?" 

"That's his name," Severus said, as if Dumbledore should know that. 

"But why did you pick the name Ivan?" Dumbledore persisted. 

"I didn't. That's his name," Severus insisted and then glanced at Dumbledore. "Why won't you give me the Defense Against the Dark Arts position?" 

Dumbledore, though Severus was ill, felt his patience wearing thin. "We've covered that. Many times. I appreciate that you haven't asked me that question for over five years now. I thought we had an agreement." 

Severus's eyes narrowed. "And I don't appreciate how you treat me like a child. I'm not one. If I want to drown myself in the Dark Arts I have every right to do that." 

"Severus, I'm only trying to help you," Dumbledore defended himself as Severus shakily got up. 

"Help me? A little too late for that. Where were you when I needed you?" Severus asked, his eyes looking so haunted that Dumbledore could only stare at him, his mind going numb. 

"With your precious Gryffindor's, of course. You know, it's actually a good thing I did join the Dark Lord. If it hadn't been for him I wouldn't have this job," Severus said as he teetered over the table and sat down heavily. 

Snuffles slunk away, being careful not to let Severus see him as he went into the bedroom. Draco pulled himself a bit further into the room too but the door was left open. 

"What do you mean?" Dumbledore asked, staying seated. 

Severus glanced at him, his face slightly angry. "My OWLS were horrible. I was playing catch-up my entire school life, except for the Dark Arts," he said, grinning. "I knew them real well. My NEWTS were terrible too. If it hadn't been for the Dark Lord offering me a job between my sixth and seventh year I would have had stay on the streets of Knockturn Alley after I graduated. I might have been able to find a job in one of the stores there but it wouldn't have paid me enough to ever leave that wretched place. But the Dark Lord came through," Severus smiled and his eyes shone the same they often did when he spoke of Voldemort, "he bought me a house, a small one, near Scotland. I still live there. It's nice. No neighbors, no one to bother me. He didn't even make me pay him back. I then became your spy and you got me this job as payment for my help. But without having joined the Dark Lord first I wouldn't have this job," and Severus's face fell and he buried his face in his hands. "Why was the Dark Lord the only one to ever try to help me out?" 

"I tried...." Dumbledore faltered. 

Severus laughed, his voice sounding hoarse and desperate. "You? You only wanted to use me as your spy. You never cared about me. And now... I'm trapped. You're the only person on this planet who would hire an ex-Death Eater and I don't have good enough qualifications to ever get another job anyway. I don't like teaching. I'm terrible at it. I don't have the patience," Severus sighed. "You go through life hoping the future will get better. No matter how bleak the present is, you cling to the vain hope that the future will be better. But then," Severus glanced around, "you realize it is the future and nothings going to get better. Well," Severus said, straightening up, "at least the Dark Lord is back and maybe this time, I'll get killed for being a spy. I should have been killed last time but I guess I got lucky," Severus laughed at his own joke though Dumbledore was having trouble keeping the tears back. Severus suddenly quit laughing. "It's all Potter's fault. All of it. My joining the Dark Lord, the stupid Dark Mark I'll have to carry around like a brand for the rest of my life. It's all his fault." 

"Severus, it's not James's fault," Dumbledore said, his voice quavering. 

"Isn't it," Severus snarled, snapping his head around to glare at Dumbledore. "If that fool hadn't gotten in the way, pulled me out, I would have died like I had planned! But no! Potter had to be the hero! Save someone's life even if they didn't want it saving! Potter had a great future ahead of him. Great OWL and NEWT scores and with his money he didn't even need a job. I tried doing what was right. No drugs, no drinking, went to school, but it never worked out. Nothing ever worked out. And now, thanks to owing Potter that stupid life debt, I can't even commit suicide. I guess I should have just taken a potion but I, like an idiot, wanted to take Potter's little gang down with me. Might as well make them suffer, I figured. I couldn't do it in life so I was determined to do it in death. Everyone would laugh at them for being expelled and they'd never get to have a job, ever, like me. They would get to see how it felt like to be gutter trash," Severus said as he stared at his shelves of potions. Dumbledore was numbly rooted to the spot. It had never, not once, occurred to him that Severus might have been trying to commit suicide that night. 

"You're not gutter trash, Severus," Dumbledore said. 

Severus suddenly shook his head. "No, I didn't want to kill myself. Suicide is wrong and I didn't want to do it. I didn't know Lupin was a werewolf. Most certainly not. Life is great, everyone wants to live," he said, as if repeated something he had drilled into his head. "But I was just so tired of it all. I'm still tired of it. And it's never going to get better." 

"Yes, it will," Dumbledore said, finally able to move, as he walked over to Severus. He reached a hand out to touch Severus's back when he flinched away. 

"No, don't touch me there. I don't like it when people touch the burns." 

"What burns," Dumbledore demanded, wanting to know everything he could. 

"The burns from the fire," Severus said, looking back at his shelves for potions. 

"What fire?" Dumbledore asked, refusing to give up. 

"The fire in the orphanage," Severus said softly. 

"What fire in the orphanage?" Dumbledore asked. 

"When I was six there was a fire. Some rich kids started it. Rich kids often went into Knockturn Alley to see what it was like or to smoke little sticks. When their parents would come to drag them away they would throw the burning little sticks into a window in the orphanage. Usually one of us kids would stamp them out but.... we were sleeping once... and... we didn't know... I slept under the bed... I was scared of the noises at night.... I woke and saw the flames... the other kids wouldn't wake up. I yelled and yelled but they stayed asleep. I don't remember much else, just seeing the flames eating one of the kids... and then... I was in a lot of pain and in another bed... the flames were gone... ten kids died that night. My friend Michael died and his little sister, Elizabeth. She was three. I wish I had died that night too. Why did I have to wake up?" 

Dumbledore placed his hand on Severus's shoulder, gently. How could he have missed this? Why had he ignored Severus when he was a student? It had been obvious, from that first day, that there was something wrong with him. The way Severus always had his hair in front of his face (he still did that), his knowledge of the Dark Arts, the way he rarely spoke even when spoken too, how he wouldn't let anyone touch him, and how closely he watched everyone and everything, but Dumbledore had just figured someone else would find out what was wrong and it looked like everyone else had figured the same, leaving no one to help Severus out. 

"I'm sorry, Severus," Dumbledore said. "I really failed you." 

Severus shrugged. "Don't worry about that. It's not like I'm worth saving." 

"You are to me," Draco blurted out as he came into the room. His eyes were bloodshot and his face wet. "I like you." 

Dumbledore stood there, unsure about what he should do. Should he leave so Draco and Severus could be alone or stay? 

"I'm sorry," Severus mumbled. "I don't know why I said all that. I didn't mean any of it." 

"Yes, you did," Dumbledore encouraged him, sitting down next to him. "Severus, I'm human, I make mistakes. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. I was always trying to do what was best but I know I let many people down. I just expected someone else to take care of you and I guess someone else did, Voldemort. It must have been very hard for you to go against him." 

Severus looked away, staring at the table. "It was," he whispered. "He never acted like he liked me, I don't think he liked anyone, but he did care. He wanted all of his followers to be happy and he rewarded us, very nicely, for our support. My house, most of my furniture, half my books, are from him. If he saw I needed something he would always give it to me," his head came up. "You do that now, though, don't you?" he asked, glancing at Dumbledore. 

"I do try," Dumbledore said, managing to smile a tiny bit. "I'm very sorry. You are right, I should have been there for you. I'm sorry I wasn't." 

Severus looked away, a faint red tinge to his cheeks. "But I wouldn't have this job if it wasn't for the Dark Lord. How can I hate the man when he's the only reason I'm not living in the streets of Knockturn Alley? I guess I shouldn't have joined him, but I had no one else to turn to. You didn't care about me and there was no one else that would have either. But the Dark Lord cared." 

Dumbledore decided to lay the blame where it belonged. "Severus, it was my fault. I should have been more observant of the Slytherins. I knew Voldemort was getting recruits from there and I knew how easy it is for teenagers to be swayed by him. He's very good at lying and deceiving...." 

"But he didn't," Severus interrupted, looking confused. "He gave me exactly what he promised he would. At least the other Death Eaters didn't look at me with disgust like everyone on this side does. I can't even walk down Diagon Alley without getting nasty looks. I hate it. And everyone will hate me the minute they find out I was a Death Eater. There's no excuse for that. Nobody cared that those rich kids killed ten orphans, though. They didn't get into any trouble at all. I saw them a couple of years later, smoking and laughing about the fire they had caused. If I had killed ten people as a Death Eater I would be hated, spit on, and driven out of town. I guess it just depends on who you murder, then, not if you murder," Severus snorted. "What's so bad about the Dark Lord anyway? Who cares if he's killing people. People are dying all the time in Knockturn Alley and no one cares. What's worse? Killing an adult who can fight back or letting a child starve to death because no one wants to part with their money so they can buy themselves another robe to put in their already stuffed wardrobe? Your side is killing people just like the Dark Lord's is. But you all don't call it murder, do you? You probably have a fancy term for it like 'population control' instead of calling it what it is." 

Dumbledore glanced at Draco. This was getting difficult. He hadn't realized Severus had so many doubts about being on their side. And, unfortunately, all of them were founded. 

"Why did you come to me, then?" Dumbledore asked. 

Severus shrugged. "I know its the right side. The Dark Lord isn't the way to go but neither is the Ministry. I went to you because I figured you were as close to it as I was going to get." 

Dumbledore smiled. "Thank you. And I know the Ministry isn't perfect and it needs reforming, but that will only happen when the people want it to. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," Dumbledore said again. 

"I'm being stupid. I don't want to die," Severus sighed. "I didn't mean any of that. And this side is the best side, of course." 

Draco looked confused but Dumbledore didn't. Severus was very confused and for good reason. He had seen the worst of what society had to offer and to him, and people like him, it actually probably wouldn't matter if Voldemort was in charge or not. Their lives would be messed up either way and they knew it. 

Dumbledore was getting some very valuable insight through what Robertson and Morton had done and planned on using this information as best he could when Severus was back to normal. 

"Severus, it's okay," Dumbledore assured him. "I know you're confused. There's nothing wrong with that." 

"I'm tired," Severus suddenly said, and pushing up, stumbled into the bedroom, shutting the door. 

Snuffles came out of the bathroom door just then and looked at the door. Figuring he wanted to go to Lupin, Dumbledore let him out, and then turned his attention on Draco. 

"I'm sorry you had to hear all that," Dumbledore softly said. 

"Why did he say he wanted to die and then say he wanted to live?" Draco asked, looking very confused. 

"Draco, some people cling to the hope that their future will get better so, like Severus said, they tolerate the present, but depression often sets in and they wonder what's the point. Severus wants to live but he also wants to die. From what I've heard, I don't really blame him. Life hasn't been easy on him." 

"The Dementors don't affect him," Draco declared. "I saw him pass by them and he didn't even flinch or get pale. Why not?" Draco demanded. 

"People who have no happy memories or happy feelings aren't affected by them," Dumbledore explained heavily. "There's nothing for the Dementors to feed on. Severus isn't the only one out there the Dementors can't affect." 

Draco chewed on his bottom lip. "Well, I'm going to make sure he does have some happy memories so the next time a Dementor comes around he'll get shaky and pale, like he's supposed to," and with that, Draco went into Severus's bedroom, keeping the door open. 

Dumbledore didn't bother to route him out despite it getting quite late. Maybe, just maybe, Draco could give Severus something to live for, a future for himself. Especially since Draco, very likely, could be disowned from his family for not supporting Voldemort like his parents expected him to. 

********************************************************************* 

Snape was at his desk, just staring at the candle there, when Draco entered. 

"Ivan's crying," Snape said, looking at his bed. "I didn't mean to make him cry. He's very upset with me trying to kill myself. I didn't really, that would be wrong, so I didn't do it, but it was all so hopeless right then." 

Draco walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. Everyone gets upset once in awhile. You know, when I first got my letter my mum told me that you would be nice to me. She said you had had a crush on her when you were in school." 

Snape blushed and Draco grinned. "She always liked you but mum only wanted to marry a rich man," Snape frowned and fingered his rather poor robe and Draco nudged him a little. "I know that's not fair but mum said she doesn't have any desire to be a wife. She's father's showpiece and she likes it like that. She does what she wants, goes where she wants, and often spends months on the continent traveling around. She's very selfish and she admits it. You deserve a better wife than what my mum could give you." 

Snape frowned up at him. "Draco, no woman's going to want anything to do with me. Not with the way I look or the burns on my body. And being an ex-Death Eater doesn't help," he muttered bitterly. "And I have no hope for a good paying job, either. There is no chance." 

Draco was determined to get Pansy in on this. Surely, there had to be a woman for Snape. Gregory and Vincent's parents had found spouses and none of them were good-looking and Gregory's mum was quite fierce looking even. 

"You better go to bed," Draco said, noticing how much Snape's eyes were closing. 

"Ivan's there," Snape said. "I think. I heard his voice from the bed. Oh, he's on the desk now." 

Draco glanced at it. Nothing there. 

"Let's go to bed," Draco encouraged. 

***************************************************************** 

Sirius, sitting in the chair by Remus's roaring fire, sighed. He had just gotten through explaining everything he had overheard to Remus. He sill couldn't believe Snape was so confused on whether or not he wanted to live or die. And he really couldn't believe Snape had been trying to commit suicide. He had only been sixteen. 

"I've really been a git. First I tell Snape he should have been abandoned and then I tell him he deserves to die. What kind of idiot am I?" 

"Sirius," Remus said from the other chair by the fire, "you, I, James, and Lily all had good childhood's. Loving parents and most of us had friends. We were shielded from the harsh realities of life. We had no basis to understand why Severus acted the way he did. I didn't even know parents abandoned their own kids until you joked about it. And I didn't even know there was an orphanage in Knockturn Alley until I was seventeen. We just thought Severus was acting the way he did because he was mean." 

Sirius glanced at him. "But I still felt that way after I had left Azkaban and you didn't. I mean why didn't I change my opinions. I'm I really that immature?" 

"Yes and no," Remus said. 

Sirius snorted. "I'll take that as a yes." 

"It's not one," Remus defended. "Sirius, you went into Azkaban when you were twenty-two. You hadn't matured fully yet, I hadn't either then, and people don't mature in Azkaban. When you came out, you were still, mentally, twenty-two. And your hatred of Severus wouldn't have dimmed any. I'm sure you had recurring thoughts about him." 

Sirius shook his head. "Not really. I had a few but the ones that kept at me where the ones about Pettigrew. How nice I had been to him, how I had told him about James and Lily and made him the Secret Keeper, and our duel in the street. When did you stop hating Snape?" 

Remus looked at the fire. "It was gradual. I got older and realized that people like Snape aren't born that way, usually. And I went into Knockturn Alley and saw two little kids there, they couldn't have been more than eight, just standing there. Hair in their faces, robes threadbare, no shoes, remember how often Severus would take his off during class, like he wasn't used to them," Sirius grinned a little. "And their eyes, were just like Severus's; dead, cold, and they watched. I didn't know if Severus had been from Knockturn Alley but I realized that whatever childhood he had had would have been just as bad. I gave those two boys some money. You should have seen their faces light up. I saw them later, after I had purchased the rat repellent I came in for, eating a large sandwich together. I wanted to help but... I barely have enough to live of off myself. I read things and heard things that just made me understand more and more why Severus may have acted the way he did and I just gradually quit hating him." 

"Why doesn't anyone help those kids out?" Sirius asked. 

Remus stared at him. "Why didn't you? You had plenty of money and you knew there was an orphanage there." 

Sirius was taken aback. "Me? I just never thought much about it... I mean those aren't..." 

"Those aren't your kids and therefore aren't your problem. Nobody wants to have to pay for those kids. That's why they don't get adopted. Nobody cares," Remus shrugged sadly. 

Sirius let out his breath. "Now I can't get to that money. Getting Harry that Firebolt almost gave me away. Lucky the Goblins didn't care about my withdrawal but the Ministry heard about it and are keeping taps on it now. They, apparently, didn't realize I had an account there. Why doesn't Snape help them out?" 

Remus leaned back in his chair. "He does. I saw him there that day. He lets the kids pickpocket him. I could tell he knew that was what they were doing but he didn't say anything so I didn't press him. He can't afford to do much, though. He makes the same amount that I do. Because we get free room and board we don't get paid but what the board feels our summer lodgings will cost and some extra for a few wants. No one at Hogwarts teaches because of the money." 

Sirius leaned back in the chair, enjoying the warmth of the fire. "That must be hard on him. Not being able to help those kids that are in the same situation he was in." 

Remus didn't comment but looked into the fire. Sirius wasn't sure how he felt about Snape anymore. He had hated him plenty during Harry's third year and had, still, felt like Snape deserved to die. But during the summer and Harry's fourth year he had calmed down a bit as he thought about Snape. Sure Snape had been annoying but that was just about it. Remus was right, and his experience in Azkaban had made Snape seem much more sinister than he had been. Now that he had been away from the Dementors for quite some time, he was beginning to wonder why he had tried to kill Snape in the first place. Sirius couldn't blame it on Snape's desire to kill himself, Sirius had told him where Remus went so it was partly his fault but what had prompted him do that in the first place? It just didn't make sense. In Azkaban and for a year afterwards, it had made sense; Snape had deserved to die, but now that Sirius could think clearly it made no sense at all. It didn't seem right, didn't seem like something he would do either. A fist fight, yes, a duel, definitely, but to send him to be killed by Remus? Not only would he have killed another human being but destroyed Remus. It made no sense. 

************************************************************************* 

Harry inwardly groaned as he felt his scar begin to twinge and could feel his mind flying towards wherever Voldemort was. Thankfully, he hadn't had one of these nightmares for quite some time, not since Cedric had died, but, thanks to Trelawney's help, Harry was prepared to meet Voldemort, even if it was in a dream form. 

Harry flew into a closed window and wondered about the scene. Voldemort was standing by Lucius Malfoy and looking... slightly fearful? Maybe it wasn't just Voldemort's murderous feelings that Harry could pick up on, maybe it was any strong emotions he felt. But what would make Voldemort so afraid. And why did Malfoy look scared? 

Harry turned around. 

A man, one of the men from Dumbledore's Pensieve, was standing there. He was standing in the midst of a table that had been completely blasted apart. 

"You told me you would get him," he hissed. "You promised me!" 

"It will take some more time," Voldemort assured him, his voice silky, with only a tiny hint of fear. "Severus is being closely guarded." 

The man spit. "So. Why don't you just break into Hogwarts?" 

"They can't," came Wormtail's squeaky voice. He was cowering in a corner. "They have the Marauder's Map. Harry Potter has it." 

"You mean that stupid map you and your pathetic friends made?" he asked. "Why don't you just get a Slytherin to burn the thing." 

"They have to find it," Malfoy said. "And I doubt Potter is going to show it to them." 

Whoever this man was, Harry was beginning to get scared. He didn't seem to have trouble talking down to anyone, not even Voldemort and if Voldemort was scared of him, what was the man capable of? 

"Use an invisibility cloak and follow him," the man said slowly. "I swear, if you people were any slower you'd be dead," he spat out, glaring at Voldemort. "I really hope you don't screw up again by letting a pretty face detract you from our business. You should have killed Lily Potter outright and not tried to save her. Or...," he said, glancing at Wormtail, "is there a reason why you didn't want to kill her." 

Wormtail cringed and the man laughed, it sounded like fingers on a chalkboard. "What were you going to do, Wormy? Put Lily under the Imperious Curse? For that is the only way she would have ever looked at you with anything but pity. But you," he said, snapping around to stare at Voldemort, his face filled with venom, "had better not mess up again. My patience is wearing thin. You could have killed Potter if he you hadn't foolishly let him go. Don't every do that again." 

"I'm your master," Voldemort angrily said, his wand in his hand. "Don't you speak to me in that tone of voice." 

The man just sneered. "I have no master," he softly said, his voice low and dangerous. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have Severus's bedroom to prepare for when you finally kidnap him. Unless you're to stupid to do that," he said, looking at Malfoy. "Don't mess up again or your pretty wife won't be so pretty anymore." 

"We need to get rid of him," Malfoy said urgently. "He's insane. You should have left him in Azkaban were he belongs." 

"Nathan isn't insane," Voldemort said, his red eyes fixing themselves on Malfoy. "And he's much more valuable to me than you are. I can trust him not to change sides when things go wrong, unlike you." 

"He threatened you," Wormtail squeaked. 

"I don't really care right now," Voldemort angrily said. "He and the man who raised him are the only reason why I've gotten as far as I've had. Their advice and plans are invaluable." 

"What about Severus?" Malfoy. "He's valuable. Are you really going to just give him to that nut, Lestrange?" 

Lestrange? That was Lestrange? He was out? 

"Severus was valuable to me at sixteen. And in ten years, Severus will be sixteen again. And, if Nathan and Florence are good enough parents, I might have him back at twelve. Only six more years. They served me well and I will reward them for that." 

Malfoy shook his head. "I still don't know why they want a child." 

"They can't have one," Voldemort said impatiently. "Now, what are we going to do?" 

Harry woke up, his scar not hurting that badly and winced. The Lestranges were out? He grabbed his robe and ran out the door, not bothering to answer Ron as he rushed down the stairs. It didn't take long, at the speed Harry was going, to make it down to the dungeons and Snape's room. 

Harry pounded on the door, aware of Ron coming up behind him. 

"Really bad news," Harry explained to Ron as the door opened. Harry turned his attention to Dumbledore. "The Lestrange's are out. And they want Snape. I think, to turn him into a child." 

It wasn't long before the room was full of people. Snape was in his bedroom with Filch and the door was charmed so Snape couldn't hear what was being said or come out. 

McGonagall, Dumbledore, Lupin, Snuffles, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Draco were sitting around Snape's table. Harry was glad Dumbledore had let him invite Ron, Ginny, and Hermione. He hated keeping secrets from them, but why had Draco been included? 

Harry filled everyone in on the way Lestrange had acted, disrespectful to Voldemort, and mentioned his threat about Narcissa Malfoy. He didn't tell anyone about Wormtail and the insinuation Lestrange had made about his mum. 

"There has been activity at Azkaban," Dumbledore said. "I was afraid of this. Voldemort won't risk breaking it open quite yet. The whole Wizarding world would know he was risen again if he did that but to slowly let his supporters out while making it appear like nothing is happening is genius. He'll have us split in two, one side claiming he's come back and the other side maintaining he's not, and then, when were are at our weakest, he'll attack." 

Harry worriedly looked at Ginny. 

"Why does Lestrange want to raise Snape?" Draco asked. "That makes no sense." 

"There has to be something to it," Hermione said. 

"Maybe he just wants a kid," Lupin said, shrugging. "He knows Severus so maybe he just wants to raise a child that he already knows quite a bit about." 

Harry didn't want anyone, not even Draco, being raised by that kind of person. Lucius Malfoy seemed normal next to him. 

McGonagall glanced at Dumbledore. "Should we contact the former Head of Slytherin. The one that was around when Severus and Nathan were at school. Maybe he could tell us a bit about how they acted towards each other." 

Dumbledore looked thoughtful. "I think Mr. Logan would know. He kept pretty close taps on his students, though, he didn't seem to care if they joined Voldemort or not." 

"He was a cynic," McGonagall agreed. "Seemed to think we deserved to have a Dark Lord stirring up things considering how badly we had let things do." 

Harry didn't like the sound of this person. 

"How's Severus," Dumbledore asked, looking at Draco. 

"Fine. He woke up and didn't remember anything about today. Thought it was mid-afternoon." 

"Good," Dumbledore said. "And don't tell him what he admitted." 

Draco shook his head. "I won't." 

Harry's interest was piqued. What did Draco know? "What did he admit?" he asked. 

Draco looked angrily at him and Dumbledore shook his head. "I'm sorry, Harry. This matter is solely between Draco and myself. It doesn't concern you." 

Harry still wanted to know. He already knew Snape was a Death Eater, why couldn't he know other things about him too? But Harry didn't press it. 

They glumly went back to their rooms, Harry and the rest going first to Lupin's. 

"I wonder what Draco admitted," Harry mused. 

Sirius looked bewildered and shrugged. "Who knows. Maybe what flavor toothpaste he prefers. I prefer dandelion." 

"Dandelion?" Ron choked out. "They make that?" 

"No, but I did," Sirius grinned and started to explain how to make different flavored toothpaste. Harry didn't even notice that Sirius had completely sidetracked him as he thought of what flavor he wanted to try. His mint toothpaste was okay but it was awfully boring after a lifetime of it. Sausage, Harry's favorite food, sounded interesting, but Harry wasn't sure how clean his mouth would feel if he had that flavor lingering around. 

************************************************************ 

Draco gratefully looked up at Dumbledore after everyone, including Filch, had left. "Thank you for not telling Potter." 

"Severus is your friend, not Harry's. Though I do think Remus would like to try to be his friend. Don't push him away. Severus could use some friends." 

Draco had actually been thinking that. He didn't like Remus, personally, but Remus was sedate and Severus seemed to prefer sedate people. Besides, maybe Remus wasn't that bad. 

"Can I stay here tonight?" Draco asked. 

Dumbledore slightly smiled. "Yes. I don't think I could get rid of you if I tried. But, Draco, be warned, you may be asked to do some things under threat of violence to your parents. Tell me if that happens. I'll help you. And be careful with that schedule. Only trust us adults. The kids can be threatened. Harry, you can trust, he'll tell me, he's learned that, but Ron and Hermione might not have." 

Draco nodded his head, aware of how serious this was. "Why do you trust me?" 

"You care a great deal about Severus, Draco. I can trust you when it comes to him." 


	9. Chapter 9: Gone

Disclaimer: I claim nothing herein as my own. 

Author's Note: Thanks very much to Nastya and Anna who have been giving me information on the Russian and Slavic cultures. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Ivan stared down at his Jacenty, angry. Angry at the other humans for not helping Jacenty and angry at himself for failing his family when they most needed him. But he had fixed that little problem. He would never be helpless like that again. Ivan narrowed his eyes. Jacenty needed his parents. But his parents were dead. 

But... these other humans weren't. These other humans that wanted to turn his Jacenty into a child again. Ivan liked that idea. He should have there for Jacenty and this time he would be there. He would just need to find these Lestranges. Where would they be? He would find out and then give them Jacenty. 

******************************************************************************* 

Severus climbed onto his small sled and nervously looked over at Ivan, who was already sitting on the sled and looking quite excited. "Are you sure this is safe? What if we get into trouble?" 

Ivan shook his head, his ears flapping. "Cezar and Vasya are still asleep," he said, mischievously. "We will never tell them." 

Severus looked down at the long staircase before him and fearfully grinned, trying to look pleased. Ivan would protect him, he knew that, but still, he hated heights. But this adventure might prove to be fun. 

"Okay," Severus said, gripping the sled tightly, "go," he winced. 

The sled tipped down and went hurtling down the staircase. The ride was smooth, no bumps thanks to Ivan, but Severus still screamed. 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," he yelled, his hair being whipped backwards, and then suddenly the ride stopped. 

They were at the bottom and Severus started to nervously giggle. "That was fun," he weakly said, wondering if it had been fun. "But let's not do it again for awhile." 

Ivan laughed. "You didn't like it at all, did you?" 

Severus shook his head and got up, staggering over to a couch. "No. Maybe when I'm four but not three." 

But as Severus laid there, the ride kept replaying in his mind and a genuine smile lit his face. "Let's try it again." 

Ivan nodded, not having moved away from the sled (had he known Severus would want to ride the sled again?), and they ran up the stairs together, the sled floating behind them, giggling and laughing. Five more rides and Severus was screaming and laughing in delight as they sped down towards the bottom, all his fear forgotten. 

"This is fun!" he screamed to Ivan. 

But a figure loomed ahead and Severus's mouth dropped. It was his father. 

"Uh-oh," Severus muttered. 

The sled stopped right at the man's feet. 

Cezar just stared down at the two of them and Severus realized he wasn't saying anything because he was trying to hold back a smile. 

"Daddy," Severus said coaxingly, seeing this, "me and Ivan are having fun. We like it," he said, blinking up at his father. "No one is getting hurt," he said, shrugging. 

Cezar's face twisted into a smile. "I fear the day you become a teenager and really learn how to get your way." 

Ivan nodded his head, his ears flapping again. "We will teach him." 

"Thanks," Cezar muttered sarcastically. "Go on, Jacenty, have your fun." 

Severus grinned and got up to hug his father. "Thanks, Daddy!" he said, hugging him around his legs. 

"I'm a pushover," the man lamented, reaching down to lightly spank Severus. 

Severus giggled and reached behind him to protect his butt with his hands. "You're silly." 

***************************************************************************** 

Waking, Severus noticed Draco curled up on the upholstered chair, fast asleep, his wand in his hand. The door was opened but why was Draco allowed in his bedroom? That was not Hogwarts policy. Students were only allowed in offices or in the outer rooms with another adult present. Last night Severus had been too tired to realize the impropriety of the situation. 

Severus sighed at his obsession with rules and regulations. For so long, Severus had followed them blindly in the attempt to feel good about himself. If he followed this rule or that rule to perfection than he was worth the breath he had been given but that was a pretty meaningless way to make one feel good about themselves. But for so long, it had been all he had. And having pickpocketed, even to survive, still left him feeling queasy. He shouldn't have done it. But then he would have died. Maybe that crazy Head of Slytherin, Professor Logan, was right and some rules had to broken. After all, Harry Potter was constantly breaking and bending the rules and nobody did a thing about that. 

Severus closed his eyes. Did Potter's rule breaking even have anything to do with him? Why did he care so much about it? Partly because of all the things Potter, and his father, had always gotten away with while Severus had been punished for the slightest infraction. Severus was still trying to take revenge for it. 

"Even the teachers were terrified of him," Lupin's voice echoed in his head. Severus rubbed his forehead tiredly. Several of the teachers, namely Professor Sprout, Flitwick, Sinistra, and McGonagall had teased him about how frightened they had been of him as a student. Severus had always assumed they were lying. But what if they hadn't been. And if the teachers had favored Potter over him it hadn't been Potter's fault. 

"Professor?" came Draco's concerned voice. 

Severus glanced over there. "Hello, Draco," Severus said pleasantly, not bothering to get onto him about being in a professor's bedroom, though Severus would talk to Dumbledore about that. "Feeling well?" 

Draco nodded. "Very. How did you sleep?" 

"Great," Severus said truthfully. Those dreams he often had of his parents were very nice. He wondered if Ivan was still alive. 

"You're going to have to stay in your rooms today," Draco said. "A teacher will be watching you all day." 

"I thought I would just go to Madam Pomfrey's..." 

Draco shook his head, fear slightly clouding his face though he wasn't letting it show too badly. "No," he said quickly, "we changed our minds. This is for the best." 

Severus looked at him, wondering why he had changed his mind. "Draco? What happened?" 

"Nothing," Draco said, deliberately casual, as he quickly got up and darted out the door before Severus could ask him another question. 

Something was going on. Severus wished he hadn't slept so much yesterday; if he hadn't he would know why Draco was so agitated. 

Dumbledore poked his head in the door and grinned at seeing Severus awake, though his eyes weren't quite as twinkling as they normally were. He looked worried and upset about something. But Severus didn't ask. He didn't feel comfortable enough around Dumbledore to ask him personal questions. 

"Why is Draco so worried?" Severus tried, instead. What was worrying Draco probably was the same thing that was worrying Dumbledore. 

Dumbledore looked pensive. "You had a bad night," the Headmaster said. "We felt it best if you just stayed in your rooms and were watched. You really scared Draco." 

"Oh," Severus mumbled. What had he done? "But with Lupin out of commission today and tomorrow isn't having someone watching me going to be impossible? The teachers with the planning period need to take over Defense Against the Dark Arts." 

Dumbledore smiled a little. "I'll be taking over DADA. Or, if you would prefer, I could be the one watching you while the others take over DADA." 

Severus opened his mouth to reply that Dumbledore was too busy to do something like that but either way, Dumbledore was going to have to do something he didn't want to do. 

"Whatever you want," Severus concluded. "I better take a shower," he said, grabbing a robe from his wardrobe and shuffled into his bathroom. 

*************************************************************** 

Dumbledore sighed as the door shut. He had really done it, hadn't he? Pushed Severus away so much when he was a teenager, when he needed someone, that Severus no longer wanted him around. Severus tolerated him, it seemed, but he didn't like him. 

"Where is he?" Draco asked from the doorway. 

"Taking a shower," Dumbledore said, turning to the boy. 

Draco stared at him in the much the same way that Severus had looked at him after the Shrieking Shack incident when he had been sixteen, but Draco seemed to have lost some of the venom he had held only days earlier. 

"Draco, do you hate me?" 

Draco's face showed his surprise and then he shrugged, looking confused. "I used to. All you cared about was Potter. Potter this, Potter that. But... now..... I don't know," he said, looking at the closed bathroom door. "Do you really care about Snape?" 

"Yes." 

Draco leaned against the door frame, folding his arms. "What he said last night really bothered you," he said. 

Dumbledore, hearing the water running, retreated to the cushioned chair and sat down, taking his glasses off and rubbing his tired eyes. "Especially that it never occurred to me that he was trying to commit suicide that night. How could I have been so blind? I drove him right to Voldemort. And what choice did he have? I've deluded myself into thinking he had one," Dumbledore leaned his head back against the softness of the chair. "When he graduated I wouldn't have bothered trying to help him get a job. It, after all, was the student's responsibility, not mine. And, with his scores, he wouldn't have been able to get one. The Ministry bases everything on those stupid scores. Severus would have had to go back to living on the streets," Dumbledore said heavily. 

"It's not your fault," Draco said softly. "You can't save everyone." 

Dumbledore snorted. "I didn't save anyone, Draco. How many other students did I fail? How many other children came here with no one but themselves to care for them, trying to make their own way in life, trying to better themselves, only to get pushed back down where they came from by me and the rest of the staff who didn't have the time to be bothered by them." 

"It's not too late to change that," Draco prompted. "You couldn't save Snape but I'm sure there are other kids you can help." 

Dumbledore opened his eyes. How many lectures had he given Severus about needing to 'redeem' himself for joining Voldemort, or prescribed what Severus needed to do to be 'forgiven'? If Severus needed redemption for joining Voldemort than Dumbledore needed it more for driving him to that madman. 

"Do you know of any?" Dumbledore asked softly. "Are there any kids in Slytherin that might be joining Voldemort out of force." 

Draco chewed his lip thoughtfully, thinking. "I don't know of any. I'm rich, remember, none of the poor kids even talk to me." 

"Oh," Dumbledore said. 

"I'm afraid that no Slytherin likes you," Draco said, leaning his back against the door frame and sliding down to sit. "What you did my first year was fairly stupid. You alienated the one house that needed to be able to look up to you, to now, or at least think, you were on their side. Now who are the Slytherins going to turn to when they do something wrong? You? Never." 

"What about Severus?" Dumbledore asked, forcing his voice not to crack. How could he have messed up so badly? 

"They'll turn to him. But will he turn to you?" 

Dumbledore slowly closed his eyes. No, Severus would not. Severus would keep it to himself, worried about what Dumbledore would say to the child, and try to manage on his own, like he had been doing his whole life. How had Severus managed to survive? He must have a will like steel... or diamond... or something even harder. 

"I can't believe what I've done," Dumbledore said, shaking his head. 

Something touched his arm and Dumbledore looked up to see Draco standing there. "My parents are always lamenting how they need to spend more time with me or work on their patience and yet they never do. They just say it but do nothing about it. If you're really sorry about what you've done, Dumbledore, you'll work on it, try to change, and not just say it." 

"Do you think Severus will ever forgive me?" Dumbledore asked, wondering why he was asking Draco. 

Draco shrugged. "I hope." 

The water stopped. 

"I better go," Draco said. "Breakfast and then classes. Are you staying or should I get ...." 

"I'm staying," Dumbledore said firmly. 

****************************************************************************** 

Ivan curiously watched this man who felt so guilty about not being there for his Jacenty. Ivan could tell it really upset him. He wasn't just spouting words he didn't mean and he meant more than he said. Poor man. But the man had been there, free to help, and hadn't done a thing to help Jacenty. That angered Ivan, though he did feel sorry for the man. 

But this blond-haired child was very interesting. He cared a great deal for Jacenty. And he hadn't even been born when Jacenty needed the real help but the child was ready to help Jacenty as much as he needed now. Ivan was going to keep an eye on this Draco. 

****************************************************************************** 

Severus, walking out of the bathroom, saw Dumbledore and briefly nodded towards him. So he was staying. But did he have to stay in the bedroom? Severus was used to being alone and the idea of having someone with him at all times had suddenly hit him while showering. He didn't like it. 

"Hungry?" Dumbledore asked. 

Severus was about to reply no when his stomach growled. "A little," he muttered. 

"I'll get the house-elves to bring up some food on the table," Dumbledore agreeably said. 

"I'll eat in here," Severus said, wondering if Dumbledore would get the hint that he wanted to be alone. He didn't. 

"In here is fine too," Dumbledore said, smiling at Severus, as he conjured up a table and two chairs in the center of the room. 

Severus winced. He hated eating with other people. Eating in the Great Hall was fine since the other staff members always had someone else to talk to and didn't bother him but eating one-on-one was a sickening thought. 

"Binny," Dumbledore called and a house-elf appeared and smiled at both of them. 

But then his smile faded and his ears dropped as he looked around the room, cringing. He started wringing his hands. "Ye...s... Head.. Headmas... Headmaster.... Dumb.... Dumbledore," he stammered, still looking around the room. Was he trying to find a way to escape? But house-elves could just pop in and pop out whenever they felt like it. 

Severus crinkled his eyebrows. What was wrong with him? 

"What's wrong?" Severus asked, despite himself. 

The elf jumped, staring at him with wide eyes. "Noth... noth... nothing. Nothing. What do you want to eat?" he said, trying his best to sound normal. 

"Fine!" Binny suddenly screamed. "It is fine with Binny!" 

Neither Dumbledore or Severus had said anything. Severus glanced at Dumbledore, worried. 

"What's the matter?" he mouthed. 

Dumbledore shook his head, looking quite bewildered. "Binny?" 

Binny whirled around. "Binny will get Headmaster's breakfast." 

"What about Professor Snape's?" Dumbledore asked. 

"It will come," Binny choked out and then disappeared. 

"That was certainly strange," Dumbledore softly said. "He didn't even wait until I had ordered anything." 

Severus shrugged, looking around the room himself. "You don't suppose there's someone in here?" 

Dumbledore immediately conjured up the Marauder's Map and shook his head. "Just the two of us and that door is closed so no one could have gotten out." 

Severus stared at the map. "I thought that was Potter's? How did you conjure it?" 

"Harry," he said, with slight emphasis, "decided it would be best if I kept it. It suddenly occurred to both of us last night that since Barty Crouch Junior had the map for a good part of last year that Voldemort might know about it and want it destroyed." 

Severus nodded as food started to appear. Good thinking on Potter's part, though Severus wasn't about to admit that to anyone. 

Without really thinking about the food, Severus took a swallow of the milk in his glass and widened his eyes. It was delicious and... familiar. 

"More sugar, Daddy," came a child's voice. 

Severus jumped. 

"What's wrong?" Dumbledore asked. 

"Nothing," Severus said quickly as he absently reached for the sugar bowl (strange; there was usually not one available) and spooned more sugar into his milk. 

"What are you doing?" Dumbledore asked curiously. 

"Nothing," Severus mumbled. 

"I see," Dumbledore said quietly. "You're doing nothing," he said, his voice soft and- was it teasing? 

"That's right," Severus agreed. "Nothing." 

A child's laugh sent Severus falling out of his chair. 

"Severus?" Dumbledore's voice came, not amused at all anymore. "What's wrong?" 

"I think I want to sleep," Severus muttered. 

Great, now he was hearing voices. Everyone already thought he was teetering on the brink of insanity and this little new development wouldn't help him any. Especially not with him being so jumpy about it. 

"You need to eat first, Severus," came Dumbledore's voice as he loomed before him. 

Severus looked up at him from the cold stone floor and groaned. "I don't want to eat," he snapped. 

"You're eating," Dumbledore said, his voice hard. 

Severus clenched his fists. He hated this. He hated being told what to do. He hated it when Dumbledore acted like he knew what was best when Severus had been surviving on his own his whole life- well since he was three apparently. But he was an adult now and he wished Dumbledore would start treating him like one. If he didn't want to eat, he shouldn't have to. 

"Eat, Jacenty," came his father's voice. 

Without really thinking, Severus got to his feet and sat, staring down at his food. A beet soup with a dark colored bread beside it and a bowl of very strange black round boysenberry sized fruit. Fruit after the meal, Severus told himself. 

The soup and bread tasted quite familiar, though Severus had never had them before at Hogwarts or in Knockturn Alley. But then he would have had to have them with his parents? If those dreams were real, that was. But why hadn't the house-elves ever fixed it before? Maybe they were just trying out new recipes. That happened occasionally. 

Wiping his mouth clean, Severus picked one of the round berries up and bit into it. The inside was a bright orange and delicious, though tart. Ivan. He had had these berries with Ivan before. Ivan had taken him somewhere. Somewhere far from home but where? If Ivan even existed. Maybe he was insane. 

Eating the entire bowl, Severus quickly picked up his glass of milk and drained it. 

"Severus," Dumbledore said. "I'm sorry. It should have been your decision to eat. I shouldn't have made you." 

Startled, Severus lowered his napkin. 

"I guess I'm trying to make up not being there for you when you were a teenager by being there for you now, but you aren't a teenager anymore. You're an adult and I need to remember that," Dumbledore said, fiddling with his plate-full of eggs, bacon, and bread rolls. "I'm really sorry, Severus. I should have paid more attention to you when you were a student." 

Stunned, Severus just stared at the Headmaster, unable to think of a reply. "It wasn't your job to pay attention to me," Severus said. 

"Then whose job was it," Dumbledore asked. 

"My parents, of course," Severus said, looking at his empty plate and then back up. 

Dumbledore was staring at him with the saddest expression Severus had ever seen on his face before. "Your parents," Dumbledore repeated. 

"Well, yeah, I mean..." Severus trailed off as Dumbledore's cheek spasmed and his eyes turned cloudy. 

Dumbledore knew. Severus just stared at him, his face starting to burn, as he pushed his chair back from the table, struggling to stand up but for some reason his legs wouldn't obey the messages from his brain. 

"When did you find out?" Severus breathed. 

"When you were eighteen, after you came to me," Dumbledore said, pushing his barely touched plate away. "I asked around and found out about your living in Knockturn Alley. I guess that's why I still treat you like a child sometimes. Every time I look at you I see the child you were at Hogwarts; scared, lonely, and very angry. You're still like that and I just want to help. But I seem to go about it the wrong way." 

Severus continued to try to get up but his body wouldn't let him; it almost felt like he was tied to the chair. 

"How many people have you told?" Severus hissed. 

"Nobody," Dumbledore said, "but Draco told several people when you scared him to death by trying to dissolve your arm to get rid of the Dark Mark." 

Draco knew? Severus didn't see how he could. "How did he find out?" Severus demanded, not believing that Dumbledore hadn't told him. 

"I'm not sure," Dumbledore admitted. "Draco's closed mouth about what he knows. He only told us about it because you were talking about how angry your parents would be if they found out you had the Dark Mark. He knew you didn't have any and it upset him. Draco was worried that you had gone insane." 

"Who did he tell?" Severus asked, his voice hoarse. 

"Remus and Harry," Dumbledore said softly. 

Severus clenched his mouth, looking away. Lupin would certainly tell Black and then the two of them would get a good laugh about it. And Potter. He could imagine Potter, Weasley, and Granger joking about it. 

"Get out," Severus hissed. "Get out of my rooms!" 

"Severus," Dumbledore tried, his voice cracking. 

"Get out!" Severus screamed. "Just get out!" 

"I'm sorry..." 

"Get out!" Severus yelled. 

Dumbledore didn't move. 

"Fine," Severus hissed. "I'll leave," he spat and wrenched himself out of the chair and headed towards his door. 

Dumbledore reached a hand out but Severus shoved him aside, not noticing, or caring, that Dumbledore painfully fell against the table. He tried the handle but the door wouldn't open. 

He retreated into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Breathing raggedly, Severus leaned against the door and slid down to sit on the very cold floor. How could he ever look at anyone again when they knew he had been abandoned? But he hadn't been. His parents had wanted him. No they hadn't. These dreams were just his mind making something up. Who would ever want someone like him? 

Trying to control his breathing, Severus was pleased to note that his eyes were completely dry. The last time he had cried was when he had gotten burned and Severus wasn't about to start now. 

Coldness began to slowly seep into his body as Severus sat there, for how long he didn't know. He was never going to be able to look at Draco, Dumbledore, Lupin, Potter, or anyone else ever again. He was sure the news that he had been abandoned had spread like wildfire through the castle. All the students were probably getting a kick out of it. 

Reaching into his pocket, Severus slowly withdraw a small pocket knife he kept there. Opening the blade, Severus placed it against the skin of his wrist and made a slicing motion in the air. One good jerk would be all it took if he could hit the vein. Severus lifted it high enough to start the motion when he screamed, clutching his hand to his chest. The blade clattered to the floor and disappeared underneath his shower curtain. 

"What..?" Severus asked as he looked at his hand. For a brief moment the blade handle had felt like it was a burning brand but his hand looked fine; no red mark, no nothing. 

"Severus?" came Dumbledore's voice from the bedroom. "Are you all right?" 

"Fine," Severus snapped. "Just leave me alone." 

Scooting over to the knife, Severus moved the curtain back and attempted to reach for it again when the small thing skidded away. Angry, Severus crawled to it when the blade part turned towards the wall and flew so fast towards it that it jammed itself into the wall. The handle disappeared and the knife blade could no longer be seen. 

The door opened. 

"Severus?" Dumbledore said, walking to him. "I'm sorry. I didn't know telling you would upset you so much. I'm sorry." 

Severus shrugged, his hair in his face, and got up, shaking a little at what had happened to his knife. Had that happened or was he imagining things? 

Dumbledore grabbed his arm. "Severus?" 

"Leave me alone," Severus angrily replied, tearing his arm out of Dumbledore's grasp. "I'll get over. Just a stupid thing anyway. I'm acting like an overgrown child, as usual." 

He went to his bed and lied down, willing Dumbledore to leave, as he drew the curtains. Something he never did. Encased in blackness, Severus stared up at nothing, wishing to cease existing. Maybe if he held his breath? No... and plus he didn't really know what was going to happen after he died. And frankly, Severus didn't want to find out until he had to. Life, as horrible as it was, was all he had to hang onto right now. 

Severus rolled over onto his side and closed his eyes. Wishing the nightmare would go away. 

****************************************************************************** 

Dumbledore sat down, feeling much older than his one hundred and fifty years, as he looked at the closed black curtains. Why had he told Severus that he knew he had been abandoned? He should have just pretended he didn't know. And telling him that Remus and Harry knew had just destroyed whatever grounds Dumbledore had gained that day. 

And Dumbledore was just now beginning to realize how little he had really talked to Severus over the years. He gave Severus orders all the time but Dumbledore had never taken the time to just talk with him; to understand why he felt the way he did about things. And Harry's third year Dumbledore had just dismissed Severus's concern about Sirius and Remus being in league together as that of a jealous schoolboy who needed to grow up instead of making Severus feel that his concerns mattered to Dumbledore. He should have talked to Severus, a long time ago, about his being abandoned. But no, Dumbledore had decided it was Severus's job to come to him. 

Dumbledore was expecting Severus to trust him based on a foundation that was not there. Remus, Sirius, and Harry all trusted him. And each one of them had others to turn to for help besides him. Severus had no one but Dumbledore to turn to and Severus wasn't about to turn to him. 

"I've really messed up," Dumbledore muttered. 

********************************************************************** 

"Jacenty," came a voice in Severus's ear. 

Severus turned to stare at the blue face of Ivan. He was dreaming again. 

"Hi, Ivan," Severus smiled as he reached out to run a finger along the creature's ear. "I'm having some awful dreams lately." 

"I know," Ivan said. "I can fix them. Where are the Lestranges?" 

"The Lestranges?" Severus said, wondering how Ivan knew about them. "You aren't supposed to know about them," Severus said, getting upset. "You are only supposed to know about my Mommy and Daddy and..." 

A blue finger touched his mouth. "I'm here, now, Jacenty. You called me yesterday night and I came." 

"Oh," Severus said, relief washing over him. "The dreams are real?" But he was dreaming now. 

"Where are the Lestranges?" Ivan asked again. "They are with Voldemort. Where is Voldemort?" 

"The Dark Lord is in a Magical castle on an unplottable island off Wales. But no one can get to it unless summoned." 

Ivan snorted. "I'm an elf. I can get anywhere I want to." 

"Oh," Severus said. "What do you want with the...." sleep overtook him. 

******************************************************************************* 

Nathan Lestrange magically floated the entire collection of "Little Wizard Owen" books onto the shelf and grinned. It was done. Sev's room was complete. Now they just had to wait for that incompetent idiot of a Dark Wizard to kidnap Severus. And now... with the possibility of raising Severus into one of the worst Dark Wizards ever known, Nathan could dispose of that man and still have the magical world changed like it should be, with the pure-bloods on top and the rest of the humans serving them. And Florence would agree. She may adore Voldemort but she would adore Severus, her very own son, even more. 

Turning around, Nathan's wand dropped as he cursed and backed into the bookshelf that he had been arranging. 

"What are you doing here?" Nathan demanded. "Your kind is supposed to be... gone... returned to..." 

The little blue creature just shrugged his shoulders. "Some of us- were forgotten about," he smirked. "I'll give you Severus Snape if you let us be his nanny." 

Nathan's eyebrow rose. "Really?" he asked, managing to stand upright again. "Why?" 

"We want him to be a child," the creature said. "He needs to be a child again." 

Nathan really didn't like the idea of a Dark Elf being out of the Shadow World but like he had a choice. Nobody, including him, knew how to take care of those things anymore. And how in the world did the creature know about him wanting to turn Severus into a child in the first place. And why did it want to be Sev's nanny? 

"Well?" the creature demanded. 

Nathan nodded his head. "Sure. Like I have a choice," he sneered. 

The creature grinned, showing his sharp little teeth. "At least we didn't come to you in our real form." 

Nathan's eyes widened. He had forgotten about that. "Uh.. sure... I mean I would very much like you to be Severus's nanny." 

"I thought so," the blue-skinned creature said. "Nice room," he said approvingly. "I will make a crystal sphere for us to live in until Severus reaches fifteen. The sphere will pass one year for every day in this world. In nine days, just in time for Christmas, Severus will be fifteen and we can leave it. Is that agreed?" the creature asked, looking at Nathan with an amused expression, daring him to disagree. 

Nathan, though he didn't like the idea of an elf, even a Dark Elf, ordering him around, thought it was a good idea. Waiting for nine years to dispose of Voldemort would have tested even his patience. This way, he could do it even sooner and Voldemort would never have a chance of knowing what he was really teaching Sev. 

"Agreed. I want Severus to be six, though youth potions are tricky and it may be a year or two off, if not more. I have the potion ready to change him already," Nathan said, picking his wand up and conjuring up a bottle full of red liquid. 

The elf reached a hand out and the bottle floated to him. "Right after the fire," the creature said. "I will make the potion work and make it right after the fire. Right after the burns. You will heal them, yes?" 

Nathan nodded, wondering how the Dark Elf knew about Severus's burns. 

"I will bring him to you," the creature promised. "But first, the sphere." 

As Nathan watched in awe, the elf sent a silver liquid from his hand that started to revolve, faster and faster, until it become a perfect sphere and hardened. The room he was standing in suddenly became bare. 

"The rooms are now furnished. Get your wife and I will get Severus," the creature said and then popped away, leaving the sphere to float to a corner of the room and settle down. 

Nathan left to tell Voldemort about the change in plans, which Voldemort was very pleased about (not having liked the idea that Severus would be out of commission for so long), and to get Florence. Nathan reflected that Karkaroff couldn't have planned his torture of Severus at a better time. The Dark Lord only agreed to allow him and Florence to change Severus into a child because he was afraid Severus was insane, and therefore useless, but he didn't want to have to kill Severus and so readily agreed to their proposal. 

The door closed behind them and the creature appeared along with a small bundle floating before him. 

"It's my son," Florence said breathlessly as she knelt before it, pulling the covers back. 

Nathan walked up behind her to see Severus laying there, as a six year old. His eyes were closed but his face was contorted with the pain of the burns he had. 

"Here," Nathan said, giving Florence a bottle of potion to heal burns as their surroundings changed around them. 

Florence carefully removed Severus's blackened shirt, not even gasping at the sight of the burned flesh, and gently poured the bottle over it. 

"Why isn't he waking?" Nathan asked. "That's got to hurt." 

"We won't let him until his burn is mostly healed," the Dark Elf said. "We don't want him to be in any pain." 

Florence gathered Severus up into her arms and the Dark Elf lead her to where Sev's bedroom was. Nathan stayed where he was, taking in this odd place and trying to remember if there was a way to kill Dark Elves. 

***************************************************************************** 

Ivan wasn't stupid. He could tell Nathan Lestrange wanted him dead but it didn't matter to him. Humans had never killed a Dark Elf before. Restrained them, yes, but never killed. And restraining would never work again in Ivan's case. Plus, if Nathan got out of hand he could always get too sick to make it through the illness. Humans were notorious at believing elves, even Dark Elves, would never hurt them. Silly things. Only his Jacenty didn't have to worry about that. 

****************************************************************************** 

"Severus?" Dumbledore tried for the tenth time. "I'm sorry." 

No answer. Sighing, Dumbledore walked to the bed and gently moved the curtains back. Nothing. Pulling the covers back, Dumbledore frowned in confusion. 

"_Accio_, map," he barked. 

The map flew to him and Dumbledore scanned it. No Severus. Not even in his rooms. 

"How... how.... but... Binny!" Dumbledore said. 

Binny appeared, looking around nervously and then relaxing, a smile appearing on his face. 

"Who was in here earlier? Who?!" Dumbledore said, trying hard not to scream. "Was there someone in here earlier?" 

Binny shook his head. "Not telling! No, not telling!" he said, terrified as he hid his face in his hands. 

"Was it a Dark Wizard?" Dumbledore asked gently. 

Binny just popped away and Dumbledore frowned at the map. Barty Crouch Junior could have jinxed it. He had had the time. He may not have reported it to Voldemort but that didn't mean he hadn't done it. But who would have known? A Dark Wizard, then? Or had some student jinxed it last night? Harry had left the map in his trunk all night, someone could have jinxed it already, making them believe that the map still worked and consequently causing them to let their guard down. But the door hadn't opened. How had they gotten out? 

Dumbledore stuffed the map into his robes and flew out of Severus's rooms. 


	10. Chapter 10: Tomatoes

Disclaimer: I claim nothing herein as my own. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

A tug on his robe and Nathan looked down to see Severus straightening himself up into a standing position. He must have tripped. Severus looked away, not meeting Nathan's questioning eyes, and stared at his feet. 

"I sorry," he whispered. 

"Did you trip?" Nathan asked. 

Severus nodded, ducking his head so the blow wouldn't hurt so much. At least the blow he assumed was coming. 

"Severus," Nathan said patiently, having gone over this countless times during the one month they had been here so far, "I'm not going to hit you." 

"I will put him upside down on his head if he hits you," Ivan said, moving to stand next to Severus. 

Nathan, amazingly enough, found himself liking Ivan quite a bit. The elf wasn't submissive to humans, one bit, but he was a wonderful companion for Severus and for that Nathan was grateful. Things were going much smoother than he had thought with the Dark Elf around. Severus had immediately taken to the small blue elf. Nathan idly wondered why Severus had taken to Ivan so easily. Probably because Ivan was shorter than him, blue, had long ears, and didn't resemble anyone that had ever hurt him. But why did a Dark Elf care so much about Severus? It was strange. 

Severus moved slightly behind Ivan, grateful for the protection, and nervously giggled. "You can do that?" he said, his voice a whisper. 

Ivan nodded his head and Nathan found himself upside down. Severus put his hands over his mouth and looked shocked, while giggling. Nathan was just as quickly on his feet again and rolled his eyes at the elf. But it worked. Severus stood beside Ivan, instead of behind him like he always did, and seemed to relax a bit more. Every day Severus was relaxing a bit more than the previous. Another month, hopefully, and Severus would start acting like a fairly normal six year old. 

"Now," Nathan said, bending down next to the raised bed Ivan had put in their yard and picked a tomato. "This is a tomato." 

Severus eyes widened. "A tomato?" he said carefully. "It grows on a plant." 

Ivan walked over and took the tomato from Nathan. Severus stayed where he was, shyly looking down at his feet and Ivan handed him to the tomato when he came back to him. "Your tomato," he said. 

Severus carefully handled it, looking quite amazed with it. Nathan wondered if Severus had ever seen a tomato before. 

"You can eat it," Nathan said. "And there's more." 

Ivan nodded his head and pointed to the green plants where the tomatoes were growing. "There's even some orange ones." 

Severus carefully walked over to Nathan, Ivan at his side, and peered into the vegetation. "There's lots! And orange ones!" 

Nathan grinned. Ivan crawled into the raised bed and motioned for Severus to join him. 

Severus looked nervously at Nathan. 

"Go on," Nathan encouraged. 

Severus fearfully smiled and followed after Ivan. Soon he was standing in the midst of plants, a small smile on his face. 

Nathan conjured a basket. "Pick the tomatoes that are red or orange all over, that means they are ripe and ready to eat, and put them in this basket." 

Ivan started to do it and Severus soon followed his example, paying strict attention to what the tomatoes looked like that Ivan was picking. 

"Very good, Severus," Nathan praised when the last tomato had been dropped into the basket. "Now, we pick the beans." 

"Beans?" Severus asked, curiously, looking around. 

"Next bed," Nathan grinned, taking Severus's hand and helping him down from the bed. 

Severus, with Ivan, ran over to the bed and Nathan instructed them on how to tell which ones were ripe. Next came the different colored corn, then the eggplants, and several other food crops. 

"Now," Nathan said, transporting the basket back to the house, "we have to pick the watermelons." 

"Watermelon?" Severus whispered, looking at Ivan. "What's that?" he said, hoping Nathan wouldn't hear. 

"It's a large melon, green and white striped usually, with a juicy red center and lots of black seeds. Come on," Nathan said, pointing to the house. "It's on the opposite side of the house." 

Ivan darted off and Severus ran after him. Nathan followed after and nearly ran over Severus and Ivan as he rounded the corner. The boy had stopped and was staring, openmouthed, at the large display before him. Here were the watermelons, the pumpkins, the apple trees, the vines for the berry crops, the sunflowers, and all the large plants were kept. How Ivan made everything grow at the same time, Nathan didn't know, and was slightly nervous about. Dark Elves were a lot more powerful than he had been taught to believe. 

"What... plants everywhere," Severus whispered in astonishment. 

"You like plants?" Nathan asked, kneeling down next to him. 

Severus nodded. 

"You can have them," Ivan said. "You can raise everything and harvest it with my help if you want. You can be a farmer." 

Severus turned to Ivan, his hands clenching together. "I can be a farmer?" 

"Yes," Ivan smiled. 

"I don't have to be a Dark Wizard," he breathed, his eyes filling with tears. 

"You don't want to be a Dark Wizard?" Nathan softly questioned. 

Severus shook his head. "No. I thought I'd have too to be safe. But... it's safe here," he said, looking around at the sky, hills, and their little house. "And Ivan will protect me?" 

Ivan nodded his head. "Yes. I will protect you." 

Nathan watched Ivan grab Severus's hand and haul him away to the watermelons. Severus had never wanted to become a Dark Wizard? But he was right about being safe. The only people in Knockturn Alley that were safe were the Dark Wizards because no one dared messed with them. So that was why he had been so obsessed with the Dark Arts. They had, unconsciously, given him a feeling of safety that he didn't get from anything else. A deep-seeded belief that to be a Dark Wizard meant no one would hurt you and you didn't have to be afraid. And for a frightened child, afraid of even dark, that would have been a temptation the child couldn't have resisted. 

Ivan seemed to be giving Severus that feeling of safety now so he wouldn't turn to the Dark Arts like he had before. But there was still a chance Severus would find the Dark Arts fascinating. Nathan wouldn't push Severus into them, but he would leave that door wide open for the boy to walk through himself. 

Getting up, Nathan conjured a knife which caused Severus, upon seeing it, to hide behind Ivan, shaking. Nathan ignored this behavior and knelt down next to a ripe watermelon and cut a piece off and extended it towards Severus. 

Ivan took it and started to eat it. Severus accepted the next piece and, while still standing behind Ivan, started to eat it. 

"It's good," he said shyly. 

Nathan grinned. "It's very good," he said and cut himself a piece out and, sitting on the ground, devoured it. 

Ivan walked over and sat himself down on Nathan's lap. Seeing that Nathan didn't mind this, Severus walked over and did the same. 

After the fourth piece they were all in need of a shower. Red sticky juice was covering their chins, hands, and had dripped on their robes. 

"Swimming time!" Ivan announced and all three off them were instantly next to a clear blue lake surrounded by a meadow of green grass and the occasionally yellow or blue weed in flower. 

"I don't know how," Severus protested as Ivan stood up and beckoned for him to join him. 

"I'll hold you," Nathan said. "Change us into swimming trunks, Ivan, please." 

Ivan grinned at Nathan saying please, but it was the only way to get the elf to do anything. Once they were in their swimming trunks Nathan picked Severus up, who tried to hold himself as far away from Nathan as he could, and walked into the water. 

"Don't drown me," Severus pleaded, very frightened. 

"I won't," Nathan promised as he sat down in the shallow part. "See, you can stand here." 

Severus pulled away and walked to where Ivan was, giving Nathan a worried look. Nathan refrained from sighing. Even after a month, Severus was having a hard time trusting him but Nathan was determined to win that trust. 

Ivan looked at Nathan and then Severus, his blue ears rising just a bit, which meant he was thinking, and headed towards Nathan. 

"Carry me into the deeper part, please?" Ivan said. " Severus? Come on!" 

Severus moved his way through the water as Nathan gathered the Dark Elf in his arm and then Severus in the other one. 

"Don't put our heads in the water," Ivan said, shaking his head. "We don't like our head in the water." 

"Me neither," Severus agreed, quite serious, as he nodded his head at the elf. 

Nathan grinned at Severus's face. He was quite cute when he was serious. Taking what Ivan had said seriously, Nathan slowly went into the deeper water but kept both of their heads above water the entire time. Severus's body slowly relaxed at seeing that Nathan was keeping his word. 

************************************************************************************* 

"You see, Jacenty," Ivan said as Nathan listened through the bathroom door. Why the elf called Severus, Jacenty, Nathan had no clue but Severus seemed to like it. "He can be trusted. Your Daddy said he would not get our heads wet and he didn't get our heads wet." 

"Yeah," Severus said as Nathan heard a splashing sound, "I like him. He's nice. He never yells at me. And," Severus said importantly, "Mommy is going to let me help her make something tomorrow. She said I could have whatever we made!" 

Nathan was surprised. Severus hadn't seemed interested when Florence had suggested that. 

"He wants to help you make something," Nathan whispered to his wife as she passed by. 

"He does?" she asked, stopping. "He didn't seem to want..." she trailed off as she pressed her own ear to the door. 

"What are you going to make?" Ivan asked. 

"I don't know," Severus said, sounding worried. "Maybe a bowl? I like watching Mommy making bowls. She's nice too me too! She talks to me while she does it." 

Florence's eyebrows went up. Nathan understood her confusion. Severus just sat there while she talked, coloring in his coloring book and looking down the entire time. 

"They are both nice," Severus declared. 

"Why don't you talk to them more?" Ivan asked. "They like to hear you talk." 

"They do?" Severus asked, surprised. "But children are to be seen and not heard." 

Nathan could have cursed himself as he slumped against the wall. "The stupid orphanage people told us that," he hissed. "Don't talk, don't talk," he mimicked. "No wonder Severus won't talk much." 

Florence folded her arms and leaned against the door, staring at Nathan. "When are you going to tell him that you're Michael?" 

"Never," Nathan said, his voice soft and deadly. "I made a promise to Severus that if I got adopted I would take him along but I didn't keep it. And while I slept in a nice bed, had meals, and read books Sev was stuck in the Alley, barely surviving. I'm never telling him. I broke my word to him." 

"You were told he was dead," Florence argued. "Just like he was told you were dead. It wasn't your fault." 

"I can't tell him now," Nathan said, shaking his head. "It'd only confuse him." 

"He still cries at night over your so-called death and Elizabeth's real one," Florence said, her voice trembling. "He misses you and her something dreadful." 

Nathan knew that. He could hear Severus while he cried in his sleep as Florence rocked him. But it would confuse Severus too much to see his friend as a grown man while he was still six and Nathan didn't want to do that to him. Better if Severus just accepted his friends' deaths and went on. That was what Nathan had had to do with Elizabeth's death. Well, he went on with his life after he had permanently damaged the kids that had caused that fire. Nathan grinned as he remembered visiting them once at Saint Mungo's. Poor kids, completely paralyzed from the neck down and unable to talk or hear. How old were they now? Forty-six? Forty-eight? And still alive though Nathan was sure they wished for death every day. At least he was assuming they were still alive, he hadn't bothered to check after he had gotten out of Azkaban. 

"I'm going to make a bowl!" Severus yelled happily. "A bowl made from a snake rope and then one on Mommy's potter's wheel! I want to see which bowl is better." 

Florence smiled at Severus's interest in what she did. It was a hobby that Nathan had introduced her to while still at Hogwarts, to keep her calm, and she loved it. 

"Severus?!" Florence called through the door. "Want to start making something tonight?" 

"Okay," Severus shyly called back. "Er... yeah... I'll be there in a minute!" 

"Good, Jacenty," Ivan said approvingly. 

It wasn't long before Nathan was sitting next to Ivan while Severus and Florence worked on the potter's wheel. Severus was standing between Florence's legs while she held his hands against the clay and directed them in the process of making a bowl. Severus looked excited. Just like he had looked when he had seen all the plants that afternoon. 

Nathan grinned. They were getting through to Severus, slowly, but they were getting through to him. 

************************************************************************************** 

Dumbledore stepped inside the classroom, aware of how unusual this was, but more aware of Draco's expression upon seeing him. The boy looked horrified. 

"I would like to see Draco for a minute," Dumbledore explained to Professor Flitwick. 

Flitwick nodded his head and Draco, forgetting to get his stuff, ran out of the classroom, slamming the door behind him. 

"Where's Snape?!" Draco demanded, his gray eyes wide with fear. "Why aren't you watching him?" 

"I don't know how, Draco," Dumbledore gently explained, his voice trying hard to tremble but Dumbledore wouldn't let it, "but Severus is no longer in Hogwarts. I had the Marauder's Map. Nothing showed on it. Nothing at all. Binny, a house-elf, was scared of something but..." 

Draco didn't wait to hear the rest as he ran towards the kitchens. Dumbledore followed him, wanting to speak with Binny himself. Binny, however, would not speak. 

"Tell me!" Draco screamed, his face streaked with tears. "Tell me who has him!" 

Binny was in no better shape than Draco. His nose and eyes were running and he kept shaking his head, trembling. 

"Dobby knows," Dobby suddenly said, his own voice trembling with fear. "Dobby popped in after Binny came back because Binny was so scared. Dobby was invisible like... like it was." 

"What was it?" Draco asked tiredly, wiping his face with his sleeve, not expecting to get anywhere with Dobby either. 

Dobby squeaked, then drew himself up to his full height, and though his hands were covering his face, he tried to look brave. "A... a.. Da... Dark Elf," he gasped out. 

"A Dark Elf?" Dumbledore repeated. A Dark Elf? But those had been all banished back to the Shadow World thousands of years ago. 

"What was a Dark Elf doing around Severus?" Dumbledore asked Dobby and Binny, as if they had an answer. 

Binny mopped his face with a towel another house-elf had given him. "He.. he said that Jacenty was his." 

"Jacenty?" 

Draco stopped in mid-motion of wiping his eyes. "Jacenty? That was one of the names Snape gave me, remember?" 

Dumbledore thought back to when Severus had still been in the hospital wing and had given Draco a list of names and a potion too. "Yes. Jacek, Illyana, Cezar, and Vasya too, right?" 

Draco nodded. "Yeah." 

What did that mean? Dumbledore wondered. And how did a Dark Elf escape being banished back into the Shadow World? Well, that last wasn't too hard to believe. It took a long time to get all of the Dark Elves banished and some of them, maybe many of them, might have had time to escape. But they certainly had been keeping a low profile if that was the case. Dumbledore had never heard of one until know. 

"Draco, I know you don't like Harry, Ron, or Hermione, but I'm going to need all the all help I can on finding out where Severus is...." 

"Tell them, I don't care. Tell Lupin when he recovers from the full moon. Tell anyone, just get Snape back." 

Dumbledore smiled at him, placing a hand on Draco's shoulder. "Thank you." 

"I'm going to ask my father if he knows anything." 

"You're excused for the rest of the school day," Dumbledore said, conjuring a piece of parchment and signing his name to it underneath the hastily written excuse note. "Give that to anyone who bothers you." 

Draco took the parchment and headed off to send his father a note. 

"Dobby, Binny, what else do you know about this Dark Elf?" he asked. 

Dobby shook his head. "Dobby knows nothing else, sir." 

"Binny knows nothing else, Professor Dumbledore!" Binny wailed. 

"Have either of you ever seen another Dark Elf before?" he asked. 

They both shook their heads. 

"Luly has, Professor Dumbledore, sir," a small, female, house-elf said, her eyes wide. "Luly saw a Dark Elf with a human man where I worked before. He visited us. He was very sad. No one but me saw her." 

"Who was the man?" Dumbledore questioned, bending down to look the house-elf in her eyes. 

"His name was Dimitrius Savin," she reported. "The Dark Elf told Luly not to be afraid." 

Dumbledore gently smiled. "Thank you, all. I'm sorry, Binny, but I had to know where Professor Snape was." 

Binny nodded his head. "Binny understands." 

Dumbledore quickly left to write out a note for an owl to take to this Dimitrius Savin, hoping that the Dark Elf that had taken Severus wasn't in league with a Death Eater. But why would a Dark Elf take Severus in the first place? 


	11. Chapter 11: Dimitrius

Disclaimer: I claim nothing herein as my own. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

"Michael was always braver than me," Severus said, while lovingly tracing the name Michael that Nathan had written for him. "He was strong too," he said. 

Nathan stared at the name as Severus changed position to get more comfortable on his lap. Nathan hadn't been the strong one, Severus had. Nathan hadn't ever forgiven the world for what it had done to him but Severus had and tried to make the most of himself while Nathan hadn't bothered. And Nathan's life had been easy compared to Severus's. 

"No," Nathan said, hugging Severus to him, "you were the brave one." 

Severus shook his head, looking ashamed. "I get scared. Michael never got scared." 

Nathan put the notebook on a side table and gently smiled at him. "Severus, there is no shame in getting scared. Remember yesterday when you hurt your arm because you pushed Mommy out of the way when that shovel fell down?" 

"I was scared," Severus said. "I didn't want to get hurt." 

"But you still did it, right?" Nathan persisted. 

Severus nodded his head. "I didn't want Mommy to get hurt." 

"That, Severus, is bravery. Being scared of something and still doing it because it is the right thing to do." 

"Brave people get scared?" he asked softly. 

"Yes. Little Wizard Owen gets scared. Remember when he was fighting that Troll? He was scared." 

"He didn't say he was," Severus questioned, confused, his little face worried. 

"It said he was terrified," Nathan explained gently. "That means scared." 

"Oh!" Severus said and Nathan decided to ask Severus more questions as they read those books. He had forgotten how many words Severus probably didn't know. 

"I wish I was a good boy like Little Wizard Owen," Severus said, shaking his head, and looking wistful. 

"You are. In fact Michael and Elizabeth showed me and Mommy were you were because you were so good." 

Severus pulled away to stare at him, his face serious and wide-eyed. "They did?" 

"Yes," Nathan said. "Me and Mommy were searching for the best little boy in the world and Michael and Elizabeth came to us to tell us where he was. That was you. Michael said it was his time to go but he wanted to make sure you had a family before he left and he knew me and Mommy would be good parents to you. Elizabeth gave me this to give you," Nathan said as he pulled out a silver chain from around his neck that had a discolored metal ring hanging from it. "She said she loved you." 

"It is Elizabeth's!" Severus cried. "She gave it to Michael that night before the fire to keep it safe! It was her ring. She found it the gutter one day." 

"You found it, remember," Nathan reminded him. "Elizabeth told me you had given it to her." 

Severus blushed. "She said it was a wedding ring and she was going to marry me when we got big," Severus looked back up at Nathan, his eyes wet. "I miss them." 

"I know," Nathan said, hugging Severus back against his chest. 

"I was afraid I would never get adopted. That no one would ever want me," Severus said, as he buried his face in Nathan's robes. "I would try to be good but..... I'm not. An evil child can never be good. And no one wants an evil child. Or an ugly one..." he said, his voice choking. 

Nathan felt his face flush with fury. How many times had he and Severus been told they were evil in that orphanage? And how many times had Severus been told he was ugly? Nathan had decided to show the world how evil he could be while Severus struggled to be good, with no one ever noticing it. And Severus's looks had always been against him. 

"You are good," Nathan said. "Remember that is why Michael and Elizabeth showed me and Mommy were to find you. Because they both knew you were so good. They wouldn't have showed us where you were if you were a bad child. And me and Mommy would be sad without you. And you are not ugly." 

Severus lifted his head up, tears streaked his face. "You'd be sad without me?" he asked, his voice hopeful. 

"Very sad," Nathan assured him, holding his face in his hands and wiping Severus's tears away. 

Severus closed his eyes. "I want them back! I want Michael and Elizabeth back," he said, trying to control himself so he didn't cry. 

"I know," Nathan repeated, running a hand up and down Severus's back. "It's okay to cry, Severus. I won't get angry. Go on," he encouraged, "cry." 

Severus's face contorted and he flopped against Nathan's chest, sobbing, his small body trembling and shuddering. 

Nathan didn't dare try to make Severus stop crying. He needed to cry. Nathan doubted he had been allowed to cry that first time when he had found out he and Elizabeth were probably dead. The stupid orphanage people wouldn't have let him. They threw cold water on kids for crying. Or hit them. A child quickly learned to bottle up all emotions, except anger, there. Anger was something that couldn't be beaten out of a child, it just simmered there, waiting to explode. 

Ivan popped in next to Nathan and smiled at Severus and him. "He is getting better," Ivan said approvingly. "You are a good father." 

Nathan smiled. Only to Severus, though, only to Severus. 

"Where's Florence?" Nathan asked, running his fingers through Severus's clean hair. Ivan made a potion everyday to wash it with so it was never greasy. 

"She is making something for Jacenty," Ivan said. 

Nathan gently moved Severus so he was more comfortable and started to rock. All their chairs were rocking chairs now, thanks to Ivan, because Ivan noticed that Severus loved the motion. The boy kept crying and Nathan just held him, letting the hours tick away. 

"How is he?" Florence asked, startling Nathan awake. 

Nathan wiped his eyes and looked around. Fourteen hours had passed by with the two of them just rocking. Nathan's stomach ached but he wasn't about to move until Severus was ready. 

"He's okay," Nathan said, yawning. "Crying is good for him." 

Severus opened his eyes and shyly looked around, slightly afraid of having cried. His eyes and nose were red and puffy and his face was streaked with dried tears. Florence kissed the top of his head. "I love you, Sevvie," she said. 

Severus's face froze. "You... you love me?" 

"Yes," Florence said, "I love you." 

Severus blushed scarlet and ducked his face. "I love you too," he ventured, and Nathan wondered if Severus had ever heard those three words directed at him before. 

Florence hugged him tightly. "You're so sweet. I love you very much." 

Severus started to cry again. Florence gently leaned him against Nathan's chest and scratched his back while she knelt by the chair. 

"He's very emotional," she whispered to Nathan, concerned. 

"It's to be expected," Nathan said, keeping his voice low so Severus couldn't hear over his racking sobs. "I never saw him cry. I guess he figured since I didn't, he shouldn't." 

Florence shook her head. "Poor baby," she said. "But he's our son now so he'll be okay. Severus," she said, kissing his temple and helping him sit up. "I made you a bowl with Ivan's help," Florence said, moving a large bowl into their sight. 

It had three children carefully drawn on it in silhouette, two little boys and a girl in between. The children and a band on the top and bottom of the bowl were reddish color while the background for the children was white. It was very nice looking, one of Florence's best. 

Severus wiped his eyes and eagerly took the bowl. "It is me, Michael, and Elizabeth!" 

"Yes," Florence said, smiling at him. 

Severus stood up on Nathan's legs, carefully handing the bowl to Nathan, and hugged Florence. "I love it," he said, sobbing a little again. 

"Good, Sevvie," she said. "And I got a little medallion for you to carry around with the same design on it." 

Florence handed Severus a clay medallion, with the design on it. It had a leather cord through it to make it into a necklace. 

Severus felt it, smiling through his tears. "Thank you. It's pretty!" 

"Put it on," Florence encouraged, taking it and slipping it over his head. Nathan then slipped the ring around Severus's neck too. 

Severus smiled. "Michael and Elizabeth will be with me always now," he said, nodding his head and hugging the bowl. 

"Let's put it in your room," Nathan suggested. 

"Okay," Severus agreed and Nathan got up, holding Severus to him and making sure he didn't drop the rather heavy bowl. 

"I'm going to fix something for you two to eat," Florence said as she headed to the kitchen. 

Ivan walked behind Nathan as he went to Severus's bedroom. Once there, they stood in the doorway, looking for a nice place to put the bowl. 

"I'd rather have it in your room," Severus said softly. "So I can see it when I wake up," he whispered. 

"Let's do that then," Nathan smiled as he headed towards the bedroom where he and Florence slept; and Severus since they had turned him into a child. Their bed was rather crowded, having four people in it since Ivan always slept with Severus. 

They put the bowl down on one of the end tables and magicked it to stay there so it wouldn't get knocked over. Looking down at Severus, Nathan touched his nose. Severus flinched. 

"Ivan, can you make his nose into a regular sized one?" 

"Yes," Ivan said as Nathan sat down on the bed and turned Severus to face Ivan, being careful to keep his arms around the little boy. 

"I can have a normal nose?" Severus asked, his eyes excited, as he looked up at Nathan and then at Ivan. 

Ivan nodded his head and carefully stroked Severus's nose with two long blue fingers. "It is normal sized now." 

Conjuring a mirror, Ivan flipped it around and Severus peered at his face. He was shy about it, and tried to avoid looking at his reflection but he wanted to see his new nose and eventually, after a minute, he took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. He quickly looked away, blushing, and then looked back. 

"It is smaller," he said. "But I'm still ugly," he murmured, disappointed. 

"Says who?" Nathan demanded. "I think you're cute. Not as cute as me but you're cute." 

Severus shyly looked up at Nathan. "You think I'm cute?" 

"I think you're very cute," Nathan told him. 

"I think you're cute too," Ivan said, pushing Severus's hair out of his face. "And elves never lie." 

Severus buried his face in Nathan's robes again, out of embarrassment this time. 

"I think Mommy has the food ready now," Nathan said, standing up and holding Severus close enough to him that he could still keep his face hidden. 

"What's wrong with Sevvie?" Florence asked as they entered the kitchen. 

Nathan whispered to her what they had done and then said, "We told him he was cute and now he's hiding his face from us until we pay him some money to see it again." 

Severus shook his head, but he didn't reveal his face. "No!" 

Florence pulled him away from Nathan and he buried his face in her neck, not wanting anyone to see him. 

"I made chocolate pancakes, doughnuts, sausage, and French fries," Florence listed as Severus slowly turned his face so he could see the food. 

They were his favorites, as near as they could tell. 

Florence sat Severus down on a chair and piled the food in front of him while Ivan climbed into the seat next to him and dished his own food out. 

"Want to watch movies all day?" Nathan asked. Ivan had brought a television and some movies (that Ivan approved of) and for some reason, though the entire place was magical, they worked. "And eat junk food while we do it?" 

Severus nodded his head, as he stuck a fork in a sausage. "Eat pizza? And popcorn?" 

"And those rice krispy squares," Ivan added. 

"And M&M's," Severus added. "And chocolate frogs." 

"And ice cream," Florence added. "And root beer." 

"And cheese," Nathan said. 

When they went into the living room, the food was all there. Strings of popcorn going from one to wall to the opposite wall, popcorn balls floating near the ceiling with strings dangling down like they were balloons. M&M's, and Bernie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, floating in the air, in some places so thick that one would have to swim through them. There were frogs hopping around the floor and sugar quills drawing things on the wall (happenings from the Little Wizard Owen books). Pizza turning circles on the walls as if they were wheels and the rice krispy squares were dancing on the bookcases. Cheese cubes were stacked into the shape of a train and the ice cream was shaped into a dolphin. And the root beer was a fountain along one wall, spiraling up from a bird bath like holder and coming down, cups were dangling along the sides. 

Nathan stared at Ivan, amazed. "This is great!" 

Ivan nodded his head. "This is for my Jacenty." 

Severus gasped and then laughed, running into the room with Ivan and capturing some food. He pulled down two popcorn balls and nibbled on them and then went after some M&M's. Florence got some ice cream in a mug and put root beer in it. Nathan snagged some pizza and cheese and settled on the couch with Severus snuggling right next to him. 

"I love this!" Severus said, looking up at Nathan with very trusting eyes. "You are a great Daddy! And you are a great Mommy!" he said to Florence, taking a sip from her Root Beer and eating some of Nathan's pizza. "And you are a great Elf!" he said to Ivan, making sure that Ivan was securely snuggled in, along with him, in between Florence and Nathan. 

Florence and Nathan looked at each other. 

"No Dark Arts," Florence mouthed. "None." 

"Agreed," he mouthed back as the movie, Star Wars, started to play. 

******************************************************************************** 

Remus looked around at the assembled group (Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Arthur, Molly, Dumbledore, Moody, McGonagall, Draco, and Sirius (Draco had been told all about him)) while he quietly sipped at the headache curing potion that Madam Pomfrey had given him that morning. He couldn't believe it. Severus had been kidnapped from Hogwarts, even with Dumbledore in the same room, by a Dark Elf! 

And now they were waiting for a Dimitrius Savin to show up because he had a Dark Elf too and Dumbledore wanted to know more about the creatures. 

"Father didn't mention anything about a Dark Elf," Draco said, filling everyone in on what Remus had heard him talking about to Dumbledore earlier in the day. "He just said that Lestrange found a way to make a year pass by for every day and that when Snape hits fifteen they are coming out. The room that was supposed to be Snape's bedroom is sealed off. No one can break into it to see what is happening in there." 

Sirius swore. "Great," he muttered. "The Lestranges are bad enough by themselves, we don't need another one added to the list." 

Remus felt the same way. 

A knock on the door and Arthur got up and opened the door, being careful not to let the person see Sirius yet. A man hobbled into the room, using a cane and in obvious pain. He glanced around at everyone, no emotion flickering across his gaunt and strained face, as he looked at Dumbledore. 

"I got your message," he said as Arthur closed the door. "Emerald, show yourself." 

A little blue elf appeared by him. Remus frowned. That was a Dark Elf? The creature looked... cute. With its blue face, round nose, long ears, and large green eyes. 

"Dimitrius Savin," he introduced himself, slightly wheezing, as he leaned on his cane. Remus studied his face. The man wasn't that old. "How can we help you? Your letter wasn't very clear." 

"We have a teacher here, Professor Severus Snape, who was kidnapped, we believe, by a Dark Elf," Dumbledore explained. 

Dimitrius looked down at his elf. "Kidnapped?" 

The elf shook her head. "Dark Elves don't kidnap unless they have reason too." 

"Was he in trouble?" Dimitrius asked as Moody pulled out a chair for him and beckoned him to sit down. The man smiled and gratefully did so. 

"He wasn't in trouble," Sirius snapped, "until..." 

Dumbledore held up a hand. "He was taken to two known Death Eaters and we believe turned into a child." 

Dimitrius seemed shocked. "My word!" 

"Here's a picture of him," Dumbledore said, sliding a picture over to Dimitrius. "Do you have any idea..." 

He trailed off as Dimitrius, who was looking at the picture, slowly rose, his face paling and his breath coming in shorter gasps. 

"What is it?" Moody growled. 

"Where was he raised?" he man asked softly. 

"Knockturn Alley," Remus supplied, wondering what was wrong. 

The man laughed, a cracking one, devoid of any amusement. "One of the few places we didn't look. We didn't think Vasya would do that to her baby," he said, slumping down into his seat. "Thank goodness she did that though. Their child is still alive!" 

"Vasya?" Draco said, staring at Dumbledore than at the man. "You know the name?" 

"Yes, Vasya and Cezar," Dimitrius said, tapping the picture. "This boy is the spitting image of his grandfather. Cezar's father. That would explain why a Dark Elf has him. Ivan was Cezar and Vasya's Dark Elf." 

"Ivan!" Dumbledore said. "Severus said he called to Ivan and then he later said that Ivan was there. I thought he was imagining things." 

Remus was very confused. "You know his parents, then?" 

"Are they still alive?" Dumbledore asked. 

Dimitrius closed his eyes. "Cezar was my best friend when we were in school. Vasya and the two of us used to do things together all the time," Dimitrius opened his eyes, and tears slowly streamed down his face. "I murdered them." 


	12. Chapter 12: Draco

Disclaimer: I claim nothing herein as my own. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Remus could do nothing but stare at the man as Dimitrius struggled to compose himself. 

"You murdered them?" Dumbledore questioned, his voice unbelieving. 

Dimitrius opened his eyes, a steely glint in them. "Yes, I murdered them. I had no choice." 

"There's always a choice!" Sirius growled, sounding quite like his Animagus dog form. 

The man laughed, a grating sound, harsh, and devoid of any amusement. "I'm glad you believe in that fairy tale." 

"Why did you have to murder Snape's parents?" Harry asked, his tone incredulous. 

Dimitrius looked over at Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who were staring at him with bewildered and shocked faces. Especially Harry, whose own father had been betrayed by a friend of his. McGonagall and Molly had their hands to their mouths, both looked appalled. Remus was struggling with his own expression, not wanting to look too disgusted with the man before he knew the story. 

"We lived in a country with a very rigid social structure. A person didn't move out of the class they were born to. The peasants, naturally, were on the bottom and treated like animals, then came the craftsmen, then the nobles, then the high-ranking military men, and the Emperor. 

"Cezar Raskov was Emperor Istvan's General. Basically he was the second in command of our country. A more brilliant military mind I have never met nor read about. Cezar, at the age of fifteen, was given command of an army, his father's army, when his father was murdered on the battlefield. The rebels didn't kill Cezar, not thinking that a fifteen year old could do them much damage and besides his father had trained him and Cezar's father wasn't that good of a General. They were sadly mistaken. Cezar earned the nickname 'The Slaughterer' that day." 

"What was a fifteen year old doing on a battlefield?" Molly asked. 

"Training," Dimitrius said softly. "Cezar had done mock military skirmishes before and his father believed he was ready for the real thing. A General needs field experience and that was what Cezar was given. 

"I was raised by a noblewoman but I was not born one. When I was eight there was a famine in our country and the peasants, my people, were the hardest hit, of course. The famine actually wasn't that bad, the entire country could have made it through if the nobles had had brains in their heads. But nobles are famous for being brainless. We were lower than dogs to them and they took our food without even thinking of how we were going to survive. They could do magic and we couldn't so we couldn't even defend ourselves. My little sister died that year, from starvation, and my father went crazy. He tried to find food, food to feed his family with, and he was murdered for it. 

"A noblewoman came to our house and asked my mother to give her one of us so she could have a son again. The woman's husband and son had died, from one of the illnesses that often plagued our country. Now when I noble asks a peasant something, the peasant has no choice but to do it or suffer death. I, seeing more than just one opportunity, quickly agreed to do it. I sent home food and clothing for my family and learned magic. I was forbidden to tell anyone that I was a peasant because the noblewoman could get into a quite a bit of trouble for pretending a peasant was a noble but things worked out and no one found out. 

"Cezar and I met at school. We both went to Stribog Academy, the country's school, and went into the military house there. I never told him I was born a peasant, but I always remembered it. Cezar was training to become a General for the Emperor, like his father, and I was training to win the peasants freedom." 

"Not a good match," Arthur softly whistled. 

"You're telling me," Dimitrius said, his voice tired. "We got into an unbelievable amount of arguments over our different beliefs but neither of us could change the other's opinion. Cezar was very loyal. He believed each person was born to their station in life, the class they were born into, for a reason and it was their duty to accept it and make the most of it and he, and no one else, had any business challenging it. I didn't believe it. I firmly believed that people were equal and should be treated as such. And if they weren't, they had the right to fight to gain that equality." 

"Sounds like he was just saying that so he could enjoy being a noble," Moody growled. 

Dimitrius shook his head. "No. Cezar hated being a General. He hated the training, he hated the theory, he hated everything about his position, he couldn't stand it. His love was painting and drawing and he was a wonderful artist. I still have many of his works." 

"Then why did he do it?" Hermione asked. "Why didn't he quit being a General and become an artist?" 

"I told you. Cezar believed a person had a duty to fulfill the station they were born to. He was the General's son and it was a hereditary position. It didn't matter than he hated being a General, it was his duty to be a General, and he was the best General he could be. Being an artist was something he did in his spare time. Cezar wasn't a hypocrite, he lived what he believed. And that was why I had to kill him. The older I got the more I realized there was no chance of changing the system through any means but a revolt of the peasants. And Cezar had to go. With him around the revolt wouldn't have stood a chance. As it was, even with him gone, it took twelve years of fighting to gain our freedom. And about ten years more to firmly root it down." 

"Why were you after Severus?" Dumbledore asked, as Remus tried to digest everything that Dimitrius was saying. 

"I was afraid that Cezar's child would turn out to have his military mind. I couldn't afford to take the chance that the child would come and topple us over. We barely managed to win the freedom and it was something that I knew could be taken from us rather easily. We were just very lucky that our country was unplottable, between Hungary, Romania, and the Ukraine, and nearly everyone on this planet has forgotten about us. Having no outsiders joining either side helped quite a bit. But Cezar's child wouldn't be an outsider and I was very worried about him or her gaining allies and coming back to take revenge. That was why we were searching for him or her until it became clear that we didn't have to worry anymore and it wouldn't matter if he or she did come back. We were too strong by that time and the nobles had been about all killed off." 

"You didn't know if Cezar had a boy or girl?" Hermione asked softly. 

Remus glanced over at the kids. They still looked confused, but thoughtful too. 

Dimitrius shook his head. "No. Cezar knew there was an unrest among the peasants. I was teaching them basic magic to help in the revolt and word of that got around. He knew he might be a target and he wanted to keep his child safe so he never told anyone, but Ivan I guess, that he and Vasya had a child. We planned the attack on him very carefully. Our activity slowed down quite a bit for about six months before the attack and we attacked both him and the Emperor on the same night. We killed the Emperor and his entire family and tried to kill Cezar and his entire family. I came into the house and put an iron collar around Ivan that had many spells embedded into it. Spells that prevented him from turning into his real shape, or apparating, and doing any magic and went after Cezar. I slowly went through the house and killed Cezar as he slept. Not very romantic or heroic, I know, but Cezar could beat me in a duel every time and it wasn't a chance I was willing to take. Vasya woke immediately, threw a knife in my leg, the wound has never healed, and ran to get her daught.. her son. I called for help and the others stormed the house. Vasya got away, killing three of us in the process. She must have put an illusion charm on Severus because everyone thought she had a little girl in her arms. 

"I don't regret what I did, but I do regret having to do it," Dimitrius said. "My children can learn magic and I don't have to worry about them starving to death while some noble lets food rot in their pantry. I saved more people than I murdered." 

"Wasn't there some other way..." Arthur said softly. 

Dimitrius shook his head. "No. Either the nobles had Cezar's opinion on the matter or they were too consumed with the lust of power to ever want to change. It's not just the power hungry you have to watch out for in a corrupt system, it's those that support it." 

"Would Snape have been raised to be a General?" Ron asked. 

Dimitrius nodded his head. "Yes." 

Dumbledore shook himself. "I'm going to have to think about all that you have to told me. But I asked you here to find Severus. He's with the Death Eaters, the Lestranges, and is there anyway to find him?" 

"Only if Ivan will let you," Dimitrius said. "And he is not happy. I didn't dare take that iron collar off him that night but he somehow found a way to get it off. He nearly killed me when he came back but he relented. He understands why I did what I did and he can't fault me for it. But now I understand why he was so upset. He was worried about Severus. I know he's been wandering around the world since that time. I just didn't realize he was trying to find someone." 

"Severus mentioned something about calling to him?" 

Dimitrius nodded his head. "To call a Dark Elf, you say their name and then you say come here. Ivan, come here, is how you would call Ivan. But he's only going to show if wants to." 

Remus rubbed his neck, feeling his head tighten. This was a mess. 

"We have got to find Severus," Dumbledore said heavily. "Can Emerald locate Ivan?" 

Emerald shook her head. "Don't worry. Ivan will take good care of Jacenty. Jacenty is his, not yours." 

Dumbledore jerked back, as if slapped. "What?" 

Emerald looked patiently at him. "I know you care for Jacenty, I can tell, but Cezar and Vasya gave Jacenty to Ivan. Ivan," she said, turning to Dimitrius, "told me so. He told me about his Jacenty and how he had to find him. I've been helping Ivan try to find him for years. Jacenty is Ivan's responsibility, not yours. He is where he needs to be know, in Ivan's hands. None of you need to worry about him." 

"I can't trust him to Dark Elf!" Dumbledore said, shaking his head. "He's my..." 

"He is not your responsibility," Emerald stopped him. "He is Ivan's." 

"That's not fair," McGonagall interrupted. "Severus needs to be here, where he belongs." 

"He is where he needs to be," Emerald insisted. "With Ivan. Jacenty has no parents now, no relatives either, Dimitrius killed them all, he only has Ivan." 

"He has us," Dumbledore said. 

"But he doesn't trust us," Remus said, his voice tired. "You've been working with him since he was eighteen and haven't gotten anywhere, maybe Ivan can succeed where we couldn't." 

Dumbledore opened his mouth when Hermione spoke up. 

"Where's Draco?" 

Remus looked over there. Draco was gone and the door, Draco had been sitting the closest to it, was slightly opened. 

"Get the map," Sirius said as Arthur got up and closed the door. 

Dumbledore conjured the Marauder's Map and slumped in his chair, throwing the map on the table. "He's not on it." 

************************************************************************************** 

Draco threw himself into the nearest bathroom, and after making sure that no one was in it, started to do something he had never done before, beg. 

"Please, Ivan, come here! I need to talk with you! Please Ivan, come here!" Draco begged, nearly crying. 

A blue elf, like Emerald but with purple eyes, appeared on the sink in front of him. "Yes, Draco?" the creature said, his voice silky. 

"Bring Snape back," Draco said. 

Ivan shook his head. "No, but you could go to him." 

Draco narrowed his eyes. Being a Slytherin, and around Slytherins, had trained him to detect when people were trying to set up a deal. 

"What do you want?" Draco asked. 

Ivan grinned, showing his sharp little teeth. "To turn you, only physically, into a child. A child of seven." 

"What?" Draco said softly. "Why?" 

"Jacenty likes you and you like Jacenty. Your ages, in the human world, prevents you from being very close, but this way you could be very close. You would both be seven, both have the same parents, both live in the same house." 

"You want me to be his brother?" Draco suddenly realized. "The Lestranges would never go for it." 

Ivan shrugged. "They will if I tell them too." 

Draco bit his lower lip, thinking. It would only be for eight days. Eight years would go by where he was but only eight days in the real world. And Draco had always wanted a brother, and a friend, and he had, more than once, wished that Snape was going to school with him so they could be friends. Vincent and Gregory were nice but they were best friends with each other and Draco, more often than not, felt like a third wheel and neither Vincent or Gregory liked to have conversations that meant anything. They preferred wrestling, eating, and making silly jokes. 

"Okay," Draco said. 

Ivan grinned and Draco found himself in a bedroom, a child's bedroom. "Your bedroom," Ivan said, handing him a steaming goblet that had suddenly appeared in his hand. 

Before he could lose his nerve, Draco drained it. A tickling sensation went up from his toes to his head and then he hiccuped. Ivan pointed a finger at him and Draco looked down to see his robes shrinking to fit his smaller frame. 

"I will tell Florence and Nathan, you wait here," Ivan said and left with a crack. 

Swallowing, Draco went to sit at the child sized table and looked around. Bookcases, cabinets, a puppet show, a bed, and a large rug to play on. Normal kid things. 

"Dumbledore's going to kill me when I get back," Draco muttered as he stared at the table top. The alphabet was around the perimeter of it. "Not to mention my father." 

But Potter always got away with everything so Draco didn't see why, this time, he shouldn't get away with something. And besides Draco was in his element. The Lestranges were Death Eaters, his parents were Death Eaters, and Draco had always wanted to be a Death Eater. But not anymore and Draco was going to make sure that no one turned Snape into a Death Eater. 

Draco stood up when the door opened and Mr. Lestrange came in, shutting the door behind him and looking at Draco, his expression unreadable. 

"So, you're Malfoy's brat, eh?" 

Draco narrowed his eyes. "No, I'm your brat." 

The man's face broke into a grin. "So I've just been informed. Normally I would have killed you but Lucius mentioned quite often how fond you were of Severus. And Ivan won't let me. I guess it can't hurt if Severus gets a brother. He likes the idea, actually. Very excited," his face hardened. "You be nice to him, do you understand me?" he said, his voice harsh. 

"I will be," Draco promised. 

The man didn't like the idea, Draco could tell, but apparently he knew better than to cross Ivan and he reluctantly opened the door to let Draco out. 

"Severus is in the living room with his mum, waiting. He's shy so don't overwhelm him." 

Draco absently nodded his head as he made his way down the hallway. Catching sight of a woman, Draco hurried his step and entered the living room, spotting Snape. He was sitting, half hidden in Mrs. Lestrange's robes, on the couch. Draco carefully walked over and sat near him on the couch. Mr. Lestrange took the cushioned rocking chair. Ivan was standing near the kitchen, a grin on his face at seeing Draco. 

"Hello, Draco," Mrs. Lestrange said, rather pleasantly, he was sure for Snape's benefit and not Draco's. "We were just about to eat supper. Ivan, can you get potatoes and chili?" 

"And pickles," came a shy voice from the hidden figure. 

"And the pickles," Mrs. Lestrange smiled. "We'll eat in here tonight." 

Draco studied Snape's clothing. Unlike the Lestranges, Snape wasn't wearing robes. He was wearing black slippers, black slacks, and a purple jacket top. All three had silver dragons embroidered on them. 

"I like dragons," Draco said, matter-of-factly, "my name means Dragon." 

"Did you hear that Mommy?" came Snape's whispering voice. "He likes dragons too!" 

The food appeared on the table in front of them and Draco helped himself, keeping an eye out so he could see Snape's face. He even snagged a pickle since Snape seemed to like them so much. 

Settling back against the couch, Draco watched as Snape did his best to stay hidden in his Mrs. Lestrange's robes while she got them both a plate of food. 

"Draco took a pickle," she murmured. 

"He likes pickles?" Snape asked, turning his head a little so he could see Draco's plate. 

Draco kept his eyes on his potato, watching Snape out of the corner of them. Snape's nose was small, normal sized now, his hair was clean and short, and he was wearing glasses! Why was Snape wearing glasses? And how did his nose shrink? And he looked rather cute. 

"He took a big pickle," Snape informed Mrs. Lestrange as he settled back against her and the couch with his food on his lap. 

Draco got up to add another dollop of chili on his potato and sat closer to Snape. Mr. Lestrange turned on a box and after a second a black and white picture showed up. 

"So, you like dragons?" Draco asked, turning to Snape with a gentle grin. 

Mrs. Lestrange slipped off the couch to sit on the floor, putting Snape's leg over her shoulder. Snape turned to Draco and shyly nodded his head, pushing his glasses up on his nose. 

"Yes. I have dragons on my bedding too. And my towels and bathrobe," he added, giggling nervously. "You are lucky to have a name that means dragon," Snape added. 

Draco had never felt lucky about it, quite the opposite. He was always getting teased for it. 

"Thanks," Draco said, finishing his potato and starting on the pickle. 

"Want to see my room?" Snape asked, holding his own pickle in a napkin and looking sideways at Draco. 

"If you see mine afterwards," Draco said, trying to remember how to act seven. 

Draco noticed Ivan pop away as he and Snape got off the couch and headed down the hallway. Had the others called him? Was Ivan going to send him back? 

A picture of a blue dragon adorned Snape's bedroom door. "That is a water dragon," Snape informed him. "They don't exist but Muggles think they do and I like Muggle mythical creatures better than real magical creatures! They are funner!" 

He sounded like Blaise Zabini. Blaise was convinced that many of the creatures that Muggles had been spotting over the centuries actually existed and it was unfair of Wizard and Witches to dismiss their findings just because they were seen by Muggles and not them. 

Snape opened the door and Draco walked in, nearly tripping in shock. The walls had dragons, elves, fairies (Muggle kind), unicorns, griffins, and such painted on them. The bed was like Snape's clothes, black with silver dragons on it. All the furniture was in bright colors to match the bright wall art and there was even a loft in one corner, and one corner was curtained off with a bright green curtain. 

"I read in there," Snape said, pointing to the loft. "Me and Ivan. I can't read yet though. I'm learning though. And on top is my Star Wars toys! Come on!" Snape said, throwing his napkin in a wastepaper bin. 

Draco followed Snape up the ladder and knelt down on the carpeted surface as Snape pulled a plastic box to him. He opened the box and started to show Draco all the little plastic figures that were inside. 

"This is Vader," he said, waving a black figure, "and this is Luke, and this is Yoda, and this is Artoo Detoo..." and on he went with more excitement that Draco had ever seen his Professor have about anything. 

Draco quit listening to Snape and just watched him. Snape was happy, content, and obviously the Lestranges were not hurting him. He was rather shy but considering how Snape had hid behind his hair, Draco had rather expected that. 

"I draw," Snape suddenly said, as he put the figures back in their box. "Want to see?" 

"Sure," Draco said. 

He followed Snape down and Snape drew back the curtain to reveal a little art studio, complete with an easel and a slanting desk top. Different kinds of paper rested in cubbyholes and there were paints, brushes, oil pastels, charcoals, pencils, erasers and colored pencils in clearly labeled boxes. Snape sat at a flat table and tapped the book on top of it. 

"I made this," he admitted with shy pride. "It is a Little Wizard Owen story." 

Draco had read those as a child. The series had come out then and he had adored them. His parents, in their determination that he turn into a young adult, and gotten rid of them when he turned eleven. 

"Can I see it?" he asked. 

Snape blushed but nodded his head. "Sure. Mommy wrote the story for me. I told her what to write and she wrote it." 

Draco sat next to him and flipped through the book. The story was cute, about a mushroom that Little Wizard Owen had found that housed a Smurf. What a Smurf was, Draco wasn't sure, but it was blue. The Smurf and his house had somehow gotten away from the other Smurfs and Owen had to find the other Smurfs. He did so and the Smurfs were together again. 

The illustrations were gorgeous. It looked like someone much older had drawn the pictures. Snape had an obvious talent. Draco narrowed his eyes, wondering about that painting in Snape's room. Had he painted that thing? 

"The drawings are great!" Draco said, smiling at Snape. 

Snape grinned and pushed his glasses up again. 

"Why do you wear glasses?" Draco asked. 

"I get headaches if I don't wear them," Snape said, shrugging. "I can see okay but it strains my eyes because I have to concentrate. I didn't even know I needed glasses until Mommy said I might. She noticed I got headaches worse after we had read a lot during the day." 

Sounded about right. Draco knew Snape had been drinking potions to cure headaches every day since he had been at school. Snape must have never realized what his problem was. 

"You look really nice with them," Draco said. 

Snape hid his face and giggled. "Thank you," he muttered. "Are you older or younger than me?" Snape asked, his nose crinkled as he parted his hands. 

"Older," Draco decided. That would make things easier. Brothers paid more attention to their older brothers than their younger ones. 

*********************************************************************************** 

Remus couldn't believe it. Ivan wouldn't listen to them. Not only wouldn't he listen to them but he had kidnapped Draco! Remus was beginning to see why Dark Elves had been banished. 

"Bring Draco back!" Dumbledore thundered at him, power radiating from his frame. 

Ivan stared at him, not cowed in the least. "No," he said, his voice flat and slightly angry. "You had your chance. Jacenty was with you for seven years and you failed him. I don't trust you. Vasya and Cezar gave him to me. And Draco made his own choice. He wanted to come, he agreed to it." 

"He's only fifteen," Remus reasoned. "You can't expect a fifteen year old to make their own decisions." 

"You let Harry Potter make his own decisions," the elf said softly. "You let him fight Voldemort. Why don't you let Draco make his own decisions?" 

"Draco has parents," Dumbledore said. "Harry does not." 

The elf wasn't swayed. 

"Ivan, do what you wish," Dimitrius broke in. "Go on back to Jacenty and Draco. It is just for eight days, though, right?" 

Ivan nodded his head. "Just eight more days. Eight days is all." 

"Don't let Voldemort get them," Remus threw in. 

Ivan grinned. "Voldemort won't." 

And with that he was gone. 

"I guess we have no choice but to wait," Sirius muttered. 

"Why did you do that," Dumbledore asked Dimitrius. "We could have convinced him." 

Dimitrius shook his head. "No you couldn't. Ivan his hurting, Dumbledore, he wasn't there for Jacenty when Jacenty most needed him. He's trying to make up for that. And it is only for eight days. Frankly, I don't see the problem. Jacenty, Severus, is safer where he is then he would be here." 

"But what about the Dark Arts?" Harry questioned. "If the Lestranges teach him the Dark Arts then Snape will become a Dark Wizard!" 

Dimitrius looked around at all of them and shook his head. "Ivan won't let that happen. Trust him." 

And that was what it all come down to. They had to trust a Dark Elf, two known Death Eaters, and a boy who had grown up wanting to become a Death Eater to raise Severus, who had always been fascinated by the Dark Arts, in such a way that he didn't become a Dark Wizard. Remus closed his eyes. It didn't look good. 


	13. Chapter 13: The Rock

Disclaimer: I claim nothing herein as my own. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Dumbledore neglected to tell the Malfoy's anything about the Dark Elf and just implied that the Lestranges had come to get Draco to be Severus's brother. Lucius and Narcissa were furious and asked Voldemort to help them get Draco back. Voldemort, however, refused to help them, telling them to stay out of the Lestrange's business. 

"You owe me, Lucius," Voldemort hissed at him. "Don't forget that. I expect thirteen years of service from you two and you seem to be backing out before the first year is even done." 

"He's our son!" Lucius defended, as angry as he dared get. "He doesn't owe you a thing." 

Voldemort stared at him, those red eyes piercing him. "He's your son and therefore he owes me," he whispered, his voice deadly. "When you two joined me, so did all your children." 

Lucius ran a hand through his hair, trembling. He hadn't counted on this. Hadn't counted on this at all. Joining Voldemort was supposed to be fun, a way to get power without getting his hands dirty, but Voldemort was angry, very angry at all of the Death Eaters that hadn't gone to Azkaban for him and had just let Voldemort make his own way back to a mortal body without helping him when they could have. This was just one example in a series of nasty choices he was making his Death Eater's make. Voldemort was taking his revenge on his followers. Only the ones that had been stuck in Azkaban for those thirteen years, and therefore couldn't have helped Voldemort, were safe from his wrath and indeed they were usually the ones that were at the center of these nasty choices. 

"My Lord, please reconsider," Narcissa begged. "He's our only son, please bring him back." 

Voldemort stared at her until she looked away, flushing. "Nathan and Florence were loyal to me. You were not," he said, his voice angry and unforgiving. "Maybe next time, if there is one, you will do better." 

Sweeping from the room, Voldemort motioned for Wormtail to follow him, leaving Narcissa and Lucius alone in the cold dark chamber. 

They didn't have to say anything, indeed they dared not in Voldemort's rooms, he probably had the place rigged to overhear any conversation, but they both knew what they had to do, and where they had to go, and who they had to talk with. 

****************************************************************************** 

"You expect me to trust you?" Dumbledore asked Lucius, his eyebrows raised. 

Lucius narrowed his eyes at Dumbledore and Remus had to bite his tongue. Lucius wasn't changing sides. He, like he had before, was just joining the side that could get him what he wanted and then, once he had it, he would turn right back around again. Dumbledore knew it, Lucius knew it, and everyone in the room knew it. But they were still going to help him. Not for the Lucius or Narcissa's sake but for Draco's. 

"We are still trying to figure out a way to get him back," Dumbledore admitted. "We don't know how but we are trying." 

**************************************************************************** 

Harry, feeling quite uncomfortable about invading Snape's rooms when he wasn't around, sat at his table and tried to keep his mind off the various things that were floating in jars behind him. Snape really needed a curtain to draw over those things; they were unnerving, especially the jars of eyes from various animals. How did Snape stand staying in a room with those things looking at him? 

When they were in here before Lupin had cast an illusion charm over the shelves to make them look like a wall but no one had thought to do that this time. Harry wished someone would remember to do it. He felt too silly asking about it since none of the adults seemed to care. 

"I'm never being a Potions Master," Ron whispered next to him, "even if that was the only job I could ever get," he said, daring a glance behind him and shuddering. "Creepy." 

Snape's rooms were their last hope at finding some information regarding Dark Elves. The Library didn't have even one sentence written about them. 

"I can't find anything," Sirius muttered as he threw yet another Dark Arts book on top of the growing pile in the center of the floor. "Snape has to have some illegal Dark Arts books laying around," he said, running a hand through his still long hair. "Where are those?" 

Dumbledore glanced up from his book, surveying Sirius darkly. "I asked Severus not to keep any, Sirius, and he agreed." 

Sirius shrugged, looking sheepish. "Couldn't hurt to ask," he muttered, turning to Harry with a funny look. 

Harry shrugged. Dumbledore was a bit touch lately about Snape, not that Harry blamed him, but they were having to watch their tongues more than normal around him. 

"Nothing!" Remus said, exasperated, as he dropped his book and flung himself on the couch next to Dimitrius. 

"You're wasting your time," Dimitrius said, for the second time since they had arrived. "Dark Elf magic won't be covered in those books. Most Wizards and Witches don't even know what Dark Elves look like anymore and they certainly don't know anything about their magic." 

Dumbledore slapped his book closed and glared at Dimitrius. "You think we should just give up?" 

"Yes," Dimitrius said. "Severus is fine. Ivan will take care of him." 

"I don't trust Ivan!" Dumbledore bit out. 

"And why not?" Dimitrius demanded, his ragged face challenging. 

"Because he's a Dark Elf," Dumbledore explained, running an agitated hand through his beard. 

Dimitrius settled back against the couch and shook his head. "Being a Dark Elf doesn't make him any less trustworthy than a house-elf. In fact it makes him more so. A house-elf would let the Lestranges get away with anything but a Dark Elf won't. Severus is safe," he said. "Get that through your head." 

Dumbledore stared at him, his hand still stroking his beard, and his eyes seemed to flash behind his half-moon spectacles, but he didn't say anything. Maybe he was too angry to say anything, Harry mused. 

"I don't like this," Dumbledore finally said, his shoulders slumping. "I don't like it at all." 

Emerald patted Dimitrius's knee. "Time for your medicine," she said, a small vial filled with a light green substance popping into her hand. 

Dimitrius made a face as he took it. 

"What is that?" Lupin asked. 

"Pain medicine. Vasya's knife was poisoned quite well," he said, draining the small vial, shivering as he did so. "And being targeted for curses and old fashioned beatings during the revolt didn't help any." 

"You do look like you've been through a lot," Sirius said as Harry remembered how bad Mad-Eye Moody looked. 

Harry wondered what he was going to look like when everything was over and Voldemort was, hopefully, finally defeated. He already had one scar and really didn't want anymore. 

Dimitrius muttered something under his breath and shrugged. "What does Severus do? I mean, what are his interests?" he asked eagerly, wanting to know, his face creased with concentration. 

Everyone glanced at each other, having no clue really. 

"Dark Arts and Potions," Remus said. "That's about all we know." 

Dimitrius looked at Dumbledore. "Is that all you know about him?" he asked, curious. 

Dumbledore settled in at the table across from Harry. "Basically. He keeps his opinions and thoughts to himself," Dumbledore said, looking slightly sad. "I do have a question for you," Dumbledore said. "Why did Severus's parents give him to Ivan?" 

A soft look came across Emerald's face. "Jacenty had an older sister, Tatiana, but she was born with many problems and had to be constantly cared for. When Vasya got pregnant with Jacenty she asked Ivan for help because she would be unable to care for both children herself and she didn't dare tell any human that she had a child because of the unrest among the peasants and Cezar, as the Emperor's General, was often gone for days at a time," Emerald grinned proudly. "Vasya knew we could be trusted so she came to us. Ivan was given both children to care for so Vasya could spend as much as time as she wanted with both but not be overwhelmed with either. Tatiana died when Jacenty was a year and a half but Ivan didn't want to leave so he stayed on. Vasya was pleased with his choice since Jacenty would have a friend to play with as he grew up." 

Harry slightly grinned. Dark Elves had the ability to develop soft spots for humans; a rather comforting thought, considering how powerful they were. 

***************************************************************************** 

"Severus, are you sure?" Draco asked as he stared at his little brother, holding a large rock with various figures (some homemade and some not): taped, tied, and glued to it. 

"Yes!" Severus said, almost sounding annoyed with Draco. "They are evil and have to go!" 

Draco folded his arms across his chest as a breeze swirled around him, chilling him. He and Severus were standing on a pier that stretched from one end of a pond to the other end, well Draco assumed it was a pond. He could see nothing but water surrounding them, the horizon was always too hazy to tell if there was land there. 

"Come on, Severus," Draco persisted. "How are you going to play Star Wars without the Emperor, or Lord of the Rings without Sauron and Saruman, or...." 

"They have to go!" Severus insisted. "The good guys need a break! Besides I can come back and get them with Ivan if I want them again." 

"Well, true," Draco mumbled as Severus nodded his head and threw the rock into the water. 

"Now everyone can be happy," Severus said, as he pulled out some figures from his pocket and laid down on the pier, beginning to play 'farming' with them. 

It was slightly amusing watching the dashing Han Solo figure argue with Frodo about where to plant the tomatoes. And Eilonwy was helping Princess Leia plant some corn. And Luke and Vader (who had escaped being thrown into the water since he was Luke's father and Luke would be sad without him) tended to the pigs. 

Draco took his shirt off and slipped into the water. The air was cold but the water was always nice and warm, perfect for swimming. Draco started to swim away from the pier, wondering about his age. He was now fifteen again, having been here for only three years, but Severus was the right age, ten. Why was Ivan making Draco grow up so fast? And how old would he be when he left this place? 

But, despite that one worry, Draco loved it here. The Lestranges rarely bothered him and Draco was left to make his own decisions and really get to know himself for the first time. He didn't have parents to please, or relatives to tell him how to uphold the Malfoy name; all he had was a little brother that looked up to him. 

Draco shook his head as he looked behind him at Severus. Severus wasn't his little brother. He was his Professor! But that thought evaporated as Severus wagged a finger at one of his figures. 

Smiling, Draco concentrated on swimming, a pastime that he was startled to realize he loved. That and many other things. His father would kill him if he found out Draco enjoyed doing physical sports: like swimming, rock-climbing, martial arts, woodworking, camping, bike riding, and flying. Flying would be okay with his father but probably not the rest. And the truck! His father would scream if he found out Draco had fixed a Muggle truck up so he and Severus could pack it full of camping equipment and drive it into the woods and over rough terrain, searching for the perfect spot to go camping on. Brooms just didn't fly very well when packed full of stuff and Ivan was insistent on them learning how to manage on their own without relying on him so a truck had been the solution for them. It was a good thing Dark Elves didn't abide by the age limit of driving. Though, actually, Draco was now mentally eighteen, just not physically yet. Maybe that was why Ivan didn't bother him about driving. 

"Draco?" Severus asked, his voice serious. 

"What?" Draco asked, turning around in the water so he could see his brother. 

Severus sat up and scooted to the edge of the pier, his shoulders slightly bent. "Mom and Dad are evil, aren't they? They aren't just pretending or being silly?" 

Draco stopped swimming, having to resurface quickly, and swam back to the pier, hanging on for balance. "I'm sorry, Severus," he said, carefully choosing his words, "but they are evil." 

"Should we be staying with them?" Severus asked, his voice trembling a little. 

Getting out of the water, Draco sat next to Severus and draped an arm around his shoulders, ignoring that he was soaking Sev. Good question. Should they stay? Draco held Severus close to him and decided that if Sev wanted to go, or thought they should go, then Draco shouldn't hold him back. 

"No, we shouldn't stay." 

Severus leaned against him, clutching him. Draco didn't move his hands, despite how Sev's fingernails were digging into his skin and hurting him. 

"Where are we going to go?" Severus asked, whispering. "I like it here. I love mom and dad but I'm afraid to stay. I don't want to turn evil." 

Draco put his other arm around Severus and tightly held him as he surveyed all those figures that Severus had. Reading all those Muggle fantasy, and some wizard, books had really helped Draco, who hadn't been raised to really know it, understand and explain to Severus the difference between right and wrong, as far as he could tell it. And that was why Severus wanted to go. 

"Listen, we can go to Hogwarts," Draco said, shivering in the cold air. 

"Hogwarts?" Severus said, as he buried his face in Draco's neck. "But who would want us there?" 

"Dumbledore," Draco said firmly. "I've been attending school there with the help of a Time Turner. I knew we would have to find another place to live, with mom and dad being evil, so I scouted out Hogwarts and I've been talking to Dumbledore about living with him. He agreed." 

"Will Ivan go too?" Severus asked. 

"Of course," Draco readily agreed. "Me, you, and Ivan." 

"All right," Severus said, taking a deep breath. "When do we go?" 

"As soon as possible," Draco insisted as he held onto Sev. 

Draco looked down at Severus's black hair and suddenly realized how much time he and Severus had been spending together over the last three years. They were never apart and they would often spend days, weeks, and even a month, away from the Lestranges while they explored the countryside. That was probably the reason why Severus could tolerate the thought of being away from them, he was used to it. 

"You can visit mom and dad any time you want," Draco promised. "Ivan will take you to them. But we can't live with them. And we really need to stay with Dumbledore so we can better learn right from wrong. I doubt if either of us know it as well as we should." 

"I'm glad you're with me," Severus said. "I would have stayed if it had just been me. I would be too scared to leave." 

Draco grinned. "That's what big brothers are for." 

Severus nodded his head. "I'm glad I have one." 

"And I'm glad I have a little brother. I wouldn't have left it had just been me. Not enough incentive. But you're enough of an incentive. I don't want you turning evil." 

"Me neither," Severus said, pulling away and looking at Draco while he wiped his eyes. "You won't turn evil will you?" 

Draco shook his head. "No. I've passed that test. I almost turned evil but I managed to stop myself. Thanks to you," Draco said truthfully. 

Severus grinned, blushing. "Should we take the truck?" 

"Yeah. We can pack it full of the stuff we are going to take and drive to Hogwarts. Ivan will help us with that." 

"Should we tell mom and dad?" Severus asked, his voice trembling again. 

"No," Draco said, not sure of how that would work. "Let's tell Ivan and then go. Come on, get your figures, we have some planning to do. Do you want to get the evil people back?" 

Severus shook his head. "No, they belong down there. Where they can't cause trouble." 

Draco grabbed his shirt and jammed it over his head and then helped Severus collect his little figures. Evil people certainly did cause trouble. Severus deserved to have a mom and dad that loved him, wanted him, and that he could stay with without the fear of turning evil. Maybe Dumbledore or someone could help with that. But no one had before, Draco remembered as he pulled Severus to him and started to walk along the pier. Well, then Draco would just be Severus's mom, dad, and big brother. Ivan would help. Ivan could be Sev's friend, actually, and Draco could become his mom and dad. That would work. 

***************************************************************************** 

"Dimitrius could," Ivan said as they stood on an open plain, packing the truck with the things that Ivan was apparating from their house. 

They had told the Lestranges that they were going on a camping trip. Ivan would tell them the truth later, once they were safe at Hogwarts. 

"Could what?" Draco asked. 

Severus was out of earshot, in the cabin of the truck, fiddling with his backpack. 

"Could become his father," Ivan supplied. "He misses Cezar and Vasya very much." 

"He murdered them," Draco said. "Why does he miss them?" 

"He had no choice," Ivan said. "Cezar was raised to believe that peasants were stupid, incapable of making their own choices, and needed to stay where they were, for their own safety." 

"That's stupid," Draco muttered, throwing another sleeping bag in the truck. 

"Is it?" Ivan hissed. "Humans believe the same thing about house-elves, trolls, giants, and the other creatures that aren't allowed to use magic, though they can and have the same right that humans have to use it. Humans just won't let them." 

"Well, yeah, that's because they aren't smart enough to..." Draco trailed off as he realized what he was saying. "Oh, man. You're right. You know if the house-elves and those other creatures did try to gain the right to use magic, I bet most of the humans would die trying to prevent that from happening." 

"Just like Cezar," Ivan said with a shake of his head. "Dimitrius wants to help. I have spied on him and he wants to get to know Cezar's son. Let him get close to Jacenty." 

"I will," Draco promised. "But how's Severus going to handle it when he gets turned back into an adult and remembers about his parents and how they were killed and that Dimitrius caused it, if he did remember that much." 

Ivan shrugged. "I think he will understand." 

Draco wasn't so sure but trusted Ivan's judgment. He had learned to explicitly trust Ivan over the three years he had been here. "When are we going to turn Severus back into an adult?" 

"When he is ready," Ivan said. "He is not ready yet but he will be soon. Thank you, Draco. You helped more than I thought you would be able to." 

Draco flushed. "You're welcome." 

Being a big brother wasn't something Draco would ever get famous for and it was doubtful anyone would care what had happened to an obscure Potions Master but it was something that Draco was very pleased with and it was something he had enjoyed tremendously. And it was something he wanted to do more of. There had to be some way for him to help out kids that needed it. 

He shook his head as he thought of all those wasted years in envying Potter and trying to outdo everyone with his grades and Quidditch prowess. He liked Quidditch but he didn't like being a Seeker, a position he had only gotten because Potter was the Gryffindor Seeker. He preferred being a Beater. Hitting that Bludger was very satisfying. 

Draco grabbed a box, filled with Severus's art supplies, and carefully put it into the truck. He hoped Dumbledore agreed to this. If he didn't, where would they go? Well, Ivan would fix that for them. 

"All right!" Draco announced. "Let's go!" 

*********************************************************************************** 

"They have been told," Ivan announced as he popped back in, between Severus and the door. That was Severus's usual position, with Ivan in the middle, so Severus could feel the wind in his hair, but today Severus was sitting right next to Draco, nearly on him too. 

"Do they want us?" Severus asked carefully, trying not to sound too worried. 

"Yes," Ivan said. "They are very pleased that we are coming." 

"Are they mad about Draco using a time turner to attend Hogwarts?" Severus asked. 

"No," Ivan said. "They knew about it. Draco has many friends at Hogwarts that he wants you to meet." 

"Really, who?" Severus said, looking at Draco. 

Draco steeled his nerves. "Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, though we can't tell anyone about Black, he was wrongfully convicted of a crime and is hiding now, Dumbledore, and McGonagall. There's also Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle, but they are kind of slow, so don't mind anything they say. If they tell you I hate Harry Potter, they have just forgotten that we are very close friends is all," Draco said, surprised that he didn't feel like gagging. His jealousy of Potter seemed to be completely gone. Well, he had had three years to sort through things. 

"I'm scared," Severus admitted. 

Ivan took his hand and squeezed it while Draco put an arm around him. "Don't worry, I'll look out for you." 


	14. Chapter 14: Hogwarts

Disclaimer: I claim nothing herein as my own. 

Author's Note: Sorry this is a week late but these last two weeks were too hectic for me to write during. I'm hoping to get back on schedule this week. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Dumbledore, standing alone outside of the entrance to Hogwarts, waited for Ivan to show up with Draco and Severus. He wasn't sure what to do with Draco. Reprimanding him had been Dumbledore's first idea but the words Draco had spoken to him only a few days ago still haunted him. And Draco was no longer a child; he was eighteen, mentally if not physically. Dumbledore was going to treat him like an adult. He was determined not to mess up with Draco like he had with Severus. 

But how was he going to convince Draco that what Draco had done was dangerous and he could have gotten himself killed? At least it all seemed to be working out right. Should he just let it go? He certainly 'forgot' about any misdeeds Harry did. And Harry had almost gotten himself killed several times. Dumbledore decided to be honest and admit that he had been worried about Draco just as he'd been worried about Severus. 

Spotting a large dark green Muggle truck coming his way, Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. What were Muggles doing on Hogwarts grounds? 

A short, black haired little boy with silver framed glasses was driving the thing while an older boy with long messy blonde hair was pointing out the way to go. Severus? Draco? He hadn't known Severus needed glasses. Yet another thing he had failed Severus on; feelings of guilt tugged at him. 

As the truck came closer, Dumbledore spotted designs on the truck; dragons. Little ones and large ones were drawn all over it. They were very realistic looking but many of them did not actually exist. 

The truck stopped and both doors opened. Ivan quickly slipped out of the truck, he had been too short for Dumbledore to have seen before. Severus slowly got of the truck and hid behind the door until Draco was out. He stayed behind Draco while Draco shut the door and together they nervously approached Dumbledore. 

"Hello," Draco said, rubbing his hands together. "This is my little brother, Severus. We were wondering if we could stay here for awhile. You mentioned that we could." 

"Of course," Dumbledore agreed, having been filled in on Draco's supposed use of the time turner to attend Hogwarts while still being with Severus at all times. "Come to my office and we can talk," Dumbledore said pleasantly, trying to put Draco and Severus at ease. "I would love to get to know your brother." 

Draco grinned. "He's great, Professor. I'm sure you'll love him." Turning slightly, he looked down at his brother. "Sevvie, get your backpack," he said warmly. 

"I'll get it," Ivan said and a backpack appeared in his hands. "Here you go Jacenty," Ivan said as he moved behind Draco and helped Severus put it on. 

Dumbledore turned on his heel and slowly walked to his office, listening to the conversation behind him. 

"Is he mad?" Severus's soft voice asked anxiously. 

Before Draco could answer Dumbledore's cheerful voice broke in. "I'm very glad you brought Severus here. I was worried about both of you." Looking back over his shoulder, he added quietly. "I do hope you like it here Severus. Hogwarts is a nice place." 

"See," Draco said. "He's not mad. He's happy we're here." 

Once seated behind his desk, Dumbledore gazed at Draco and Severus, who were sharing a seat, and noticed their clothes. Draco was wearing heavy black jeans that had seen quite a bit of wear and a bright yellow shirt while Severus was wearing dark red pants, a dark blue jacket type shirt, and black slippers; all of which had silver... a silver something embroidered on them. 

"Turtle," Draco grinned. "All his clothes have animals embroidered on them. My favorites are the dragon and snake clothes, of course." 

"What are your favorites?" Dumbledore asked Severus. 

Severus leaned back, trying to hide, and shrugged his thin shoulders. 

"Dumbledore was in Gryffindor house," Draco said. "Harry Potter's house." 

Dumbledore glanced at Draco. He didn't detect any hint of malice, jealously, or anger when Draco said Harry's name. That was big change. 

"Can I get off the Quidditch team?" Draco asked suddenly. "With Sevvie here, I don't want to spend the time practicing. And I need to work on my other sports and interests." 

Intrigued, Dumbledore leaned back. "What other interests?" 

"Well," Draco said with a fond smile. "Swimming, rock climbing, hiking, flying, woodworking, stuff like that." 

"It sounds like you enjoyed staying with the Lestranges," Dumbledore said softly. 

Draco nodded his head, running a hand through his rather unkempt hair. "I did. Mom and Dad left me alone mostly. Me and Sevvie spent most of our time together." 

"Were you two ever apart?" Dumbledore asked. 

"Barely," Draco said, his voice stern. "Never. When classes start, can he attend with me? He won't cause trouble or anything," Draco asserted, putting a hand on Severus' leg. 

"Of course," Dumbledore said with a small smile, inside his heart sank as he realized how close Draco and Severus were. There wasn't room for anyone else. 

"There is room for you," said a hissing voice in his ear. Dumbledore would have jumped if he hadn't recognized Ivan's voice. Dumbledore hadn't realized the elf was nowhere to be seen. Neither Severus or Draco heard Ivan, they were busy trying to get the backpack off Severus. "You can be Severus's friend. Draco will let you. Or even his father, if you wish. Draco wants to use Dimitrius for that but I think you would like to be it instead. Yes?" 

Dumbledore nodded his head. 

"I will talk with Draco," Ivan said and then appeared by the chair Severus and Draco were sitting in. Neither one of them noticed it. They were probably used to Ivan popping in and out of sight. 

"This is a scrapbook of Severus and me," Draco said, pulling out a black hard backed spiral book. "I thought you might like to look through it. Give it to him, Sev." 

Severus took the book and shyly handed it to the Headmaster, blushing when Dumbledore looked at him. He was shy! Dumbledore had always known Severus was a bit shy but now he was painfully shy. 

Smiling gently, Dumbledore opened the book and began to flip through it, asking questions about each picture. Maybe Draco having gone to be with Severus had been a good idea, he mused. Severus looked up to Draco and Draco enjoyed the 'big brother' role. The pictures really made it seem like Severus and Draco were brothers. Before long, Draco and Severus were standing beside him and Severus was talking a mile a minute. Once he got comfortable, he was a talker. 

"And that's when Draco dyed my hair blue!" Severus said, sounding quite scandalized. "Can you believe he did that to me!? His own brother." 

"It was an accident!" Draco defended himself. 

Severus shook his head, disgusted. 

"Never play a joke on him or have an accident around him," Draco said lightly. "And warn the Weasley twins about that. He takes great exception to it. Of course," Draco mumbled, scowling darkly at Severus, "Sevvie here likes to experiment on me with his newest potion." 

Severus put his hands on his hips, looking very serious. "I have to know if the potions work!" 

Draco playfully snarled at him and swatted his backside. "You just be careful. I'd rather not turn green again for an entire week while at school." 

Severus giggled. "That was an accident." 

"And dying your hair blue was an accident," Draco said. 

Severus looked uncomfortable. "I know. I just don't like people looking at me like I'm weird." 

Dumbledore noticed how Draco's face softened and he lightly hugged Severus to him. "I know. If your leg was broken you wouldn't say anything about it if too many people were around, would you?" 

Severus blushed and since he didn't protest Dumbledore took it as agreement. 

"I'm going to have to watch you," Draco said. "And Professor Dumbledore," he said, looking at him, "don't give Severus chocolate. He's allergic to it." 

Severus looked defeated, his shoulders slumping. "Mmm!" he muttered. 

"He also is very fond of chocolate," Draco smiled. 

Another two things Dumbledore hadn't known but given the disappointment on Severus's face, Dumbledore wondered if Severus would have even told him he was allergic to chocolate if he'd known. He seriously doubted it which made Dumbledore feel slightly better. 

Dumbledore was going to have to corner Ivan about Severus being turned back into an adult. Should they do it already or wait until... 

"When Jacenty is ready," came Ivan's hissing whisper in his ear. "I will turn him into an adult when he is ready to become one again. Not yet." 

Dumbledore slightly nodded his head, wondering how Ivan would know when. Ivan seemed to be able to read people's thoughts so he'd probably be able to tell when it was time. 

"Do you have any pictures you've drawn?" Dumbledore asked. He knew Severus drew, but he'd never shared them with Dumbledore. 

Severus nodded his head and a folder appeared on the desk. "That's my frog research paper. I just finished it last week and I illustrated it." 

Interested, Dumbledore opened the folder. The title was simple 'Frogs', and the author's name, strangely enough, was Jacenty Raskov. 

"Why this name?" Dumbledore asked. Did Severus remember his past? 

Severus shrugged. "That' what Ivan tells me to write. He says that's my name. It should be Severus Lestrange but Mom and Dad think using Jacenty Raskov is a good idea too and now I'm glad I use Jacenty Raskov instead since I had to leave Mom and Dad," he said, his voice quavering. 

Draco slipped an arm around his shoulders. "It's okay, Sevvie." 

Dumbledore was pleased about the name, especially since they could introduce Severus as Jacenty Raskov instead of Severus and no one, including Severus himself, would get suspicious. Dumbledore was worried about how upset Severus was. Leaving the Lestranges had certainly been a very hard decision for him to make. 

"Severus," Dumbledore said softly. "I'm very proud you made the decision to leave the Lestranges. You're very brave." 

Severus ducked his head, blushing scarlet. "No," he muttered. "I get scared lots." 

"But you still do the things that are right," Dumbledore reminded him. 

Severus looked embarrassed and Dumbledore decided to spare him. Maybe later they could talk more about it when Severus was more comfortable around him. 

"Severus, I think using Jacenty instead of Severus around Hogwarts would be a good idea. We had a teacher named Severus, he's on vacation right now, and it would confuse the students. So use Jacenty or Jacek while you're here, okay." 

"Okay," Severus shrugged. "Can I take notes in the classes I attend with Draco?" 

Dumbledore looked at him, surprised he would want to do that. "If you want to you can." 

"Good," Severus said, pleased. "I like taking notes. Well, actually, I draw my notes. I remember things better if I draw a picture instead of writing words down." 

"Won't you get bored in the classes?" Dumbledore asked. 

"Some classes he will be bored in," Draco said. "But some he will love. He'll just draw pictures in the classes that bore him." 

Dumbledore flipped the page of Severus's 'research' paper and stared at the first page. The script was in italic, very nice script for a ten year old, and the picture was of a small green frog sitting on a large green leaf. The colors were very vibrant and glossy. Reading the paragraph, Dumbledore was quite amazed at the style. If he hadn't known it was a ten year old, Dumbledore would have assumed a teenager had written it. 

"Did you help him?" Dumbledore asked. 

Draco grinned widely, shaking his head, and patted Severus proudly on his head. "No, I didn't. Severus did it all himself." 

Dumbledore smiled at Severus and began to read the paper. It was a paper dealing with the generalities of frogs. It didn't go into detail on any single species although on the last page was listed many species with space underneath each one for Severus to note if he had written a paper on them yet. He was about to start on researching poison arrow frogs. Dumbledore couldn't wait to see the illustrations that accompanied that one; this paper had some gorgeous ones. 

"Very good, Severus," Dumbledore said truthfully. "How long did it take you to write that?" 

"Six months," Severus said. "It takes me about six months to do my papers. I had one on dragons that I did before that. I'm going to have to redo that one some. I found some more information on dragons that I need to put in there." 

"Muggle or Wizard dragons?" Dumbledore asked. 

"Both," Severus said, his face quite serious. "They are both very interesting and maybe the Muggle dragons are real. Some of the creatures that Muggles write about we Wizards and Witches dismiss until we see them. Like Kappas and Hippogriffs. Muggles knew about them centuries before we did." 

He had a point. There were probably many magical creatures that were yet to be found. Dumbledore didn't see any reason why Muggles couldn't see magical creatures just like Wizards and Witches. 

"You like researching magical creatures?" Dumbledore asked. 

"Some," Severus said, pushing his glasses up. "I like to read about all the magical creatures there are but I only want to research some. Like dragons, basilisks, werewolves and trolls." 

"You know," Draco added, "the good ones," he said, smirking, though his smirk held none of the superiority it had always held before. This smirk was a mischievous one. "Are Vincent and Gregory around?" Draco asked. 

Dumbledore shook his head. "No, they went home for the holidays. No Slytherin is left in Hogwarts, actually. Professor Logan has taken over being the Head of Slytherin again and he will be teaching Potions." 

Draco smiled when Severus's ears pricked up. "Is there a Potion's lab here?" he asked. 

Dumbledore nodded his head, his eyes twinkling. "A nice one too. Very orderly." 

"Good," Severus said, his face stern. "I like order." 

"You certainly do," Draco affirmed. "Even his sock drawer is orderly." 

"If things are neat and in order then you can get to them real quick," Severus said, using an argument that he had once used on Dumbledore, when he had seen how disorderly Dumbledore's desk drawers were. 

Dumbledore smiled fondly, recognizing a part of Severus's real personality he'd let slip as an adult. Dumbledore was going to have to remember how much Severus disliked disorder and try to respect that. He doubted if Severus would appreciate being teased for it. 

"Well," Dumbledore decided, knowing how much everyone else wanted to see Severus and Draco, "let's go eat lunch in my rooms. There are some people that want to meet you, Severus," Dumbledore said gently, noticing Severus paling slightly. "As well as see Draco again." 

"Is Harry Potter there?" Draco asked curiously. 

"Yes, he is, along with Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, George, all the Weasley's, Minerva, Dimitrius, Sirius, Remus, and Hagrid," Dumbledore finished. 

Severus paled even worse. 

"Don't worry, Sevvie, I'll protect you. And Harry Potter fought a basilisk, Remus Lupin is a werewolf, Hagrid is a half-giant, and Charlie Weasley takes care of dragons in Romania!" 

Apparently, Severus's curiosity overrode his fear of such a large group and while he was still pale he didn't protest about having to eat with them all. 

"I'll go first," Dumbledore said. He needed to warn everyone not to fuss over Severus. "And then you two follow after me in about two minutes." 

Dumbledore got up and went through the door that led into to his private rooms. Everyone was anxiously waiting; when he came in alone their faces fell. 

"Where's Severus?" Remus asked. 

"Where's Snape?" Harry asked at the same time. 

"They're coming," Dumbledore assured them. "They've both changed, especially Draco. Don't bother Severus much. He's very shy and leaving the Lestranges was extremely hard for him. Talk with Draco as much as you want but don't talk with Severus unless he talks to you first." 

"All right," Remus agreed. "Should we start eating before they get in here?" 

"Let's sit down," Dumbledore suggested and seated himself at the head of the very large table, indicating that the two chairs next to him should remain empty. He wanted Severus to sit between him and Draco to make him feel more comfortable. 

Arthur Weasley sat next to the seat for Draco. None of the students believed Draco had changed and wouldn't risk sitting next to him. Dumbledore didn't blame them, he wouldn't have believed it either if he hadn't seen it, but hopefully they were in for a pleasant surprise. 

The door opened and Draco came in, grinning at everyone, while Severus stayed hidden behind him. Ivan walked behind Severus, making it seem almost natural for Severus to be behind Draco. 

Severus, seeing the seat next to Dumbledore, almost flew into it and slunk down in his seat, trying to hide. Draco sat next to him and Ivan conjured a stool to sit on between Arthur and Draco. 

"Let's begin eating," Dumbledore said, noticing how everyone was staring at Draco. 

******************************************************************************** 

Harry stared at Draco, unable to believe what he was seeing. Not only was Draco wearing Muggle clothes correctly, but his hair was long and rather wild. Harry had never seen his hair any other way but slicked back. The change it made to Draco's face was rather remarkable: it was no longer arrogant and definitely no longer rat-like. 

And Snape! He had glasses and was gnawing on a pickle while staring at his plate, occasionally looking around the table out of the corner of his eyes, hoping no one was looking at him. He looked.... cute. Something Harry never would have believed he could look, even as a baby. 

Harry glanced at Dimitrius and wondered what he thought of Snape. And Harry really hoped Dimitrius wasn't lying about no longer wanting to kill Snape. Ivan would take care of him if he were lying. Ivan, according to Dimitrius, could no longer be bound by any means. Even Emerald agreed with that. 

"Where is Emerald?" Ivan asked as he looked at Dimitrius. 

"Right here," Emerald said as she appeared next to Dimitrius. 

Severus dropped his pickle. "Another Dark Elf!" he cried, quite happy about it until he realized what he had done and slid out of sight. 

Harry had to put a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing, as did quite a few others, since he didn't want to embarrass Snape, though Snape had had no trouble embarrassing anyone as a teacher. But Snape wasn't a teacher, he was just ten right now. Even Sirius had agreed to treat ten year old Snape nicely. In fact, he had agreed quite readily to it. 

"So how are the dragons in Romania?" Draco asked Charlie as Draco helped Severus sit back on his seat properly. "I hear you have had lots of burns from them, right?" 

Charlie rubbed his arm with the shiny burn. "Yes. I have a new one on my back too. Dangerous job sometimes but I do love it." 

Mrs. Weasley clucked her tongue. "If I realized how dangerous it actually was I might not have given you permission. You might get yourself killed!" 

Bill grinned at his brother, slightly shaking his head so his fang earring shook a bit. Harry smiled. Mrs. Weasley had been after him since he had arrived about that 'thing' in his ear and his long hair. Now, after Charlie had told them a rather nasty tale of a rouge dragon, she was after him to quit his job. Ron said that Mrs. Weasley occasionally got after Charlie about his job but would forget about it in a few weeks. 

"Mom," Charlie said patiently, "I don't need your permission." 

Snape leaned against Draco and whispered something to Draco. 

"That's for sure," he muttered back. "If me or Sevvie had spoken to our mom like that she would have let us have it," he said, looking at Mrs. Weasley. "Well, do something to your son." 

Harry stared at Draco, unable to tell if he was kidding, being sarcastic, or what. Mrs. Weasley glanced at Charlie. 

"He's a little old for me to discipline," she said, although everyone could tell she wanted to. 

Draco shook his head. "Mom said that me and Sevvie would never be too old for her to discipline. She spanked me once. It was horrible." 

Snape giggled into his plate and stuffed a dumpling in his mouth while Draco scowled at the air, remembering. Harry exchanged odd glances with Ron, unable to believe it was Draco sitting there, he had changed so drastically. 

"What did you do?" McGonagall asked. 

"Nothing terrible," Draco shrugged. "I just backed my truck into the house and over some of Sevvie's garden. I was learning how to drive and the thing was in reverse." 

"You have a truck?" Ginny asked. 

Draco nodded. "Sev and I use it for camping. Mom didn't care about the house but she did care about Sev's garden. Very upset about that." 

Harry noticed that Snape's shoulders sagged. He certainly did miss the Lestranges, though they were evil. Well, Snape had figured that out and left them although it hadn't been easy for him. They had just adopted him four years ago, in his mind, and now he was leaving them. The first parents he thought he had ever had. The first people to love him. Snape didn't look like it right now but he was made of some strong inner fiber. Still, Harry couldn't help but feel sorry for him. At least he had Draco, though. And Dumbledore wanted to get to know him too. Snape would be all right. 

Draco rubbed Snape's back while Draco started talking about his truck and how he had restored it. Harry slightly paid attention to it but he was watching Snape mostly. And the way Snape would glance at Draco occasionally, his face adoring; Snape really thought of Draco as his older brother and probably his best friend too. Draco's use of 'Sevvie' and the fond way he kept looking at Snape showed that Draco thought of Snape as his little brother. Harry wondered how that would work once Snape was an adult again. 

Snape didn't say anything else for the rest of the lunch time and they were all dismissed so Snape could relax his first day of being away from his parents with only Draco and Dumbledore around him. 

"I wished we could have stayed in there longer," Hermione said, glancing at Harry as they collapsed on the sofa in Lupin's rooms. 

"No," Hagrid said, shaking his head. "Give 'em time alone." 

"Severus was close to tears near the end, Hermione," Remus added. "Maybe we shouldn't have even been in there. Severus needed some time to adjust without anyone bothering him." 

"When is he going to be turned back into an adult?" Ron asked. 

"When Ivan says so," Dimitrius said, looking at Emerald. "Emerald, can I talk with Ivan?" 

Emerald popped out of sight and then back in. "Not yet. He is staying with Jacenty for awhile. Tonight, when he is sleeping, you can." 

Harry wondered what Dimitrius wanted to talk about as the discussion turned to Christmas plans. All the Weasley's were staying over for the holidays (except Percy) because their house was being painted. Bill and Charlie wanted a break from their jobs and so had decided to come too. They all wanted to have a very special Christmas this year (slightly afraid they would never had another one). Harry was very excited. It would be his first real Christmas. The Weasley's were the closest thing to a family he had (a family that wanted him). It was going to be wonderful. 

************************************************************************** 

Molly glanced at Harry and hid her smile. Dumbledore, thankfully, had given them all permission to stay at Hogwarts this Christmas. Trelawney had mentioned to her in a letter that Harry had never had a real Christmas and that it was something he really wanted so Molly and Arthur had thought up this plan. They would get their house painted, Bill and Charlie would take a small vacation, and they would all stay at Hogwarts. A good idea since all their kids at Hogwarts didn't want to leave with Draco and Snape coming back during the holidays. Percy would be coming in for Christmas Eve and Christmas. The whole family would be here, something that was already making Harry happy. Molly just hoped this wouldn't be the last Christmas they all had together but with Voldemort's rise to power, it was possible that one of them might not survive the upcoming war against the Dark Lord. She frowned at the thought, hoping they would all be together for the next Christmas too. 

The conversation turned to how much Draco had changed and how shy Snape seemed to be. Molly hoped they go to see more of those two over the vacation, she wanted to get to know them both. 

************************************************************************** 

Dumbledore nodded his head at Ivan and the two of them silently appeared in his bedroom, which was now Draco and Severus's bedroom for the time being. Draco was sitting in his chair, which was now a rocking chair, and rocking Severus while he cried. 

"Why is doing the right thing so hard?" Severus asked, wiping at his eyes. 

"I'm not exactly sure, Sevvie," Draco said, hugging him close and rubbing his back. 

"I'm going to start an orphanage when I grow up," Severus said. "So all the kids can come and be wanted and loved and not have to worry about leaving if I turn out to be evil because I will never turn evil." 

"Good idea," Draco said as he grabbed a nearby blanket and tucked it around Severus's small body. 

Dumbledore frowned. Severus would never get enough money to do that with. And the Ministry, with Fudge knowing he was a Death Eater, would never let him start one. Dumbledore glanced down at Ivan. 

Ivan nodded his head. "He will start one. I will help." Dumbledore believed him. 

Dumbledore had time now, time to fix his relationship with Severus, and Dumbledore was going to take it. He just needed to take it slow. 

Severus fell asleep and Ivan dropped whatever it was that was keeping Draco from seeing them. 

Smiling slightly, Draco rested his chin on Severus's head. 

"How is he?" Dumbledore asked anxiously as he sat on his bed. 

"He has some emotional problems. Not too many but he does have a few, like most people," Draco answered. "He can't stand being alone at all, he gets scared easily, doesn't like being teased at all, doesn't like attention, and he still sleeps with me. His problems have been worse these last few months and I think it was because Severus realized that the Lestranges weren't nice people and he needed to leave them. I don't envy what he must be going through right now. They were the first people he thought ever loved him." 

Dumbledore didn't either. But at least he had done it. 

"He might be too scared to get close to you right now," Draco warned. "But don't give up. Just let him take his time." 

"I will," Dumbledore promised. He was being given a second chance and Dumbledore wasn't going to ruin it. He was always giving others second chances and it felt good to be given the same opportunity. 

Dumbledore stood up and gently slipped Severus's glasses off his face, handing them to Ivan. He just watched Severus sleep for awhile. 

"Can you dance?" Draco suddenly asked. 

"Yes," Dumbledore confessed. "When I was in school it was a subject." 

"Severus loves dancing," Draco said. "Teach him some dance steps tomorrow. He'll really enjoy it. No one at home could dance so it isn't something that will remind him of the Lestranges." 

Dumbledore was beginning to realize that Draco actually thought of Severus as his little brother. In those three years Draco had forgotten that Severus was actually his Professor and not his younger brother. But that was okay, Severus needed an older brother right now. There would be time to sort out Draco's feelings later. 

"Do we have to tell my parents I'm back?" Draco questioned, his face showing slight worry. 

"Yes," Dumbledore said. "I'll let you handle that. Draco, I'm not totally happy with what you did but I'm glad you did it. I don't think Severus would have been able to come to Hogwarts, back to me, without your help." 

"He would have," Draco said, grinning at being praised. 

"Maybe. But he would have been much older when he made that decision if he made it at all," Dumbledore said, glancing at his sleeping friend. "Thank you." 

Draco, for the first time since arriving, turned quite red. "Thanks," he muttered. "I enjoyed it. It was wonderful living there and not having anyone to please but myself... and Severus," he added, rubbing Severus's back again. "I'm going to help Severus with his orphanage idea. We can draw up plans for the building, make the furniture, and things like that," Draco sighed suddenly. "I guess you better contact my parents," he muttered. 


	15. Chapter 15: Farming

Disclaimer: All rights to the owners of Harry Potter. 

Author's Note: Updates will be monthly for now on. I need to finish a few more stories that I'm currently working on at the same time as this one. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Waking, Dumbledore grimaced. His body was sore from sleeping in a rather hard chair instead of his bed. He had been able to sleep in chairs when he was younger but that wasn't something he could do anymore! He should have conjured up a bed but Dumbledore had come in to check on Severus and Draco and had fallen asleep. 

Remembering, Dumbledore looked over at the bed and frowned as he failed to see the black haired boy. Where was Severus? 

"Daddy, are you sure you're not mad at me?" Severus' voice asked shyly. 

Dumbledore's eyes flew around the room until he spotted Severus; Nathan was holding him and standing by the window that looked out at the sea. Dumbledore tried to get up but he couldn't; he couldn't even talk. Either Nathan or Ivan had done this. Dumbledore was guessing Ivan. Nathan wasn't that strong. 

"Of course I'm not angry," Nathan said, his voice soft. "I am proud of you, like I told you. I'm going to miss you but you made the right choice." 

"You could make the right choice and come stay here," Severus said, his voice coaxing. 

Nathan laughed, but it was devoid of the mocking tone that Dumbledore had always heard in the Dark Wizard's laughter. 

"I don't think so, Severus. I'm not sorry for anything I've done." 

"You should be sorry," Severus said, his voice low. "You've done some bad things." 

Nathan shrugged. "Maybe one day I'll be sorry but I doubt it. You listen to Dumbledore, now. I can't stand my father but he will be a good grandpa for you." 

Dumbledore's eyes flew open. Nathan wasn't his son. Dumbledore had no children. Why was Nathan telling Severus that? 

"I've never had a grandpa before," Severus said, his voice quite excited. "Little Wizard Owen had a grandpa. How come you didn't tell us that Dumbledore was your daddy?" 

"I don't like him, that's why," Nathan said. "He's good and I'm evil. We don't get along. But I figured you needed to know since you're staying with him. He'll be a wonderful grandpa." 

"I'm glad," Severus said, leaning against Nathan and resting his head on his shoulder. "I was a little worried about staying here. But if he's my grandpa than he will like me. Right?" 

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. So that was why Nathan was lying about their relationship; he was trying to help Severus. Well, if it helped Severus adjust then Dumbledore would go along with it. 

"Of course, he'll love you. You're his grandson." 

Severus smiled at that and hugged Nathan tightly. "Will he mind if I call him grandfather?" 

"I'll think he'd prefer grandpa," Nathan suggested. 

Severus nodded his head and leaned back in Nathan's arms so he could play with the front of Nathan's robes. "Okay. Does he play games?" 

"I bet he'd loved to play games with you. Just ask him. And he keeps lemon drops in his pockets. Pickpocket him and you get them." 

"Daddy!" Severus said, putting his hands on his hips and scowling up at Nathan. "I'm not supposed to do that anymore. Only if I have to. And getting lemon drops is not an emergency. I can live without lemon drops." 

"At least that is what you think," Nathan said, his face serious. Dumbledore realized he was teasing Severus. 

Severus turned his head, his mouth pursed and crooked, and shook his head; exasperated. "I can live without lemon drops." 

"Really," Nathan said, his voice still serious. "Is this the same little boy who collapsed and declared he couldn't make it to the house without some chocolate in his system?" 

Severus turned red. "I was.. uh.. playing." 

"You were!" Nathan gasped. "You don't need chocolate to survive?" 

"You're teasing me!" Severus suddenly realized, glaring at Nathan; or at least he was trying to glare. 

Nathan gently smiled. "I know," he said, hugging Severus to him. "I like teasing you. Severus, I'm going to give you the sphere Ivan made, okay? I want you to have it. Your farm still needs tending and I'm sure Draco wants to keep working on his projects." 

Severus leaned back and Dumbledore watched as Nathan withdrew a small, glowing, blue sphere from his pocket and handed it to Severus. Severus took it and held onto it as he looked up at Nathan's face. 

"Thank you, Daddy. Is all Mommy's stuff gone?" he asked softly. 

Nathan shook his head. "Just our Dark Arts things and our bedroom is stripped of all our furniture. She left most of her creations for you and plenty of clay for you to experiment with. She did take some of the clay, though, and some of her equipment. Ivan made another kiln and potter's wheel for you to use if you want." 

Severus smiled. "Good. I like playing around with clay even if I'm not that good at it. It's fun. I'm going to miss you," Severus said, ducking his head a bit. 

Nathan jostled him. "You don't need to; if you want either me or your mom just get Ivan to bring us to you. We won't mention anything about what we've been doing so you don't have to worry about us corrupting you." 

"Okay," Severus said, relaxing a bit. "And try not to make the one ring of power, again. Last time, you almost got yourself killed with all those spells you tried to force into that ring." 

"Hey," Nathan defended himself, "I'm not the one who made a ring to make me invisible." 

"That was different!" Severus hurriedly said. "And Ivan let me so it was okay." 

Nathan shook his head. "Ah, yes. The many things Ivan lets you do. Like that pig you have." 

"She's cute!" Severus said indignity. 

"She's insane and she's not an oracular pig." 

"Is too!" Severus said heatedly, going over an argument that the two of them must of had before. 

Nathan suddenly dipped Severus so he was upside down and carried him over to the bed. 

"Let me go!" Severus yelled and Dumbledore smiled. He was acting just like a child, something Dumbledore had never seen Severus act like, even when he was first year. He had always been so serious and never had any fun. Of course, Dumbledore wasn't sure if making an invisibility ring and raising pigs was fun but Severus seemed to enjoy it. 

Nathan dumped Severus on the bed and bent down over him. 

"I love you, Severus." 

"Love you too, daddy," Severus said, hugging him around the neck. "Is Piggy okay?" 

"Yeah, I fed her before I came." 

"How about my bees?" 

"Severus," Nathan said, smiling down at him. "You just left this morning. They will all be fine until tomorrow morning when you have to collect the eggs and milk the cows. And I've taken care of your farm many times when you and Draco went camping for days and weeks on end so trust me." 

Dumbledore's eyebrows raised; Severus had a real farm? Dumbledore had just assumed he had one or two plants and called it a farm. 

"Do you think grandpa will like to see my farm? And Draco's workshop? And our hobbit house?" Severus asked, his arms still around Nathan's neck. 

"I bet he'll love it. Why don't you do that tomorrow? And give this letter to Draco," Nathan said, pulling a letter out from his pocket, careful not to dislodge Severus' arms, and placed it on the night stand next to the bed. "Now go to sleep," he said and Severus' arms slipped from around his neck, asleep already. "Thanks, Ivan," Nathan said, brushing Severus' hair from off his forehead. 

Nathan straightened up and turned, looking at Dumbledore. 

"Sorry about the lie but Severus will get closer to you if he thinks you're his grandpa and not just some old man who's taken them in. The sphere is now on regular time. A day will pass in it for everyday in the real world." 

Dumbledore didn't mind that Severus thought he was his grandfather. "That's fine," he said, trying to move but still unable to. Ivan must not trust Dumbledore not to arrest Nathan. "What sort of farm does he have?" 

"You'll see," Nathan said fondly. "He's very good at it. And he has four pets. You'll meet them tomorrow too. I'll be staying with them tonight until Ivan tells me I can leave," and with that Nathan was gone and Dumbledore could move. 

Odd, Nathan hadn't said one angry word to Dumbledore or even looked askance at him. But Dumbledore doubted Nathan had changed much. He had just been more concerned with Severus than with Dumbledore. 

Getting up, Dumbledore went to the letter and opened it. He knew he was violating Draco's privacy, but he didn't trust Nathan. 

_Dear Draco,_

_I've informed your father that you are back and have told him to leave you alone. You don't need to contact him. He's not too happy but there's nothing he can do and he knows it. Your summers are your own now. Voldemort has been told that you wanted to go back to Hogwarts and have taken Severus with you. Since neither of you are the right age to serve him he won't be bothering you. Yet. I'll warn you when Voldemort starts to take an interest. Be careful and don't let anyone sympathetic to Voldemort know you are against him. You have got to be watchful for your and Severus' sake._

_Nathan_

Dumbledore replaced the letter, feeling slightly more at ease. At least he didn't have to worry about Voldemort trying to get either Draco or Severus for quite some time. 

****************************************************************************************** 

The morning came and Dumbledore got up from his bed couch (Ivan had converted the chair for him) and went to check on Severus and Draco. They were gone. 

"In the sphere," Ivan said, seeing panic on Dumbledore's face. "Nathan is gone and Severus is attending to his farm while Draco is finishing up a wooden puzzle he's making for Severus." 

Dumbledore rubbed his eyes. "Why didn't they eat?" 

Ivan grinned. "They did. They made their breakfast in the sphere over an hour ago." 

Dumbledore check his watch. It was seven. "They get up at six! On their own." 

Ivan shook his head. "Five thirty. They both take rests during the day, though." 

Dumbledore shook his head in amazement and found himself in a living room with two clocks over the television set. One was for Draco, the other Severus. Much like the Weasley's clock that Dumbledore had seen once. The clocks showed where the owners were. Draco was in his workshop while Severus was brushing his dog. 

"Get back here!" came Severus's voice. 

A large black dog bounded into the living room, spotted Dumbledore, and started to bark. It was deep, booming, and Dumbledore slowly took his wand out. 

Severus tried to stop behind the dog, couldn't do it, and plowed over the dog. The little boy was wearing blue overalls today with an unknown animal embroidered on them, a red shirt, and rubber boots that went to his knees. 

"Argh!" he muttered as he extracted himself from the dog. "Alphabet," he growled. "You're driving me crazy!" he said, righting his glasses, with one hand holding a dog brush. He saw Dumbledore and shyly smiled. "Hi, grandpa," he said softly. 

"Hello, grandson," Dumbledore encouraged, having to raise his voice above the dog's barking. 

Severus beamed at being called grandson, and turned to the dog. "Behave! This is grandpa! Behave!" Reaching into his pocket, Severus got out a dog treat and commanded the dog to sit. It did so, grabbed the treat and started to bark again. 

This went on for several minutes until the dog shook its body and lumbered over to Dumbledore, sniffed him, and started to paw him. 

"Ouch!" Dumbledore exclaimed, his leg hurting. 

Severus patted his pocket. "You have lemon drops?" 

Dumbledore nodded. 

"She can smell them and she wants them. She is trying to shake your hand." 

Dumbledore extended his hand down, the dog shook it, and he gave her a treat. 

"Never teach a dog to shake," Draco warned as he came into the room. "That dog has decided that the shaking command gives her the right to whatever she wants. She'll paw you until she gets it and then start barking at you if you take too long." 

"You're the one that did it," Severus said, looking at Draco, his hands on his hips. 

Draco stuck his tongue out at Severus. "If I had known how crazy _your_ dog was I wouldn't have dared do it." 

Severus smiled widely. "Alphabet is great! Want to see my other pets and my farm?" he asked, trying not to sound too hopeful. 

"I'd love to," Dumbledore said, holding out his hand. 

Severus grabbed it and hauled Dumbledore outside to show him his farm. Alphabet followed, pawing at Dumbledore until she had consumed all his lemon drops. He was going to have to remember not to bring them into the sphere next time. 

Severus had three other pets. A tiny blue frog named Joshua, a black and white pig the size of Alphabet named Lucky Piggy (or Piggy for short), and a large turtle that Severus could ride on named Hurricane (Dumbledore was sure why Severus had called such a slow animal Hurricane). Because there were no predators in the sphere and a fence to keep the animals out of the dangerous parts of the landscape the animals were left to roam free. 

Severus had a large chicken coop and a few chickens. They had plenty of space to run around in. They couldn't be let out since they would lay their eggs everywhere and Severus wouldn't be able to find them. He had three cows that were allowed to roam around. They came to the house when they wanted to be milked. He had about three beehives that were kept quite a distance away from the house; each one next to a meadow of flowers for them to use. 

Dumbledore was impressed with the number of things Severus grew: grapes, all sorts of berries, cherries, a variety of apples (some that were hot, some that tasted like cinnamon, and some that weren't even edible), nectarines and other fruits; tomatoes, cucumbers, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, cucumbers, and many other things, even some plants that were edible that Dumbledore hadn't realized were, like dandelions and other weeds. The plants weren't so numerous that Severus couldn't care for them all himself. 

"And," Severus said, "it is a good idea not to plant things together in rows. It looks much neater that way but if one plant gets infected with insects or a disease the other plants will succumb very quickly since they are all right together. I plants things far apart from each other, with other plants in between, and I always try to have two or three varieties of the same kind of fruit or vegetable in case one doesn't do well that year." 

"How many crop failures have you had?" Dumbledore asked. 

"None," Severus said. "I plant so many different things that at least half of them always grow if not more." 

"You have a wonderful farm!" Dumbledore said, after his tour, impressed. 

Severus smiled up at him and petted Alphabet's head. "Thank you. I like farming. I like drawing and painting too but farming is the first thing that I did when I came here. Daddy, your son, helped me plant my first crop. It was beans. He helped me build a trellis to support the beans and prepare the soil and plant the seeds. Do you like to plant things?" he asked. 

Dumbledore had never planted anything. "I would love to try." 

"I'll help you," Severus said. 

Dumbledore smiled. "That would be great. What's on your shirt and overalls?" Dumbledore asked, having just noticed that his shirt, too, had a design on it. 

Severus patted his stomach where the largest animal was. "Earthworms on the overalls and menbugs on the shirt." 

"Menbugs?" Dumbledore repeated and then understood. "Oh, ladybugs." 

Severus shook his head. "No. I'm a boy so the bugs are menbugs." 

"Of course," Dumbledore replied, as serious as Severus was. 

Severus selected a package of pea seeds for Dumbledore to plant. 

"You can start them indoors if you want," Severus told him knowledgeably as he got a small tray filled with pots. "These pots are special and will decay away when put in the ground and even give the roots more nourishment as they do that. Now, first," Severus said, poking a hole with his finger in one of the pots. "You make a hole and put the seed in it and then you fill the hole in and water them. It's easy." 

After an hour, Dumbledore had several trays filled with seeded pots and the hope that Severus never got turned back into an adult. He was so sweet and trusting and deserved to have a real childhood. Dumbledore hoped Ivan could be convinced not to change him back. 


	16. Chapter 16: Parents

Disclaimer: same as last chapters. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Remus looked over at Dumbledore and had to hide a smile behind his glass of pumpkin juice. Dumbledore was enjoying, a bit too much, being a grandpa and Severus was on his way to being spoiled. Dumbledore had already let Severus have quite a few treats and was now debating on whether or not to give him a piece of chocolate cake. 

"He wants me to have it," Severus hissed at Draco, trying not to talk to loud so no one else in the Great Hall but Draco and Dumbledore would hear him. 

Remus was sitting next to Severus and eavesdropping on them while everyone else down the table talked of Quidditch, Christmas, and the new pet Hagrid was trying to decide on (either a Erumpent or Graphorn). Needless to say everyone was trying to dissuade Hagrid from his endeavor. 

"You can't have it," Draco hissed back, equally low. "You're allergic to chocolate." 

Remus blinked. He hadn't known that. 

Severus folded his arms and looked away, scowling. "Christmas is coming," he said, annoyed. "And I get chocolate during Christmas." 

"On Christmas Eve, it isn't Christmas Eve yet," Draco said. "Ivan will save this cake for you." 

"Draco," Severus pleaded, "please. Just a bite." 

"No," Draco said flatly. 

"Frog spawn," Severus spat, folding his arms and slumping back against his seat. 

That was the same insult Severus had used while a student. 

Draco glared at Severus. "Watch your language." 

Severus blushed and fiddled with his plate. 

"That's not a bad word," Dumbledore defended Severus. 

Draco nodded his head. "It is to him." 

"If I had chocolate in me I wouldn't use that word," Severus said idly. 

"I'm going to put chocolate in you in a minute," Draco growled. "I'll shove it down your throat with my fist." 

Severus turned to Draco and opened his mouth. "Go ahead," he said, with hope. 

Draco rolled his eyes, putting his head on the table. "Severus!" 

"All right," Severus relented. "I'm sorry, Headmaster (Severus had been warned not to call Dumbledore grandpa while in public since the students and teachers still at Hogwarts wouldn't understand) I'll behave. But I'm going to eat an entire cake on Christmas Eve." 

"And throw up like you did last year?" Draco asked, amused, while he chewed on a carrot. 

Severus shook his head a little. "I wouldn't have thrown up," he said testily, "if you hadn't spun me around and then landed on me." 

Draco shrugged, blushing. "An accident!" 

"Brothers," Severus snarled and then darted a hand out, snagged the cake, and shoved it into his mouth. 

Remus looked down at the small boy, hands in front of his mouth so no one notice the cake and looked, smugly, at Draco. 

Draco stared at Severus, trying to look stern but a smile kept tugging at his lips. Finally, Draco looked away and snorted, his shoulders shaking. 

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled like mad. "Does he do that often?" he asked. 

Draco nodded his head. "Once he snagged a bag of candy bars and flung himself underneath mom and dad's bed. The bed is so low he and Ivan are the only two that can fit underneath it. So Ivan joined Severus and they finished up the bag. Six candy bars each." 

"If you wha le me hap choclat, I wha na hap do it," Severus said around a mouthful of cake. Remus wasn't quite sure what he had said. Something about not having to steal chocolate if Draco would give it to him? 

"So it's my fault," Draco said, folding his arms and staring at Severus, his face incredulous. 

Severus nodded. 

Remus grinned. 

"You're a git," Draco said playfully, poking Severus's bulging cheeks. 

============================================================ 

"Are you sure telling him is a good idea?" Dumbledore asked Draco as the two of them sat in his bedroom; Draco was on the chair and Dumbledore was on the edge of the bed. 

Draco shrugged, trying to listen for the voices through the door. "Ivan agreed to let Dimitrius tell Sev about his parents so I guess it's okay. Dimitrius isn't going to mention that he was the one to do it, though. And then Ivan will remove the memory charm. Severus never saw Dimitrius that night so he won't know that Dimitrius had anything to do with it." 

"Why are they doing that?" Dumbledore wondered. 

Draco sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I think Ivan has decided to turn Severus back into an adult soon. I'm not sure if he's going to let him grow up some more in the sphere or not but Ivan wants Severus back as Head of Slytherin House before school starts after the holidays and Severus is going to need some time, once he's an adult again, to deal with everything that has happened." 

"Shouldn't you be in there with Severus?" Dumbledore asked, knowing how gentle Severus was. This didn't seem like something he could handle on his own. 

"Lestrange is in there," Draco said, looking guilty. "You can disinfect your rooms after he leaves." 

Dumbledore didn't say anything to that. Nathan Lestrange had been lost to Voldemort before he had even started Hogwarts but Nathan wasn't letting Voldemort have Severus. That was rather odd, Dumbledore thought. Was Nathan's allegiance faltering? 

========================================================== 

Nathan moved away from Severus, he was looking through one of his father's sketchbooks with Ivan and didn't notice, and headed to the fireplace where Dimitrius Savin was standing. 

"Why did you do it?" Nathan demanded. 

Dimitrius looked at him. "How do you know it was me?" 

"Guilt. Your face is riddled with it. Its the same sort of look Severus gets when anyone brings up Sebastian Wilkes or Evan Rosier. They were both murdered on his information." 

"Strange, I thought I was the only person to feel guilty for killing. Cezar was on the wrong side, the evil side, so of course I should be glad that I murdered him," Dimitrius said, looking back at the fire and rubbing his eye. 

Nathan watched him, wanting to know the truth about why he had killed Severus's parents and not just the sugared information he had given Severus. 

"Why?" Nathan asked again. 

Dimitrius glanced back at Severus and then at Nathan and told him the reasons. About Cezar being the Emperor's General and the rigid class structure and about how many peasants died yearly because of the laws the nobles upheld. And then he told Nathan about how he had murdered Cezar and what Vasya had done to ensure no one would ever find her son. "I'm sure you find my reasons disgusting since you are with Voldemort and his pure-blood group," Dimitrius added, without rancor. "We peasants aren't worth the skin on your backs. Worse than Muggles." 

Nathan eyed him, unsure of what to make of this man. "Would you do it again if you had a second chance?" 

"I'd do it sooner," Dimitrius said, his face disgusted. "Many peasants died because I waited as long as I did. But the thought of killing Cezar and Vasya revolted me too much to go through it until I realized I had no choice." 

"Aren't you sorry for what you did?" Nathan queried. 

"Very. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't do it again. I'm sure Severus feels the same way about those two people you mentioned," Dimitrius said. "Are there any murders you regret doing?" 

"None," Nathan said shortly. 

"Well, I guess the two of us are at odds. You believe in something I killed to end." 

"Joining Dumbledore's side, are you?" Nathan asked. 

Dimitrius shook his head. "No. This side is too much like what I overthrew." 

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "What are talking about?" 

"House-elves are slaves here. Humans had no right to do that to them. House-elves have always served humans, they like doing it, but the humans go and enslave them. And they way they treat them now? It's intolerable. And the way these people feel about Muggles? A Muggle Protection Act? Muggles don't need protection. They've been killing each other, and us, for centuries. Rather high-handed of the Wizard and Witches to think they do," Dimitrius shook his head. "Reminds me of the way the nobles acted around us peasants. How many laws did they have to keep us in our place that looked like they were for our good. It certainly didn't stop them from letting us starve to death while they glutted themselves on our labor. And most peasants believed it was their lot in life to be peasants and they had no business being on equal footing with the nobles. That mind-set was the first thing I had to correct. It took me years," Dimitrius's eyes were narrowed. 

"Planning on doing something while you're here?" Nathan asked, curious. 

Dimitrius shook his head. "No. I'm not well. And the only thing I would do would be to free the house-elves but I think a house-elf needs to be in charge of that, not a human. They have to want it. Or just one of them. It would only take one to disrupt things." 

Backing away, not knowing what else to say, Nathan went back to sit with Severus. Seeing him, Severus immediately got up and cuddled next to him on the sofa. 

"Daddy, this is my mother's potion notebook," Severus said excitedly. "Can I try some of the potions out? I even found the one that Ivan uses for my hair to keep it ungreasy." 

"A little later, Sev, you need to rest for awhile," Nathan said, putting an arm around him and thinking. 

Who would have believed that Severus had real parents? But, as Ivan said when he came to get Nathan, Severus had grown up thinking he had been abandoned until Karkaroff's torture had broken the memory charm placed on him. Ivan hadn't been more specific than that and Nathan wondered how Severus had dealt with the realization. To go through your entire life feeling like you were worthless, that your own parents hadn't even wanted you, and then to suddenly be told that wasn't the case. Nathan was sure it must have unbalanced Severus. Severus had always been much nicer, less aloof, than he let on. 

Severus closed the book and hugged it to his chest while he leaned against Nathan. 

"Daddy?" 

"Mmmm?" Nathan murmured, turning to the window and watching the snow fall against it. 

"Thank you for adopting me." 

Nathan looked down at him and smiled. "You're welcome." 

"You make a good daddy," he continued. 

Nathan grinned, liking the compliment. "I'm sure you're father was better than I was." 

Severus shook his head. "No, he and mother were just like you and mommy. They loved me and you love me. Mother was smart to take me to Knockturn Alley where you could pick me up." 

Too bad that wasn't what had happened. Nathan picked Severus up and placed him on his lap, feeling chills running through his body. 

"I wish they hadn't died," Severus admitted. "I miss them." 

Nathan slowly got off the couch and carried Severus to the window, rocking him side to side as he looked out. Harry Potter was down there, throwing snowballs at a red-haired boy. Did Harry miss his parents? Stupid question. Of course he did. Like Nathan missed Elizabeth. Staring at the top of Severus's head, Nathan sighed. Everything had been so much clearer before he had decided to raise Severus. Nathan had never been fond of Voldemort but he had offered Nathan the best chance at changing what Nathan had always felt was a corrupt system. But Voldemort's dogma was just as corrupt. It had been a case of choosing the lesser of two evils and Nathan wasn't so sure he had chosen the more evil one but they were both evil and therefore, like Dimitrius had said, not worth supporting. 

Blowing out a breath, Nathan looked over at Dimitrius. "Which side would you join if you were me." 

"The house-elves," Dimitrius said with a shrug. "Or the Dark Elves." 

Glancing back at Ivan, who had stayed on the couch, Nathan nodded to him. 

"I'm on your side, Ivan," he said. 

To his surprise, Ivan looked at him, his purple eyes intent. "Do you mean that?" 

"Yes," Nathan said, honestly. 

Ivan smiled, showing all his teeth. "Perfect," he hissed and Nathan wondered what he had just agreed to. 

"Are you on my side?" Severus asked, pulling away, his eyes large and bloodshot from crying. "Are you on the good side now?" 

"Ivan's side," Nathan said. "I hate the Ministry, Severus. I will never join it and since Dumbledore supports the Ministry I hate him too." 

Severus looked at Nathan and then at Ivan. "He can help," Severus affirmed. 

"Help what?" Nathan asked, staring between the two of them. 

"We, me and Ivan, are going to open the Shadow World one day. As soon as we figure it how. You can help us figure it out." 

"The Shadow World!" Nathan said, shaking his head. "Oh, no!" 

"Oh, yes," Ivan said, his voice steely. "You already pledged your allegiance to us." 

"Dimitrius?" Nathan asked, looking for a way out. 

Dimitrius nodded his head. "Sounds like a good idea to me." 

"Figures," Nathan said, staring at the man. "Dumbledore will never agree to this." 

Severus leaned back in his arms. "Grandpa and Draco don't ever have to know. Ivan told me not to tell them about it so I won't." 

Nathan looked at him, into those black eyes. "If Ivan were to ask you to jump off a cliff would you do it?" 

"Jump off a cliff, Jacenty," Ivan said. 

They were suddenly next to a cliff and Severus sprung out of his arms. Nathan screamed and tried to catch him but Severus disappeared. 

"Yes," Severus answered from behind. 

Nathan whirled around to stare at the boy, feeling his hair and robes being whipped about him by the wind. 

"You're crazy," he finally managed. 

"He trusts me," Ivan simply stated. "That is why he wants to open the Shadow World. He trusts me. So must you." 

Nathan didn't trust. "I don't think so." 

"The Shadow World has got to be opened," Ivan said, his voice rising in strain. "You humans have no business subjugating the other species to you. Only the Dark Elves were ever able to keep all the species in line, which is why we were banished, and now only humans aren't suffering for it. You must help us find a way to open it." 

Severus was standing next to Ivan, his small face serious, trusting, and Nathan slowly nodded his head. "Okay. What do I do?" 

"Go back to Voldemort and go through his books, his belongings, everything he has. Go through the other Death Eater's stuff too. Hopefully with their obsession with the Dark Arts and everything illegal one of them might have something that has to do with the Shadow World. Jacenty will search Hogwarts." 

They were back in Dumbledore's living area and Nathan nodded his head. "Fine, I'll do it. Severus, go tell Dumbledore and Draco about your parents." 

Severus wiggled out of his grip and ran off to tell them, gathering up the two books first. 

"When are you going to turn him back into an adult," Nathan asked, nodding at the closed door that Severus had gone through. 

"Tonight," Ivan said, looking at him. "Jacenty will want to save his Slytherins from Voldemort and we need to figure out a way to do that. That will take some time. And Jacenty will be unbalanced with all that has happened to him. Can you stay here tonight and tomorrow?" 

"If Dumbledore will let me," Nathan agreed. 


	17. Chapter 17: An Adult Again

Disclaimer: same as before. 

Author's Note: I usually won't be updating so quick. But this story wants to get done so you never know. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Severus stayed under the covers, wishing he could steal a time-turner and prevent everything that had happened to him but that was impossible, Ivan wouldn't let him. And Ivan happened to be person he was hiding from now; the only one in the room. Thankfully everyone else had gone before Severus had woken up. 

"How could he have done this to me?" Severus snarled at his pillow, referring to Nathan Lestrange. "And how could you have let this happen?" Severus hissed at Ivan. 

Severus had given himself over to anger, outrage, and disgust at what had happened to him but those emotions were no longer that strong. Other emotions were battering him, trying to find a way through his cracked walls. 

"I hate this!" Severus snarled, trying to keep the anger as long as he could. 

"I know," Ivan said patiently from around his head. "Can you breathe?" Ivan asked curiously. 

"No," Severus sat, pushing his face into his pillow and trying to suffocate himself. The pillow, his bed, and the covers were gone, leaving Severus laying on the hard stone floor of his bedroom. 

"Git," Severus muttered. 

A weight settled on Severus's back. 

"I'm never going to be able to look Draco or Nathan in the face again," Severus said softly. "Thank goodness I wasn't around Dumbledore for that long. I'll still be able to look at him. Well," Severus muttered, remembering how many times he had made a fool of himself in front of Dumbledore before any of this had even happened. "As much as I have ever been able to." 

Ivan shifted and Severus could feel his small hands rubbing his back. "Draco and Nathan know you. They are not expecting you to be able to look them in the face yet. They don't care. They love you and will wait for as long as it takes. And Dumbledore loves you very much too." 

"This is all so crazy," Severus said, turning his head to the side to be more comfortable, and trying to ignore what Ivan had just said. No one loved him. "It's going to be fun when the kids come back," Severus said sarcastically. "I'll be acting freakier than normal." 

Ivan rubbed his shoulders. "The students will put down any odd behavior of yours to the torture you suffered at Karkaroff's hands." 

Severus had completely forgotten about that. No one could, honestly, expect him to act normally yet because of that. "Good," Severus breathed. "What about the teachers?" 

"Only a few have been told the truth. Hagrid, Lupin, Trelawney, McGonagall, and Filch. Those are the only ones that need to know. The rest will think you are recovering and leave you alone too." 

Slightly relieved, Severus stared at his bed from the floor. His bedding was a horrible dark green color. And his chair? A nasty brown color. He was doing it again. Thinking of other things besides what was bothering him. 

"Ivan?" Severus asked. "I don't want to see Draco for awhile. Not at Christmas either. Or Nathan." 

"That is fine," Ivan assured him. "Neither of them were expecting you to want to see them until two or three months from now, if not longer." 

Severus's eyes widened. He had expected them to allow him a few days, maybe a week, to get a handle on all this before they demanded to see him but two or three months? He could handle that. 

"How am I going to handle having Draco in class?" Severus persisted. 

Ivan went back to rubbing his shoulders. "It will be fine. Draco will act like he always had while in your class with less communication to you so you won't have to talk with him but it won't look like you are ignoring him. And he will watch out for the Slytherins. Make sure they know what they are getting into in regards to Voldemort if they decide to join." 

"He's not joining is he?" Severus asked, raising himself and turning to stare at Ivan. 

Ivan shook his head and Severus relaxed. "No. Draco has decided not to join for any reason. Nathan will keep me apprised of what Voldemort is up to and I will tell you so you can tell Dumbledore. Nathan hates the Ministry but he respects you enough to help you war against Voldemort." 

"What about the Shadow World?" Severus remembered. 

Ivan nodded his head, his ears flapping. "Nathan is searching for information. You will too. Don't worry about that now." 

Severus stared at his stone floor while Ivan paced on his back. The weight felt good and Severus soon laid down with his eyes closed. 

"No one loves me," he said, hoping to persuade Ivan of that fact. 

"I love you," Ivan said. "Nathan loves you, Draco loves, Dumbledore loves you, your parents loved you." 

Severus felt his body stiffen. "Leave me alone." 

"I will not." 

"I'm taking a shower," Severus muttered, getting up from the cold hard floor and shuffling to the bathroom, not bothering to pick his feet up much. 

Severus flung himself into his shower, turned it on, didn't bother to disrobe, and sunk down in the corner. Ivan walked in and stood in front of him, small blue hands on Severus's knees as the water hit them two of them. 

"Why don't I mind being around you?" Severus asked the Dark Elf. 

Ivan grinned. "Because I'm cute." 

Severus raised an eyebrow. 

Ivan patted a knee. "That is why we Dark Elves assume this form. Hurt humans can handle it and we Dark Elves only deal with hurt humans or other creatures that are hurt. It calms them." 

Burying his face in his hands, Severus shook his head. "I always thought I was strong and now..." 

"You are strong," Ivan said. "You can handle having people mock you and still do what needs to be done. You spied for Dumbledore at risk to your life. That takes strength." 

"Then why do I feel like jelly inside?" Severus demanded. 

Ivan smiled. "Most do." 

"Do you?" Severus asked. 

Ivan's face clouded over. "Yes. When I was bound when your parents were murdered. I could not help them. For the first time in my life I was powerless. It was not pleasant. And then when I could not find you," Ivan said and Severus flushed as tears formed in those purple eyes. "I searched and searched but I did not know where Vasya had taken you. I failed you. I feel like jelly now. You should hate me," Ivan stated, letting the tears fall. 

"I don't hate you," Severus breathed, staring at the Dark Elf. How could Ivan cry in front of someone? Wasn't he afraid of being looked down on for doing it? Severus never cried in front of people. Except Nathan. And Draco. Severus sighed, hoping to never see those two again. At least he had never embarrassed himself by crying in front of Dumbledore. "It's not your fault." 

Ivan shook his head, tears, mingled with the shower water, fell down his face and began to tell Severus exactly why his parents had been murdered and who had done it. "I shouldn't have trusted Dimitrius. But he was just trying to help the peasants. I can read people's hearts but not their minds, though it appears I can. Dumbledore is easy to read, he keeps his thoughts close to this heart," Severus had figured that. 

"Dimitrius cared a great deal for Cezar but he cared for the peasants more. I can't fault him for what he did. But I should have done a better job of getting Cezar to believe peasants deserve equality with the nobles. But Cezar would not listen to me. I was just a Dark Elf and had no business interfering in the affairs of humans. It wasn't my place." 

"I guess it's a family trait to pick the wrong side in a war," Severus feebly said, remembering his father tell him that peasants couldn't manage their own affairs; they weren't smart enough for it. 

Ivan shook his head. "He was raised to believe it. It is very hard for someone to go against what they have been raised to believe, what society tells them, what is popular, and decide, for themselves, what beliefs they should have. Your father was very loyal to his family and going against them never crossed his mind, especially when your grandfather was killed. Cezar felt it was his duty to carry on for him." 

Severus knew, only too well, what Ivan was saying. How many Slytherins was he going to lose to the Dark Lord because his students were following in their parent's path and not questioning their beliefs? At least Draco knew better than to join the Dark Lord now, something Severus had been worried would never happen. 

"When did Draco start questioning?" Severus asked Ivan, shivering in the cold water. 

"When Karkaroff tortured you," Ivan said softly. "And then when he went the Lestranges to protect you from them he made his decision." 

"Whose decision was it for Draco to pretend to be my brother?" Severus asked, standing up to take his shower. 

"He called me and begged me to return you but I refused. I offered him the chance and he took it. Draco cares greatly for you," Ivan said. 

Severus gently shooed Ivan out of the shower and took his robe off, not looking down at his chest (he rarely did), and began to wash, ignoring the feel of his chest. At least the way it was supposed to feel. 

Confused, Severus looked down to see his chest, unmarred flesh that had an extremely faint yellowish tint graced it. Feeling his back, Severus drew in a breath. It too felt normal. Tottering out of the shower, slipping slightly on his way, Severus reached the mirror and stared at himself. 

His chest was normal and the knife wounds were gone. 

Realizing something, Severus looked at his left arm. Nothing was there. 

"How?" Severus breathed, his teeth beginning to chatter from the cold. 

Ivan appeared on the sink and smiled at him. "When you were turned back into a child those marks left. Nathan healed your burns. When I gave you the potion your body grew up from the healed one you had. And Voldemort has not given this new body the Dark Mark." 

Severus looked back in the mirror and forced himself to look at his face. His nose was smaller, normal sized for his face, and his teeth were no longer disgusting. They were still yellowish and a bit crooked but Severus didn't care about that. He looked passable, plain, and while no one would be looking at him twice that was an improvement. Before he would get stared at and then the person would snap their head back around to make sure he was really as hideously ugly as they had thought. 

"I'm not ugly anymore," Severus remarked. 

"I never thought you were ugly," Ivan said. 

Severus flushed, Ivan wasn't lying, and shrugged. "You're the only one." 

"Dumbledore never thought you were ugly." 

Severus hugged himself. "Dumbledore's not known for his common sense." 

"Your looks haven't changed that much," Ivan smiled at him. "Just your nose and your teeth." 

"And my hair," Severus corrected, fiddling with it. It was dripping wet and Severus suddenly realized he was completely naked. "Ack," he muttered and rushed back into the shower. 

Ivan giggled from the sink as Severus finished washing his body and hair. 

"You didn't look, did you?" Severus asked, rhetorically. 

"I'm a Dark Elf," Ivan said, his voice amused. "Of course." 

Severus jerked back the shower curtain, making sure it cover his lower half, and glared, it felt good not to have to worry about covering his upper half. "What?!" 

Ivan shrugged, looking innocent, and Severus stared at him. "Are you serious?" 

"I did not stare but I didn't look away," Ivan said simply. 

"Well, that's something," Severus muttered, having to remember not to take his clothes off around Ivan again. 

But Severus didn't look away when he stared at animals, though they were naked (in a sense), so Severus guessed that with Dark Elves it was the same sort of thing in regards to humans. 

Severus dried off, making sure Ivan was turned around, and put a clean robe on. Black, of course. 

Speaking of Black. "I can't believe Dumbledore didn't do anything to Black," Severus snarled, letting the anger wash over him. Anger felt good. Much better than these strange feelings that were trying to come out. "He tried to kill me and Dumbledore just welcomes him back. If I had tried to kill anyone I doubt if Dumbledore would ever look at me again." 

"He would," Ivan said. "And Sirius paid for what he did to you. Paid dearly." 

Severus snorted, banging open his bathroom door and walking to his bed. "Oh, certainly. Being allowed to stay at Hogwarts was real harsh." 

"I'm referring to twelve years in Azkaban," Ivan said, appearing on his desk. 

"He wasn't put into Azkaban because of what he did to me," Severus said, wondering how Ivan could have gotten so confused. "He was put in there because everyone believed he had betrayed the Potters to their death." 

"And they believed that because Sirius showed that he was capable of murder at the age of sixteen if he got annoyed enough. If he had not done that, Dumbledore would have trusted him more than he did. Someone close to the Potter's was feeding information to Voldemort and Dumbledore believed it was Sirius. He thought that maybe James and Sirius had a falling out and Sirius, in his anger, was going to try to kill James, like he had almost done to you. Sirius was the only one of the group that had proven himself capable of murder so he was the one Dumbledore mistrusted. Just like you mistrusted Sirius for what he had done." 

Severus rubbed a hand over his face. "Oh. I don't know why Black ever picked Pettigrew over Lupin. Pettigrew was a coward. The Dark Lord would just have to breathe deeply and Pettigrew would collapse." 

"Sirius didn't think Peter would have the courage to betray his friends, betray Dumbledore, and go to Voldemort. He felt, just like you did, that it had to be someone with a backbone." 

"And that left Pettigrew out, which only leaves Lupin," Severus said. "I still hate Black," Severus said, rather sulkily. He couldn't let go of all his hate. "Potter and Lupin too. Well, I just loathe the two of them." 

Ivan looked at him, his face stern. "Why? I have talked with both of them while you were sleeping yesterday and they are both nice people." 

"All those pranks they played on me!" Severus snarled. 

"They played them on you because you kept hurting them. Breaking someone's arm for turning your hair red was not right. Sirius had thought, at the time, it would help you feel better. He liked you from the train and you seemed quite depressed about getting into Slytherin so he decided to cheer you up. Sirius was only eleven; a child. He didn't realize you had as many problems as you did. And you were only eleven. You couldn't have been expected to handle those pranks with your emotional state; scared, hurt, and convinced you were actually evil since you had gotten into the so-called evil house. Someone should have stopped what was going on," Ivan said with disapproval. 

Severus shrugged, thinking over what Ivan had said. Black had, now that he remembered it, been smiling, nicely, at him until Severus had stormed up to him, seething, about his red hair. The smile had quickly turned to confusion. Severus had been close to tears and Black had started to look sympathetic when Severus had hit him with a curse that broke his arm and then hit Potter with one that broke his nose. Pettigrew and Lupin had only been spared because McGonagall had stopped him. 

Then they had played another prank and Severus had retaliated. He was as much to blame as they were. He didn't know why they were playing pranks on him and they didn't know why he couldn't handle them. 

Severus fell back onto his bed and tiredly rubbed his eyes. Fred and George were always playing pranks, like the Marauders had, and while Severus wasn't easy on them he could tell they were only doing it for fun, not to be malicious. But sometimes students didn't see it that way and Severus punished the twins, quite severely, for it and flatly told them never to bother that student again or he would do everything in his power to get them expelled. It always worked. Having a nasty reputation could be beneficial sometimes. 

"Why didn't anyone interfere?" Severus asked the air. "I never let my students pick on each other. I always get them to try to see the other person's side." 

"Because you know children can't raise each other. They need guidance, help. Especially the ones that sit in the back and never talk. You may be a horrible teacher but you are a wonderful Head of House," Ivan said, his voice held quite a bit of pride in it. 

"You think I'm a horrible teacher?" Severus asked, lifting his head. 

Ivan just stared at him, his face somber. "You have the potential to teach those kids quite a bit if you would just quit calling them names and terrifying them. It isn't just the Slytherins that need help. You could help many of the other students if you would let yourself. Jacenty, you will never be a popular teacher but among the students that need help you would be a lifesaver. Literally." 

Severus stared at the Dark Elf, wondering if he knew something that Severus didn't. 

"You can understand what all the students that need someone have been through and, if you would just let them, they will come to you," Ivan went on, persistent. "Don't push them away like you were pushed away." 

Severus jerked off his bed. But what about him? No one was there for him so why did he have to be there for all the students? Well, Draco, Nathan, Dumbledore, and Ivan were there for him. Severus frowned. That was quite a list. And Dumbledore had always been there for him even if Severus had done the pushing in that case. 

Ivan looked at him. "It won't be easy but it will be worth it. We have a week and a half before the students arrive for you to relax in. What would you like to do?" 

Severus stared at his bedding, his furniture. "Redecorate and look through my parent's belongings. I don't even know what they were like." 

================================================================== 

"And that room could be for dancing," Ivan went on, pointing at the new room arrangement he had drawn up for Severus. The dungeons had some empty rooms, old storage rooms, that Ivan planned on knocking doors into so Severus could have a nice place. 

"Dancing?" Severus said, shaking his head. "I don't dance." 

"Dumbledore will teach you," Ivan went on, ignoring him. "You wanted to learn when you were a child." 

"No," Severus said, his voice hard. 

"Quit pushing him away," Ivan said, looking up from the piece of paper. "He wants to get to know you but you keep slamming the door in his face. Anyone else would have given up a long time ago but he hasn't. He loves you." 

Severus collapsed into a nearby chair and rubbed his temples. Ivan climbed onto his knee, took his hand, and gently massaged the area between the thumb and first finger. 

"You need to stop running," Ivan said. 

"I'd rather be Azkaban than having to put up with this," Severus admitted. "Black had it easy." 

"Easy for you but not for him. Sirius is still recovering from that experience," Ivan said. "He still has nightmares about the Dementors. And about Peter especially." 

"I used to be so jealous of the Marauders. They had everything. But their lives seemed to have fallen apart. Well, Black and Lupin are together again," Severus said, a bit bitterly. 

"Just like you and Nathan are," Ivan reminded him. 

Severus looked into Ivan's kind eyes, remembering all the help Nathan had given him while they were students. Nathan had taught him correct table manners (by complaining about them), how to read, how to write, even how to shave. He had given Severus old books that he no longer wanted, paper and quills, clothes, and even a few toys he said he had better models of. And Severus had never even realized what a good friend he had been. He had been to caught up in self-pity to notice. 

"I was a complete git," Severus said, angry at himself. 

"You could not have noticed," Ivan reassured him. "You weren't in a position too." 

"I don't understand why Nathan was always so nice to me. Why he still is. That makes no sense," Severus said, staring at the hand Ivan was still massaging. Physical contact felt good. 

"He loves you. He always did." 

"He didn't know me," Severus said, shaking his head. "Not back then." 

"He did. He was your friend, Michael." 

Severus looked up at Ivan, staring into those warm eyes of his. "What?" 

"Nathan is Michael. Nathan had sneaked out of the room that night, to get some food for the three of you, from Diagon Alley. When he came back the room you three slept in was on fire and he was told that two dead burned bodies were you and Elizabeth. Nathan, he was only six, freaked and ran. He hid in a building that a family was hiding in. The Ministry attacked, some Death Eaters showed up to defend the Death Eater family, and in the confusion Nathan was taken by a Death Eater and raised. When he saw you at Hogwarts he was too horrified to explain to you what had happened. He felt he had failed you and it was his fault you were like you were. He did everything he could to pull you up but he was only a child and couldn't do it that well." 

"That's how he had that ring," Severus suddenly remembered, feeling around his neck. "Where is it?" 

Ivan pulled it from around his neck. "You gave it to me for safe keeping." 

Severus took it and stared at the small ring. Michael was still alive. And he had fulfilled that promise he gave Severus. _"If I ever get adopted, I'll make sure you do too. Even if I have to do it myself."_

"Why didn't I ever notice he was so nice to me?" 

"You weren't used to kindness," Ivan said, moving around to stand behind Severus and rub his shoulders. "You didn't recognize it when you saw it." 

"I guess I was never as alone as I thought I was," Severus muttered, turning the ring over and over in his hand. 

How could he ever repay Nathan for what he had done? Or Dumbledore for that matter? Or even Draco? Or Ivan? 

=================================================================== 

Remus, when everyone's attention was on the chess game between Dumbledore and Ron, slowly backed out of the Great Hall and went to find Draco. Draco hadn't been seen since the other day when he had eaten lunch with Severus, still a child then, in the Great Hall and Remus was worried. 

"Where are you going, Moony?" asked a voice to his right. 

"Make sure Draco is okay," Remus answered, turning to where the voice came from. Sirius was wearing Harry's invisibility cloak so he had to guess. "I'm sure he must be hurting." 

"Wait, I'm going to get Harry." 

Remus waited. Harry and Dumbledore, the only ones, came out of the Great Hall and walked up to him. 

"I was going to check on him after my chess match," Dumbledore said. "I wasn't sure if I should give him a little time or a lot of it. I don't know Draco very well," Dumbledore said, his voice soft and tired. 

Draco wasn't in the Slytherin common room (Dumbledore, of course, knew the password), or his dorm room. 

"Where is he?" Harry asked, beginning to look worried. 

Dumbledore thought for a few seconds and then headed for Severus's office and classroom. They found Draco there. Sitting at Severus's classroom desk and staring at the chalkboard. Nothing was written on it. 

"He hates me," Draco muttered, not looking at them. "I just know it." 

Remus had no consolation for that. Severus hated him for something he had nothing to do with and Severus hated Harry for being his father's son. He probably did hate Draco for what he had done. 

Dumbledore, probably thinking the same thing, went behind Draco and rested a hand on his shoulder. 

"Snape?" Harry suddenly said, looking at the door. 

Remus turned around to see Severus backing away from the open door, his face slightly hidden by his black hair. He forced himself to look at Draco, worried about how Draco would respond to that, but Draco was grinning. He looked pleased. 

"He doesn't hate me," Draco said with satisfaction. "I could tell when he looked in and saw me. I don't think he's going to be talking to me for awhile yet but he doesn't hate me. I wonder what he was doing," Draco darted out the door and looked around. "Gone," he muttered, disappointed, as he slapped the door jam. 

"Would you like to join us in the Great Hall?" Dumbledore offered. "I'm about to beat Ron Weasley at chess." 

Remus smiled. Dumbledore won against Ron as often as he lost. 

Draco shook his head. "No thanks. I don't feel too comfortable around all you Gryffindors. Dimitrius is still here. I'm going to talk with him." 

"He's not a Slytherin," Harry said. 

Draco smiled. "He would have been. And I probably should write my parents a letter. My father won't admit it but I bet he's worried." 

When Draco had left Dumbledore stroked his long beard. "He's pushing us away just like Severus always does. I've lost count of the number of invitations I've given Severus that he refused. Millions, if not more," he mumbled, his eyes weren't twinkling and Remus hoped he was imagining the wetness around them. 

=================================================================== 

Severus wasn't seen for the next few days, not that Dumbledore had any hope for it, but he was still disappointed. When all the students came back, Severus would appear again, Dumbledore was sure, but that was still a week away and tomorrow was Christmas. He wanted to see him. 

Going back to his tree, Dumbledore stared at the decorations and then looked down at the small pile of presents underneath it. Dumbledore liked having gifts under his tree, he thought they looked nice, so he was given his gifts early and got to enjoy them. Plus the temptation to open them early always amused him. 

As the Headmaster of Hogwarts, he usually got courtesy presents but he only put the presents under his tree that were from close friends: McGonagall, Hagrid, Severus, and a few others. 

Severus always gave him the same gift; a book. But this year's present was shaped differently. Unable to contain himself, Dumbledore picked up the gift and felt it. A box? No one was around, no one would know, and Dumbledore had been intending on breaking tradition one year and opening a present early so he ripped into the wrapping. 

It was box; a hinged box. Intricate carvings had been burned into the wood, vividly colored, and varnished over. The top of it was the Hogwarts seal with the four houses. Each side had a house on it. The front long side sported a Griffin and the name Godric Gryffindor in the corner. Slytherin was, oddly, on one of the short sides, along with Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff was on the back long side. Each side had the founder's name written in a replica of their own handwriting, Salazar's was barely legible while Rowena's was a fancy script, along with their respective house animal. 

Opening the box with trembling hands, Dumbledore stared. Three pairs of thick woolen socks and a bag of lemon drops lined the inside of what was a quill and ink box. There was a place for him to store the ink jars (six at time) and store the quills. There was even a narrow place for him to put the quills in, standing up, when he needed to put them down for a second. Dumbledore had, at different times, expressed a desire for each of these items. But it had always gone unheeded. 

Turning the box over, Dumbledore smiled and traced the words written there. _Thank you for everything_. Four little words that said so much. 

Would Severus feel comfortable with Dumbledore thanking him in person? Ivan would know. 

"Ivan, come here," Dumbledore said and Ivan appeared. 

"Yes?" he said, then looked at the box. "You like the present?" 

"Very much so. I would like to say thanks. Would Severus mind?" Dumbledore wondered. 

Ivan nodded his head, Dumbledore's heart sank. "But you can come and say it anyway. Jacenty will recover." 

Appearing in Severus's room, Dumbledore prepared himself to say thank you and then leave, but the sight of Severus's living area startled him. He had a fireplace. And two display cabinets. And a wall of artwork. 

One cabinet housed a knife and sword collection and the other one held beautiful potion bottles along with clear bottles that held various colorful shades of potions. 

"Your father's?" Dumbledore asked as Severus came into the room, looking nervous. 

"No, my mother's. Both collections are hers. The artwork is my father's." 

"Your mother collected knives?" Dumbledore asked, surprised. 

"Yes," Severus said shortly. 

Dumbledore went over to the paintings and looked at them. One was of a unicorn bending down to drink out of clear blue pool surrounded by vibrant green plants and tall black trees that grew out of sight. Two purple eyes stared out from the depths of the pool but nothing else was seen of the creature that inhabited the murky depths. Another painting was of an abandoned building that had been taken over the jungle and tiny humans with wings. Each painting had some sort of plant and magical creature in it. 

"These are beautiful," Dumbledore said. "Did he paint them?" 

"Yes," Severus said, his voice indicating that he was telling a bit of a lie. 

Dumbledore scanned the paintings, trying to find the ones that might be Severus's instead of his father's, since that was probably why he was lying about them all being his father's. But Dumbledore couldn't tell. 

"Thank you for the present," Dumbledore said, turning to him. "I'm sorry if I over stayed my welcome but it was a wonderful gift and I wanted to make sure you knew that." 

Severus flushed. "Thanks," he muttered. "I better check on something. You can leave when you want." 

He left and Dumbledore frowned. 

Ivan was smiling at him. "Jacenty likes you very much. He is just having to deal with feelings that he had buried for a long time. Don't be upset with him." 

Dumbledore smiled back at the Dark Elf. "I'm not upset with Severus." 

"Your thanking him means a lot to him even if he can't tell you that himself," Ivan said. 

Dumbledore found himself back in his room and put the box where he would use it, slipped on a pair of socks, and opened the bag of lemon drops; hoping it wouldn't be too long before Severus was ready to talk with people. 


	18. Chapter 18: Christmas Eve

Disclaimer: same as before 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Laying on his couch, Severus watched Alphabet chew on her bone, completely content and oblivious to what was happening in the world around her. A dog's life was so simple. Food, water, bones, and affection was all they required. And the daily walk, of course. Too bad he couldn't trade places with her. 

Feeling his stomach seizing up again, Severus flipped onto his stomach and closed his eyes, wishing for some wand happy Obliviator to destroy his memory. Little feet settled down on his back and a small Dark Elf began to walked up and down his back. Severus slightly smiled. Ivan could always tell when he was about to lose himself in a depression and would take the necessary steps to pull him out. 

"Thanks," Severus said softly. "I'm nervous." 

"I know," Ivan said soothingly. 

Severus felt him slipping back into the depression as he remembered it was Christmas Eve. He had loved Christmas with Draco and the Lestranges but most of his memories were of standing in some dark alley in Knockturn Alley trying to get warm and thinking of lies to tell his friends about how his holidays went and listing presents to brag about so the Marauders would be jealous. How many children were celebrating Christmas Eve in Knockturn Alley tonight, with no one to care for them? 

"Ivan," Severus said, sitting up and rubbing his forehead. "Are you sure that Dark Elf knows what she is doing?" 

"Yes, Isadora knows what she is doing," Ivan said, patiently, having gone over this several days already. "Don't worry, you'll get that orphanage in Knockturn Alley soon. Be patient. It's going to take awhile. I'll check on it, if you wish," Ivan said a rather mischievous voice. 

Before Severus could tell him not to, Ivan was gone. Severus cursed himself. As a child he had visions of running an orphanage, to make sure those children didn't have to go through what he had, and now, as an adult, Severus couldn't handle doing it. Wasn't he a waste of skin? He had dumped his entire dream on the shoulders of a Dark Elf because he was completely worthless. 

A knock on his door and Severus curled back on the sofa, not bothering to ask who it was. That was one thing he hated about staying at Hogwarts, his rooms were easy to get to and he occasionally had the unwelcomed visitor. Hopefully whoever it was would go away. Alphabet, however, jumped up and started to bark. Severus ignored her. But the knocking came again, encouraging Alphabet to bark even louder. Alphabet? What kind of stupid name for a dog was that? Severus had been a complete idiot as a child. It was a wonder the Lestranges and Draco had put up with him. 

"I know you're in there!" Draco's voice called. "Ivan told me to stay with you so you didn't get depressed." 

Severus didn't move. So that was why Ivan had left. The little sneaky blue git. 

"Hello, Alphabet," Draco's voice said, not muffled by wood, as the door closed. "Sorry," not sounding like it, "but I used a spell to unlock your door." 

"I don't care," Severus growled. "Just leave." 

Draco must not have heard him because Severus heard his chair creak as a body sat in it. Alphabet went back to chewing on her bone, more vigorous now than before. She liked having people around, unlike Severus. 

"Want to play chess?" Draco asked. 

"No," Severus spat. 

"Ivan told me I could stay," Draco went on. 

"So my wishes count for nothing?" Severus hissed. 

Draco cleared his throat, seemingly ignoring him. "Ivan told me about the orphanage Dark Elf Isadora is working on. That's really cool." 

Severus closed his eyes. "Yeah, right. I had to have a Dark Elf do it," he bit out, "because I'm falling apart and couldn't handle it myself. Pathetic," Severus snapped, wishing Draco would go away. He didn't want to see the young man right now, especially not now. 

The chair creaked and Severus soon felt Draco sitting at the end of his sofa. Draco picked Severus's feet and started to rub them. It was what Nathan had often done when Severus got upset for no apparent reason. 

"Pathetic? Severus, my father has enough money to buy Knockturn Alley. He could have helped those children, many of the rich wizard and witches, could have, but none of them did. Why? Because they don't care. You may not have been able to personally start that orphanage like you wanted to but you provided the money to get it done. That's something. Ivan told me you didn't even ask how much your fortune was when he told you about it. You really think my father would have done something like that? Or me?" 

"You would," Severus protest. "And..." 

"Ha!" Draco interrupted. "Severus I have changed, thanks to you, but there are still some basic flaws that I have and one of them is that I'm greedy. I like money. I would have given Ivan some of the money for the orphanage but I would have rolled naked in the rest of it." 

Severus lifted his head, unsure if Draco was joking or not. "You're not serious, are you?" 

Draco looked at him and Severus realized he was. With the Lestranges, Draco had a notebook full of things he wanted to buy. Apparently he still had that list. 

"Looks to me like you did plenty," Draco said. "Don't be too hard on yourself. You're doing great. I've very proud of the way you turned out." 

Severus put his head back down, not believing him, but Draco's words did sink in. When he came to Hogwarts it had angered him to see so many rich kids wasting their money while he, and the others in Knockturn Alley, had to steal to survive. Severus had vowed that if he ever got rich he would help the kids that got left behind. And.... he had. Severus had kept that vow to himself. He hadn't been able to do it himself but he had provided the money to get it done, like Draco had told him. Maybe he wasn't such a waste of skin after all. 

"Thanks, Draco," Severus murmured. 

Draco patted his leg. "That's what big brothers are for." 

Severus snorted. "You're not my big brother." 

"I know," Draco said, sadly. "I wish I was. I know you're embarrassed about how you acted as a child but I loved it. For the first time in my life I felt wanted by someone. Did you know that you are the only person to ever actually listen to me?" Draco admitted, his voice a bit thick. 

Forcing himself to sit up, Severus looked at Draco, concerned. "What? What about your parents?" 

Draco rolled his eyes. "They only had me because that is what people do. They get married and have a child. It's expected. Neither of my parents wanted a child, they wanted a yes-man. I'm not saying my parents were mean or anything but I never felt wanted. I was just there. Mother and Father never sat and listened to me, unless they felt like being a parent for a few hours. But they were never there when I needed them," Draco smiled at Severus. "With you it was the opposite. You always wanted me around. You listened to me, talked with me, and made me feel like I was somebody important. The first person to ever do that," Draco said, his eyes awfully wet. 

Severus felt strange and looked away, embarrassed, unsure of what to say. Having people get teary eyed around him still left Severus feeling uneasy. He had grown up to believe that people that cried, even in private, were wimps. But Draco wasn't a wimp. Still, to show any emotion but anger left Severus feeling vulnerable and he didn't like it. 

Draco slid down on the floor and started to rub Severus's feet again. 

"My parents pretend to pay attention but they never remember anything I say," Draco sighed. 

"Was that why you were so shocked when I could remember that story you made up?" Severus asked. 

Draco turned his head around to look at Severus, his eyes still misty. "Yes. I made that story up a long time ago and told my parents about it during dinner once. I mentioned Rocky the Toad Warrior the next day and neither of them had a clue what I was talking about. That was the day I realized my parents didn't care enough about me to pay attention to anything I said. Rather depressing realization. I do think they love me, as much as they can, but I always longed for someone who would want me," Draco smiled. "Like you did." 

Feeling his face flush, Severus glanced away to stare at the display cabinet he kept his mother's knife and sword collection in. One was missing, he had sent it, via Ivan, to Mrs. Lestrange as a Christmas gift. 

"You're cute when you blush," Draco said. 

Severus turned to glare at him. "I'm your teacher! And I'm not cute!" 

Draco grinned, an impish one. "Of course, Professor Snape. Where's your glasses?" 

"I don't need them," Severus tried. 

Rolling his eyes, Draco quickly located them on the mantle where Ivan had put them. 

"Wear them, Severus," Draco said. "I don't want you hurting." 

Severus wanted to argue but didn't. Slipping the wretched things on, Severus glared at Draco as the young man hid a smile. 

"You are quite cute," Draco said, almost pensively. 

Severus stared at him. "Sure," he muttered. 

"I'm not kidding," Draco said. "Your not gorgeous or anything and I don't think you would want to be, not with how shy you are, but you aren't bad looking." 

It was funny, Severus had made Ivan take him out the other day, to a very public place to see if anyone would look at him funny and no one had. Everyone had been too busy doing their own thing to notice him but Severus had felt extremely ugly while standing there. He had been positive every whisper he had heard was a comment about his looks and every giggle was because of how disgusting he looked. Severus had made Ivan take him home immediately and looked in a mirror. What he saw wasn't ugly but Severus couldn't help thinking he was. 

"I feel ugly," Severus admitted. 

Draco sat down next to him, shoulder to shoulder. "Mr. Lestrange told me it took him quite a while to make you think you weren't ugly and that it would take you even longer to believe that as an adult. It's understandable that you feel that way considering how teased you were about it before." 

Severus leaned back against the couch, rubbing his forehead. "I'm sure all the students still think I'm ugly. I guess I better get used to being called names again." 

Frowning, Draco looked at him. "I'll beat anyone up who insults you." 

Snorting, Severus shook his head. "You'll be fighting all day long." 

"So," Draco challenged. "I don't mind. It'll be good practice for me." 

Draco had liked doing his martial arts and probably would like to try it on people but Draco wouldn't do it. He was too disciplined. 

"Thanks for the offer," Severus smiled. "But I'm used to it. I'll be fine." 

"I don't think you're ugly," Draco said. "And my opinion is the only one that counts," Draco said in a rather imperious voice. 

Shaking his head, Severus grinned. "I'm glad Ivan told you to come. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you earlier but..." 

Draco put a hand on his shoulder, the pressure felt nice. "Don't worry about it. I understand." 

Neither of them talked for awhile and Severus felt his body relaxing, though he hadn't realized he had been tense. Draco was one person that Severus didn't have to feel nervous around; Draco already knew everything about him and accepted him. That was a nice feeling. Quite a bit like being around Ivan. Severus liked being around Dumbledore too but he was always nervous in the Headmaster's presence. Not that Severus thought Dumbledore would be mean to him, he just didn't want Dumbledore to think anything bad about him. Though, considering how Severus had treated Dumbledore before, it was amazing the Headmaster had put up with him for this long. 

"Want to open presents?" Draco asked. 

Severus opened his mouth to say no when he realized there was no one to stop them. It was rather difficult, at times, to remember that he was an adult and not a child anymore. Particularly since he often felt like a child and wanted nothing more to hide under his bed covers. 

"Okay," Severus agreed. 

Draco grinned, vaulted over the couch, and picked up a box of presents he had left by the door. 

"Get yours," Draco said, nodding to the small number of presents under Severus's tree. Ivan had put the tree there, Severus hadn't wanted one. 

Gathering the presents, Severus noticed Draco had started a warm blazing fire, as he walked over to him. 

Their presents were put in stacks next to each other, Draco had about four times as many. 

"Relatives," Draco said with a sigh. "Help me open them," Draco muttered, handing Severus one of them. 

"You don't like these presents?" Severus asked, surprised. 

Draco shook his head. "Presents from relatives are nothing more than gifts that the relative has decreed you have to have and enjoy having it. I got a picture book meant for three year olds when I was nine and had to pretend to read the thing whenever my Great Aunt came to visit. And then there was the bathing suit that was too small for me. I couldn't tell anyone it was too small for me because Malfoy's don't make mistakes. And there was the toy broomstick I got when I was twelve. If it had been a wooden model I would have liked it but it was a child's toy." 

Severus was beginning to see why Draco would be slightly annoyed. These presents were no more than 'duty' presents, given without thought or even knowing anything about Draco. 

Helping Draco, Severus ripped open the presents. A book on proper manners while courting (a very out of date book but Severus guess it was given by an older relative), a dress robe that was two sizes too small, a fancy wristwatch (Draco already had four, given by the same relative), several more books on subjects that Severus knew Draco wasn't interested in, and more clothing or accessories. Most of the clothing fit Draco's body but none of it was stuff he would wear. His relatives really didn't know him. Severus wondered what was worse. Not having relatives or having them but knowing they didn't care. 

"Now let's open the real ones," Draco said as he tore into two presents at the same time. A box of Every-Flavor Beans, and box of assorted candies. "Vincent and Gregory," Draco grinned. "They always give me candy." 

Severus nervously fiddled with one of his presents, even tearing the wrapping paper, as Draco opened the present Severus had given him. 

Draco stared the book and then at Severus. There was no mistaking that he liked it. 

"Thanks!" Draco said. The book was heavy but Draco hefted without trouble and flipped through it, grinning even wider as he looked at what the book had to offer. _The Best of All The Martial Arts_ was a book written by a man that had taken different styles since he was six, getting a black belt in each one and then moving on. The book was quite useful for people, like Draco, who wanted to learn all different styles and not be confined to just one way of thinking. 

"Open yours," Draco said, forcing himself to put his book down. "The green envelope is mine." 

Severus picked it up and opened it, taking a small sheet of paper out of it. A handwritten note telling Severus that Draco had paid for an entire years worth of art classes to be held twice a week. 

"You'll be studying various media," Draco informed him. "I didn't know if you would like it but I thought it couldn't hurt." 

"Thank you," Severus said softly, rather excited. He had always wanted to take an art class but he had never had enough money. 

Severus picked up the other card he had been given, one in a red envelope. McGonagall. It was a rather nice card, wishing him a speedy recovery with a gift certificate for the potions shop in Hogsmeade. 

"She usually sends me one for the book shop," Severus remarked, carefully putting it back. He liked the potions shop just as much as the book shop so it didn't matter to him. 

Dumbledore's came next for both of them. Draco had been given a book on carpentry and Severus got one on Potions. The potions book was extremely old and Severus found, to his delight, that none of the potions had what they were for on the page. 

"That's useless," Draco remarked. 

"No, it's not," Severus grinned. "I did this for Voldemort once. He had a book he was positive contained Dark Art potions and had me brew them to find out what they did. It was rather neat not knowing what the potion was for and trying to figure it out. Some were easy but some had combinations that were just weird. Which is understandable since the book was written before a person could walk into a potion supply shop and get what they needed; they had to work with what was readily available." 

"What was the book for ?" Draco wondered. "Did you ever figure it out?" 

Severus grinned. "Yes. I'm pretty sure it was a country family's potion book, a family one, for making their daily chores easier. There was a potion to keep bugs out, very effective, and there was one for curing headaches, I still use that one in fact and potions like. A very useful little book, actually. Voldemort gave it to me when I told him what it was for. He was quite disgusted that he had kept it. I'm not sure why the family, or the person, didn't write what the potion was for on the page. They may have known it so well that they just didn't bother, though," Severus said quietly. 

Draco thumped the book. "Can I help you?" 

"Sure," Severus said. "It can get pretty interesting trying to figure it out." 

The next presents were from the Lestranges. Draco got a book on surviving in the wilderness with just a knife and Severus received a set of pottery brush holders. Each one had a different type of dragon painted onto it. 

Dimitrius had also given Severus a present. Two sets of bears. The first set had four bears, two large, one small, one small blue one, and the second set had five bears, two large, two small, one small blue one. His two families. Severus carefully put them on his mantle in their proper groups. 

"This one is for both of us," Draco said, lifting it up. "It's signed..." Draco snorted. "The Gryffindors. Must be Lupin's idea. I like Lupin. He's nice." 

Severus was surprised. Draco had always hated Lupin. But that had been before all this had happened and things had changed drastically since then. 

Draco opened the present, handing Severus a note tucked inside. 

_We told Ivan to take back the money he put into Harry's account when Dumbledore told us about the orphanage you're funding. Don't worry about paying us back, we don't need the money. Well, Ivan did give Sirius some money, so he and Remus can have enough to live off of until Sirius's name gets cleared and he can access his Gringott's vault again. But don't worry about giving us anymore. It was money well spent. Signed, Harry Potter and Sirius Black_

"That's nice of them," Draco said. 

Severus stared at the note. He hadn't realized Black and Potter had known he had stolen money from them. He had just figured he could, or rather Ivan, quietly replace the money and they would never know. "They must think I'm an idiot," Severus said. 

Well, Black already thought that. 

Draco nudged him. "Sev, they thought that before they found out about you being in Knockturn Alley. Now they feel sorry for you." 

"Great, now they pity me," Severus ground out, angry. 

Draco grinned, rather wickedly. "Pity can be used for one's advantage." 

"Draco!" Severus said, shocked. "I would never do that!" 

"I would," Draco said, shrugging. 

Severus doubted that but then he remembered what Draco had done after that Hippogriff had slashed his arm. Even Severus had given into the sneaky boy. 

"Okay, you might," Severus realized. 

"I wasn't put into Slytherin just because my father wanted me to be," Draco said, nodding at Severus with a smirk on his face. "I'm a dyed in the wool Slytherin." 

Shaking his head, Severus nodded to the present. "Anything else?" 

Draco took the rest of the wrapping paper off to reveal two books. One was on potions, _Potions Most Difficult_, and the other one caused Draco to start laughing as he showed the cover to Severus: _How to Improve Your Quidditch Game When Your Parents Bought Your Way Onto the Team_. 

"Your parents didn't buy your way onto the team," Severus protested. "I let you on because you asked." 

Draco grinned. "I know but I told my father I wanted to join and he bought the Quidditch team new brooms to help your decision. Because of that everyone has assumed my Father bought my way onto the team, including my Father." 

Severus was annoyed. "The students actually thought I would let your father buy me off?" 

Shrugging Draco picked up the book. "Most people are convinced you're favoring me because my father is either buying you off, threatening you, or you're sucking up to him." 

Relieved, Severus grinned. "No one suspects it was because I had a crush on your mother?" 

Shaking his head, Draco smiled. "No one. And I've never told anyone about that." 

Flipping through his book, Draco started to laugh. "Look at this," he said, showing Severus the page. It showed a very rich boy sitting daintily on a broom while holding the beater club between his thumb and one finger, while sneering. "I did that!" Draco laughed. "Marcus Flint didn't want me to be the seeker right off so he had me try the other positions first. Seeker was the only one I wanted so I messed up the rest." 

The book wasn't serious, wasn't meant to be, and Draco enjoyed it while Severus flipped through his book on difficult potions. His fingers started to itch to try them out. Between this one, the one Dumbledore had given him, and the art class Draco had signed him up for Severus was going to have an enjoyable year. Too bad he had to teach. He was not looking forward to teaching again. It was a shame Draco couldn't quit school and become his assistant. 

Draco finally put his book down and got another present. "From the parents," Draco said ominously. Opening the present, Draco shook his head, his face torn between amusement and irritation. 

"What is it?" 

Draco lifted the book up. _How to Ace the OWLS_. "My father is determined that I get higher marks on it than Hermione Granger. He seems to think it is a personal insult that a mudblood is doing better in school than a pure-blood is. I must say, I'm tempted to fail them just to spite him." 

"Don't," Severus said. "Don't ruin your life just for that." 

Draco looked at him. "I won't. But I'm tempted. I can't help it if Hermione does better than me in school. I don't like sitting around and doing nothing but reading all day. It's boring. I'd rather climb mountains, ride a bicycle or broom, fix my truck, or something physical like that." 

Scratching his head, Severus tried to think of an occupation in the Wizarding world that required physical movement and would appeal to Draco. He could think of none. "With your parents money, maybe you could start a martial arts school? I don't think anyone in the Wizarding World has done that so far." 

Draco looked intrigued. "That's a great idea! Especially with Death Eaters like Mr. Lestrange who will just kick the wand out of your hand so you can't rely on magic anymore." 

Severus laughed as Draco scowled, remembering Nathan doing exactly that to Draco. That had been the day Draco had realized how vulnerable wizards and witches were for relying totally on magic when they could only use magic effectively with a wand. Once that wand was gone, they were in trouble. 

"My hand hurt from that kick for weeks!" Draco muttered. 

"Weeks?" Severus questioned. 

Draco shrugged. "An hour at least." 

"What's your next one?" Draco asked, pointing to the last of Severus's presents while Draco opened his last one. 

No name but Severus knew it was from Ivan. The Dark Elf never bothered to put his name on his presents. 

Draco had gotten a necklace with a snake charm on it. "Cool," Draco said, slipping it on. 

Severus also got the same one and a book on how to teach children potions so they could understand them while still passing the OWLS and NEWTS. Those stupid tests had been a sore point for Severus for some time. There was so much information that the students had to know and not enough time for them to learn it all in that most students just memorized facts without really understanding anything about potions. Severus often felt like he wasn't teaching potions but teaching them how to pass a test. But he has also been too shy to teach them in any other way. 

"Put yours on," Draco said. 

Severus did and stared at his stack of presents. Gathering them up he carefully put them in his cabinet, out of harms way, and watched as Draco did the same. 

Turning around, both of them stepped back into the cabinet, their bodies frozen in shock. 

Two... people(?) were standing there, both with long white hair (to their ankles), white skin that had a bluish tint to it and while they both looked scary they were smiling in a way that set Severus at ease. One had purple eyes and the one had blue. 

"Ivan?" Severus suddenly realized. 

The purpled-eyed one nodded. "Yes. I didn't think you knew. Dark Elves have three forms; the small blue one, this one, and our regular one. In this form we are too disturbing looking for humans to be comfortable dealing with us so we rarely use it." 

Severus could understand that. Severus preferred the small blue one. 

"My name is Isadora," the blue eyed one said. "The one doing the orphanage for you. I just thought I would come and thank you for letting me run it." 

"How's it going?" Severus wondered. 

"It is going nicely," Isadora said. "Hopefully by this summer it will be running smoothly and you can come visit then. I did want to thank you before but Ivan wasn't sure how you would react to it if you were alone so he waited until you had a friend with you." 

Severus was quite grateful for that. Being alone in the room with two human looking Dark Elves would not have been pleasant. 

Isadora smiled again and popped away. Ivan immediately changed back into his blue form. 

"Sorry about that but Isadora refuses to use any form but the human or her real one," Ivan said with a shrug as both Severus and Draco relaxed. 

Severus stared at the blue elf for a few seconds more. Draco couldn't be his assistant but Ivan, in his human form, could be. 

"When classes start again," Severus tried, "would you mind teaching with me? You have a human form so no one realize what you were." 

Grinning, Ivan nodded. "I would love to, Jacenty. No Hogwarts student should know what I am. Humans used to know Dark Elves had a human form and they knew us on sight but that knowledge seems to have been lost," Ivan said, his voice contemplating. " I would love to help you out." 

Severus, feeling quite relieved, looked at Ivan and Draco. "Want to play a game?" 

"What about Dumbledore's permission?" Draco asked. "He's going to have to approve." 

Severus didn't think Dumbledore would mind. At least he hoped not. "I'll ask him tomorrow." 

***************************************************************************** 

Dumbledore was worried. He hadn't seen Severus for awhile and wondered how he was doing. 

Going into the kitchens, Dumbledore waved Dobby over to him. 

"Dobby, I would like to check on Severus," Dumbledore said. "Can you make us both invisible and pop us in there?" 

Dobby nodded his head, he's ears flapping. "Yes. Dobby has been going to Professor Snape's room quite a bit tonight." 

"Why?" Dumbledore asked. Severus, to his knowledge, rarely called the House-elves. 

Dobby grinned. "Candy, pizza, popcorn, ice cream, cookies, chocolate everything, cinnamon rolls, potato chips, cheese, sugared milk and whatever else they's will think up." 

It didn't sound like Severus had sunken into a depression and it appeared he might have more company besides just Ivan. "I see," Dumbledore said, amused. 

Shaking his head, Dobby popped them both in and Dumbledore had to snort. Food was everywhere, a TV was playing a movie (Ivan had asked him for permission to allow electronics and Dumbledore had given it), and Severus, Draco, Ivan were playing Monopoly. 

And they were all cheating, badly. Every time one would watch the movie for more than a few seconds one of the others would take some money from the bank, or take a property card, or move their piece (or the other person's), or change the dice. Accusations kept flying but none of them would confess though Dumbledore imagined they all knew they were all cheating. It did make a game that could be slightly boring more interesting. 

"I'm going to be sick," Severus remarked as he pulled away from the game and leaned his back against the sofa. "I can't finish the game." 

Draco smirked. "You never can. Unlike you, I have a steel stomach," Draco said while eating a large piece of pizza to prove his point. 

Severus made a face and shuddered. "Oh, if I even think about eating I'm going to throw up." 

"Don't do it in here," Draco laughed. "I told you to watch the chocolate." 

"It was worth it," Severus said, slipping to the floor and laying there, prone. 

Ivan shook his head and floated an entire pizza over to him and started to eat it. Draco and him were soon engaged in an eating contest while Severus watched the movie, dozing. 

"You can take me back," Dumbledore said, satisfied, as Draco started to turn green. 

Dumbledore was anxious for classes to start again to see how Severus had changed in regards to the students and staff. It would be interesting to see. 


	19. Chapter 19: Realizations

_Disclaimer_: see other chapters. 

_Author's Note_: Sorry this is so late but I've been writing chapters for several weeks and deleting one right after the other until I got one that seemed to fit. This story is very temperamental to begin with and my free time is much less now that I have started college again. Again, sorry. 

A Memory Found 

by: _Mystical Dragon_

Severus groggily toppled into his bed. Draco had fallen asleep on the couch and Severus didn't have the heart to wake the young man and send him back to his dorm but Severus didn't think it appropriate to stay in the same room as him. Yawning, Severus rolled over onto his side, his stomach aching from all the chocolate he had consumed that night. It was going to take awhile for Severus to be as comfortable around Draco as he had been when they were kids but it would come and Draco had promised him he would be patient about it, knowing it would take a bit of time. 

This night had been an eye-opener. After a lifetime, almost, of hiding who he was, Severus found in disconcerting to have someone know him as well as Draco did. Severus was especially not used to someone being able to read his moods just by looking at him when the only mood he ever allowed himself to show was anger but Draco could see right through it to tell if he was amused, angry, upset, or just thinking too hard. It was a weird feeling having someone know him. 

"Where are you?" Draco's voice rang out, worried. 

"In my bedroom," Severus called to him. 

"Hey, we're related! You can stay in here. I'm not really you're student anymore. Or we used to be related," Draco protested. "Never mind. Good night. See you on Christmas!" 

"I think it is Christmas," Severus said. "It's four in the morning." 

"Ah, good," Draco called. "You better sleep well, we're going to that Christmas feast tomorrow." 

"I don't want to," Severus said. "I'll stay in my rooms." 

"Of course you don't want to go," Draco agreed. "And of course you're going. Good night." 

"Impudent boy," Severus said, growling. 

Draco just laughed and Severus felt his stomach twist. He hated being around people. Couldn't he just hide in his rooms? 

Severus looked over at Ivan, who had taken up residence on his desk, a small round dog like cushion under him, and weakly smiled. 

"I don't want to go to the feast," Severus informed him, sure Ivan would take his side. 

"Jacenty," Ivan said, not looking amused or angry, "the less you are around people the harder being around people will be. But I will not make you go there if you don't feel you are ready." 

Relaxing, Severus nodded his head and closed his eyes, hoping to dream of his parents again. He couldn't have them back but at least he could remember them. Severus wondered, like he often did, how better his life would be right now if they were still alive. It was a depressing thought to think he would have turned out normal if it wasn't for Dimitrius. Severus, while he didn't completely blame the man (understanding his reasoning), refused to be around him, though Ivan had mentioned Dimitrius was still here and wanted to see him. It would hurt too much to see him, remind Severus too much that he could have been normal instead of the emotional wreck he was, and Severus wasn't about to put himself through that. Falling asleep, Severus waited for his dreams to begin. 

************************************************************************************************ 

Severus, as a three year old, walked into his father's paint studio and located the paints, rifling through them. Severus wondered if his father would get angry but considering his little self wasn't trying to be sneaky about it, Severus figured it was allowed, or at least tolerated. 

"Red," Severus said, grinning and trotting out of the room, a large paint bag firmly in his hand. 

Walking into the playroom, Severus smirked and walked over to a wooden sword and some knocked over figures made of a darker wood. Sitting down, Severus squeezed the paint onto the figures and the sword, muttering something. Wondering what his child self was doing, Severus hoped his parents would show up soon. He wanted to see them. 

"Daddy!" Severus yelled, getting up and hefting the sword, a determined look on his face. "Come here!" 

Wasting his father's red paint must have been allowed then or Severus would not have called him. 

Cezar, after a few seconds, came into the room, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. "Yes?" 

Severus stared at his father, eyeing his overly muscular body and wondering how he got to look like that. These people had no weights and since Cezar was a noble he didn't have to do manual labor. 

Smiling at his father, wishing he could see the man right now, but also glad he couldn't. Cezar wouldn't be proud of how he turned out. No one was proud of it. 

"I murdered them," Severus said, proudly, jabbing his sword at the red stained figures. "They are peasants and I was annoyed with them. I'm Jacenty, The Peasant Destroyer." 

Severus felt a chill go through his body, his mind recoiling at what his three years old self had said. He never joked about murdering people. Even in Knockturn Alley he hadn't, well, except for the Marauders but he had no intention of actually doing it, just releasing some pent up feelings through his artwork. 

"Good, Jacek," Cezar said, walking up to Severus and putting a large arm around him while he surveyed Severus's handiwork. "But remember the only peasants you can kill are the ones that are annoying the Emperor. You can't kill peasants unless he orders it. And it looks like I'm going to have to get more red paint," he man said, amused. 

Severus stared. Cezar was supposed to take him aside and explain to him why murdering was wrong, not compliment him and assure him he was going to get to kill one day. And murdering someone because they were annoying you? That sounded like Black. What was the Emperor, Black in disguise? 

"Daddy, when can I start killing peasants?" Severus asked, folding his arms and looking peeved. "I want to do it now. I'm very strong. I will chop their heads off," Severus declared, making a slashing motion with his sword. 

"You're a child, boy," Cezar said, laughing. "But don't worry, you'll get your chance soon enough." 

"How old were you when you killed your first peasant?" Severus asked, impishly. "Maybe you were really little like me." 

"I was twelve," Cezar said, "now go play, Peasant Destroyer." 

Severus giggled and stood the figures up again, only to knock them down again with his sword while his father watched, grinning. 

Severus stared at his father, his stomach churning. He had known Cezar was the Emperor's General but for some reason Severus hadn't thought much about it and he had forgotten that he would be trained to be the next General, who seemed to be nothing more than the Emperor's henchman. This was the life Severus would have had if Dimitrius hadn't killed his parents, a life of murdering peasants at the Emperor's sick whim. 

"Daddy?" Severus's three year old self asked, turning to his father, while Severus cringed. What other ghastly things was he going to start talking about. "When am I going to get a real sword?" 

"When I feel you're ready to handle a real one," Cezar said, winking. "And then you'll practice hitting objects made to look like peasants." 

How nice, Severus thought sarcastically. 

Severus jumped up and landed in a squat, his fake sword in a firm grip before him. "Chop the arms off and then heads!" 

Oh, he was a real sweet kid, Severus decided, shuddering. How could he be joking about this? Murdering was wrong. No one deserved to be murdered. And wasn't his father saying something! 

************************************************************************************************ 

Jerking awake, Severus barely managed to get to the bathroom in time before his stomach rebelled at his dream. Turning on the water to rinse his mouth out, Severus felt himself shaking. Three years old and plotting murders already! And his father was encouraging it! Trembling, Severus slid down onto the floor, his back to the stone wall. 

He wanted his parents back, wanted to be raised by them, but Severus, as much as it pained him, realized it was a good thing that he hadn't been. He would have turned out to be a murdering psychopath who didn't even realize murdering was wrong. Just like Sebastian Wilkes, the Dark Lord, and countless other Death Eaters. 

"Jacenty?" Ivan asked, opening the door from his bedroom and coming in. "What's wrong?" 

Severus stared at him, blanching at the name. _Jacenty, Peasant Destroyer_. "Would I have became the Emperor's General and killed peasants if I had stayed with my parents?" 

Ivan shrugged his small shoulders, putting a hand on Severus's knee. "We will never know. But Cezar was training you to think of the Peasants as less than human and you did enjoy pretending to kill them." 

"Oh," Severus breathed, shuddering. "How could I have done that?" 

Ivan squeezed his knee. "You never lost anyone before, Jacenty, and you had never seen anyone killed, death meant nothing to you. You thought it was a game, a big joke and you were only three when you played those games. Many three year olds play games where they kill people though they would never do it for real. We will never know if you would have accepted your parent's morals or gone against them." 

Hugging his knees to his chest, Severus shook his head. "I always imagined that I would have turned out so much better if I had loving parents as a child. It never occurred to me that I might have turned out worse." 

A rather sobering thought. And Severus really didn't know if he would have rejected his parent's morals. Sebastian Wilkes had never gone against his parents, partly because Sebastian's parents were very loving and they had a very close knit family. Just like Severus would have had. 

Ivan placed a hand on Severus's shoulder. "You turned out fine." 

Severus swallowed. "Barely," he whispered. But barely was better than what the alternative had been. Knockturn Alley, despite the cruelty and harshness, was looking better by the second. He had managed to turn out okay. His life had been harsh growing up but maybe if it hadn't been Severus wouldn't have turned out to be a person he would have liked. He loved his father but Severus didn't want to become like him. 

"But you did turn out okay," Ivan asserted. "Jacenty, instead of dwelling on the past, dwell on the future. You have a very bright one now." 

Severus looked at the Dark Elf and slowly found himself realizing it. He had people who cared for him and he while he still had to teach, Severus had enough free time to devote to other pursuits, to find out what he wanted to do if he decided to quit teaching. 

The images of him murdering those wooden figures wouldn't leave his mind, though. He had enjoyed it, as a child, and done it as play. How many of his Slytherins had played 'kill mudbloods and Muggles' as children? Taught to believe it was the right thing by their parents. Severus didn't want to lose students like that, students that, if taught the right way, could turn their lives around. Severus had managed to leave the Lestranges because of Draco, because he had someone to hold onto when he made that choice, and Severus realized he was going to have to give his Slytherins more than he had been. Favoring them wasn't enough. Severus was going to have to teach them right from wrong, ignoring the consequences of how many students that were actually evil he would lose in the process, and make sure the ones who realized the truth knew Severus would take care of them if their parents kicked them out of the house for their choices. And he was going to have to deal with the Dark Lord knowing, from his students that wrote home, that Severus was no longer loyal to him. 

"Ivan," Severus said, "can you protect me if some of my students to kill me?" 

Ivan nodded his head. "I'll try." 

That was all Severus could ask for. "No more eating and drinking things that have been lying around long enough for someone to have slipped something into them," Severus said, rubbing his forehead. "Openly telling my students that the Dark Lord is evil is not going to be safe." 

Ivan shook his head. "Then don't." 

"They have to know," Severus protested. "I don't want to lose my students to the Dark Lord like I was lost." 

Ivan pointed toward the door that lead to the living area. "Draco can help. The children can't know your position. Those who have been thinking about joining Voldemort will feel self-conscious if they know you are against him and won't come to you. Don't tell them. Just guide them as much as you can." 

"I'm going to lose so many of them," Severus said, having an entire year of his Dark Mark growing steadily darker to remind him, daily, of the fact. It was a no wonder he had been so grouchy last year. 

Ivan put a firm hand on Severus's arm. "You can't prevent that. The children will make their own decisions but at least you won't lose any of them they could have been saved. And don't just concentrate on the Slytherins." 

Severus looked at Ivan. He had always favored the Slytherins and ignored the other Houses and yet Severus had hated McGonagall, Sprout, and Flitwick for not helping him as a student and expecting his Head of House to do it but his Head of House had been too busy with the obvious evil children to notice the ones sitting on the sideline, like him, neither good or evil, yet. 

"I can't do Slytherin House and everyone else too," Severus said, shaking his head. "It's impossible." 

Ivan patted his arm and started to pace in front of Severus, his hands behind his back. Severus slightly smiled at the sight. 

"I can help and so can Draco. Draco will concentrate on the Slytherins, giving the two of us time to concentrate on all the houses. Children from the other houses, having been taught that only Slytherins turn bad, will feel they have no where to turn if they do falter in their choices, and it's foolish to think that some won't. Those students need to know there is someone they can talk to about it. McGonagall, Flitwick, and Sprout are nice people but they have never been tempted to turn and will not understand how kids from their Houses could be." 

Severus nodded his head. "Okay. How do we do it?" 

Ivan shrugged his small shoulders. "We'll just have to try various things and see what works. In the mean time, you should concentrate on getting the courage to show someone your artwork," Ivan said, completely changing the subject. 

"Dumbledore's seen some of it," Severus said, blanching. He didn't want anyone seeing his artwork, did he? That was private. 

Ivan's ears twitched. "He didn't know which were yours!" 

Severus took a breath. "Draco's seen some." 

"He's only seen the artwork you did as a child," Ivan said, not persuaded. "Show Dumbledore the painting you did of him." 

Quickly shaking his head, Severus held up a hand. "No, Ivan." 

"Why not?" Ivan asked, his voice soft. 

Severus glared at the Dark Elf. "I don't want him to see that." 

"I like the picture," Ivan said. "Show him." 

Severus rolled his eyes and Ivan laughed. "You used to roll your eyes at me all the time when you still lived with your parents. I missed that." 

Severus felt a chill at the mention of his parents. "Would you have stayed with me all my life? Even if I had turned out like my father?" 

Ivan shook his head, his ears flapping. "I would have stayed only as long as you needed a friend. But when you turned twelve your parents were going to send you to Stribog Academy under a different name. You would not have needed me then." 

Stribog Academy, where Severus would have been taught to be a murderer. What a glorious future he would have had, Severus thought bitterly. Severus looked around his bathroom. He much preferred this future. Teaching, as much as he hated it, was better than murdering. 

Ivan smiled at him. "I love you, Jacenty," Severus still didn't know how Ivan could be so open with his feelings, "but I don't think I would have liked you if your parents had raised you. They were wonderful people but their ideas were... not right." 

"I'll say," Severus said, sighing. 

"Let's go back to bed," Ivan said, helping Severus up. "And let Dumbledore see that picture tomorrow." 

Tomorrow was not going to be a pleasant day. Christmas Day was supposed to fun, enjoyable, not filled with things he had to do which were less pleasant than getting stung by a bunch of bees. 

"How's my farm?" Severus asked, stopping by the desk as Ivan climbed back onto his cushion. 

"Isadora wanted to use the sphere for the Orphanage," Ivan said. "To give the children lots of open space to play in and a farm to take care of. She and a few other Dark Elves and freed House-Elves will take care of it until the orphans can They could have made another one but I didn't think you would have time to take care of it." 

Severus nodded his head, realizing Ivan was right, and got into his bed, wondering if he could wrangle a greenhouse out of Professor Sprout's clutches. Or maybe he could just make his own. Draco would probably enjoy helping him with that. 

His stomach still hurt, thinking about tomorrow, and Severus closed his eyes. 

"Ivan?" Severus asked, opening his eyes again. "Can I talk with Nathan tomorrow? I'd like to thank him." 

Ivan lifted his head and smiled, nodding. "Of, course, Jacenty." 

Jacenty? Did Severus want Ivan to use that name anymore, considering what he would have become? "Ivan? If it is okay, use Severus." 

Ivan, instead of being displeased, just shrugged. "Whatever you want, Severus." 

************************************************************************************************ 

Author's Note: This chapter is shorter than the others and I'm hoping I'll be able to update more often if I keep them that way. 


	20. Chapter 20: Dumbledore

Disclaimer: see chapter one 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Dumbledore pushed the quill box Severus had given him to one corner of his desk, changed his mind, and put it in the other corner, changed his mind again, and put it on a nearby bookcase. Still, Dumbledore couldn't rest. The inscription on the bottom was plaguing him. Had been ever since Severus had given him the box and Dumbledore had thought the inscription over. 

What exactly had Dumbledore done to deserve Severus's thanks? Ignored him as a student? Let Sirius off without even detention for attempting to murder Severus? Given Severus a long and guilt-producing speech when he came to Dumbledore about having joined Voldemort to induce the young man to become a spy for the 'good side'? Graciously given Severus a teaching job, knowing Severus didn't like kids and frankly was emotionally abusive towards them? Forced Severus to become a spy again, knowing Voldemort might not take him back and kill him? 

Dumbledore shuddered, placed the box carefully in a desk drawer and closed it. He didn't deserve Severus's thanks. He deserved the man's hate. Dumbledore didn't even think Severus's hate was what he deserved, he deserved something worse. How could he have been so stupid? 

Severus was excellent at hiding his feelings, pretending, and Dumbledore figured the box was an example of that. Severus hadn't meant the inscription, he had just thought Dumbledore would like it and therefore put it on the box. 

"What are you doing in your office on Christmas?" Minerva's teasing voice penetrated Dumbledore's mind. 

"Thinking," Dumbledore sighed, leaning back in his chair and looked at Minerva over his glasses. "I really messed up with Severus. What do you think his feelings are for me? Don't try to spare my mine either. I want to know the truth." 

Minerva sat down on one of his chairs and looked at him, whether or not she was about to say good or bad news Dumbledore couldn't tell, despite knowing the witch for a long time. 

"To be honest with you, I don't know," Minerva said and Dumbledore sighed. "I don't think anyone can tell. Severus is like a closed book. He only lets people see the ratty old cover and that's it. I'm sorry. I just don't know." 

Dumbledore nodded his head, understanding. "I would ask Draco but I don't think Draco likes me very much," Dumbledore said with sad amusement. He knew Draco didn't like him much, the boy, young man know, wasn't shy about expressing his feelings. They had changed since Draco had gotten back from the Lestranges but there was still an aloofness there that told of slight dislike. 

"Ivan would know how Severus feels about you," Minerva said, getting up. "Tell Ivan to be honest with you and I bet he would be." 

Watching her leave, Dumbledore thought it over. He wanted to know but then again did he? If Severus did hate him and Dumbledore knew, how would he act around Severus? Dumbledore, while he wasn't mean, acted differently around those who he knew hated him, a natural reaction, but one he didn't want to inflict upon Severus, not with all the man had to deal with already. 

"Ivan, come here," Dumbledore said, hoping he wasn't making a mistake, after he had wanded close the door and charmed it shut. 

A tall white-haired man appeared in front of Dumbledore's desk. Dumbledore only slightly startled. He had figured Dark Elves had to have a human form since Isadora was going to be the Head of the Knockturn Alley Orphanage. 

"Yes?" Ivan asked, sitting himself down where Minerva had been sitting. 

The Dark Elf was wearing a dark silver robe and Dumbledore idly wondered where he had gotten it from since Severus didn't have any robes other than black ones and the size wasn't right for Draco. 

"This may sound silly," Dumbledore said, placing his hands on the desk before him, "but I was wondering how Severus actually felt about me. On the bottom of the box he gave me, he wrote 'thank you for everything' but I don't think I've done anything for him to thank me for. I haven't been kind to him over the years." 

Ivan's purple eyes looked into Dumbledore's for awhile before the Dark Elf spoke. "He's resentful of you." 

Dumbledore stared at the Dark Elf. "I see," Dumbledore said carefully, trying to hide the hurt. 

"No, you don't," Ivan said, leaning back. "You're on a pedestal in his mind. You can do no wrong. You've made mistakes but Severus is deluding himself into thinking you don't." 

"I thought you said he was resentful of me?" Dumbledore asked in confusion. 

"He is," Ivan was quick to say. "He hates you and he loves you." 

Dumbledore frowned, feeling his shoulders round slightly from age and weariness. "Doesn't he know how he really feels about me?" 

Ivan's face softened as he shook his head. "Not really. On one hand Severus feels, like many people do, you are perfect and on the other hand he feels you aren't. It's confusing to him. He just isn't sure if he deserved the way you treated him or if you were being prejudiced. That is what it comes down to. Either he is evil or you aren't perfect. And generally the thought that he is evil wins." 

Dumbledore tiredly rubbed his eyes. He wasn't perfect. He had to act like it, though, and sometimes, on occasions, Dumbledore actually believed it. 

"What do I need to do?" Dumbledore asked, wanting advice instead of having to always give it. 

Ivan smiled. "Apologize," he said simply. 

"Will he accept it?" Dumbledore asked, feeling his shoulders go back slightly, getting more energy. 

Ivan shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. It doesn't matter. His resentment will lessen when he realizes you know you make mistakes and can own up to them. In time he will accept it if he doesn't right away. And it will help him feel less evil. Though," Ivan said with a smile, "he is already feeling that way but it will take time. He's had a long time of feeling evil and I can't expect that to change overnight." 

"Can I talk with him?" Dumbledore asked. "I know its lunch time but..." 

"Severus has been talking to Dimitrius this morning and Nathan so he might be a bit edgy," Ivan explained as he popped away. 

Dumbledore wouldn't have minded waiting for a day or two but apparently the Dark Elf didn't want him to. 

Apologizing wasn't something Dumbledore was used to doing but if it would help he was willing to do it, especially since he needed to. 

A knock on the door signaled Severus's arrival and Dumbledore was glad Ivan had warned him about Severus being edgy, he was, and since Dumbledore knew the reason he could be understanding. Severus sat on the chair farthest away from the desk and looked uneasy. 

"How did your talks go with Dimitrius and Nathan," Dumbledore asked, conjuring up a warm drink and small sandwiches to eat. Pushing some over to Severus, Dumbledore began to sip and munch on his own. 

Severus shrugged and took the proffered food, relaxing a tiny bit as he sipped and ate. "Dimitrius went back to his home after we talked," Severus said, "he wants to keep in contact though." 

"Will you?" Dumbledore asked. 

"He's my godfather," Severus said, shaking his head at the irony, "Dimitrius didn't know but Cezar told Ivan to give me to Dimitrius if anything ever happened to him and Vasya. Strange how that worked." 

Dumbledore still wasn't sure about Dimitrius and wisely kept his mouth shut until he knew Severus's view of the man, which Severus probably wouldn't give. Dumbledore didn't even know if Severus liked Minerva or Hagrid yet. 

"How's Nathan," Dumbledore asked carefully. 

Severus's eyes jerked up from his drink. "You need to start teaching Potter and his friends to defend themselves. Apparently the Dark Lord released some of his more ardent supporters that didn't quite escape Azkaban's effects." 

"They're insane?" Dumbledore asked to clarify. 

Severus nodded, looking troubled. "The Dark Lord won't arm them with wands, yet, but they are getting anxious. They want Potter, want to kill him for putting them in there and some of them may be insane enough to go against the Dark Lord's orders not to touch him. Apparently the Dark Lord wants the pleasure himself but... he might not get it. And some of them are Animagus." 

Dumbledore wasn't sure how they were going to defend Harry against them. Hogwarts grounds weren't secure enough; Sirius had penetrated them even with Dementors wandering around and Peter had lived here as a rat for some time. How were they going to defend the boy? Harry, according to Trelawney, was recovered from his ordeal this summer but another one, one in which he lost a close friend, might prove to be too much. 

"Draco knows martial arts, right?" Dumbledore asked. 

Severus slightly blushed. "Yes, he's a black belt. Well, at least, Nathan gave him one but apparently Nathan was qualified to promote someone to black belt; it's just not official with any group since he didn't pay dues or anything." 

"What about you?" Dumbledore asked, interested in his slight embarrassment. 

"Same," Severus said with a shrug. 

"Oh," Dumbledore smiled, so Severus was a black belt too, that might be useful. "Flitwick could teach him how to duel with a wand. Hagrid could teach wrestling." 

"Making him an Animagus would be a good idea," Severus said. "Especially if it's one that could defend itself." 

"We won't know that until we try," Dumbledore said, "but that is a good idea. We can't let anything happen to Harry and it has become quite clear that only Harry can protect Harry. We have to make sure he can do that and the more ways he can use to defend himself the better off he'll be." 

Severus nodded and rose to get up. 

"I didn't ask you here for that, though," Dumbledore said, waving him to sit back down. "I asked you here to apologize." 

"Apologize for what?" Severus asked, his black eyes obscured by his ever-present curtain of black hair. 

"Apologize for being such a git over the years," Dumbledore said, his eyes not as dry as Dumbledore wanted them to be. "For not punishing Sirius like I should have. He had no right to try to kill you and I should have done something to him but he was a Gryffindor so I convinced myself that attempted murder wasn't really attempted murder. And I'm sorry for giving you that long speech when you came to me about being a Death Eater. I didn't know why you had joined and had no right to judge you and I'm really sorry for making you become a spy to atone for your so-called sins. And I'm sorry for making you become a teacher though you hate it. And I'm sorry for making you rejoin Voldemort last summer." 

Severus squirmed in his seat, looking at his empty plate. "Dumbledore...." 

"Severus," Dumbledore interrupted, "I'm not perfect though sometimes I think I am. It's very hard having everyone come to me for answers and not having anyone to go to for them. I make mistakes. I'm very sorry. I should have done many things differently and I wish, oh I wish, I could change the past but I can't. I'm sorry." 

Severus didn't look up and Dumbledore wondered if he had waited too long. 

"I doubt if I made it easy on you. You don't need to apologize," Severus said, his voice so soft the words might have been lost if Dumbledore hadn't been straining to hear something. 

"I was the adult, Severus, you weren't. It doesn't matter if you didn't make it easy on me, I should have tried but I never did. You were not the evil child you think you were. I'm sure, with just a little kindness, you would have made it easy on me but I never gave you that chance," Dumbledore said, admitting his mistakes fully and not trying to soften the blow for himself. "You were a very sweet little boy. Draco was very lucky to get to know you." 

Severus stood, the plate and cup crashing to the ground and breaking. Without looking at Dumbledore he swept from the room. Dumbledore looked at the closed door, feeling terrible but a bit better. He had admitted his mistakes and while his relationship with Severus was on the rocks at least Dumbledore wasn't hiding behind his 'I can do no wrong' persona. 

Dumbledore sat there, wondering if he should track Severus down or leave him. The man needed time, time to sort his feelings out, especially since Severus wasn't the type that liked to show emotion in public. Sitting here, by himself, wasn't something Dumbledore wanted to do on Christmas. He wanted to spend it with people, Severus was his first choice but if not him, at least someone. 

Getting up, Dumbledore repaired the broken china, placed the dishes on his desk, and opened the door, having decided to go down to the Great Hall and see how the decorations were going for the feast. 

Severus was still standing there, his hands hurriedly dropped from his face. His hair was hiding his face more than usual. 

"I know realizing I'm not perfect is a shock," Dumbledore said, his voice forcing a lightness he didn't feel, "but I had to apologize. I'm not perfect and I'm sorry." 

Severus's back straightened up a bit. "Nobody's perfect," he whispered. 

"Except for Ivan," Dumbledore said softly. 

"Not even Ivan," Severus said, his voice louder, "he's made mistakes." 

"Has he apologized?" Dumbledore wanted to know. 

"All the time," Severus said, his voice normal. 

Severus was extremely close to Ivan, like Dumbledore wanted to be, and maybe that was how Dumbledore was going to get close to him. By simply apologizing when he made mistakes. Dumbledore didn't need to be perfect for Severus to accept him, he needed to be human. 

"Are you coming to the feast?" Dumbledore asked, standing next to Severus and nudging him onto the stairs. 

They rode down together. 

"I don't know," Severus hedged. "I'm not fond of social gatherings." 

"If you do decide to come," Dumbledore said, not about to push him, "I'll be saving a seat for you next to me." 

"Can Ivan help me teach the rest of this year. I don't..." 

"Certainly," Dumbledore said, glad for it actually. Ivan wouldn't let Severus abuse his students. 

"Thank you," Severus said, turning to leave when Dumbledore grabbed his arm. 

"Walk with me," Dumbledore invited. 

Severus shrugged and the two of them, in silence, walked out of the castle. It was snowing. 

"I hate snow," Severus muttered. 

Noticing that Severus didn't have a warm cloak on, Dumbledore carefully undid his and draped it over Severus's shoulders. The man startled. 

"You don't...." 

Dumbledore held up a hand. "I want to, besides I'm better at magic than you and can use a spell to warm my robe up." 

"I could do that spell," Severus said, not sounding angry. 

"I know," Dumbledore smiled at him, carefully pinning the cloak's ends together with the ornamental cloak clasp. 

Dumbledore took longer than he needed to, keeping his eyes on the clasp and not on Severus, wondering if the man hated the physical closeness. 

"There," Dumbledore said, finally stepping away and heading down the steps. 

Severus joined him, keeping up with him. 

They didn't talk until they had made two full circles around the castle. 

"Why do you let Black off for that prank?" Severus asked. 

Dumbledore stopped and turned to Severus, who stiffened. His entire body took on the stance Dumbledore was used to seeing in it, a defiant stance. 

"He was a Gryffindor," Dumbledore said softly, making sure Severus knew he wasn't angry at the question, "and I didn't believe a Gryffindor was capable of murder. I decided that Sirius just hadn't thought it through. He did have a tendency to not think things through and..." Dumbledore trailed off. He was positive Severus had just snorted; in anger? "What?" 

"Oh, I was just remembering the time Black got a hold of a pair of Muggle roller skates and skated towards some stairs. He was going too fast and I guess he forgot about them moving." 

"Oh no," Dumbledore said, smiling. "What happened?" he asked, intrigued that Severus was talking civilly about Sirius. 

"The stairs moved and he fell. Potter managed to slow his fall with a spell but even so Black landed on Potter and broke four of Potter's ribs. The Gryffindor's shunned Black for weeks since Potter couldn't play Quidditch for awhile," Severus looked out at the Forbidden Forest then at Dumbledore. "I guess he did have a tendency not to think things through." 

Dumbledore couldn't believe this. After all these years of hatred and bitterness directed at Black and Potter, Severus was now, finally, being rational about them. Dumbledore forced himself not to give a speech, realizing that being Severus's friend was more important than lecturing him. 

"Unfortunately it was that tendency that led me to believe he had betrayed the Potter's," Dumbledore said. "And his attempt on your life sealed it in my mind." 

"It did?" Severus asked. 

Dumbledore reached a hand out and pushed Severus's hair out of his face. "I like to see your face." 

Severus blushed, turning away, trying to move in such a way to get his hair back, and Dumbledore let him. In time, hopefully, Severus would realize he wasn't ugly. 

"Yes it did," Dumbledore went on. "Sirius hated you and tried to kill you so I figured that maybe he had fallen out with James and wanted him dead for it. Who would have thought Peter would have been the one?" Dumbledore asked the air. 

Severus shrugged, glancing at him in bewilderment. "I never thought it because of Karkaroff. Karkaroff's a complete wimp, he would never dare to betray the Dark Lord, unless the Dark Lord was dead, and I figured Pettigrew was like that. Too scared of you to betray your side and too scared of the Dark Lord to ever go near him." 

"He had us all fooled," Dumbledore sighed. "Want to walk some more?" 

Severus nodded. "When we go in for the feast we'll be ravenous." 

"Fine with me," Dumbledore said, glad that Severus had decided to join them. 

The feast, Dumbledore hoped, would be a good experience for Severus. A nice way to introduce him back into society. 


	21. Chapter 21: Feast

Disclaimer: _see chapter one_

Author's Note: _ I am sorry about the long time between updates and will try, try mind you, to correct that. This chapter is a bit short, I wanted to get it out before Monday when the semester in my college begins. I'm taking my first writing class, writing science fiction and fantasy, so I'm quite nervous and wanted to give myself a week or two to get used to the writing class before I updated this story. I'm going to try to post every week or two after that. I hope. _

__

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Thanks to Draco and Ivan's ability to be the center of attention, Severus was able to join the feast with little notice. Dumbledore was quite pleased that he had decided to join them. The man might have easily changed his mind since Dumbledore had gone up to his tower to get ready and Severus had gone to his dungeons, leaving the choice completely up to Severus to come to the feast or not. 

But Dumbledore wasn't pleased with Severus's eating everything within reach that was made of chocolate. He didn't want to say anything, Dumbledore knew Severus would resent it, so he kept his mouth shut and hoped Draco or Ivan would eventually realize what Severus was doing and stop him but they didn't stop him, even when they noticed what he was doing. Maybe that had been the deal, Severus could eat chocolate if he stayed. Dumbledore gave in and placed his rather large bowl of chocolate pudding on Severus's plate. 

Severus grinned at him. Dumbledore smiled back. That grin had been worth keeping his mouth shut. Dumbledore was going to have to curb his instinct to 'father' Severus and just let him be. 

Dumbledore listened to the conversations around him, enjoying the break from his duties and Severus's continued company. A female fourth-year Ravenclaw was asking Harry, very quietly, why Professor Snape was wearing glasses. Harry hedged around the answer but the gist was clear; Karkaroff had messed up his eyesight. The student looked horrified and kept herself from staring at Severus. That was good. By the time classes started, the entire school would know 'why' Severus had glasses and not bother him about it. 

"Draco," Dumbledore said, getting the young man's attention, "why don't you discuss the class you're going to start as soon as classes begin again." 

Draco, who Dumbledore had discussed this with earlier, smiled and then smirked at Harry, Hermione, and Ron. "I'm starting a self-defense class which all three of you have to be in. I get to order you around," he declared, leaning back and looking very smug. 

Dumbledore let his head fall into his hands. "Draco," he said, his voice raised in slight warning. 

"It was worth a try," Draco said, and Severus shrugged at Dumbledore, amused. 

"Is he serious?" Ron Weasley asked, looking at Draco skeptically. 

"Yes he is, halfway at least," Dumbledore said, throwing Draco a warning look which Draco ignored. "The three of you do need to learn to defend yourself. Flitwick will be starting a dueling class which the three of you will have to attend also. I'm sorry, Harry, but you need to know how to protect yourself and so do your friends. You can't protect them." 

Harry looked into Dumbledore's eyes, hopefully seeing Dumbledore's seriousness on the matter, and slowly nodded his head. "All right. I can still do Quidditch, right?" 

"Oh, yes, Harry," Dumbledore assured him. "The classes won't interfere with that." 

"Why is Draco teaching us self-dense?" Ron asked, still eyeing Draco doubtfully. 

"He's a black belt in some style or another," Ivan said, "and quite skillful at it." 

Draco slightly blushed at the praise. "Do you want to have to wear uniforms or just regular clothes?" Draco asked the trio. 

"Which is better?" Harry asked. 

"Uniforms would give you more of a sense of purpose, you'd feel more official, but regular clothes would work," Draco said. "I prefer a uniform myself." 

"Uniforms, I guess," Harry said, shrugging. 

Draco smiled and quickly produced a stack of Muggle-made catalogs. "Grab one and tear out the page with the uniform on it you want. I'll get them by class time." 

Ron, Hermione, and Harry took one each and Dumbledore noticed a few other students, and some teachers, eyeing the catalogs. 

"The class is open to any who want to take it. No obligation. You can quit anytime if it proves to be something you don't like," Dumbledore said, encouraging everyone. 

The catalogs disappeared. 

"Why don't you take the class?" Severus asked as everyone began talking about the uniforms they wanted or other various things among those that weren't interested. 

Dumbledore didn't want to, he felt too old for that kind of thing, but if Severus wanted him to then Dumbledore would try it. "All right. I just hope I'm not too old." 

"Draco will take it easy on the ancient people," Severus said, his voice teasing. 

Dumbledore poked him in the ribs as Severus looked at him with wide-eyed innocence. 

"What was that for?" Severus asked, looking bewildered. 

Dumbledore flung a small cookie at Severus, who caught it and ate it happily, and then turned to Draco. "Do you have another catalog?" 

Draco held up two returned ones. "They both have pages missing but it's not the same page so you'll be okay," he informed Dumbledore, pushing the catalogs to him. 

Dumbledore, interested, flipped through them. "Which one do you have?" he asked, glancing at Severus. 

Severus leaned over and pointed at a plain black one. "I don't like flashy clothes," Severus said as Dumbledore watched him flip the pages, his long slender fingers making short work of it. "This one is Draco's," he said, tapping a picture. 

Tearing his eyes off Severus, Dumbledore looked at the picture. A sleeveless uniform in green and black. 

"I want something flashy," Dumbledore decided. 

"Figures," Severus muttered. "You and Lockhart." 

"You didn't like Lockhart's choice of clothing?" Dumbledore asked, pretending to be shocked. 

Severus looked at him, rolled his eyes, and shook his head in disgust. "I almost went blind that year." 

"Some of his robes were rather bright," Dumbledore admitted. 

"Bright isn't the word for it," Severus said. "There's no really flashy uniform..." 

"The white one can be dyed," Dumbledore decided. 

Severus shook his head. "I'll be sure to wear sunglasses." 

Dumbledore nudged him. "Wear two pairs. Are you going to be in the class?" 

Severus looked miserable as he nodded. "Draco needs to show the techniques on someone who knows how to fall, me in other words, and I'm going to have to help correct the students. It won't be fun. Hopefully no one will show up but Potter, Granger, and Weasley." 

"It might be fun," Dumbledore said. "As long as you control that temper of yours," the minute Dumbledore had finished the sentence he winced. There went the friendship Dumbledore had been trying to build. Severus was sure to storm out of the room. 

"I'm not the one with the temper," Severus said shortly. "You're the one that screams at my students, at the top of your lungs, and terrifies them. Really, Dumbledore," Severus said, shaking his head at Dumbledore, his lips thin in disapproval. "What were you thinking." 

Dumbledore stared at him, nearly choking in relief and disbelief. Severus, as far as Dumbledore had known him, had never been able to make fun of himself. He certainly had changed. 

"I'm sorry," Dumbledore said, properly contrite, "I'll behave myself from now on." 

"That's all I can ask for," Severus agreed, reaching over and taking everything chocolate of Dumbledore's plate. "You can't have this, you're allergic to chocolate." 

Dumbledore looked away, amazed, and noticed Remus, who was sitting on the other side of him, looking at him with a soft smile. 

"He's changed," Remus remarked, soft enough for Severus not to hear. "I can't believe he's teasing you." 

"Me either," Dumbledore said, enjoying it. "I hope he keeps it up." 

The conversations around the table started to get softer and Severus quit talking, probably afraid of being overheard but he didn't leave and Dumbledore, quite full on good food, decided that he had never had a better Christmas feast. 

"I don't feel so good," Severus suddenly said, pushing his plate away from him. "My stomachache keeps getting worse. I thought it was just nerves." 

Dumbledore carefully looked at him. A sheen of sweat was covering Severus's face and he looked pale. That was more than a stomachache. Why hadn't he mentioned something before about being in pain? Well, if Severus had thought it was nerves than he would have just discounted it as being natural. 

Getting up, Dumbledore sighed. "I just remembered I had some things to attend to that can't wait. This feast has been wonderful, thank you all for attending," he said. 

Several of the staff and students looked at him, slightly grateful. The feast hadn't gone on long enough for it be a burden for those that came but it had come close to it. 

"Severus, if you would accompany me, and Ivan," he said, slightly louder as chairs were pushed back and people started to mill about in circles, talking, or leaving. 

Severus gratefully got up and followed him out. 

"What's wrong with Severus?" Dumbledore asked, feeling nervous. 

Had someone poisoned him? 

Ivan gently put a hand on Severus's forehead and seemed to concentrate. "Your appendix is about to rupture," Ivan reported. 

"What?" Severus asked, his voice sounding strangled. "Of all the blasted things. My appendix?" he asked, disgusted. "On Christmas?" 

"Let's hurry," Dumbledore said. "I had a friend die from a ruptured appendix." 

"It's not that close," Ivan quickly assured Dumbledore, "but you need it out." 

Severus draped an arm around his stomach. "I hate operations. They better not take my shirt off. I don't want them to see the bu....," Severus blinked. "Oh, right. Keep me covered anyway," Severus asked, looking at Ivan. "I don't like being shirtless." 

"I'll be sure they keep a shirt on you," Ivan promised. 


	22. Chapter 22: Talk

Disclaimer: see chapter one 

Author's Note: Sorry this chapter has been so long in coming but I was quite shocked about the load of schoolwork this semester brought on. I'm just now getting used to it and papers are going to be due soon so writing time will be limited once again. Updates will be random, at best, and hopefully before mid-December when the semester ends. 

A Memory Found 

by: Mystical Dragon 

Dumbledore stayed by Severus's side, waiting for him to wake. The operation had been easier than expected, no complications, but the sleeping draught had been overly powerful and Severus, twenty hours later, was still asleep. 

"Is he okay?" Draco asked, worried, from the position of the doorway. "Shouldn't he be up by now?" 

"He's fine, Draco," Dumbledore assured the young man. "Pomfrey was just used to Severus needing stronger doses before and didn't take into account what Ivan had done. His body is different than it used to be." 

"Yeah," Draco said, "no Dark Mark. That's pretty cool. I'm just glad I was never stupid enough to get one. I was so close to getting one, though," Draco said and Dumbledore turned to him, seeing the boy shudder. "I wanted to be just like my dad. How stupid could I have been?" 

"You were a son, wanting to emulate his father," Dumbledore corrected. "There is nothing wrong with that, Draco. Your father should have tried to be someone you could follow instead of what he choose to be." 

Draco nodded his head, his loose hair falling into his face. "I don't know what I'm going to do about Gregory and Vincent. Their fathers are Death Eaters and they both adore them and they're not the brightest people on this planet," Draco said thoughtfully, looking like he was trying to figure something out. "Tell me when he wakes. After you've talked with him, I guess." 

"I will," Dumbledore promised. 

Draco left the room, reminding Dumbledore strongly of the way Lucius Malfoy left a room. 

"Ivan?" Dumbledore asked, turning to the small blue elf perched on Severus's desk (Pomfrey had given Ivan permission to move Severus to his rooms where Dumbledore knew he would be more comfortable). "Does Draco still love his father?" 

"Yes," Ivan said, nodding his head. "That is natural but he will not let his father sway him. Don't worry about that." 

"Lucius can be quite convincing," Dumbledore said, worried. Lucius knew how to use people, exploit their weaknesses, and Dumbledore was worried he might use Draco's love for him to make Draco do something. Than again, Draco was mentally eighteen, not fifteen and Draco had a much stronger will than before. He should be okay. 

"Dumbledore," Ivan said, getting Dumbledore's attention. "Do not expect Severus to tease you anymore like he did at that feast." 

"Why not?" Dumbledore asked, confused. Had he done something wrong? 

"Severus was just testing the waters with you," Ivan explained, sitting down on a small gold pillow. "He doesn't like to be teased and doesn't like teasing once he gets comfortable with someone." 

"Ivan, how should I act around him?" Dumbledore asked, worried about messing up. "I want his friendship. I've worked on gaining it for so long and I just don't want to do anything that would jeopardize it." 

Ivan grinned and Dumbledore felt himself relaxing. "You won't. Severus is no longer as self-centered as he once was...." 

"You think he was self-centered?" Dumbledore asked, surprised Ivan would say such a thing. 

"He had low self-esteem," Ivan said with a shrug, "people like that generally are self-centered. They see everything in terms of themselves. Severus was unable to place anyone's needs above his own or to think how anything might affect someone else besides himself. He wasn't self-centered like Lockhart, who apparently seemed to think the world revolved around him, but he was self-centered." 

Dumbledore slowly nodded his head. 

"Dumbledore," Ivan went on, "instead of trying to father Severus, maybe you should try to be his friend. I'm sure you could use a friend. A person you could talk to, express your concerns to, and not act like you know all the answers to." 

Dumbledore stared into the Dark Elf's purple eyes. He wanted a friend. Having everyone constantly acting like he knew everything, that he never made mistakes, that he was never afraid was tiring. Dumbledore had often wanted someone to talk to, someone to admit to that he was worried about Voldemort's uprising since Dumbledore was older now. Someone who wouldn't be shocked and worried if Dumbledore wasn't as perfect as everyone thought he was. 

"I'd like that," Dumbledore said quietly. "Severus... 

Hearing sheets rustling, Dumbledore turned to Severus and gently laid a hand on his arm, pinning him to the bed. 

"What...?" Severus mumbled. 

"Hello," Dumbledore said. 

"What happened?" Severus said, his voice raspy. 

"Your appendix, remember?" Ivan said from the desk. 

Severus's eyes blinked open and then he groaned, hands going to his abdomen. "Yeah, I remember," he said. 

"You had me worried, Severus," Dumbledore said. "You certainly took your time waking up." 

Severus looked at him and yawned. 

Ivan left and reappeared with a small glass of water. Severus carefully sat up, with Dumbledore's help, and gulped it down. 

"I don't think I'm ever eating chocolate again," he muttered. "Why did I have to eat so much before this happened? Now the mere mention of it is making me sick." 

Dumbledore smiled, having banned several foods because of getting sick around the time he ate them and the association his mind made. 

"Sorry about that," Dumbledore said. "Now you can start eating a true delicacy," he said, pulling out a lemon drop. 

Severus stared at the candy and then at Dumbledore. "You've been trying to get me to eat those things for years." 

Dumbledore popped a drop in his mouth and waved one at Severus. "Has it worked yet." 

Reluctantly, Severus took the proffered lemon drop and placed it in his mouth. Dumbledore watched him, surprised, Severus normally brushed the offer away. 

"They are good," Severus conceded, "but chocolate was better," he said, his voice wistful and then he winced, rubbing his abdomen. "I can't even say it anymore." 

Dumbledore laughed. 

"Dumbledore, I'm sorry," Severus suddenly spoke, his words rushed together so much it took Dumbledore a minute to straighten them out. 

"For what?" Dumbledore asked. 

Severus fiddled with his blanket. "It's not many people who would have hired a Death Eater..." 

"I pushed you into it," Dumbledore said. 

Severus looked at him. "No you didn't. You had an entire school full of students and professors to worry about. Not to mention all the adults in the Magical World too. I was overlooked. It happens. I'm sure I've overlooked students. Did Ivan tell you about that dream I had? The one with me being a Peasant Destroyer?" 

Dumbledore glanced at Ivan, wanting to see if it was okay to answer, and than at Severus. "Yes." 

"Maybe becoming a Death Eater wasn't such a bad thing," Severus mused, "I did save some people. I never killed anyone." 

"What did you do for Voldemort, anyway?" Dumbledore asked, trying not to sound pushy. "You never really told me." 

Severus winced. "The Dark Lord was a bit... odd. I mainly researched for him, brewed potions, and... didnecromancy." 

"Necromancy?" Dumbledore asked softly. "Why didn't you tell me? I wouldn't have told the Ministry." 

"I didn't mind doing it," Severus admitted, lowering himself in his blankets. 

"Oh," Dumbledore said. 

Severus was staring at him, expecting reprimand or a lecture so Dumbledore decided to surprise him. 

"What is Necromancy like?" Dumbledore asked, lowering his voice to sound approachable. 

Severus blinked, a grin tugging at his mouth. "I don't know why the Ministry outlawed it," he said, talking slowly, expecting to be censured any moment; Dumbledore held his peace. "Summoning the dead spirits is rather easy but communicating with them is hard." 

"Why?" Dumbledore asked, interested despite himself. 

"Language changes so much over the centuries that I couldn't understand most of the spirits, and even the ones I could were saying sentences that made no sense with the current meanings of the words they use. It was interesting. The Dark Lord wasn't too pleased when he realized how difficult it was to understand the spirits and had me quit doing it." 

Dumbledore figured part of the reason Necromancy was banned was for that reason. Deadly miscommunications with the dead were real possibilities. It was a relief Voldemort wouldn't be doing that, though, or if he tried again, benefiting from it. 

"Severus," Dumbledore said, deciding to get this over with, "I want you to treat your students nicer and start thinking of all the students as your students and not just the ones in Slytherin." 

Anger flashed across Severus's face but it was gone quickly. "Now that I can't blame on anyone but myself. You didn't make me treat the students badly, I choose that myself," Severus said, running a hand through his hair. "I screamed at a Hufflepuff first year for saying hello to me the wrong way once. Found out later he had a cold but I never apologized to him." 

"Maybe you can apologize now?" Dumbledore suggested. 

Severus shook his head. "Dumbledore, I don't deserve their forgiveness. I've been a git." 

"I think the students will forgive you. If you treat them nice," Dumbledore assured him. 

"I never forgave you, until a little bit ago, and you've been doing everything in your power to make up to me what you thought you had done wrong," Severus countered. 

"Let's hope the kids are more forgiving than you are," Dumbledore said, shrugging. 

Severus snorted. "Most of them are," he said, hugging himself. "I can't believe you've put up with me for this long." 

"It was worth it," Dumbledore said. 

Severus went scarlet. 


	23. Chapter 23: The End

**Disclaimer**: _see chapter one_. 

**Author's Note**: _This is the last chapter. I have really enjoyed writing this story and though it has many faults I still love it. Writing fan fiction seems to have improved my general writing as I did better on my papers last semester then I have ever done on any papers in school before. My writing needs vast improvement but it has vastly improved so I'll be patient in the meantime. I did want this story to go on for a little longer but the updates have been so sporadic I decided it would be better just to end it. I'll still be writing fan fiction though, just not chapter story's unless I can finish all the chapters before posting it. It's just too hard to keep up._

__

__**A Memory Found**

by: _Mystical Dragon_

"That must be Ivan," Hermione whispered into Harry's ear as a rather sinister man with shoulder-length white hair walked into the Great Hall with Snape who was wearing glasses. 

A soft murmuring ran around the Great Hall and Harry noticed even some of the teachers looked confused at who the new person could be. Draco, flanked by Crabbe and Goyle, smiled as the two of them passed the Slytherin table and then winked at Harry. Harry looked back at him, still unused to Draco being nice. 

"Because of Professor Snape's condition," Dumbledore said, rising from his chair, and the murmuring stopped. "We thought it would be best for his brother, Ivan, to help Severus teach for a few weeks. You will show Ivan the same courtesy you would a regular teacher." 

"I wonder how he acts," Ron said, looking worried. "I mean, he might be mean just to keep the charade up about being Snape's brother." 

Harry rather doubted it. Ivan hadn't seemed the type. 

"We'll find out soon," Hermione said. "Potions is first thing this morning." 

Harry started to eat, wondering how Snape was going to act now. He had barely seen him during the Christmas vacation and when he had seen him, Snape had been withdrawn and didn't talk. Which actually wasn't that abnormal. The only times Snape had ever talked around Harry had been to insult him. Or so it seemed. 

Breakfast seemed to go by at a snail's pace and by the time Harry, Ron, and Hermione were seated around a table in the Potions classroom, Harry was sure it was lunch time already. Time was a tricky dealer; speeding up when someone didn't want it to and slowing down when someone wanted it to fly. 

The Slytherins filed in and nervously glanced at Ivan as they took their seats. Hadn't they met him already? 

"Is everyone here?" Ivan asked as he lifted a silvery coated box onto the table. 

"Yes," Snape answered from behind him, looking around the room and then back at a piece of parchment in his hand. 

"Good," Ivan said and then smiled at them. "Since I'm not really a Potions master and Severus doesn't feel like teaching yet I have decided to let you all teach yourselves for the next week or two by..." 

Hermione's hand instantly shot up. 

"Yes?" Ivan politely asked, looking at Hermione without any of the irritation Snape usually looked at her with. 

"What about the OWL's? We need to prepare for them," she said. "They are this year." 

"I know," Ivan said, tapping the lid on the box. "You'll be teaching yourself by trying to figure out what the potion is that I am about to give you. Your studying will help you for the tests." 

Harry glanced at Ron, worried. How were they supposed to do that? 

"How?" Seamus asked. 

Ivan lifted the lid off the box and picked up a clear round jar. He shook it. The bright yellow liquid inside started to smoke. "By the color, the consistency, the reactions they have. None of these potions are poisonous or toxic so you can safely take a drop or two out of the bottles for experiments. Those books," Ivan said, waving to two bookcases at the back of the room, "will help you in your identification. This potion, for instance, is quite unique. It's a bright color and it smokes when shaken." 

Snape began to take the bottles out of the box and place them in four groups across his desk. 

"Some of you, I know, hate potions so these potions," Ivan said, pointing at the first group, "are very simple. You might even be able to do one of those a day and I will expect each of you to work on a potion while you are in here until my brother feels like teaching again. You don't have to do any homework during that time," Harry and Ron grinned at each other while Hermione frowned, "unless you want to. The next group is easy potions that might take two or three days. The next group will take a week if not longer and the final group is extremely difficult. Some of you like a challenge and they will be challenging," Ivan said, looking at Hermione. "You may work alone, in pairs, or in groups of three but no group bigger than three." 

Harry was sure Ivan had mentioned the group of three for Draco, Goyle, and Crabbe's benefit since they were all smiling at each other. 

"Us three?" Hermione asked. 

Harry hated doing this but he shook his head. "You're going to want to do the challenging one and I don't like potions enough to help you," Harry admitted. 

Hermione glanced at Ron who also shook his head and shrugged. "I'll do it myself then. Which one are you two getting?" 

"Very simple one," Harry and Ron answered together. 

Hermione rolled her eyes and went to get her bottle. 

"Let's get ours," Harry said. 

The very simple potions where the most popular and Harry managed to snag a black potion. It left a purple stain for a few seconds over the glass it touched as he rolled it around. 

Neville was standing next to the simple potions when Ivan came over and pointed at the third group. 

"I'm told you like Herbology." he said. 

Neville nodded and Ivan picked up a bottle with a dark green liquid inside. "This one may be harder but it should be a breeze for someone who likes Herbology." 

Neville took the potion, looking worried, and went to sit down. 

Ron left to grab some books for them. He came back with four while Hermione stumbled back to her seat with her load of ten books. 

None of the books Ron brought back were useful so Harry decided to look at the bookshelves himself. Neville was sitting next to it with his bottle beside him, clucking and making notes on a scrap piece of parchment. 

Harry grabbed several books that were about finding out what a potion was from its color and reactions. They quickly narrowed it down since few potions were black. 

"It's not a poison and its not toxic," Ron said, scratching two possibilities from their list. 

They narrowed it down further and Harry raised his hand. 

"It's for waterproofing boats," Harry said, grinning when Ivan come over. 

Ivan nodded. "Very good. Basic store bought potion. All the easy potions are the standard ones, store-bought, with no variations in color or reactions so its easy to figure them out." 

"If it wasn't standard what would it have looked like?" Harry asked. 

"It could have been white, yellow, blue even," Ivan shrugged and tapped the books they had used. "The magic in England is so regulated your potions are all the same. The challenging ones are the ones that people created themselves using the ingredients they could find instead of buy. Those are the fun ones." 

Harry and Ron looked at each other and then at Hermione who was busily flipping through a book on mushrooms and their uses in potions. 

"Ivan?" Ron asked as Ivan started to move away. 

"Yes?" he asked. 

Ron was still staring at Hermione's book. "Can you make the same sort of potions we do in class without buying the ingredients?" 

"Easily. The effects may be slightly different but..."  
"Then why don't we learn how to do that?" Ron demanded, finally looking at Ivan. "I'm poor. My family can't afford half the ingredients we use in here so learning this subject has been completely useless so far. I know how to make a cold remedy but I can't afford the ingredients so I can't make it," he said, sounding angry and frustrated. 

"Witches and Wizards have given up quite a bit of their freedom to live under a government," Ivan said softly. "We teach what we are told to not what would be useful." 

Ron snorted. 

"Try a challenging one," Ivan said, nodding towards the table. 

Ron shrugged at Harry and got one. A pale blue liquid. 

"Those books on identifying are going to be useless now," Ivan said. "Have fun." 

When the class ended they had gotten nowhere. 

"I think we made a mistake," Ron muttered. 

"Don't worry," Ivan called as they all gathered their stuff together. "You will not be graded on whether or not you find out what your potion does. I just want you to have the experience." 

"Good," Ron said, looking relieved. 

****************************************************************************** 

As the week went by, Harry noticed Snape was looking more at ease in their classes and answering more of their questions then he had at first. He occasionally looked angry at something someone did or said but it passed surprisingly quickly. Potions was no longer a feared subject and a few people were even beginning to enjoy it. 

When Snape finally began to teach, it was the same. He didn't teach the entire time and would let them work on some of their own potion projects. Ron and Harry were still trying to figure out what their mysterious homemade potion was while Hermione was working on her second one. Even Neville, to Harry's surprise, had opted to try one after he had found out what his first one had been. 

Harry just wished everything else was going as good as potions. 

"Have you ever thought of what you're going to do after you leave Hogwarts?" Ron asked. 

Harry shrugged. The only thing he did know was that after his seventh year, Harry was no longer going back to the Dursley's. He didn't care if he ended up having to sleep in the streets of Diagon Alley, he wasn't going to live at that place any longer than he had to. 

"Harry?" Hermione asked, looking at him with a Daily Prophet in her lap. 

"What?" he asked. 

"You don't like living at the Dursley's, right?" 

"Of course he doesn't," Ron snapped and Hermione shot him an angry look. 

"No, I don't," Harry answered, wondering what this was about. 

Hermione lifted up the Daily Prophet. It showed the face of a building with a sign that read Knockturn Alley Orphanage attached to it. 

"A Dark Elf is running it, remember? I don't think even Voldemort would get you there. Maybe you could go to it during the summer," Hermione said, looking like it wouldn't hurt to ask someone about it. 

Harry stared at her. "You think Dumbledore would let me?" 

"Ask Ivan," Ron suggested. "He's always going against the rules." 

Ron liked Ivan and Harry decided he would do just that. He was sick and tired of the Dursley's. He just couldn't handle going there again. His reserves were running down and Harry was sick of needing reserves. 

Ivan, to Harry's immense surprise, not only agreed to Harry going there but agreed to talking to Dumbledore about it with Harry. 

"So," Harry said, after he had explained what he wanted to do to Dumbledore while sitting in his office, "I just can't stand going back to the Dursley's. I can't," he said, feeling nothing in case Dumbledore disagreed. 

"I'm sorry, Harry. Isadora is going to need to concentrate on those other children..." Dumbledore trailed off and Harry numbly nodded his head. 

Stupid thing to hope for anyway. 

"Isadora does but I don't," Ivan said from behind. "What do you say, Harry? Ready to spend the summer with me, Severus, and Draco?" 

Harry glanced behind him to see Ivan's serious face and then at Dumbledore. Dumbledore was leaning back and then he smiled. "Why not? Why not bring Sirius and Remus along with you? I could stand to do without them for the summer break and I think..." Dumbledore smiled at Harry, "Harry could use the time with his godfather." 

Harry slowly nodded his head. For the first time since he had come to Hogwarts, Harry was looking forward to the summer. 

**The End**

There may or may not be a sequel, about the summer months, it will depend. 


End file.
